Tag: gratitude

Getting Out – 6th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The world is trapped behind glass
A zoo of drunken circus chimps
We look up to others to ask
Just what is this wonder we may only glimpse?

Maybe this spectacle isn’t real?
How can something be so shiny and pretty?
When the glass shatters we feel
That the chimps are less deserving of pity

Running amok, all over our dreams
The promises now grown more distant
Nothing now is what it seems
And that nagging becomes more insistent

Inspired by the second part of this post at Spinning Visions
11th Oct 2024 – Shared with the Ragtag Daily Prompt – zoo

Today I’m feeling:

Still dizzy. Even dizzy during my poor sleep last night as my body aches made me uncomfortable. Wondering how serious this might be. But I still pushed through morning exercise hoping that that may get me going. Not quite. Will see how I fair today.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai bringing me a food gift. Unfortunately it was pork so I had to return it though I made sure she knew I was grateful. 

The best thing about today was:

Finally feeling better by the afternoon after sinking a cup of water with electrolytes. I’m not 100% yet but at least I don’t feel as if I might fall over now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My first class this morning was a bit of a test for me and I almost lost it but I think the kids sensed it and were unusually quiet for a little while which softened me a little. I also recalled a daily reminder I have set – “Be grateful for what you have, for it is a gift that can be taken away at any moment.”

Something I learned today?

Some musicians I have worked with in Germany before are rushing to release a compilation to benefit women struggling through the war in Gaza. There are only four days to submit and I don’t think anyone I know would be able to commit to that. But in an effort to be useful, I passed the message on to the current folks I’ve been working with on the Jorando Del Muerto release.

Who is the wisest person I know?

I keep seeing this prompt and thinking it says who is the worst person you know!

The wisest….?

Even people I admire I don’t consider all-wise, all-knowing. Everyone has their foibles. And everyone has some wisdom. Take the best from people so that you can learn. Try everything until you figure it out for yourself.

How am I different than I was a year ago?

Change seems slow until you look back from further in the future. I don’t feel as if I’ve changed much at all in the last twelve months. I can see very minor improvements when I look back at diary entries and think to myself ‘Oh yeah, I remember doing that’ and then making decisions about where to go from there.

Answering this question for five or ten years ago would be much easier to analyse.

How am I stepping outside my comfort zone?

I’m not doing this too much these days but I can think that forcing myself to exercise is outside my comfort zone even though I’ve been doing it regularly for a couple of years now. I’ve been taking cold showers since about March and still going at the moment, testing myself to see how far I can make it into winter. I will go and play tennis with Funfai once a week, just for thirty minutes, despite my aching old bones. I’m still not often comfortable in the classroom either. I’m still learning everything.

Travesty – 4th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s thunderstorms in the desert
Rainforest rivers are running dry
Heading in the wrong direction
While potential joys are passing by

Money makes the mind numb
To the monotony of many a day
Adventures await around corners
If the mental devils are kept at bay

A royal life seems so appealing
Yet remains the want for more
The clock of life is ticking
But cannot divine what lies in store

inspired by this post at She Trucks A Lot

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired. I was even super tired in my dream! I kept thinking I was going to fall asleep in my dream! I rolled around and stretched myself for a good long while before getting up this morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

The assistant at Mega Home who tried to clean out the hose nozzle of Bruno’s high-pressure hose machine and successfully managed to dislodge a tiny stone that was blocking it. Unfortunately there seems to be more stuff stuck inside blocking it and I’ve had to order a new one online. Hopefully that all the problem is.

The best thing about today was:

Cutting some big branches off our trees as I suddenly got it into my head after investigating what was making noises on the roof. Birds were bathing in water trapped in the gutter and vines were spreading all over as they had attached themselves to the dirt trapped there in the debris of leaves held in place by the tree branches.

I hacked about four or five of them down and dragged them off the roof and artlessly dumped them over the fence. By this time I was completely covered in dirt, dust, mould and ants. My muscles are aching and body scratched and bruised but I had a good time!

Something I learned today?

People laugh when they don’t know what is coming next. Surprised and happy at a new interesting thought injected into the conversation or action. 

I think I don’t laugh so much because life has become fairly obvious over time. At least when it comes to being around adults. Kids make me laugh all the time because they can still be wildly unpredictable. 

And none of this means that I’m not happy or even that I don’t find things funny. 

Good comedians make me laugh. For me they are becoming rarer but that is perhaps connected with growing older and not fully immersed into the cultural zeitgeist they are coming from.

I took this picture because these branches took some mighty effort to be pulled down from the garage roof and dragged across the garden and deposited over the fence. I got a good workout doing that.

Time To Leave – 3rd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

It’s time to leave, time to live
The tough have already got going
The soft remain inactive
But deep down already knowing

It’s time to go, time to be gone
Let the waste remain in this place
Time is forever marching on
And taking up so much space

The magnetic pull unwavering
Stick the cynics in the bin
Tomorrow is not worth savouring
If the journey doesn’t begin

Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.

9th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #363
20th Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – magnetic

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.

The best thing about today was:

Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble. 

This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.  

As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.

I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today! 

I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.

Something I learned today?

Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write. 

Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?

 I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.

I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.

I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.

I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.

In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!

I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.

Behind The Scenes – 2nd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When a lie is all you have
You might as well believe it
The past has been corrupted
So you no longer conceive it

When reality is so messy
It’s wasted time to keep in line
The truth is no longer in view
But a vision of a new design

First two lines lifted, and the rest inspired by this post at Spinning Visions (and also connected to yesterday’s poem about photographs)

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy though I slumped a little in the afternoon after getting home. My Thursdays now are my easy day with just two hours of teaching in the morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

Bruno lending me his high-pressure hose to clean the mould off the paths around our house. It worked for a while but I think maybe some ants were in our hose and maybe have blocked up the nozzle somehow. I hope I didn’t break it!

The best thing about today was:

Listening to the David Kleiler interview where he gushes in the same way I do about Mission of Burma and Volcano Suns. I think he’s right when says Peter Prescott is a true artist and the show hosts also put Roger Miller in that category.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At 7.30 pm I was trying to watch a video but Amy kept making calls so I paused so she could listen easily and because I have trouble hearing when there is other noise too. After she finished I started watching again but then she started asking me questions about things. I didn’t get frustrated but turned the TV off as it just wasn’t the right time to watch. I started to feel very tired then and got into bed shortly thereafter. The first work week and return to exercising is wearing me down so I’m looking forward to the weekend.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to what every day brings me. I don’t have any specific idea of what I might look forward to. 

The weather is nice so a bike ride might happen this month, but if it doesn’t, that’s ok too. 

I look forward to continuing with things I enjoy such as reading and playing guitar, teaching and having fun with my students.

Art took this picture because he said I looked good sat here. After seeing the picture I commented that I look tired. And old. 

Photographs – 1st November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

No longer memories in a desert
That night of drunken play
Lost to the pictured word
That claims all that happened that day

Today I’m feeling:

Anxious and excited as classroom days resume. The fun, the fighting, the lessons we all learn.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding two useful textbooks in the teacher’s room which I immediately turned one part of the text into a lesson that I used for the grade 7 class. I figured it would be pretty easy revision and just take an hour but they managed to stretch it to two with lots of faffing around.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast about the Volcano Suns album ‘Thing of Beauty’ on the way home from work and then in the evening playing guitar along to a couple of tunes from it. Love that band.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

A couple of my grade 7 students were a little temperamental in my class this afternoon and tested my patience a lot. It’s early days as we all get used to each other again and instead of getting too bothered, I tried to find other solutions to get them back in line.

Something I learned today?

I read about the China-Laos rail line that crosses the border in Laos at a place called Botan. The crossing in 1993 was little more than a single iron bar gate but now lots of investment has grown the city rapidly. Despite the economic slowdown and the pandemic’s effect on travel, Laotians are hoping that this is a springboard to a better future.

List three goals for this month.

Renew my tourist visa. This is a must!

Get back to the exercise routine I had before the holiday.

Get back to around 80kg again, whilst improving my fitness.

Nam took this picture because the class insisted on a photo with everyone showing off the koala souvenirs I gifted to them.

Ghost In Place – 30th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Bursting in without knocking
A mountain of memories returned
Those days of confusion were shocking
And a heart left badly burned

Mentally reset by counting to ten
Big brother came to soften the blow
Remembering what year it is again
And closing that door, just so

Inspired by this story at Spinning Visions
14th Dec 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Ghost

Today I’m feeling:

Positive but a little tired and soft-sighted. Exercise was tough again but easier than yesterday. Still only doing one set for this week. Hope to get back to two next week.

Today I’m grateful for:

Seeing all my happy students again, giving me hugs, telling me they missed me, asking for candy! But most of all to Aunwar who brought me a piece of cake for my birthday! A typical, kind, Muslim gift. If only he was good in class! Haha! He’ll get there.

The best thing about today was:

Still being able to duck out after the morning flag-raising ceremony and sit in the cafe for a couple of hours before hanging out with the kids again at lunchtime, distributing the knick-knack gifts that I brought back from Australia and then heading home around 1pm. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Originally we were told that we had a whole week of activities but today I found out that we start our scheduled classes on Wednesday. Not particularly bothered by this and I know that everything changes all the time now and can better cope with these annoyances.

Something I learned today?

A Chinese airline passenger threw coins into the engine when they were boarding. It’s happened more than once and each time they all said they did it for luck and a safe flight!

What is my favourite memory from the past month?

Being in Sydney again and catching up with friends and family. The blue skies, green trees and purple jacarandas; old familiar smells, sights and sounds. 

One particular brief moment stands out and that was walking over the new park at the end of Barangaroo, along the piers of the Rocks, under the bridge and around to the Quay. 

Throughout my travels around the city were constant reminders of events past, who lived where, warehouses, houses and venues for shows. 

My life, guided by the dull dreary boredom-brown of England, then expanded by the city and country relaxed-excitement of Australia and contemplated here in hot-humid jungle-country Thailand. It’s hard not to be happy.

What am I learning about life right now?

I’m in the middle of a ten-day mini-meditation Stoicism course and whilst it covers many things I have learned already I need to keep reinforcing these things and keep them in mind and transfer them to practice.

I’m also learning that I don’t have enough time for everything and need to prioritise some things. I can easily fill my days. Every day.

I took this picture because the full moon with Mars (?) nearby was the view this wonderful temperate evening where I breathed deep the relatively fresh air. Perfect.

New Ports – 28th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Fate permitting I will set sail
Clearing the rocks and the harbour
Navigating the rough and smooth
The winds may throw their might
But I am on my way

Loosen the sails, watch the sunset
Or contemplate the clouds forming
Steer by the facts, the stars shining
This ship cannot be abandoned
New ports on the horizon

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and more awake than yesterday. Having to go to school today wasn’t a big deal as I could sit in House and catch up on my own things for the morning. I got my new timetable which looks okay apart from an individual online section that I’m trying to get made back into a normal class as I’ve already got lots of plans for those students. Either way, I can figure it out.

Today I’m grateful for:

My old Macbook Pro that I was eventually able to login to today after starting it up again yesterday. I got the shuffle going on my iTunes library and now just leaving it running like a radio that I can tune into whenever I want to.

The best thing about today was:

A general feeling of contentment and happiness, which I have been savouring throughout the afternoon.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Getting my new teaching schedule is always a bit of a shock after having got into the rhythm of the previous semester. I have 4 mornings of immediate starts which means rushing some coffee but it’s also good as I prefer that to waiting around. Also another Friday with lessons first thing and last thing with nothing in between. It will all settle in soon enough and I’ll get used to it again.

Something I learned today?

The Thai band SpeechOdd posted a message saying they are recording again and that spurred me onto message them about a possible future release, potentially a split 7” with Stacked State.

What is one funny story about my life?

I don’t think there’s anything funny these days. I mean, all the funny things that happen or occur have just become amusing. Some personal things still make me chuckle and I suppose if I was devilish enough I could spin them into funny tales for others.

That’s actually a little weird to think about. I’m happier than I’ve ever been but I’m not necessarily having fun. I’m enjoying my life as it is, fun or not.

I took this picture because whilst I’ve been away Nong Pear has been practising her coffee-making and wasn’t phased this time when I asked her. She made this amusing latte art so I asked for this photo.

Personal Growth Junkie – 27th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Always found in the self-help section
4000 hours to find perfection
Never enough time to exercise the mind
Because excuses are easier to find

Join the green tea and chai latté set
Have you tried the ice baths yet?
Tried everything but it’s never enough
Taking deeper breaths than Wim Hof

Personal growth junkie experimenting
A life lived always just implementing
Tried until all the rules were set
Died before all the goals were met

Title borrowed from a Spinning Visions blog post though otherwise unrelated

Today I’m feeling:

Flat but at a reasonably happy level. I’m not particularly thrilled about being back in my room as I feel a little kicked out of my own house. But I will adjust. I’ve thrown out a lot of stuff that I haven’t touched for the last two years so now the room is clean and more spacious, Amy allowing my bookshelves to remain in the living room for now.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at Mana Mala for making my mala soup, especially for me, even admitting they made a mistake the first time and even though I had to wait I appreciated their effort.

Also grateful to those who wished me a happy birthday today – Hayden, Bronwyn, Amy (duh!), Aunwar, Porpieng, Baitong (today is her birthday too), Momo, Fah and another student who I’m not sure who they are!

The best thing about today was:

Going back to school again, not having anything to do, so enjoyed a coffee at House whilst reading and writing, then a second coffee at Utopia.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

This afternoon I had just finished tinkering around with some bits and pieces in my room and lay down to read when Amy called from inside the house asking me to come and help her. I complained that I’d just lay down but came anyway and she promised not to ask me to do anything else all weekend to which I laughed as we both know that she will. I handled it with grace and humour and now I hope to read (though I can hear the neighbour’s kids coming to play….hopefully Amy sends them away!)

Something I learned today?

I learned that next week the students will have activities so no teaching just yet. Gives me a little more time to get back into the swing of things again. I only did one lot of exercises this morning and whilst it pepped me up I was flagging by mid-afternoon. I’ll get back into it.

What is something I need to let go of?

Nothing. I embrace the good and the bad. I favour the good and acknowledge the bad. There are some emotions that I could let go of but they are just emotions. I can experience them without letting them have a negative impact.

Over time now I’m expecting to let go of my attachment to certain things. As I age,  my belongings should necessarily dwindle until they and I no longer exist.

Amy took this picture one week ago because we were enjoying our last night in Sydney. No new pictures today.

The Price Of Peace – 20th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Reality doesn’t care about your shoulds and shouldn’ts
The way out of suffering is the same on any scale
Would you side with peace or with the wouldn’ts?
Determined to see the negotiations fail
Does the price of peace negate your profits?
How many bodies are on your bottom line?
The brave will do the right thing to stop it
Not afraid to call the reality a crime

First two lines borrowed from Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:

Slow but positive. Got home at around midnight and found the documentary about the making of Dogs in Space on TV so watched that and then there was a show about an explosion on an active volcanic island in New Zealand that killed 22 tourists. It was pretty compelling and kept me up til 2 am.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s co-workers to have become good friends and colleagues over the last 18 months. They were quite emotional to say goodbye today at dinner.

The best thing about today was:

Walking through Balmain down to the ferry, with a beautiful full blue Australian sky, purple jacaranda blooms scattered across the ground and the scent of jasmine everywhere.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy wants to dance this evening and I’m tired already but know that she will miss all this very much. I sat just outside in the foyer reading and finally, Amy came out.

Something I learned today?

China’s divorce rate has dropped for three years in a row. This seems surprising considering that time includes pandemic lockdowns where it would be assumed that families having to spend so much time together would get on each other’s nerves and separate easily.

What are you afraid of?

Toothache. At the wedding, I broke some more off one of my teeth whilst eating risotto of all things. The nerve isn’t exposed thankfully but it’s only a matter of time before more pieces break off and fall out. Toothache is the worst!

I’m afraid of other more existential things too but right now it’s toothache!

What am I longing for right now?

Knowing a long flight is ahead tomorrow I’m longing to be back home again.

I took this picture because it was a beautiful day to be a tourist in Sydney so that’s what we did.

The Odds – 17th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

What are the odds
This collection of atoms came together
And had these thoughts?

What are the odds
You look at me looking at you
Could we be just zeros and noughts?

What are the odds
The serpent swallows the tail
Clinging to dogmatic belief?

What are the odds
Surrounding the enemy with gun towers
Will bring both factions relief?

What are the odds
A three-legged horse
Stumbles forward to win the race?

What are the odds
These atoms are once again returned
To be in their rightful place?

Today I’m feeling:

I thought I would be able to sleep last night but by midnight I was awake again so watched some cricket and read until about 2 am when I finally fell asleep.

A couple of hours after waking up again I’m still blurry. I kind of hope I can struggle through and when I get back to Thailand I can more easily fall back into place with the time change again.

Today I’m grateful for:

An easy day of not having to rush around to meet people. It’s a rainy grey day too so, perfect for minimal action and some TV watching.

The best thing about today was:

Finding a George Carlin documentary on the Foxtel box that they have here where we are staying. Like any kind of cable or stream service, there are a bajillion crappy things to scroll through until you find some gold.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

We caught a bus out to Leichardt to try some Italian food and as we were approaching our stop the bus suddenly veered off down another street and so we got off at the first stop and had to walk back in the rain and cold. Amy complained a little but it wasn’t very far and was soon cheered up by seeing a beautiful blue point cat in a window as we went by.

Something I learned today?

I checked out the new Kings Comics location in Sydney, now in a very nice building on Clarence Street. I saw a copy of Love and Rockets #13 there which means I have a couple of back issues to read to catch up on it.

What is one area of life I’d like to improve?

In general, my life is pretty good. Getting some minor health issues addressed would be useful such as my dodgy teeth, eyes and feet. That’s about it.

I took this picture because these lights outside the school in Rozelle are pretty