Tag: gratitude

A Dull Knife – 7th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Where did your confidence go?
Now is the time that matters
When the body began to grow
Your self-belief just shatters

Open for manipulations
And unable to see your abuse
Dealing with the situations
When you think that you’re no use

Ahead lies a trail of tears
Never knowing where it’s going
Unless you overcome these fears
That are stopping you from growing

inspired by a struggling student whose name may translate to something like ‘blade’ or ‘propeller’

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and stuffed up. Last night I was getting a sore throat but that seems ok today. Now it seems to have moved into my head. I didn’t sleep well and when my alarm went off I sent a message to my students that I wouldn’t be at school and went back to an extra 3 hours of bad sleep. My body is aching from all the exercising I’ve been doing too, maybe pushing too hard (but the results in the mirror are inspiring). I’m grateful for a day off and time to go and check the dental clinic at the hospital.

Today I’m grateful for:

To meet the little pregnant cat at the shop next door to Utopia that was sitting quietly on the mat and either contemplating life or watching the traffic. It’s about 60% white but then the rest is a complete jumble of every other cat colour you ever saw. A quarter of her head looks like Tigger and elsewhere are small patches of Kim-ginger. What a family tree this kitty must have and due to soon add further to the sad abundance of cats looking for homes.

The best thing about today was:

Doing very little. The chocolate protein milk I drank was nice and, pulling out some weeds, being about as much exercise as I got today, felt satisfying. Nothing over the top as a stand-out highlight and despite being tired, dizzy and lazy, the day was enjoyable enough.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night before going to sleep I told myself that despite having a sore throat and feeling tired I would get up with my alarm and exercise and if I still felt bad I would go back to bed. In the back of my mind I knew that there was little chance of me getting up and doing this and that is indeed what happened.
I don’t yet have the thought control to overcome the easy way out though also feel I should respect what my body is telling me. It is tired for a reason and not just laziness.
Today I have already decided to go to school tomorrow and that means exercise in the morning. As my mind is already anticipating being at school this is more likely to happen.

Something I learned today?

It is Nong Fah’s birthday today. Happy 14th birthday to a smart kid. I only knew from her Facebook post wishing herself a happy birthday. Kids seem to do that a lot. They maybe don’t set their profile up with a birthday or with the correct date but then when it comes around they want people to know and to soak in some best wishes.

What work do I enjoy doing?

At one point or another, I’ve enjoyed all the different types of work I’ve done. The work isn’t usually an issue, it’s the systems, people and chasing of profit that make it difficult, uninspiring and frustrating. 

In some ways, I’m jealous of those who have utilised their creativity to be able to work at things they love and be able to earn enough money (or be satisfied with their struggle) to survive. In other ways, I’ve been happy to keep the money-making separate from the things I love to do.

At this moment in time, there has been some convergence between the two as I’m very satisfied with the work I’m doing (teaching) and getting financially rewarded enough.

Quote: It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see. – Henry David Thoreau

I’ve looking at this quote for many days not being sure what to write but Fah’s birthday has provided me with the inspiration. You can see from the picture that she is a pretty girl but she is not a standout amongst the crowds in the school or even in her class. What attracts me to her is her personality, smarts and common sense. It’s not about maturity as such, as she still acts in common with most 13/14-year-olds. To look at her is one thing, what I see is another.

What I see when I look at my wife is our history of 15 years and everything that that means to me. The good times, the tough times, the fun and funny times. Travels, experiences, companionship, love.

When I look at attractive young ladies I’m only looking at a picture, I don’t ‘see’ anything beyond that. When I look at Amy I ‘see’ her completely. On the outside, we are no longer the handsome or beautiful people we met but have travelled together beyond the superficial. Whatever the future holds it won’t be spoiled by anything that could merely be considered a picture.

I took this picture of the birthday girl from one of her online videos. I’ll send it to her again in ten years’ time (if we are still in touch) and we can reminisce about the days we are having now. Students for life.

No Fish – 6th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A fish for today
A problem gone away
Tomorrow, will you be so kind?
A gift quite odd
Here’s a fishing rod
And you may eat all the fish you find

Today I’m feeling:

Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead. 

In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.

Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today. 

I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time. 

Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’.  Save time and money by letting everything burn!

The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.

What random memory comes to mind right now?

This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.

Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.

What am I taking for granted?

I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away. 

In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.

Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.

Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc.  I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English! 

Difficult Days – 31st August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Give me a bad day
To show you who I am
Disturb my applecart
And mess with my plan

Look at you, all smiles
The sun, it always shines
The measure of the man
Is found in difficult times

An easy day for me
Fills me with compassion
For those facing struggle
And life comes down a-crashing

So give me a bad day
I’m gonna turn it around
Enduring all the pain
With this attitude I’ve found

Today I’m feeling:

Good for pushing through exercise this morning setting me up for my long day ahead. I’m starting to run out of time each day doing all the things I want to do and I think something is going to have to go and that will be TV and YouTube videos. I’m already cutting down just because of lack of time. Focus on the things I really prefer and enjoy to be doing. Stop wasting time.

Today I’m grateful for:

The language learning app Drops which I use to study Thai but which I have also asked a couple of my poorer students, Namsai and Nomsen, to use to study English and they checked it out this afternoon and seemed find it a little more compelling than Duolingo. I will introduce more of my classes to Drops instead and in the future. I think it is a slightly better learning tool despite not offering any opportunities to speak.

The best thing about today was:

Kinda improvising a lesson with one of my classes today and having it go really well. 

The original lesson I had planned wasn’t going to be long enough so I picked up a worksheet about ordinal numbers (they always struggle when asked what the date is) that could fill up the time. I started with it as I was expecting it to only take a few minutes. 

As they were getting themselves used to ordinal numbers I figured a best way to remember them was by doing birthdays so I went around the class asking everyone and writing them on the board. I noticed some smart students grabbing pictures so they could remember their classmate’s birthdays.

Once we had all the birthdays I got everyone and asked them to form a line from the first birthday of the year to the last and then spent 10 minutes sorting themselves out and finally I took a photo of them all.

By now time was too short to finish my planned lesson too. So I got them all to write the list of names in the order that had just just stood. This took them a good thirty minutes and I could see everyone puzzling out which name came next until finally they were done. To end, a long Kahoot to reinforce their learning. Everyone was happy and maybe they even learned something.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I decided I needed to catch up a handful of students in one class and the best way to do was to clear out the rest of the students so these ones could concentrate better. 

The class went well with the nine students, without all the usual distractions. They were initially a little miffed at their classmates going off for free time but soon understood the faster they got to it the sooner they’d be able to leave. 

With some slow careful explanations, I could see some twinkling of understanding in most of them. They finished with 30 minutes spare and off they went and off I went to House for extra coffee. 

Whilst I was there I got a message from our department head asking why my students were in the library at the time I was supposed to be teaching them. I got a little annoyed at this at first but I knew that it needed an explanation so I replied doing so. I didn’t get any reply.

Something I learned today?

Scientists have synthesised sugar out of carbon dioxide. Neat!

I took this picture because I wanted a record of the kids doing today’s lesson and lining up in birthday order. There are a few hilarious kids in this class and I hope this picture will be a useful reminder.

The Review – 28th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Not so easily impressed these days
I’m still glad of what you’re doing
I remember those times and ways
As I often find myself reviewing

So go ahead and tell your tale
As has been done many times before
One day recognition will come
You too can review the score

Today I’m feeling:

Much better after the sleepy weekend. My exercise felt easier this morning and I hope that continues throughout the week. I was also happy to be back at school and to see everyone. My students help improve my own emotional well-being.

Today I’m grateful for:

The receptionist at the hospital who advised the doctor I wanted to see only worked in the morning today but would be back tomorrow. It was a simple exchange but even that can be a struggle with our language barriers. Her English was better than my Thai but with a mix of both, we sorted it immediately. I’ll go back tomorrow.

The best thing about today was:

Having a reasonably long discussion with JubJib, mostly about other students.  She’s a smart kid and her English is excellent which is a rarity at school so it was nice to be able to have a complete, flowing conversation for a change. We’ve talked often before but usually get interrupted quickly just with there being so many kids around.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Watching a replay of yesterday’s AFL game between the Swans and the Demons. Finally, a game in which we played really well though we lost. This, after the last six or so games where we haven’t been that great but managed to win. No games this coming weekend and the following will see us play Carlton in Melbourne. Likely to be a quick exit for the Swans this year.

Something I learned today?

Yesterday one of my students posted a picture of her arm after she had tried cutting it. I talked with her today and she didn’t say anything (she’s VERY quiet usually) but I told her that if she did want to talk then I would be there for her.
She was very happy in the class today though I’m uncertain if it was because I talked to her or if there is something worse going on at home that makes her happier to be at school.
I thought this because a few students have told me they prefer to be at school rather than at home.

What is an upcoming milestone worth celebrating?

I’m not a big celebrater or care about milestones particularly. 

I had plans to have a big show for my 50th birthday in Sydney but when the time came I was living in Adelaide and working night shift, and Amy was in Thailand. 

I’ve not been big on birthdays or Christmas once I ‘grew up’ and I didn’t really get back into them when Hayden was growing up either. I kind of grudgingly did it!

If 60 was thought of as an upcoming milestone in still not sure how I would celebrate it. I don’t need a milestone or celebration to be happy. I’d rather just be contented all the time.

I took this picture because I was shocked to see this sudden tall protrusion from this plant. This one is growing even bigger than the one we had a couple of years ago. When the hell did it grow like this? I feel sure it wasn’t there yesterday!

Respun Visions – 18th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:

A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines

They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you

I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts

I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart

I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory

I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:

What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt

What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery

What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain

What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night

Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!

Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.

I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.

Something I learned today?

I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.

Where am I headed?

I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.

This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.

What worries me the most currently?

I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.

I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.

Counter Melody – 17th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A harmony made with a push
The string welcomes the bow
Complimentary or alone
Compensates for what we know

A combination of careful ears
Sing along or start your own
When no one hears the tree fall
The counter remains unknown

Today I’m feeling:

Positive, perky, alive. Under that, I know I’m a little tired and could enjoy more of the good sleep that I had last night. A busy day has passed happily at school. Now for a chill evening.

Today I’m grateful for:

The Rocks soda water that can be left in the fridge opened and still be fizzy after 24 hours. It seems suspicious to me! How is it possible? It’s good though because it’s so fizzy I can’t drink a whole bottle in one go.

The best thing about today was:

Pushing myself through two exercise routines this morning (abs and chest) which got me going. I feel like I need to push a little bit extra at the moment as I put on a little weight recently. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I took everything in my stride
With a confidence I couldn’t hide
When things wrong
I just played along
Using the skills I’ve learned and applied

Something I learned today?

I saw one of my old students (Sun) today and barely recognised him. I hadn’t seen him around for about six months I guess but in that time his face went from a boy to a man. That’s scary. Some other students have barely changed in three years. It is a privilege to be able to watch them grow.

Which reminds me, yesterday I wrote about August’s birthday and today I saw her in a class and wished her a happy birthday. She was shocked and surprised that I knew. I think it made her happy.

How is my life different from how I thought it would turn out?

Holy shit, my life is totally different than I thought it might be. 

Up until meeting Bronwyn, I didn’t really have any idea about what I might end up doing. I was looking forward to a life of dull drudgeful depression in the UK and had no vision to escape. 

Thankfully, fortuitously, meeting Bronwyn helped me find a way out that even though was still rudderless, set me on a path of discovery.

I never wanted to get married and ended up marrying three times, though if it wasn’t for visa requirements, I likely wouldn’t have married at all.

I never wanted children but Hayden came along as a happy surprise.

These days I don’t feel quite the need to push my life in any particular direction as I’m content with where I’m at.

Jet took this picture because she took my phone to take selfies and asked me to join in. Jet and Fah are two of my favourite students. Though both have wildly different personalities they still also can’t help acting their age of 13 or 14. They are smart and funny.

Nothing For Good – 16th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A genius level of stupid
I always knew you would be good
At something no one needed
And remain misunderstood

A stupid level of genius
Makes for far too few friends
And alliterating the point
Is unlikely to make amends

Today I’m feeling:

It’s late afternoon and it feels like I haven’t thought about how I’ve been feeling today. That’s kinda good. Some emotional stability maybe?

It’s been a good day with little stress and if I do stop to think about it, I feel happy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Fon sending me more sourdough bread again. I had to stop myself from eating it all immediately so that I can enjoy it tomorrow too.

The best thing about today was:

Today was one of those smooth pleasant days without any real highs or lows. I was happy that I was inspired to write a couple of poems in my break though.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday evening passed so quickly, with two hours being taken up with taking Tig to the vet, that I dropped my streaks in my language apps. I didn’t even realise or remember until this evening when I saw a notification about it.

Something I learned today?

I learned that it is August’s (the dancer) birthday on Friday. I only know because I just happened to see it in LINE when I was clicking around. It also may not actually be her birthday.

Anyway, will I remember it on Friday? Even if I ran into her I think I would still forget. I’ll set myself a notification but even then I may not see it. 

Knowing so many kids it seems like there’s a birthday every week. 

What is a compliment I’ll never forget?

As I’m trying to remember a compliment, I’m reminded of a time when I was in my early twenties and there was a cute new girl hanging out with one of my groups of friends (though I forget who). Anyway, thinking she was cute and interesting I was quite taken when I came by our mutual friends one day and she said ‘Here he is, the enigmatic Shaun.’ 

I thought of this as a compliment, thinking, hoping that she liked me though as I’ve gotten older I think enigma has a little bit of a negative connotation, like a little difficult or standoffish. I guess between young adults though it would still usually have positive connotations.

In the end, I think I only met this girl three or four times before our lives span off in other directions.

Otherwise, I believe I have forgotten all the compliments I’ve received, though knowing that I have received them. 

I’m not a fisher for compliments and as alluded to above, perhaps I can be perceived as standoffish. I’m happy to accept a compliment but soon dismiss its importance. 

If I receive compliments I just assume it was for something that was just the right or good thing to do.

Quote: Devote the rest of your life to making progress – Epictetus

I can feel my rate of progress slowing down these days, which is quite natural but also slightly disheartening. I’m not so much in wonder of things going on in the world or my life, having done my small share of exploring it already.

I do still go off on tangents of discovery but notice that processes are much the same from one subject to another. Maybe I’ve been looking at too many philosophy texts and have boiled down life to its essence. 

This reminds me again of the lyric, which I’ve probably quoted before, by Built To Spill, ‘Life goes on long after the thrill of it has gone.’

Having said that I do never want to stop reading, learning, and progressing even if it appears I may be just spinning my wheels. I can fool myself easily.

I took this picture because Tigger was at the door waiting to be let in and padded around the table and looked up expectantly, ‘Lie down so I can sit on….quickly!’ So I did and so he did.
Fatman report

Old MacDonald Got AI – 15th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

God took six days to do
What can now be done
In a minute
At the push of a button
A simple prompt
A new world may be created
Everything for that we strived
Made faster and easier
And with it, the artist dies
Along with their struggle
How to know something is good?
It must be a piece of you
A chuck of the pain
That gave birth
No more the imagination
Your future automated
*A boundless machine
Of artistic demoralisation*

inspired and pilfered from the Red Hand Files and *Nick Cave directly

Today I’m feeling:

Unsure yet. I guess I’m relaxed. Just a little soft around the edges, not quite in focus.

At midday, my mojo is returning after three hours of catching up on writing and some reading.

And then….(see further below)

Today I’m grateful for:

The medicine that has helped Tigger overcome his fever and infection. I wasn’t particularly worried about Tig but I also remembered not being too worried about Kim when she was sick too. Sometimes, when Amy is being cautious, it’s best to follow her lead, just in case.

The best thing about today was:

Coffee. And having a few hours spare to read and write but more importantly to get my brain back in the game. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In my final class of the day, I lost my patience with one student who was being obnoxious to me. I took his phone and later gave it to his homeroom teacher. He didn’t even seem to care that much. 

It’s a shame as I have previously gotten on well with that student. I can guess that something was going on with him but still…..

Sometimes the disrespect gets to me.

6th Nov 2023 – Only three months later and I only have a vague memory of this happening and can’t recall who it was! I think that’s good. No grudges held.

Something I learned today?

Tigger’s infection is all good now, though because of the medicine he had been taking his kidney function levels are a little high. Another week without medicine before another blood test which hopefully gives the all-clear.

How would I describe where I am right now?

I think if I told my friends just the word ‘Thailand’, that would trigger their imaginations to understand where I am right now. I know that I’m living a lucky life. Despite minor stresses, I’m feeling content and almost at peace.

How did I embrace uncertainty?

I’ve been looking at this question for several days.  I feel that my life is reasonably certain and has been for a long time. In times when I did feel uncertain it was purely internal thoughts rather than some circumstance.

Both times I moved countries I didn’t feel uncertainty really, though I guess that means that I did embrace it. How did I do that? Perhaps by positivity. Perhaps by ignorance. 

As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood that no matter what happens or is happening, things will be okay. Sometimes you just have to go through shit. I do wish I could’ve worked that out when I was younger as it would have saved me a lot of trouble and stress at that time.

What is an unusual fact about me?

I was listening to the End On End podcast with the High Back Chairs and one of them was talking about his collection of German military uniforms from 1880-1918. It reminded me that no matter what you may know people for they can always surprise you with something unusual. 

I guess I have an unusual amount of CDs featuring unusual music but because of the circles I run in that doesn’t seem particularly unusual to me but may be to others.

Perhaps something I find unusual about myself is the variety of work that I’ve done over the years. Ugh, even that doesn’t seem particularly unusual though.

Am I.… am I normal? What’s wrong with that? I don’t want to be normal. I know that no one is normal but I would hate for someone to think of me as normal!

Quote: I quote others in order to better myself – Montaigne

Sometimes a good quote captures your imagination and consolidates ideas into a sentence or two. Most of the quotes I enjoy are positive but I also dig the backhanded sarcastic and ironic type of quote when it is clearly obvious its intention.

I wish I could remember good quotes though and be able to use them in conversation. That would make me appear smart. Perhaps that is vanity but it’s true, I would like to appear smart at least. Because I don’t feel smart at all. Can I fool myself?

Witches and Wizards – 14th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s only a small role to be played
No one is more important in the game
Better to choose not to be insulted
By those who wish the rules remain

The witches and wizards will try
To knock you off your shaky feet
Their game is a lonely one
Where they’re happy to have you beat

To feel better at another’s expense
Does not a balanced life bring
And that tiny role that belongs to you
Is the truth that lets you sing

Today I’m feeling:

A little slow to go. Lost in a little canna paranoia. Reflecting on who I am and what I’ve done and what’s left to do. What’s next?

Life is such a boring existence when seen through a focused lens. Everything is dull. There’s nothing new anymore. No wonder left in the world. Most of the time we just busy ourselves to ignore it.

I’d better get busy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding salad at the Walking Street today. I had Amy’s lasagna for lunch and by the time it got to 5 pm, I knew I needed to eat something else and started craving salad. At first, I couldn’t find my usual favourite stall to buy at, though eventually found another as I was just starting to wonder what else I could eat. Topped with some English Cheddar chips, I could’ve eaten another bowl full.

The best thing about today was:

My head getting back together and realising that I’m okay. At least, I think I’m ok! 

How are people so sure of themselves? Everything they do is trivial and ridiculous. I know this about myself and I’m certain it’s not just me!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t answer this question yesterday and today I’m leaning towards what I almost wrote yesterday in that I’m running out of time to get all the things done that I would like to do. I’m thinking that I have to stop watching so many YouTube or TV shows. Ironically this thought was triggered by a video I was watching about how our attention spans are so short these days. 

Something I learned today?

Ipswich Town are in first place in the League Championship. They’ve only played two games so far though! Maybe my old team will be back in the big league next year.

Rista sent me this picture because she’s away playing kabaddi in Kanchanaburi and she was smart enough to ask me if she would have to keep up with my classwork. I told her not to worry about it and enjoy herself but to send me pictures. I was surprised and appreciative that she did. She’s a good kid. She separated herself a little from some of her friends who were diverting her attention away from things she has decided she wants to do.

Bad Foot – 7th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There is no bad foot
When putting forward
The only way is back

Once it’s understood
It’s no longer awkward
To stumble along this track

Today I’m feeling:

It’s been a good day with lots of well-utilised free time in the morning, a quick hang-out with students, a class and home again to watch Guardians of the Galaxy 3 through the dodgy Thai websites. 

My exercise in the morning definitely put me in the right frame of mind for the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The aforementioned dodgy Thai websites for making current movies available for free. There’s a small chance that I would’ve watched this in a cinema but if Amy hadn’t mentioned it I probably wouldn’t have even known there was a third film in this franchise.

The best thing about today was:

Catching up on blog updates including an old diary entry from 1984 that a quick chat with Rupert helped remind me about. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I woke up this morning Cap followed me into the bathroom and as I sat on the toilet brushing my teeth he carefully got into the litter tray but left his butt hanging over the edge and so ended up pooping on the floor. I held my nose and cleaned up after him wondering how he is so stupid sometimes. He’s cute but stupid. 

Also, I haven’t had time to play guitar for the past three days but know it is there waiting for the right time. I don’t feel like playing so much whilst Amy is around. I think she is going out tomorrow evening so I may get a chance then.

Something I learned today?

New Zealand has decided not to join the AUKUS defence alliance which is a bit of a snub to the USA and has folks predicting a soft CIA-manipulated coup there soon. I’d like to think that was unlikely but at the same time, I heard a great diatribe about the CIA-trained students in China that turned the peaceful demonstrations in Tiananmen Square in 1989, which were initially just general grievances about economics, into the violent riots that saw rioters kill at least 300 unarmed PLA soldiers attempting to clear the square before tanks were ordered in. The more I hear and read about this event the more I’ve changed my opinion about what happened.

What am I looking forward to this week?

Bruno just contacted me about a ride at the weekend and if the weather isn’t good then just to grab coffee somewhere. Amy leaves on Friday and whilst I’m looking forward to my last seven weeks of relative freedom I’ll also miss her being around again. Despite our petty annoyances with each other, we have a lot of fun.

I’m looking forward to a bit of free time tomorrow morning too, to catch up on some reading and writing.

And as mentioned above I’m looking forward to playing more guitar.

No new pictures today so this one is from last week. Another angle of the dragon fruit plant flower, which still hasn’t turned into any fruit. I like the colours in this one and the light raindrops. The flowers end up looking soggy after a bit of rain as if they were made of paper.