The Plough – 3rd April 2023

April 3, 2023January 31, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The fire is out, now just smouldering
A burden the beast has been shouldering
Look beyond the mountain towards the sea
The red moon rising so graciously
A bell is calling to gather the bulls
A rope is the life on which it pulls
The will to work is never satisfied
Around the tree where stories are tried
Broken leaves sail down to earth
An imitation of an angel’s worth
All the chanting and all the prayers
There’s nothing dancing, nothing cares

Today I’m feeling:

Flat and sad. Lonely but not alone.

Today I’m grateful for:

Condolences from Art, Fon and Jess as well as Hayden, following up and checking in on me. I really appreciate that. Like Amy, I’m also feeling like not wanting to talk directly with anyone much even though people are being nice.

The best thing about today was:

I tried to keep myself distracted as much as I could today. Washing bed sheets after Tigger sprayed next to the bed again getting some on the doona, going shopping, starting ironing, watching football. It worked for a while. I think I’m nearly cried out now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing springs to mind today. This is a quiet time now.

Something I learned today?

I found out that the familiar old guy at the Swans games (Kenny Williams, I also learned) had passed away recently and his ashes were spread on the Sydney Cricket Ground. He was honoured by the Swans with a seat with his name and also one for his wife who survives him. That guy was a legend.

What happened today worth remembering?

Whilst I was talking to Amy on a video call, Cap and Tig came out into the garden to do some investigating. Cap was in the corner near the termite mound and Tigger stalked him from the garage. Amy thinks Tig’s eyesight may be no good now and doesn’t recognise Cap from afar. These old boys are handsome and beautiful. I hope they can stay with me for a long time.

Amy took this picture back in November 2018 not too long after we got Kim Chi. Amy is putting together all our cat photos in Facebook albums.

And the light pours out of me – 2nd April 2023

April 2, 2023January 31, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Confusions

This cracked mirror shows
The holes in the heart
Pieces drop to the floor
As the jigsaw falls apart
Put back together again
It’s never quite the same
Like a missing memory
It’s difficult to explain
Reorder, reimagined
Ghosts fill the floors
A handful of smoke
Rushes through closing doors
Voices in the distance
Are illusions of the past
Clear out all the cobwebs
These confusions will not last

Today I’m feeling:

Sad, down, and a little lonely. Our two Aussie cats are lovely but they never come and rub me nose-to-nose or come and settle on my lap. Kim Chi is everywhere in my memory but I want her here in my house. Sigh.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding olive oil in the kitchen so I could roast potatoes, pumpkin and onion for lunch. My first proper meal since Friday. I didn’t see the bottle where I was expecting but later found it on top of a cabinet. It saved me a trip out. I’m not much in the mood for going out though I know I should
.
The best thing about today was:

Despite what I said above about having no mood to go out I can’t stop myself from coffee. At Utopia Boss was hungover so Noey made my coffees and though she’s still practising they tasted fine. I chatted with her for a bit, conscious that I was just distracting my thoughts.

When I got home I called Hayden and asked him just to talk to me to distract me too. He is sounding good and seems to have come around to the offer of taking a permanent part-time position with his work. He’s starting to listen more to the advice Bronwyn and I give him though we know it can take a few days for him to run it through his mind. He asked if I wanted to talk about Kim and I said maybe next time and after hanging up I couldn’t hold back the tears.

As I imagine many people reading this, some will think what is the big deal it’s just a cat, and other cat owners will understand. But I ask myself, why am I so upset? I often consider the fact that we are all going to die and have talked with Amy about being prepared for our cat’s passing. So, something was special about the love I have for Kim Chi. I’ve always rooted for the underdog and when she came into our lives she was very lucky. She could’ve ended up at a temple totally defenceless against other cats and dogs. Instead, she got to spend her short life in relative happiness with us. For some reason, she attached herself more to me than Amy and after Amy went to Australia I guess I was pouring all my love into little Kim.

I cried out for her. Where are you, Kim? I pretended she was in her favourite box in the walk-in and was rubbing her head and tickling her tummy. I opened a gap between my hanging shirts hoping to see her little face once more, looking out sleepily before settling back into a new position. Where are you, Kim?

I know your body is in the ground here. But where are you?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Apart from my grief, there’s nothing in particular out of my control today. I’m also not really doing anything either.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, Zelensky has said that if Bakhmut falls to Russia then Ukraine will have to sue for peace. This whole war was a waste of time and lives and some people have gotten very rich from it. Humans can be shit.

What is something I love about this season?

In north Thailand, there is nothing much to love about this season. The forecast is for a heatwave for the whole month which likely means no rain to clear the poisonous smoke. I guess there are still good strawberries around but it’s little consolation.

I put this picture here because this is the last picture I took when Kim was alive. One of the spots she loved to sit and annoy Cap from, or to launch herself off around the house on a mad chase.

Big Time – 16th February 2023

February 16, 2023September 2, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Asleep on the grass forever
Amongst the trees, staring at the sky
Nothing within vision
The clouds keep drifting by

Oblivious to the tears
Or the dramas yet to come
No more sadness or joy
At the sight of the rising sun

A dot on the map
A blip on the radar, gone
A marker in the road
That we’re all travelling on

2nd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – blip

Today I’m feeling:

Happy, then shocked, then numb.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to spend another day on this earth. This week’s events bring life into a sharper focus.

The best thing about today was:

Working with 1/6 in the morning following up on the work they struggled with yesterday. My plan went well and slowly, slowly, most students got a better understanding of this minor grammar point I was teaching.

It made me happy to see the kid’s own pleasure at getting it and also made me realise I need to slow up on certain points and work out better ways to present them.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After my first class going well I was ready to grab a coffee but as I was going to the stairs I saw a bunch of primary students coming down from the floor above so I stood and high-fived them as they went past. More and more came and some students who knew me were happy to see me, particularly Nana who always comes and gives me a big hug.

As they kept coming Gun from 2/7 came running around the corner and said ‘Teacher, you know about Big? He’s gone, he’s dead!’ and off he went running down the stairs past all the primary kids.

Now, Gun is a bad boy and likes it, so I was a little bit dubious though I thought something like telling a lie like that was even below him. The last of the primary kids came down and I started behind them. On the way up were Aum and Sunwa and when they saw me they just burst into tears and hugged me. I took them up to the classroom and soon other students followed all looking sad, shocked and teary.

Gun appeared again and wanted to show me his phone. I knew what was coming and sure enough, he showed me a picture of Big, who had been hit by a car on his motorbike, his body lying at a weird angle on the side of the road. I told Gun to stop showing this and not to share it but unfortunately, pictures like this are normal here and even on the front pages of newspapers and websites. I don’t even know where Gun got the pictures from.

More kids came, some only then finding out the news and it was a very sombre atmosphere. I hung around and comforted some or just sat quietly watching everyone. I could see one or two of the boys who were Big’s closest friends were particularly distraught.

Eventually, David came and I left for my own class with 1/7 and some of them already had seen RIP pictures shared on Facebook. I took the class slowly and the kids were good today as I promised they could go early if they listened and finished the work. I talked more with a few students outside and came home.

I wasn’t particularly close to Big as he often didn’t come to my class or would skulk in late without me even noticing him but he still occupied a small space in my brain that will no longer be filled.

I feel sad that someone so young is lost like that and sad at the grief of his friends and I feel in some way his co-students are sad because they know that it could just as easily be them. Big is not sad, but we all are.

Something I learned today?

I watched a wingsuit video today of people jumping from a plane over the Maldives. Looking at the islands below it seems to me that the generic photo used to advertise the sea houses over sparkling clear blue water is right next to the airport. You could just get off the plane and walk across the runway and into one of these houses. I would guess the airport is not that busy but it also shows that the idyllic picture is not quite what it seems if you could see the full 360-degree view!

23rd Feb 2023 – Looking at a map it seems like almost every island of the Maldives has an airport so I guess wherever you might be there would be the occasional rumble of planes going by.

What song takes me back to a specific memory?

Impossible! Too many songs, too many memories. This question is suitable for a casual music listener. I’m transported to so many different parts of my life depending on what I’m listening to.

I took this picture because Tigger loves our house so much. He can lie anywhere and feel good. I do have to double-check sometimes to make sure he’s still breathing!

What’s Cool and Unusual – 28th April 2009

April 28, 2009March 10, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

call-out:

‘FOREVER THE MOTION’
An Audio Visual Collaborative Collision
Featuring Robyn Wilson, Jack Dibben, Anthony Garvin, Jordana Maisie, Kirin J Callinan & Morning Stalker

Sunday 17 May 2009

Black & Blue Gallery
302/267 – 271 Cleveland Street, Redfern

View of Courage is proud to present ‘Forever the Motion’, an audio visual collaborative performance featuring a unique cluster of highly progressive Sydney-based artists and musicians – Robyn Wilson, Jack Dibben, Anthony Garvin, Jordana Maisie, Kirin J Callinan and Morning Stalker. Incorporating original compositions in music and sound design, video art, costume and movement, just 100 tickets will be released for the event, one that is set to be a cataclysm of intense visual beauty and aural splendor.

Each individual creative holds a solid grounding in the Sydney art and music milieux, with a diversity of backgrounds that lay rich the context from which the forms and messages of the evening will transpire.

The key performance ‘Forever the Motion’ will feature Robyn Wilson (vox, costume, movement), a multi-disciplinary artist and musician who grounds the conceptual basis of the headline performance, as her personal journey shapes it. This project embodying the next evolution in her ongoing fascination with the marriage of audio and visual practices into one momentous, multi-dimensional experience.

The original score also features the composition and performance of musician Jack Dibben (guitar, live fx), whose superb experimental approach invests heavily in a unique, improvisational sound aesthetic. Plus the remarkable Anthony Garvin (live fx, sound design), whose production expertise brings a transformative ability to process and shape sound as it is created.

The video element of the key performance will feature the new media and electronic artist Jordana Maisie, whose interactive approach, exemplified throughout her video and sound works, will underpin a temporal association between the aural, visual and physical realms.

The nature of the piece has a basis in continuity and cyclical progression and the correlation between expressive media and artistic interpretation.

Across five immediately consecutive movements, the performance elaborates experiential abstractions of the process of self, in action and progression. It attempts to explore the inherent balance of impetuosity and inevitability in our decisions and the ways in which they ramify. Highly personal in its motivations, ‘Forever the Motion’ extrapolates the subjective mapping of an emotional experience in terms of transferable universals: black and white, sound and silence, light and dark, perfection and defacement, stasis and motion, shattering and coalescence. These pairs are not binaries but continuums along which the five movements flow gesturally and conceptually.

The blurring of roles, boundaries, media and authorship, that underlie the examination of process and progress enacted imbue ‘Forever the Motion’ with a vitality and originality that places this special collaboration in an interesting position in the Sydney art scene.

Also featuring on the night, as an epic solo act, will be the strikingly distinguished, increasingly prominent Kirin J Callinan, a captivating musician-performer, of eminent Sydney band Mercy Arms and the explosive incidentalists Fashion Launches Rocket Launches. Beautiful, stirring, undeniable – Kirin is a vital figure in the current Sydney creative landscape. His approach to his shows “offer me a gig, I’ll give you a performance” speaks for itself.

Plus experimental, ambient soundscape 3-piece Morning Stalker made up of Morgan McKellar (guitar, live fx, vocals), Simon Oh (bass sax) and Marc Chomiki (drums) will lay forth the first layer of aural carpet throughout the unique and splendorous space of Black & Blue Gallery.

There will be a live sound and video recording captured on the night, to then be produced as an independent audio visual piece due for release late-August 2009. It is with great pleasure for View of Courage to announce that the sound recording will be mixed and mastered at Studios 301, Australia’s most prestigious recording studios.

TICKETS TO THE PERFORMANCE

$20
Includes entry, liquid alcoholic refreshments and a limited edition print featuring concept essay by writer Bethany Small

Strictly 100 tickets released Monday 27 April 09 at www.viewofcourage.com
Purchase via the View of Courage online store

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A ZINE ABOUT GRIEF! (Title TBA)
Needs Contributors

We want to make this zine because in this culture, we only talk about death when it crahes into our lives. Fuck that!

Please send us your experiences, ideas, questions, remembrances, etc. Words, pictures, anonymous contirbutions all welcome.

Possible topics include:

– How have you mourned?
– How can we support friends who are grieving?
– Favourite comfort food recipes?
– Worst, or best, cliches about death/loss?
– How is mourning gendered?
– How does grief change over time?
– Whatever else you want

Send stuff to Sandy (deadline june 7) at:

42 Merton St, Rozelle, 2039 NSW

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tue 28

dirty shirlows
32 shirlow street, marrickville
$12 8pm ALL AGES

the network, robotosaurus, hospital the musical, yeah bears

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wed 29

paint it black
86 enmore rd, newtown
8ish free ALL AGES

lynch (+more?) live and acoustic in the shop!)

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thu 30

jura books
440 Parramatta Rd, Petersham
7pm $5 ALL AGES

Its time again for a Jura acoustic night.

This Thursday (30th) at 7pm. Costs about $5 maybe. Or just a donation of sorts. There’ll probably also be some Comrade Brew to spend all your money on. Oh and there’s books too. Buy shit, there’s no better feeling.

Kitty in the Well are definitely playing.
http://www.myspace.com/kittyinthewell

And.. if you want to play let me know, or just show up and play songs. Or scream shit. I want some fuckin’ intense spoken word def jam poetry shit going down.

There also might be curries to be eaten. If no curries, at least there will be soup. Maybe a tom yam. But I just made that last bit up then so maybe not tom yam.

Everyone bring instruments and be prepared to throw away all the super punk diy cred you been saving up all these years by partaking in hours of singalongs covering classics such as nirvana, grinspoon, jebediah, spiderbait and foo fighters. I might even pull out some Creed just to fuck with you all.

Yeah, come. If anyone can play Death to the Apple Girls on guitar then definitely definitely come.

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thu 30

Boutwell Draper Gallery
82-84 George Street, Redfern
0293***
info@boutwelldrapergallery.com.au

Originally from Perth Australia , KID ZOOM has definitely become the one to watch in the Australian street-art scene. Combining precise technical ability with tongue in cheek subversions of pop iconography, his work is not only attention grabbing, but innovative in it’s use of medium.

In his first Sydney Solo Exhibition, Kid Zoom will create a unique site specific mural installation directly onto the walls of Boutwell Draper.
Come climb inside Kid Zoom’s mind for a night…”

Opening Night
Thursday 30 April 2009
6-8pm

Showing until 23 May 2009

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fri 1

jura books
440 Parramatta Rd, Petersham
6pm

-> May Day party for the grand re-opening of the Jura Library! The Jura library has been closed for two years. Now, after dozens of working bees, and thousands of hours and dollars provided by volunteers and supporters in the Jura community, we have a beautiful new library space! For photos and more about the library check out http://www.jura.org.au/library . Come and party with us, read books, and plan the revolution. >> 6pm, Fri 1st May.

955***
http://www.jura.org.au

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fri 1

“The Place To Be”….. Darlinghurst
105 Crown Lane
10:15pm – 11:30pm

GALLUCCI

Swing by and hear ‘227’ played AAlive start to finish, with Mr Corcoran now re-imagining basslines on the B3. Stick around after to work on your free-throws. Usually our prac spot, ‘The Place To Be…’ is situated on Crown Lane in Darlinghurst – behind Bill & Toni’s, at the basketball ring. Museum Station is nearby. Get in touch if you’d like this explained more clearly http://www.diepunkdeath.com Ciao for now.

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fri 1

Black & Blue Gallery
302/267-271 Cleveland Street
Redfern NSW 2016

Thomas Jeppe
Take The Edge Off
May 1 – 16
Opening Friday May 1, 6 – 8pm

Gallery hours Thurs to Sat 11 – 6pm
Other times by appointment

T + 61 2 969***
W www.blackandbluegallery.com.au

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sat 2

Brackets and Jam
Lake Munmorah Community Hall
Lake Munmorah, Central Coast

The (temperamental) Pocket
Crashing Planes
4pm start

All Ages community afternoon, with craft stalls and drum circles and fire twirling etc. Run by the community.

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sat 2

11:00am – 3:30pm
Pyrmont Bay Warf
Sydney Harbour

LOOK AT ME, I’M ON A BOAT on SATURDAY 2nd of MAY 2009

Hospital The Musical and friends will take you all around the Sydney Harbour. Please visit Hospital The Musical’s Myspace to purchase tickets $25

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sun 3

-> Join other Sydney anarchists marching together in the May Day rally – look for the red and black flag and/or bring your own. We’ll gather on the eastern side of Hyde Park fountain. >> 12pm Sun 3rd May, Hyde Park.

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sun 3

FISH MARKETS R coming up Sunday 3rd May… time to BOOK a table. limited space,
A place where u can $ell/ trade/ buy/
what people made> published>recorded< grew< themslves.
1-5pm on the 3rd MAY in Newtown
so u can still do everything else L8r!
WHAAAAT!!!!!

Co$T is a donation to the/ community space/gallery
Live folk music from the black rose shop and a *jaffle* cafe provided by the TuTu collective!!
Hope to see u there cos its getting cold and i havent had a jaffle for yearsss!!

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sun 3

Black Rose Anarchist Library & Bookshop
22 Enmore Rd (100m from Newtown Station)

At 2pm on the 3rd of May Black Rose is having another delightful acoustic night! Playing will be Magnoliaceae and Camilla Hill (with more to be confirmed). Entry by $5 ono donation.

w: www.blackrosebooks.org
open:
Thursday & Friday 1 1-7
Saturday & Sunday 11-5
Accessibility: There are three steps at the entrance. The toilet is not easily accessible.

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sun 3

Clifton School of Arts
338 Lawrence Hargraves Drive
Clifton NSW 2515
Sunday May 3rd 2:30-6:00 PM
$10 at the door (kids – whatever)

A Slow Rip are an improvisational trio steeped in their love of Krautrock, Musique Concrete, Drone, Post-Punk, Prog and Jazz. Since 2004 they have created 7 CDRs of material, the best of which was compiled onto the 2008 Endgame 2CD release “For The Time Being”. This is their 3rd live performance. Tommy Tugboat – Top Secret Project #2 is a performance by one of Australia’s most respected sound engineers. Although the details must remain hush-hush, we expect frivolity and stern discipline in equal measure.
Bring A Cushion!!! [there’s no seats]

Getting There:
Train: From Sydney Central departing 12:40, arriving at Scarborough 1:56. From the Gong trains arrive at Scarborough 12:42 and 2:42 so, if on the early train, you may want a refreshing beverage at the Scarborough Hotel. It’s a short walk north to the venue from the station.

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sun 3

jura books
440 Parramatta Rd, Petersham
6pm $10 ALL AGES

daniel striped tiger, bare arms, circuits, epitomes
(+ vegan dinner!)

jura – 955***
http://www.jura.org.au

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ANIMAL LIBERATION FUNDRAISER

What: Movie (Earthlings) + Dinner (Vegan Thai restaurant Peace Harmony)
Cost: $20 (incl. dinner + donation to Animal Liberation)
Where: Animal Liberation HQ, Level 9, 32 York St, City
When: 6:30pm, Monday May 4th

(EARTHLINGS is a feature length documentary about humanity’s absolute dependence on animals (for pets, food, clothing, entertainment, and scientific research) but also illustrates our complete disrespect for these so-called “non-human providers.” The film is narrated by Academy Award nominee Joaquin Phoenix (WALK THE LINE, GLADIATOR) and features music by the critically acclaimed platinum artist Moby. For more information, check out http://www.earthlings.com/).

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just a reminder that i’ll be overseas from monday may 4th. i’ll be scheduling the updates with what information i have before i go and will add anything i come across when i get chance/internet access. if you have something on that you want added to the list try and let me know before this friday. 🙂

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shaun/tenzenmen
++ i’ll either be at these events or wishing i was there ++

Facebook post

09.33 – Can I buy a couple of hours of sleep somewhere?

Tony Suspect – STE Bulletin – 5th January 1994

January 5, 1994January 12, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

SUSPECT THOUGHTS WITH TONY

How do you react to the loss of a friend? On the evening of December 28th, I got a phone call, it was Rob. Of course, as I recognised his voice, I gave him a cheery “Hello” + expected to be told when our next practice was. As if reading my thoughts, his next words were “We won’t be practising for a few weeks”, there was a pause before the hammer blow “Steve’s dead”. I was stunned, I just couldn’t believe it. Rob was understandably, in a bit of a state + after giving me all the details he had, he rang off. I just sat there in a daze, there were no tears, no overwhelming sense of grief, nothing, except that I couldn’t get Steve out of my thoughts. For the next few days, I would suddenly find that I had been sitting just staring into space thinking of Chrissy, Amanda + Rebecca, the band + then back to Steve again. It was like I was numb. I still couldn’t accept that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

I had known Steve for years but not all that well. I’d see him at gigs, we might say “Hi” to each other but that was it. Then we started THIRST together (with Shaun + Shane) + as the band progressed + we got to know each other better, I’m pleased to say we became quite good friends. He would often say that, above all else, the band were all good friends + that’s what kept us together when we’d have bad practices + couldn’t find a compromise. We stuck at it + things got: better + because we all got on so well, being in THIRST became cool.

Our first: demo may not be perfect but the time we spent recording + mixing it was fun, we were having a good time + achieving something with our band, it’s a happy memory I will keep forever. Like me, he was a football nut + we were talking about playing for the same team, something 1 was really looking forward to.

Steve was really into THIRST, so Jon, Rob + I have decided to keep the band going, keeping the name + recruiting someone who knew Steve + who Steve liked. Rob will move over to guitar + we have Phil of CHICKEN-BONE CHOKED, coming in to play bass. I’m not sure how permanent this will be as obviously Phil has his priorities with CBC but we hope to record a single as a tribute to Steve, featuring a couple of tracks he played on, plus some new stuff.

So, how did I react? Just shock I suppose, I still find it hard to come to terms with, it’s just so sad to lose someone you liked + respected. Writing this, along with reading the obituaries, was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since he died, it’s kind of brought it all home to me but (as l write) the funeral is still to come + that will be worse.

Now our thoughts must be with Chrissy + the kids + in that we will always remember Steve. He was one of the nicest. people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I may not have known him well for as long as a lot of others but I value the time we spent as friends. Steve, I will never forget you.