A little vague and blurry but positive. I feel like I could easily sleep if given the opportunity.
Despite being tired and hungry when I got home last night and then only a little to satisfy myself I found that I was still reading comics at 11.30 and then it took me a fair while to actually go to sleep.
The morning alarm was a bit of a shock and for a brief moment, I contemplated snoozing it but made it up instead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally being able to crack the last part of the song that I was struggling to complete on guitar.
The best thing about today was:
My small grade 10 class again today who were a pleasure to teach and just talk with in general as the topic was about relationships. My lesson was more focused on romantic relationships but many of the points cross over to any kind of relationship.
As the English level of most of the class is quite poor I depended on the two good speakers to help translate some points and I could see that they were all able to understand to one degree or another.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a message today from Nancy about not signing out when leaving school, which I haven’t done for about 2 years now. She said ‘they’ would reduce my wages. If they reduce my wages anymore I’ll have to start paying them to work! She asked me to message Kru Tang, which I did and she asked me to sign out and I said that I would. She didn’t mention anything about reducing wages though. Let’s see what happens next month.
Something I learned today?
Last year the USA beat all previous records for sales of weapons to the rest of the world. When is the rest of the world going to wake up to the fact that the USA wants more war to make more money?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I was pleased to see a couple of my usually lazy students pushing themselves a little more today so I made sure to praise them with personal messages this evening.
I took these pictures, as I mentioned last week because Cap was sitting here but decided to get up as soon as I got down to take a picture of him, so I took this series as he walked towards me.
Don’t tell the Yanks that they’re not free That’s when they start killing you and me What a different world we might be living in If we had chatted over a nice cup of tea!
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good. I’ve called in sick to work so that I can go to the hospital to get my medicine this morning so I’m enjoying some Utopian coffees first.
Today I’m grateful for:
A quick stroll through the local walking street market with Amy to get some dinner. I picked up some of my favourite salad that I always bought when Amy wasn’t here and I haven’t had it again in the three months since she’s back.
The best thing about today was:
Getting in to see the doctor without an appointment and whilst waiting I needed to go to the bathroom and by the time I got back it was my turn to see him.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At one point I was watching something on TV and Amy decided to start calling people on her phone. It was impossible for me to hear whilst she was chatting away. Never mind – guitar time! I headed off to my room to play.
Something I learned today?
My old student August (she who used to love dancing) told me of her interest in playing guitar last year. Today she sent me a video of her and a couple of guitar classmates performing (singing too!) outside Central Plaza. I was quite surprised and also jealous!
I wish I was young and unafraid like her. Learning something is easier when you are young and getting up in front of people isn’t so nerve-racking unless you are really shy.
Of course, I did that too when I was young. I guess I just want to be young!
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 8. Don’t Care About What People Think. We all die in the end, do you really think it matters what people think of you?
Kinda connected to what I wrote above, in many ways I’ve never cared what people thought of me unless I knew I was doing something wrong. When I reached about 16 or 17, something changed in that I lost a lot of self-confidence, though still sometimes ran on bravado, which never served me well. And from there it was an ever-decreasing circle. Somewhere along the way and slowly but surely I got some confidence back, especially when I started doing music-related things in Australia.
I’m reminded of one occasion when I was at the front of the crowd at Frequency Lab videoing Limited Express (has gone?)’s set. As there was no space between the audience and the band and only a one-step stage it meant being in the way of things a little.
Later, Dave Harris asked me about being there and I said ‘I didn’t care’ to which he was rather taken aback but I clarified that I meant that I didn’t care if I got pushed and shoved out of the way by the raging mosh pit around us all. Of course, most people will take care not to smash into people filming or taking photos and I would too, to a certain extent but ultimately if I had missed some shots or worse still, something got smashed then I would have had only myself to blame.
If people are not happy about something then they can say something.
This reminds me of another occasion when I was at the Big Day Out one time and a girl in a bikini top was on the shoulders of her boyfriend. This annoyed a few boys who were standing behind them but instead of moving somewhere else, where there was still plenty of room they thought it would be a good idea to pull on the strings of the bikini top to try and undo and embarrass the girl. On their second attempt, I stepped in and told them to move if they weren’t happy and they soon got the message.
Anyway, back to not caring what people think. Most of us will reach an age where this will just naturally happen and we’ll no longer much care. We get settled in our ways and remain the way we are. Some of us (myself included) will remain firm and polite in most situations whilst others will be curmudgeonly and unbending. I guess that depends on one’s character.
If I’m completely honest, there will still be some occasions when I will care what certain people think about me.
I took this picture because if you squint at these leaves they look like they have tiny lights at their centres.
A bit more lively than yesterday though I still fancy an afternoon nap. I’ve been the driver for the family today, to Chiang Saen, Mae Sai and Mae Chan.
Today I’m grateful for:
The candy seller at the market, where I found the candies that the stall has outside school and obviously at a better price. Whilst I picked out a few different bags she offered various others to try and taste. I was lucky that Amy found the noodles and mala sauce she wanted in this shop too so I snuck all my stuff in there for her to pay.
The best thing about today was:
Driving around, which made me think that I haven’t been up around the Chiang Saen, Chiang Khong area yet (on the motorbike) and it would be good for a nice laid-back ride sometime.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst I was in my room playing guitar I was surprised to hear the sound of rain on the roof. I didn’t think too much of it though it was kind of unusual to have rain at this time of day, this time of year. But then I heard banging and the shade outside my window had fallen down and was now slamming against the wall. The rain had gotten heavier and suddenly the wind had picked up. Next came rumbles of thunder and everything got stronger. I went outside and Amy screamed as the roof on the entertainment area started banging again where it was broken in the summer storms last year. I ran to the garage and emptied the wheelbarrow already full of water from the leaking drain and found a bucket to put in the shed to catch the leaking in there too, though both of these were relatively useless in rain this heavy.
Something I learned today?
Amy has been watching these YouTube videos of two Korean boys travelling around Thailand and today I saw some pretty nice places in Isaan that they were visiting. It would be good to go there one day though I feel a lot of places in Thailand look the same everywhere. Jungles, rice fields, mountains, rivers and beaches. I’m still quite smitten with it all though.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Driving the family around wherever they directed me and even though sometimes they confused me with their directions, I carried on without complaint.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 7. Be Grateful. Say thank you to everyone and everything “Thank you for this beautiful day.” “Thank you for your email.” “Thank you for being there for me.”
The longer I keep practising being grateful the more I’ve realised there is to be grateful for. Sometimes I struggle to find something new to be grateful for, especially if I haven’t been doing much but I usually come up with something. I’m not sure how many years I’ve been doing it now but I think I started sometime in 2020 and managed to do it pretty much every day since.
I’ve mentioned in the past that Thai people don’t often say thank you in a shopping situation and it’s quite a cultural norm. I can’t help myself though, it’s just ingrained since childhood to say please and thank you.
I took this picture because these kitties, along with two more inside, were surveying the surrounds from this second-floor vantage point as I pulled up at Utopia this morning.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
At the flick of the switch There’s no transformation Remaining an ape or beast Change requires dedication No more time to waste If you wish the click to clack When you look at the sun It’s impossible to put it back
Reflecting on our animal nature A broken machine needing self-repair Once burdened by distraction Soon found themselves made it there Feed the mind with thought That keeps on the light Keep quiet and count the days When everything became quite right
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.
I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.
Today I’m grateful for:
Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.
The best thing about today was:
Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!
Something I learned today?
The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.
Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.
List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.
I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.
This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.
I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.
Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.
The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.
As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress. Fatman report
What does it feel like to function? Thoughts turned to action The picture comes alive An outlaw in this society We lose life every day Yet art will always remain The air and the food In a world where it’s easy to starve
A little dizzy still and my sore throat is back, I think from the incense at the temple irritating my throat.
Today I’m grateful for:
This Thai family around me. Not without faults but somehow welcoming and inclusive for this idiot.
The best thing about today was:
I did get an hour of free time this afternoon and got twenty minutes of enjoyable bad guitar practice.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been assigned a task this evening as part of the ceremony though I’m not clear what it is. I was just told to follow the others doing the same thing. I feel like a kid in a school play who doesn’t remember where to stand or exactly what to do and just looks around at everyone else and hopes no one notices.
(Later) Well, it involved some scooting on knees and wai-ing and I hoped didn’t look too out of place as the only white non-Buddhist in the room.
Something I learned today?
This was a couple of days ago but worth mentioning that journalist Gonzalo Lira died in a Ukrainian prison. He was imprisoned for reporting truths about Ukraine’s targeting of civilians in Donetsk both before the US proxy war and in the early stages of it. It’s just another nail in the US imperialist coffin that lies about freedom and democracy.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
In between classes, I came to the temple to support the family and after class, I came to collect Amy before driving us home and then back to the city again to pick up food for Grandmum’s mourners.
August (grade 8) came to my class today sighing that she misses her boyfriend (who broke up with her six months ago). I consoled her but later sent her messages to be strong and independent. She appreciated my words but I could feel she’s not strong enough yet.
August (grade 9) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket whilst I was talking with Kru Ren. This is Sunwa, August and Pat, whose birthday it was today. 15th birthday I guess, though she behaves with a little more maturity than her classmates.
Tired, relaxed and lazy again. Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much. Not excited, not unhappy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with. A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping. It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.
The best thing about today was:
Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room. There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it. The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
In the scheme of things, I did very little today. If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.
Something I learned today?
From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it. I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff!
That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.
Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?
Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.
For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible. I’m just not good.
For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either. In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.
Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.
It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.
I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.
What is it I’ve lost? I really wish I knew Forever counting cost The dreams that withdrew
Always filled with hunger Came the realisation When I was younger I stunted imagination
Though I roll in riches On stock market gambles I can’t scratch the itches That fantasy unscrambles
Today I’m feeling:
Good to go in the morning but after lunch I flaked into a long afternoon nap from which I didn’t feel very inspired by.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul Merton, an English comedian who I have enjoyed since the 80s. I loved his absurd humour in his TV series and now he is still on the long-running show Have I Got News For You where his very English wit still resonates with me. I can still enjoy the show whilst not having any real idea of what’s going on in the UK these days.
The best thing about today was:
Morning coffee and reading some more Wuthering Heights, followed by some pleasant (forgotten) dreams during nap time.
Something I learned today?
This app (Day One) offers a book service and it looks awesome. It would be better for me if WordPress did something like that though as that has more content. Still I reckon I might get a couple printed up for Hayden and Amy.
12th Mar 2024 – I’ve since discovered that there are services that print out WordPress sites and I will try and get one done for 2023 when I finally have finished updating it, which may still take another year yet!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought a T-shirt from Utopia, not because I need one but just to support them. I think Utopia T-shirts are one of the most popular shirts in our area.
What songs were the soundtrack for this year?
I decided to try answering this question knowing that this year is part on an ever decreasing tendency of listening to music.
Without there being a specific artist I would say the two things that I have heard the most are the songs that I bash along to on guitar and the Jazzcore podcast that I listen to about once a month for an hour or so, usually when I’m napping.
Which particular small thing that your partner does irritates you the most?
I’ve been mulling this over for the day and there may be many possibilities to mention but ultimately at the end of the day anything that irritates me is a choice that I’ve made.
And this is what I will keep telling myself every time I feel that way.
I took this picture because the hairdresser’s kitty reminds me so much of Kim. A happy friendly tiny little ginger cat.
Pretty exhausted but happy to relax at home and doing bits and pieces in my room.
(Later) I’m tired but not sleepy, already in bed at 7pm and will do some Thai study, book and comic reading.
Today I’m grateful for:
Old cardboard boxes and, in turn, for online shopping that means we also have them laying around to use to pack on the rare occasions I get online orders through Bandcamp.
I’m also grateful to the guy at the car wash who helped me with the air pump to put air in my pushbike tyres. I was confused because it didn’t seem to work as normal.
The best thing about today was:
Playing guitar after a few days break. I sometimes wish I had learned when I was younger as now my old fingers easily forget and get lost on the strings and for not playing for a couple of days it felt a little like starting again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing significant springs to mind.
Something I learned today?
Utopia will close for three days next week as they and the Daytripper staff all head up to Phu Chi Fa for a couple of nights camping. What about my coffee!? Actually, it looks like it will be Monday to Wednesday so I should be safe!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I chatted with Noey at Utopia for a while, encouraging her to talk with the farangs that come into the shop because she has never seen snow. Maybe if she can catch a farang he can take her off somewhere to see it!
I rescued P’ti when he escaped from Utopia and held him while he ate some grass and sniffed the air for a while. He seemed satisfied with that for a while before disappearing into the back rooms of the shop.
What’s the weirdest object in your studio/home/office?
Weird?
Office: A CD that comes in a stone package?
Home: Two King-size beds in the bedroom?
I don’t know… my weird seems pretty normal to me. I don’t know or much care what other people think.
I took this picture on Saturday at Wat Chaloem in Lampang. A beautiful day for a bit of a hike up this mountain.
These words are a photograph A fight against time Just a brief exposure Into this life of mine A snapshot, incomplete Make of it what you will It’s your story too This one I’m living still
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again after a good cannabutter-aided sleep. My body is a little stiff but I was happy to see more definition when I looked in the mirror this morning. Slowly, slowly getting to the shape I might like.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s banana muffins, small, light and so delicious I ate three immediately.
The best thing about today was:
Starting a new book. This time it’s Wuthering Heights. I read the first couple of chapters and already have a feel for the story.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The internet is often not good in my room and today was a little frustrating as it it difficult to play guitar along with the app I use and then trying to prepare for my classes tomorrow. I just gave up and came inside.
Something I learned today?
It’s thought that this year China reached peak carbon. Maybe the first country to do so?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Today has been a relatively quiet day with few interactions and mostly general acts neither good or bad.
I did go and wait on the bridge for Amy’s som tum food delivery.
A future good deed I’m considering is painting our house number on the bridge so delivery drivers can find us more easily.
27th Feb 2024 – Our bridge will be gone in the next couple of months as part of widening the road in our soi. Let’s see what it all looks like in the end and maybe I’ll have to make a sign.
What is a piece of advice that I would give to my younger self?
My ten-year-old self: Take every opportunity to try new things. Don’t worry about what other people think. (I wouldn’t have taken this advice as I was too stubborn and contrarian)
My twenty-year-old self: The way you are feeling is not normal, go see a psychiatrist. Also, stop using alcohol as medication.
My thirty-year-old self: Now you’re getting there. About time. Keep going with those adventures. You still need to learn to love yourself more, this will stop you from hurting and hurting others. Stop drinking.
My forty-year-old self: You’re almost there. Almost worked everything out. Keep doing what you’re doing. Stop drinking.
My fifty-year-old self: Look at you, slowly getting fit and healthy, mentally and physically. You’re understanding that life is meaningless but don’t tell the kids that! Give hope. Share goodness. Be wary of false prophets and the pedestal you put them up on.
What is your favorite part about your town or city?
Let’s think about the three main places I have lived. Wimborne, Dorset, UK. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. Ban Huai Phlu, Chiang Rai, Thailand.
Wimborne: After my formative teenage years growing up in the countryside outside Wimborne, when both grandparents had passed away, we moved to Colehill on the outskirts of the town but still within walking distance if the weather was suitable.
One summer I scored ten cheap hits of acid and decided to spread them out over the weekends doing a half on Saturday and a half on Sunday. From there my mind was open to many things and I would often head off out for a random walk. I loved the fields and though I rarely went near it, also the river.
One Sunday afternoon I headed down the hill into the Stour Valley with pollen floating through the air as you might imagine in a fairy tale. I knew where I was without knowing where I was, following tracks and trails over fences and through fields, ending up at the river. I don’t recall which way I ended up coming home but I revisited this walk one time when visiting my mum in 2011(?) and it was still an enjoyable excursion.
Back then, though perhaps after that summer, I would also ride my pushbike around similar areas that led to discovering the old train lines and then trying to follow them from Poole to Ferndown. Perhaps it is these times that endear me to the countryside still.
Sydney: There is a walk from around St Leonards that goes through some bushland along Flat Rock Creek, down into a ravine that opens up into a park that then goes down to the harbour at Cammeray.
This walk is sentimental for me as it recalls the time of new blooming love, passion and understanding. Long lazy walks with TLJ found my mind opening to so many new things that I needed to replace in my life. It meant leaving some things behind, heartache for some and eventually for us all.
I recall one time, escaping home with the idea that a choice needs to be made and lying in the park alone in the warm spring evening that decision was finally made. My life took a new course from there. That was 1998.
Chiang Rai: It is comparable to the area in Wimborne, a valley that leads to the river. Beyond the bypass that takes me to and from work the valley opens out long and wide, the mountains on the other side seem far far away. The jungle here has long been cleared for rice fields and there have been times that I have been riding my motorbike here, crisscrossing the land to trying and understand how everything fits together, that reminds me of the walk in Wimborne.
The first time I rode here I was so excited that I returned again the next day. I’ve given it a little break this year because things change here quite quickly so will check it out again and find new surprises.
I took this picture because Noey wasn’t working today. When she is working and I’m late she always messages me asking where I am so today I sent her this picture asking where she was. Predictably, she has exams.
1994ever 