Tag: gym

Blesses These – 10th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Princesses, such sweet peas
No stresses, eager to please
Impresses, hungry honey bees
Caresses, eyes of hes and shes

These princesses turned a lot of heads of their fellow students as they dressed up. It’s one of the arguments for having school uniforms instead of letting the kids dress how they would like.

Today I’m feeling:

Good so far, probably because I went through my usual work morning routine. Drove to work, clocked in and came back already as I have no classes today. It’s 8.15 and I’m here sitting in Utopia. Can I keep up this positive feeling? I have a couple of tasks to complete, cleaning and visa application forms, which I put off over the weekend. I know I’m going to have to force myself to do them. Do it you lazy prick!

(Later): I did it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little pieces of gym equipment I have. I use some stretching bands with handles to do a little leg, neck and shoulder routine some days and I recently bought some rings which I can hang from and which I hope that one day I may even be able to do a pull-up. Just one. That would be enough for me.

The best thing about today was:

Trying to learn to play Bolero on guitar. I can play each part correctly after a few attempts but can’t nail it all the way through yet. I like it to play though – it has a good feel to it. In the app I use it is a level 7 song, a little above where I’m currently at. 
Yesterday I also managed to scrape through a level 11 rendition of the metal version of Asturias. That’s a fun song to play but level 11 is way out of my league. I can’t hit the strings that fast.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It is slightly annoying that I still have to go to school and sign in even if I have no class but at the same time, I’m glad I did because going through that morning routine has kept my energy boosted throughout the day.
I really should organise myself to have things to do on the weekend otherwise my lethargy takes over.
Amy is back on Friday for about three weeks and I’m sure she will keep me busy somehow or other!

Something I learned today?

It’s a new year of freshers at the university and the first day sees clean bright white shirts and pressed skirts. Weirdly I didn’t notice many boys as I was walking around the market. Do they start on different days to the girls?

How does the weather impact my mood and daily activities?

Everything impacts my mood. I noticed today that I felt disappointed that the kids weren’t very chatty and playful. I wonder if I depend on them too much to spur on my own happiness. It was only a brief thought but even those small thoughts impact my mood.
As I was driving back I could see the soft wispy clouds on the peaks and in the valleys of the mountains. It was beautiful and inspiring despite the general grey of the skies. It reminded me a little of the Lake District. It’s weird to feel down in Thailand when the skies are grey. I think it’s a trigger to my memories of England. Even when it is grey here the temperature is still high. It’s almost the opposite here in that the heat and humidity are so over the top and oppressive. That becomes annoying when you feel as if there is no escape.

I took this picture because big dumb Tangmo comes for rubs but smells so bad I rub him with my feet.

Kill confusion by killing options – 4th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Most disputes are a waste of time even if you’re in the right….

– Haters blog post by Paul Graham

I can recall a thousand arguments I thought I’d won, “That showed them!” Only now to realise I had lost.

Some people start arguments for an unknown reason. Why do we bite at it? Sometimes it’s something we just know we can easily win. An opportunity to show intellectual superiority. What did that achieve in the end?

Sometimes people just sound argumentative perhaps not eloquent enough to express themselves any other way. Being able to defuse situations like that takes a special skill, worth practicing.

Some people don’t argue at all and start with a closed fist. They didn’t like the way you looked. The air sizzles with violence. Mostly recognised from younger days, too old to be a threat to anyone now surely.

Another option often chosen is to simply run away from it, waiting until calmer heads prevail. But what if it didn’t come?

I hate arguing, it’s a waste of time and energy. That doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for what I believe to be right and true but those opportunities rarely actually appear in life. Most arguments are petty and ultimately inconsequential. So the aim is not to win or lose but to just not waste time.

I’m sick of emotions always tearing me inside
Watching things crumble, letting all things slide
A very temporary waste of time
Is there really such a thing as a waste of time?

Gray Matter

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my medicine. I didn’t realise I didn’t take it yesterday and I felt pretty down most of that time. Only realised this morning when I found the tablet on the bench!

You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Buddha

To-do list

  • Take some new photos to use on the blog ½
  • Gym after work ✅
  • Play the listen and don’t complain game ½
  • Clear some Pocket articles ✅

It was a little difficult to play the listen and don’t complain game as Kevin and Said weren’t in school today and apart from courtesies I only spoke to Fred for about 3 minutes. I was able to do it later though when Kru Tam was complaining about Kevin not being organised to send things for printing. I just asked her what she would like me to do.

Similarly, taking photos wasn’t really an easy task either. I’m either sitting at my desk or teaching – not many interesting photo opportunities arising.

I rode my pushbike to the gym and met KP along the way which was nice – she has such a good heart. She was in a hrry though so not much chat but I hope I can ask her to help bring some students for us sometime.

I learned a lot today about social connection and just talking to strangers. A little easier said than done with the language barrier here but George seems to manage to do it quite well. I need to practice those skills. I guess I missed a little opportunity to do this at the gym as there was a white guy there. the gym feels a bit weird to do that though. Though, now I’m thinking of it, it is where George meets and talks to a lot of people so I guess I just need to bite the bullet and try it.

If you can fool yourself, you can fool anyone – 3rd February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

I have all the character strengths I need at my disposal but there are some I need to practice more and improve.

Perspective: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.

I see myself on a journey where the destination is wisdom and contentment. My challenge is to acquire these attributes before I die. My default assumption is that everyone else is on the same journey whether they know it or not. Many have already met their challenge whilst others are still travelling. So I sometimes find myself being able to provide counsel for others and other times go in search of that counsel myself.

Social Intelligence: Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.

This is one I really need to practice more. I have gotten better at this since I was in my 20s but even now I just avoid social situations if I feel they don’t suit me. This is slightly compounded by being in Thailand where some situations may mean I’m the only English speaker or there may be myself and one other English speaker, almost forcing us to be sociable with one another. Then there are other times I may only be surrounded by other teachers, where our only connection is our profession and conversation devolves into complaining about our schools, which becomes unproductive and boring. Finally, there’s the rest of the ex-pat community who I generally remain suspicious of, mostly through negative experiences when around them previously. Well, I guess it’s a fertile ground for improvement at least. Must push myself. (Today I just want to shut down and sleep.)

Spirituality: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

I believe life ultimately has no meaning so we must give it our own meaning somehow. These days I am doing a lot of thinking around all these ideas but it is becoming time to put things into action (shaping my conduct).

I remember one time when I was working at the check outs in a supermarket and a regular customer I would chat with was contemplating out loud what the meaning of everything was, to which I responded that life is pointless. She readily agreed but we understood each other that this was a motivation for giving it meaning rather than giving up on it. I have definitely changed my view on this over the years. When I was younger, with lots of time ahead of me, I sometimes thought life was pointless so just gave up on trying to do anything. I’m questioning this statement even as I write when I consider all the many things I actually achieved during that time. But no matter, those negative thoughts were in my mind.

Kindness: Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.

Sometimes I don’t give myself enough acknowledgement for doing this. I perhaps consider kindness as being normal so forget to account for it. But there are definitely other times when I think back to times when I could have been kinder and offered to help someone with something that they were doing, rather than concentrating on my personal tasks.

Teamwork: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one’s share.

I wonder if this characteristic is an issue for most only-children? I’ve learned to rely and depend on myself, even more so having been raised by a single parent. I do prefer working alone but also happy to be part of a team so long as instruction is clear and meaningful. When part of a plan doesn’t make sense I just won’t do it. Perhaps I am sometimes thought of as cantakerous because I am not afraid to speak my mind. See next point!

Prudence: Being careful about one’s choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.

Me and my big mouth.

If you’re led around by your nose
You’ll never get to see how the garden grows.

-Volcano Suns
Cool hidden cafe. On the edge of Burma.

I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. Perhaps people who know me would be surprised at these choices; perhaps they would see me differently. That would be nice to know but ultimately there’s only me that has to live with my thoughts. Only me that can think, and then act, my way to improvement.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be invited for a bike ride by Boyan this morning. I was quite surprised. I think he feels a little more comfortable to talk with me now. I’m happy if he feels that way.

Testing, competing with and criticising others weaken and defeat you.

Morehei Veshiba

To-do list

  • 5 kind things you did today?
  • Catch up on emails and articles ✅
  • Think again before speaking – do not complain ½
  • Write blog entry – take new pictures ½
  • Gym after work

I forgot about Mondays being tough. I think I realised as soon as I stepped into school and my energy levels suddenly decreased dramatically. My annoying students certainly lived up to expectations and it wasn’t until eating some lunch I started to feel better. So I didn’t have much kindness within me.

I did catch myself speaking and complaining before thinking when chatting with Kevin and Said. I have to think of those situations like a game to play. Not to win but to stop from losing by complaining.

By the time of getting home, the students had drained me so much that gym was out of the question, despite me knowing these are key moments that need to be pushed through to make real change. Instead, I watered the garden which was a much more pleasant pastime.

Tomorrow I will be in the city – oh, as I’m writing this, plans have changed. Now it seems I may be able to get to the gym tomorrow – something I will aim for.

Things I will try to do better tomorrow are to not let the students push my buttons so much and calmly deal with them if necessary. Tuesday is a much easier day too. I will endeavour to remind myself to play the listening game when talking with others and look for opportunities to be kind.

Delete your friends – 29th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a cheap gym close by where I can go and work out after work when I have time.

Change requires you to kill parts of yourself, parts that don’t serve you anymore. This will not be easy, of course, as those parts don’t want to die.

Stoic improvement

To-do list

  • Can I draw a nice card for Kru Noon? Cats or dogs? ✅
  • Typhoon revision games for both classes ✅
  • Write gratitude letter for Maesara ½
  • Write something for Matt’s DIY guide
  • More Coursera – take notes

I got sidetracked today – thinking about something from the Coursera lesson a couple of days ago and took on the mammoth task of deleting many of my ‘friends’ from Facebook.

I’m really happy to have made a half-decent job of a cartoon dog and cat card to give Kru Noon some time. I enjoyed doing it so maybe it is something I will try more of in the future.

Today Amy ended up getting her arm plastered up after discovering that she had in fact broken it a couple of months ago when she drunkenly fell over. It is very specifically that event that has led me to stop drinking so much.

I’m a quiet drunk – I enjoy the feeling and don’t often get loud and rowdy but more and more I had been enjoying it less and more particularly the hangovers. I’ve started filling up my time with things I would like to do each day and find being hungover means I get little done.

Finding Tramadol has also been a great inspiration. Whenever I take it I feel great and really savour things more. Time goes so quickly though, I think because you just get really involved in what you are doing. Time goes quickly anyway, especially as I keep finding new challenges to entertain and ideas for creating things.

Amy is a happy drunk and loves to dance and party. More recently though I’ve noticed her have some more negative responses – in particular towards me, sometimes scratching me hard. When she gets like that I just want my night to end and go to bed. I think Amy’s reaction like this is a subconscious reflection of the unhappiness that she is feeling living in Thailand again.

I know it frustrates her here a lot and that she cannot relate so well to some of her old friends, so she turns to me as her only support. I do my best for us to do things together and she knows I’m trying for her. She’s smart though. I think she will work out a way to make herself feel better.

My past event to savour tonight is the rest of the Limited Express tour as I only got about halfway last night. I also figured I would work my way backwards through time with these memories and see if I can recall more and more.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #22 – 25th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Music from Aksak Maboul, North of America, The Milkshakes, Lungfish, UXA, Tipographica, The Cramps, Ex-Models, Magma, Cicala Mvta, Cicatriz En La Matriz, Trick Cigarettes, Neutral Sons, Karminsky Experience, Undertones.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the sun this morning. It’s cold again so sitting in the sun feels good on my face.

In order to live at all one must come to terms with non-living.

Analysis of Levin, Anna Karenina

To-do list

  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • Go to the gym in the morning
  • Try to pick Amy up
  • Visualise and review the day hour-by-hour
  • Spent time enjoying the room ½

Today got derailed somewhat as Amy and I had a minor fight before Amy even got out of bed. She wanted to talk about my passport and it being delivered by DHL to Chiang Mai. I know this is on her mind but trying to think about serious things may be better done after getting up and being more prepared for the day.

This start left us both in a bad mood and I felt unmotivated to do what I had planned. After coffee, I had thought to go to the gym but just by chance, it was closed anyway.

We both picked ourselves up a bit by lunchtime but I felt a sort of relief to not be thinking too much about my daily challenges and practising more philosophical ideas.

Even though I enjoy the weekend teaching I am starting to feel a little like a machine. I’m not exhausted by it but would like more available contemplative time.

Searching for Satori – 19th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Unanswered questions

Where can I add more fun to my life?
What is the purpose of my life? (Why you do something or why something exists?)

SAY IT ALOUD

Gratitude – Thank you, thank you
Forgiveness – It’s OK, it’s OK
Curiosity – that’s interesting, that’s interesting

THE GOAL OF LIFE

The goal of life is virtue. Virtue is the only true good. ‘Excellence’ (arête) of character. What’s healthy/beneficial = what’s honourable/praiseworthy. “Living in agreement with Nature”

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I don’t give in to my impulses (all the time). Despite being tired this morning I will go to the gym as I challenged myself to yesterday.

I think sometimes people are afraid to be happy or to let go.

Lorraine Robertson

To-do list

  • Go to the gym in the morning ✅
  • Finish writing to Chrissie ✅
  • Start editing TCRAH #25
  • Draw one of our cats (find some videos on drawing cats)
  • Savour things for longer

Started off well by pushing through tiredness and going to the gym.

Came back and started finishing off my email to Chrissie which I put a bit of extra thought into and only ended up completing after lunch just before teaching, which then pretty much turned into being dinnertime. I did continue sorting things in my room though. I also remembered to call Hayden but he didn’t pick up.

This coming week should be very cruisy as for 4 days we are playing adjective bingo with different groups of students.

Tomorrow I’ll get a list of students who would like to do extra work so I should prepare that for the following week.

After school I will also go to TLC and have a chat with Nancy about different options for next semester. With George’s advice I’ll also tell her about what has happened with Jimmy.

You’re just eighteen, you’re heading off to war – 16th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What characteristics do you wish you had?

I have all the characteristics I need but need to work harder at these: perspective, social intelligence (understanding others), spirituality, and kindness.

I am sometimes good at doing these things but often get wrapped up in myself too much instead. I would like to deal better emotionally with difficult situations. Sometimes I can’t control my feelings well enough.

After some more consideration, social intelligence is the one I want to improve most. I can do this by going out and meeting more and different people – not just those within my own sphere of interest.

1st Jan 2023 – Three years later, and having been through much of that time with pandemic lockdowns and prohibitions I don’t think I consider social intelligence so highly anymore. It would be important if I was 20 years old again but over the last year or two, I’ve become much more comfortable with myself.

I can guess that George was the influence for me to try to engage more with other people in 2020, as I always saw him happy. However, I also discovered that trying to be like other people is not always the best approach, especially when feeling let down by them. What works for him doesn’t necessarily work for me.

I’m comfortable and happy with my tribe, I know who they are even though they are not close by. I can still work on improving social intelligence within that premise instead. I don’t need to spend time meeting new people just to practice this. I feel I have better ways to spend my time. I know other people enjoy doing it but it’s not for me.

How can you get those characteristics?

I already have these characteristics but just need to enhance them further. Bring them to the forefront of memory and practice them. Be conscious of them, In order to practice social intelligence, I need to stop pre-judging people and use come conversational techniques to find out more and quickly. This skill is something I have improved on but am not really comfortable with yet. Perhaps visualising and pretending beforehand would help? I could also read more about how to do this and watch some instructional videos.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to have a small sleep-in this morning as it is teachers’ day. I’m writing this from my bed and can look out of the bedroom window at the blue sky and jungle mountains in the distance.

It is possible to live only as long as life intoxicates us; as soon as we are sober again we see that it is all a delusion, a stupid delusion.

Leo Tolstoy, My Confessions

To-do list

  • Practice RekordBox ✅
  • Record new TCRAH ✅
  • If any appropriate time arises, tell Amy about what happened with Jimmy
  • Finish work permit tasks ½
  • Exercise at gym

Amy and I spent a long day around the city sorting things for my work permit, getting my laptop fixed and buying bits and pieces for teaching. We had a nice long lunch of sushi and I felt very happy.

I was hoping to go to the gym but it was already 4pm by the time we got home and I wanted to do some other things. Amy had a couple of drinks at lunch and was starting to get a little loud. Most of the time it was fun and funny but occasionally I got a bit annoyed (internally).

I know Amy is a little lonely here in Chiang Rai because her friends are not quite in the same position and way of thinking. We know we are lucky to be where we are and with everything that we have got and there is always some sort of trade-off.

Tomorrow, it’s back to school and I have to try and remember not to touch the students. I’m pretty sure that I will get told off again sometime.

I’m considering the option of going back to CRPAO next semester as I may be able to work with George and Tang. George keeps trying to sell the option to me but I’m a little conscious of working with someone that I consider a good friend and also about my ability to work in any school system.

15th Mar 2024 – Time certainly tells the tale. I was right to be concerned about working with a close friend though I ended up extremely happy.

Where I am now is quite easy in many ways and if it were a similar situation next semester then that seems like a good option. We never know what we’re going to end up with – all options could turn bad. I definitely don’t want to be working harder for other people.

The end of the road looks like freedom to me – 13th January 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Things I must do before I die?

I don’t really consider anything I must do. There are things I would like to do but not must.

The major events previously in my life I didn’t really consider as things I must do but I was motivated enough to make them happen ie separation, travelling to China, moving to Australia, and Thailand.

Anything I must do seems to relate to things I have chosen to do for other people so I must do them as promised. The motivation is external, from a drive that was internal.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful when the weather is cool. Sometimes it feels too cold but then I remember how unbearable the rest of the year can be. Today I have cold ears and I like it.

The nature of the universe consists in perpetual change and so this process is natural and good.

Donald Robertson on Meditations

To-do list

  • More work on exam questions ✅
  • Go and run after work ✅
  • Experiment with turntables for TCRAH ✅
  • Give books to 3 students tomorrow ½
  • Remember – think and listen and think! Then talk! ✅

Quite tired today as I stayed up quite late reading, wanting to finish a book. I am in very good spirits though and enjoyed all the classes I took.

Started the well-being Coursera online class today too. I’m doing a lot of study around this subject at the moment but I think it’s serving me very well. My 4 character strengths are Curiosity, Gratitude, Honesty and Fairness and I should try to practice as many of these as I can in the next week.

Amy and I went to the gym and I worked on light weights as an overall warm-up for doing more in the future. I’m sure I’ll sleep well enough tonight.

Tomorrow should be a fairly easy day and should be enjoyable too. Tomorrow I’d like to get some more things done at home. I’m slowly sorting through my room and there’s no real hurry but it would be nice to be done.