Susceptible to minor disruptions. I realise I’m tired this morning after less than 7 hours sleep but I felt pretty good driving to work and was happy to have a little funny conversation with my students Jan and Baipad before driving to House for coffee. At the school exit, I was careful when driving across the busy main road. A traffic cop was standing there and angrily (it probably wasn’t with anger but just clear gesticulation) waved me through even as a big truck was bearing down from the left. Somehow that really made me dark, though I really understood quickly what was happening in my head. I’m still trying to replace the feeling by remembering the interaction with the students instead. It’s not quite working yet. Perhaps this is a job for coffee!
Today I’m grateful for:
My students for really testing me today as I struggled with energy and enthusiasm. A couple of students who didn’t want to read in front of the class I kept back and had them try just for me and I’m proud that they did it. I just want them to get more confident and comfortable so that they test themselves and their abilities. I’m not so fussed about their actual output.
The best thing about today was:
Nothing in particular. Today was a bit of a blur and spent mostly in an above-average happy mood (after the incident in the morning).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was starting to feel fatigued and exhausted by the time of my last class, who have become comfortable enough with me to try to push my boundaries. For the second half of the lesson, I had them read in front of the class with the rule that if anyone talked the reader would have to start again from the beginning. They soon figured out to be quiet and managed it for about 40 minutes which was good enough to get things done. I was happy to leave school and looking forward to getting home but then I remembered I had to go shopping too. Still, I managed to push on. I’m ready to drop.
What is a habit I would like to develop?
I think there’s nothing much at the moment. I’ve worked on developing a number of habits over the last three years and my time is too full already. So perhaps the question should be reversed to which habit I might like to inhibit instead. Eating candy? Watching YouTube? I don’t know, really? I think I’m good for the moment.
I took this picture because I saw something unusual sprouting from this plant (plant or tree, I’m not sure) yesterday and this morning it had become much more visible and grown to this. I never thought these would have flowers, which is presumably what will come. Stay tuned.
The ice cream Was delicious I ate it all While you were out
Don’t be angry Your loss is minor And I know You love my tummy
Despite your upset We both know It will Happen again
You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecendented in the history of the world, bu then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.
James Baldwin
Today I’m feeling:
Happy, relaxed and somewhat renewed energy. I’m wondering if that’s because Amy is leaving again this week? I’ve found it more difficult to do the things I usually do when she’s not here (playing guitar, reading, listening to music ) and maybe I slipped into some lethargy and laziness, instead just watching videos online. It does feel more physiological though but I guess it’s all connected. Today I’m grateful for: Anton Chekov’s short story ‘Ward No. 6’. I read it this morning after my coffee and it wowed me a lot and made me question certain things. One paragraph, in particular, resonated deeply as often happens when writing reminds you of your own life. I will reread this one again.
The best thing about today was:
The ease of showering Tigger. Amy and I were both surprised at how compliant he was to get covered in soapy water. He wasn’t happy but we didn’t get cut to bits as we thought might happen. Thankfully the vet had managed to cut his nails yesterday too. Tigger feels softer again and the rough skin is clearing up too. Of course, after showering and then drying him, which takes the most time, he went into the sun and started rolling around in the dirt again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy got a little grumpy with me today when I’d forgotten to give Tigger his medicine after dinner. I called him and he came in from outside. I gave him some more food but then Amy dropped something that crashed to the floor frightening him and he ran off before I could give the medicine. I chased after him but he ran outside and into the darkness where he is impossible to see. I came back in knowing that he’d come back in before I went to bed but Amy was still complaining – to herself, in Thai, thankfully – so I just ignored it and about 15 minutes later he came back in of his own accord and I was able to nab him and give him the pill.
Something I learned today?
I’d forgotten to search Antioch Arrow until now and can’t find any meaning behind the band name though I didn’t dig too deeply. I did learn that Hayden has applied for another job, this time cleaning. I’m not sure what it is exactly but he’s never been the cleanest person but, like myself, I’m sure he’d be more inclined to better clean for other people when getting paid for it. I know I learned other bits and pieces today but it’s a struggle to recall things. I want to be more present when learning something so I can recall things better. Or perhaps it’s that most information is just useless knowledge and hence easy to forget.
What daily habit will help you feel healthier, fitter, and more alive?
I’m old enough to know these things by now. But knowing them is different to doing them. Back on the horse tomorrow, so to speak.
Art took this picture because every day he posts a picture to promote Utopia as being open. I end up in them about once every 6 weeks. This one is really nice though with the morning sun coming through the window.
Is this the year that truth may be heard Instead of a story being sold? Is everyone prepared to stand by their word In order that the truth may be told?
If you are not happy it’s your own fault.
Ivan Alexyevitch, A Happy Man by Anton Checkov
This is how it will be from now. As the last year ended with death, so the next has begun. Amy’s high school friend Nan’s dad died suddenly at 3am this morning.
As I saw children, teenagers and uni students’ energy from their night’s cavorts I want to warn them to enjoy life when they can but also to start preparing for this time. I never thought I would see this age but I’m glad I have and now I must suffer its death and decrepitude.
So, beautiful children, whether you are ready or not, it’s coming.
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The people at Dasa Books in Bangkok for allowing me a few days’ grace with ordering books as I wait to get paid. I’m finding lots of interesting bits and pieces and look forward to reading more this year.
The best thing about today was: Playing with the two little kids in the restaurant at lunchtime. They were super cute and engaging and entertained the other customers and the kid’s parents who were the owners. As it was a buffet Amy and her mum and dad could stay longer and eat drink and talk more. Everyone was happy with clown Shaun, the child carer.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Almost everything got disrupted today. We took Tigger to get a shower at the professionals but twenty minutes later they called us to come and get him because they were scared Tigger would bite them. Never mind. Amy wanted to try and clean him straight away but I said no cos I know how much trouble it’s going to be and soon we were supposed to be going out for lunch with Amy’s mum and dad. We were still waiting at midday so Amy called her mum and found out her dad was sleeping. We were getting hungry and told them to hurry up. Finally, they came and we went to the restaurant and Amy and her dad got drunk. Amy had planned an evening out but that was cancelled after Nan’s father passed away last night so instead we were off to the first night of the funeral. Even that, finishing quite quickly I was hopeful to be home in good time but Amy wanted to eat again so we’re here now at a khao tom restaurant. But I feel fine with everything, able to go with the flow much easier than before. And driving home felt smooth and relaxing like I was manipulating a video game. I wonder what it is that made this day ok for me but others not so much. Enough water, something I ate, enough sleep or the cool weather? I wish I knew.
Something I learned today?
From watching the Little Chinese Everywhere YouTube channel I followed Yan to Antakya in Turkey and learned that the people there (like anywhere I guess) are curious and friendly. There was French and Syrian influence as well as a mix of religions and so it was I learned that this city used to be called Antioch. Perhaps tomorrow I will learn what the Antioch Arrow was…?
What goal would you like to accomplish this year?
I’d like to recover my fitness and still get to 75kg this year. Having covid seems to have set me back on this in 2022… or I’m using that as an excuse. I think I’m getting a little less tired now though it seems to catch up with me by the end of each week. I hope to push on through again, get back into the routine and exercise habit again.
Amy took this picture because I asked her to and also because it’s not easy for me to see what these tattoos look like. Anyway, the idea was to post a picture on the Nomeansno Facebook group but my post was declined because I don’t have a picture in my user id. I haven’t had one for a couple of years now since cutting back on using FB and I do understand the reason the group rules require users to have pictures but still I was looking forward to showing off. Haha. I also realised that this tattoo is now ten years old already. I also wanted this picture because I’m considering getting the dancing punk covered up with the cover art from the Birthday Party’s Junkyard and wanted to see how feasible it might be. Also, if it is what I actually want.
It’s a post-post-punk world Music totally deconstructed No alternative Alternative A disco ball disruptive Every dumb male makes music Click, click, bleep and hop Bedroom producers now equal In this new world of pop Indie kings sold guitars To take up regular jobs Making money on weekends With the twiddling of knobs Purists complain to deaf ears Yet this was always the goal Anyone can be making music Even if it is without soul So the punks both won and lost Perhaps they were never right Now there’s little to rebel against And everyone gave up the fight
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I remembered to write something today, especially as I forgot yesterday too.
Got to kick this awful trash Got to stop this horrible mess This habit is alive and kicking Got to stop it from sticking My head is spinning around and about I just wanna stand up and shout I should just reach and grab it If I want to kick this habit
3rd Sept 2023 – Although not specific to any addiction or habit I’m pretty sure I was already wishing that I could stop smoking sometimes. It would be another ten years or more before I finally managed to quit.
1994ever 