Tag: harmony

Hands Cave – 16th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can you say hello for ten thousand years?
Can you see these words in twelve thousand and twenty-three?
What does it mean when the writing is on the wall?
Leaving one’s mark for the whole world to see
Were your dreams as big as mine today?
Staring at a sky only minutely adjusted
It’s a blink of an eye for those held on high
And in whose words were once trusted

Today I’m feeling:

A little dizzy and unsure which way things will go. So I’ll push myself in the direction of happiness as best I can.

Today I’m grateful for:

The two bloggers who click on the like button to almost every single thing I post. I’m reminded about this today as I had a quick look at their posts too and liked a few back.

The best thing about today was:

Getting home before midday after going to school, hanging around, having coffees and going grocery shopping. Taking advantage of this chill week before getting into the classroom.
Also seeing Mee, Yok and Petch at school again as they didn’t come yesterday. We were all happy to see each other again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing except minor inconveniences that were acceptable to my current state of mind.

Something I learned today?

I saw a nice story about Taiwanese and HKers travelling to a mainland Chinese city to celebrate a local south china festival of which I forget the details but the point is that despite all the supposed tensions between these places the average people in the street just want to get on with their lives.

I took this picture because I spied this visitor after coming home. I’m chasing other cats out from our place now as I don’t want them disturbing the harmony for our two boys.

In This House – 26th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The open door
Inviting

Fresh air and
Foreigners

(Presents under the
Tree)

Coffee fills this
Place

Two cups then
Go

*format from The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams
Submitted to Writer’s Workshop

Every path is the right path. Anything might have been anything else and had just as much meaning to it.

Tennessee Williams

Today I’m feeling:
Happy, a little tired from noisy classes
Today I’m grateful for:
The salad seller at the market again. Amy told me she would be out for dinner when I got home so I rode off to the market not sure what I would decide to have and this time I went back to the salad which I haven’t had for a while now. It was great.
The best thing about today was:
Having fun in my classes despite the kids being noisy and lazy. I made Nam and Aoi laugh when they sometimes get angry with me pushing them. Goya was loud and hard-working and enjoying things and at the end, Gam happily stayed back to finish her work whilst I played around with Fah who was waiting for her.
In the morning I helped Dena, Nicha and Namkhing individually with some reading and sent the top 4 off to investigate and prepare for our scavenger hunt which we should have on Wednesday if all goes to plan. I think that I’ve got my mind in the right place for these kids now.
I also found out today that we have Friday and Monday off for the new year holiday. Cool!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The kids in the morning were particularly noisy so I moved a few of them around which helped for a while. As I was trying to help them with reading and pronunciation most were just talking with each other so I stopped and told them I wouldn’t help them anymore and to record themselves reading the passage. I almost lost it but distracted myself by talking with the top 4 as described above, so at least I still felt useful. Slowly students started to come and ask for my help, realising they should have been listening before. They all did it and did it well enough in the end. There are different ways to get to the destination.
Something I learned today?
Tangmo has got a new friend and decided to bring them here tonight. I thought it was ‘Mo on the terrace but then saw it was a slightly thinner shape and when I went to open the door it ran off. Later I went out to see if it was still around when I thought I saw it in the darkness but then Tangmo ran out to me. I went to get the rope for him and then saw the other dog cautiously nearby. It wouldn’t come close but was curious. I threw the rope for ‘Mo who collected it and then ran out with it, then to chase the new dog up the road and out of sight with the rope flowing behind him from his mouth…probably never to be seen again! The rope, that is. Dopey ‘Mo will be back tomorrow wondering why I have no rope to play with anymore.
What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?
I’m not sure that I’m holding on to anything these days. I’ve let go of most things that have caused me trouble, often, maybe too often, by avoidance or running away, but now just by forgiveness and forgetting. I don’t make other people’s problems mine anymore.
Sometimes I still hold on to the point that I should be trying to stuff as much information into my student’s heads as possible and whilst that may be suitable for one or two kids it doesn’t lead to harmony in the classroom. So I do usually let that go anyway.

I took this picture because I want to remember the view when leaving home. This house has been more of a home for me than anywhere else but still, it’s hard to appreciate it whilst living here. Homes are often created through nostalgia and the memories of everything that occurred there. One day I may look at this photo and think about all the things that I was part of here, which may as simple as reading in the hammock, eating on the terrace or managing the garden.

We got that attitude! – 20th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for the weeds in the garden – a reminder of the constant struggle of life and of the determination to survive. Don’t give up. I am also grateful for the nicer things that grow in our garden. In the mornings there is a beautiful smell from a flowering tree which brings me a great feeling of harmony.

Yesterday was a kind of brought day and got me down a bit. When that happens I usually don’t feel like coming to my room and watched a load of YouTube and a movie instead. It felt like the right thing to do somehow although perhaps I might’ve gotten better quicker if I had come here – maybe I’ll force myself next time.

What a strange week. From a weird ecstasy on Monday to what sometimes felt like tragedy on Friday. I had an ominous feeling before my class on Friday and looked over my lesson to make sure the students could manage it. They actually did well enough but they were difficult to control. Champ came to talk with them though I didn’t know what about and they were all quiet and curious for a few minutes after that. It was difficult to get them to focus after that and I lost my patience, having to repeat myself again and again and packed my things and told them to leave 20 minutes early – they could tell I was upset with them.

Later, I talked with Champ and he told me he had told them that next semester they wouldn’t have a farang teacher for English as they were too disruptive and loud with me – forcing me to be loud (and frustrated) with them. Obviously they kids would have been curious about this and what it actually meant.

I felt better after discussing things with Champ a bit and came to my own conclusion that I’m really only happy teaching students who want to learn and I struggle to control those who don’t. Sometimes I can laugh it off but it often seems to depend on me.

I don’t where my foreboding came from earlier in the day but it certainly proved right – or was it a self-fulfilling prophecy?

I also got really upset with George as he insisted that Dylan play guitar for everyone in the room. George does this often – forcing people to do things whether they want to or not. It’s not normally anything extraordinary but it really grinds my gears and I feel another contribution to my turn around on my like for him.

I can also feel that he has a problem with me now as he no longer includes me in anything – probably because I usually want to do other things most of the time. I feel it’s a little bit like retribution against me somehow. I don’t follow his way so I’m excluded from his chums. I feel it’s a little insincere because also at the same time, he can still be nice and friendly. Maybe I read too much into it and think about it too much – maybe it’s proximity, as we spent too much time together earlier in the school year. Both our bad sides are shown.

His manipulation of people shouldn’t bother me as I can’t control him or the people he directs the manipulation at. He tried it with me many times before and he knows it doesn’t work with me.

Uh – I feel it’s a shame and that all the problems I have with people stem from me. Sometimes that’s ok and other times it gets me down. But I feel it’s not something I can easily fix within myself.

I am a solitary person. I do need other interaction but just enough to satisfy myself. I am jealous of how other people have more social lives than me but don’t want to be obliged into it if it makes me uncomfortable. I find most people boring to be with. That’s the way I am.

Hang in there, Shaun