Magdalena Bay – liked this and was surprised to see that they are playing in Australia. They seem to be popular and I’ve never heard of them (which I guess isn’t unusual these days!). The thing that puts me off their music though is that it’s just too damn nice!
Irreversible Entanglements – Again nice agit-jazz but too far into the jazz for my tastes.
Prurient – I understand the appeal. Not for me.
Omar Souleyman – I seem to be behind on his releases and this is another enjoyable album. I was disappointed when I saw him live though, it didn’t quite translate in the venue where I saw him which was part of an arts festival. Needed more sand!
Avalanche Kaito – Recommended by you before and I enjoyed the discovery.
Super tired as I definitely didn’t catch up on any missed sleep from Sunday night. Never mind. I’ll have to try tonight.
I was looking forward to sitting down with some coffee and free time when my grade 9 students called me and asked to move their class from the afternoon to this morning again.
As this kinda suits me too, leaving the afternoon free, I rushed back and we went in search of a free room, ending up in the library.
Health:
Physical: 6 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Kratae for helping out Anchan as much as she can. It may not be much and it may not be enough for Anchan but Kratae is offering some hope at least. I will have to think of something that I can do for her as thanks one day. And I will ask Anchan for suggestions and if she can contribute in some way too.
The best thing about today was:
I felt my health improve a little over the day, especially mentally. Somehow, being at school is picking me up mentally, whilst seemingly running me down physically.
I was particularly energised after my grade 8 class finished at 12.30 but I didn’t leave school for another 45 minutes as various groups of students came to distract me, wanting to chat.
Something I learned today?
After much hassling from my students, I installed Instagram and TikTok and have been trying to work out how they work and if they are even remotely useful for me.
I still don’t quite get them or how they work. At the end of the day, I just want to use this software to stay in contact with my students in the future.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
As I was contemplating being able to finish early and go home, Anchan messaged me asking to go with her to Nong Kratae’s for the first time today this afternoon.
I guess as I wasn’t due to finish until 4.30 pm anyway, then it’s not a big deal and I’m hanging around at House catching up on reading and writing. Trying to get my brain back into poem-writing mode after a few days away from writing.
Tonkhaw took this picture because….he was happy to see his teacher hard at work, perhaps?
A 15-year-old girl executed by fascists Was the superhero in this tale The revolution was real on the ground The freedom fight must never fail
No one else came to save the day A deus ex machina, just an invention A teenager who trusted herself Guided by virtuous intention
Real heroes often lose their heads The blade brings a sudden halt Left a monument to liberation Against the brutal fascist assault
Inspired by the story of Liu Hulan who was executed by the KMT (who were supported by the USA)
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and a little out of it. I think that I might get kick-started with some coffee but could just as easily go the other way and nap some more!
(later) I haven’t napped but have had a pretty constant headache.
Health:
Physical: 4 Mental: 6
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy for letting me rest a little and watch the Volleyball with Mum and Dad whilst she was preparing all our food for dinner.
The best thing about today was:
After dinner Amy wanted to sing karaoke with Aun and Priyao and so I was left to watch Netflix in the other air-conditioned room and I watched The Wandering Earth, based on Liu Cixin’s novel.
A cool story but held back by a Hollywood-style screenplay.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My laziness and poor health have kept me out of my room today and lodged in front of the TV with a headache.
A little of this is in part knowing that we go to Amy’s parents for Mother’s Day this evening and I’m conserving energy for that. And as tomorrow is a holiday I can catch up a little then.
Something I learned today?
I saw Shiso for sale in Makro. I was tempted to buy it and and just eat it there and then!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I got a message from Anchan yesterday asking me to tutor her on weekends as she needs to catch up on her language skills to take an exam for a school in Chiang Mai.
Today she added that she wants to get away from her grandmum here in Chiang Rai as she found out that her mum was sentenced to one and a half years in prison in Myanmar and not six months, which would be up soon.
I can’t tutor on weekends, though. I’m already so tired and today, in particular, really feeling my age. I gave her some ideas but I’m curious about her commitment to pulling herself through.
When you are walking towards your maker Be prepared with the biggest machine gun Point it right between their eyes And ask them first, ‘What have I done?’
Ask your questions, demanding proof Let there be no pulling of the leg Your maker may only pronounce the truth ‘What came first, the chicken or the egg?’
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good but a little tired despite sleeping quite well.
I can feel my muscles aching from the exercising that I’ve been doing. Not just aching but feels like them splitting and dividing under my skin. It’s a tolerable pain that indicates growth, at least to my monkey brain. It doesn’t feel like an injury though my right shoulder is still definitely injured. I need to find some exercises where I can still use my arms and chest without injuring the shoulder further. I adapted my normal arms workout this morning to compensate and that went ok.
Today I’m grateful for:
Bronwyn sending me some old photos of me, my mum and my dad. These are pictures that my mum had and I had seen from time to time in my youth.
They were passed onto Bronwyn to leave for Hayden in the future but I’m glad to see them again.
I also found out that there was a book that my mum wrote quotes and poetry in and I’m interested to see that at some point.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching the new grade 10 class and describing what would happen in real life if they failed to do the work that they are employed to do, just as some students did last week for my class work when I wasn’t there and assigned them something to do in my absence.
I described our classroom as the place of employment, myself as the boss and them as the employees. I showed them on the board that I was promoting some of my employees and demoting others and that in our classroom this would be indicated by grades.
Everyone started at grade 2 (in the middle) but the students who did my work are now at grade 3 whilst those that didn’t are now at grade 1. This certainly got everyone’s attention. I told them that in a real-life work situation, they would likely no longer have a job!
I really enjoyed explaining this and I could see the satisfaction on the newly promoted students faces. All they had to do was what was asked and they’ve been rewarded. I feel like there was some real learning happening and it made me happy to see. I kept the mood light throughout all this but they understood the ramifications of their actions.
In the second act of synchronicity for the day, I read this in an online newsletter and messaged the class to discuss its meaning:
“’I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday’”
Even writing this is making me feel somewhat smug! Haha.
Something I learned today?
There’s an ant species that’s unique to New York City, known as the ManhattAnt.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been trying to get Baipad to describe her own personality to me because she described her cousin’s personality as similar to her own but she could only answer with ‘you already know.’ I tried to explain that we see ourselves differently from how others see us.
This morning I sat down with her and Jan, with Apple sitting opposite and I said, ‘Come on, let’s play a game. Here’s a list of adjectives, pick ten that describe Apple and we had fun doing that for ten minutes. As I left I told them that tomorrow we will do the same for Jan. And at the weekend I will ask Baipad again to see if she can answer for herself.
I sat with one of my poor grade 7 students (Nut) in class this morning and helped her a lot with trying to understand the text we were reading and how to answer the questions. Some days she is ok to accept my help and today was one of those. When I went to help others she pulled me back to finishing helping her first. I was glad to see this and I think she was glad of my help. She will never be a great English speaker but she is doing all that I ask of her.
I sent a message to JubJib reminding her that perfection is a myth. She happily admits to requiring perfection from herself.
What do I need to embrace about myself?
I’ve become more accepting of my own foibles as I’ve aged. As a sign of maturity, I don’t tend to do things that I wish I hadn’t any more. I’m equating embracing and acceptance here but they feel quite comparable at this age. I am happy with myself and understand myself very well. I know my weaknesses and attempt to improve them slowly without punishing myself.
Where do I hope to be one year from now?
This is an interesting question for me this time as I feel a little in limbo. I am very happy where I am but also considering where do I go from here?
I could quite comfortably maintain my life the way it is. I have no real goals to aim for these days, just continuous improvement. This feels possible due to stability and not having to deal with other stresses that come with the pursuit of new things.
In this way, I’m quite happy to defer to Amy’s ideas about what she wants in the future. That may be a big shock when it comes time for action though, this I know.
Should I have a specific goal for this coming year? I don’t feel particularly ambitious.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 5. Exercise Daily. I didn’t get this until recently. A healthy body is where you have to start everything in life. If you can’t build a healthy and strong body, what CAN you build in life?
I was quite athletic as a child, particularly loving football but once I discovered booze and cigarettes that all slowly went downhill.
Since finally being mostly free of those vices I have started exercising and by doing it first thing in the morning I’ve been able to slowly introduce and lengthen the time spent doing it as I also slowly started to feel the benefits.
Previously I would consistently make the mistake of overdoing the exercise when I would feel the need to get back into it. It’s a mistake probably 80% of us make.
But as I was reading more about developing habits and starting small and as I’ve been teaching my kids about doing things little by little, that idea has slowly slipped into my own brain to find a better way.
Perhaps when I was younger I didn’t want to admit that I was aging. As it took many years to develop this beer belly I’ve accepted that it will take many years to lose it too.
Again, as synchronicity goes, I also just read this:
“The key to exercising regularly, losing weight, being more productive, and achieving success is understanding how habits work.” – Charles Duhigg
I took this picture last week because I was fascinated by the symmetry of this freshly sprouted pineapple. No new pictures today.
Raise a toast from the bottle of heartbreak Tears mist the eyes of dead teenage butterflies These wounds become a comfort given time Waxing poetic about the expected surprise
These are the happy things, preparing for grief The painful goodbyes in the rear-view mirror Bigger, brighter things are on the way to love Slowly, gently, this will all become clearer
A little lazy. I was going to get up with my alarm but still sleepy, Amy almost shouted at me from her bed, getting up, where are you going….? Jesus, let me wake up a little! I brushed my teeth, took a piss and got back into bed for another hour of sleep where I had a dream about us being able to drive on a piece of A4 paper as if it was a car!
Today I’m grateful for:
The trees that Amy’s mum planted on our land years before we came here and have grown to provide great shade from the sun but now have gotten so big that their roots threaten to cause problems to the foundations of our buildings. We will cut four and I hope the remaining three will be able to grow faster and stronger to provide shade again into the spaces that will be left.
The best thing about today was:
Having a tidy garden again once the gardeners had finished their work, the smell of cut grass wafting through the house.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve noticed (again) that I don’t really like being in my man cave so much – it’s not quite comfortable for me and whereas in the living room of our house I feel like I am centred, in my room I feel like I am on the periphery. It’s only a remove of about six metres but it makes all the difference.
I’m having to force myself to go there to get certain things done and figuring out ways to do other things back in the living room without having all my stuff scattered around. This is a compromise of Amy’s return to our home.
Something I learned today?
An avocado is a berry.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I wished Noey a happy holiday as this will be the last time I see her at Utopia until next year.
I bought an onion in the local market and thanked the lady who commented that I spoke good Thai.
I nodded appropriately to the gardener who explained what they would do to our trees though I only caught a few words. I could understand the gist especially when he pointed at some leaves that looked like they were getting eaten by some bug.
I did the washing this morning, hung it out and brought it back in in the evening.
I shampooed Tigger’s head as he is getting the scabs again that he got last year around this time. He wasn’t happy but accepted his fate well enough and of course, went outside as soon as he could and rolled around in the dirt again. He really loves our home.
What changes did I experience this year?
The biggest change has been at home of course, with Amy being back in the house, cleaning up and bossing me around.
Other changes have been more subtle, such as my slow improvement to health and fitness. Also my adjustment in confidence when riding the motorbike since coming off it.
And if I look closely I can see signs of my skin sagging a little around my cheeks and neck as my I struggle with gravity. Even lying down can’t help.
I took this picture because here’s one tree down, and three more tomorrow. It’s going to look so odd for a little while.
Better after arriving at school this morning, the kids cheered me a little.
I struggled a little with getting up and exercising but once I got going it was ok. I ate extra yoghurt for breakfast too as I think that now I’m eating better because of Amy’s cooking I’m not actually eating enough. I seem to be losing weight quite easily; it feels a little too easy. I will try to eat a little extra today but must stick with healthy things.
Today I’m grateful for:
The free time I had today and also finishing early to watch some of the students practising for their sports day events (or just sitting around waiting for instructions and complaining a lot!). The kids are sure happier to spend less time in class.
The best thing about today was:
Some of my old grade 9 students saw me working in the small teacher’s room and came to chat. One of them, August (the girl who likes dance), was curious about what I was doing on my computer.
I was translating one of my lessons about sexual abuse in Thailand into Thai because I will teach it again to my grade 10 class whose English isn’t so good and I want them to understand as much as possible.
As she was reading the Thai translation I was quite happily surprised when she started reading it out in English, doing the translation in her head. She was then curious about the rest of the lesson and I went through it quickly with her, asking for her opinion on what is appropriate behaviour or not.
She had finished the work in her own class, where she was supposed to be and so stayed and asked about what other lessons I was teaching, so I showed her one about relationships, which I had also got translations for and she then helped me find better words for students to understand.
In the end, time was up but she was enjoying helping that she was reluctant to go.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sat and talked with the grade 7 student who reached out to me about mental health. His English is very good, much better than the rest of his class, and as a counterbalance to that, he can’t communicate as well in Thai! This is causing him some problems with making friends in his class.
He is also very thoughtful but sometimes he thinks too much and goes over things again and again. He is, thankfully, quite self-aware.
I gave him some suggestions and feel like he will be able to work things out though I think his abilities will mean that he will always feel a little separate from others.
What am I looking forward to this month?
The thing I look forward to most at the moment is being at school and I think this month will be a lot of fun, with having shorter classes and the kids excited about sport, Christmas and days off.
What is one thing I learned about myself this month?
I learned that I can still keep calm despite the reasonably big stresses of money and visa issues this month. I’ve learned to trust in myself and others and that things will turn out ok. This is a little different to how I might have been five or ten years past.
In Western countries, life can be quite rigid and your posture adapts accordingly. Things need to be known and in order for them to run smoothly.
In Thailand, I’ve learned that things rarely run smoothly but that everyone readily adapts without complaint. I’ve been learning this over the five years I’ve been here so that the problems that have occurred in the last month that might have been stressful before are more manageable now.
I took this picture from a video of the super naughty (and hilarious) KB hamming it up for the camera and her friends after fighting with me about doing work. It’s difficult to get angry with her because she is so funny and she does usually finish things with a push. She is also capable but just immature and lazy right now.
Pretty good and positive but have a little bit of a sore throat which hopefully doesn’t develop further. This morning though it’s hella hot and humid and most of the booths for the Open House are out in the sun and students are dripping sweat from their faces and I’ve sought refuge at House for a couple of hours.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Hokkaido milk ice cream waiting in the new freezer for a refreshing afternoon treat in this dripping melting heat.
The best thing about today was:
The afternoon concert finale to the school Open House when the students let themselves go a little and got a friendly teenage mosh pit going to their favourite songs and as I tried to encourage my shy students to join, my more outgoing students tried to drag me in to join them too. It was an excellent afternoon of happiness and joy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The ferocious mosquitos as the sun sets are a reminder that not everything is great in this paradise. Just as the sun goes down the temperature becomes perfect to enjoy being outside (getting some gardening done, enjoying a meal or just relaxing in a hammock) and all is well and good except for those blood-sucking critters. They do settle down a little about an hour after sunset but they still lurk.
I handled them by acceptance and wildly flailing my arms whilst I was hosing down the bricks outside the kitchen. I came back inside covered in red welts and hope that they fed themselves so fat on my blood that they were too drunk to fly.
Something I learned today?
At breakfast, I learned a little about the post-Beats, the Barbarian Poets and read a cool poem by Julia Vinograd called ‘For The Cafe Babar Poetry Reading’. Later I read about why space telescopes are stationed at the Lagrange point, L2, to block sunlight and orbit at the same speed as Earth due to gravitational pull.
Imagine three things that could go wrong in the next 24 hours.
I could be seriously injured in a car or motorbike crash.
I could be fired from my job.
Amy’s grandmum could pass away.
Being seriously injured would certainly be a drag here in Thailand. If I was conscious I would request to be taken to Bangkok Hospital as I believe the care there would be superior though the cost would match too. There are cheaper options but it’s better not to scrimp when it comes to health. I would hope to get some reading in during a recovery period!
Getting fired would also be a drag of course as I’m really enjoying what I’m doing these days. I think if I couldn’t find another job teaching junior/high school here I would give up and help Amy figure out what we could do here at home.
Amy’s grandmum passing away is likely to happen soon and I can see Amy is already mentally preparing for it. She talked about how her grandmum helped her when she was little and she’s upset to see her confined to a bed and slowly withering away.
This text is a mental preparation for possible futures. Best to be ready for what the world throws at you.
Nong Fern took this action shot because she and her classmates wanted me to dance with them.
The real world is under my nails And all tangled up in my hair Pointing its finger at all my fails And to the successes that I compare
Flocking to spaces our clan created That manic sparkle in our eyes All the struggle adequately compensated With the restocking of new supplies
As the world spins us closer to dying Start thinking highs instead of lows The microcosms in which we’re trying Are the real world that I chose
inspired and choice words borrowed from this post at Spinning Visions
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and positive. I’ve been waking up a little before my alarm more often recently almost as if my body is looking forward to the day. That’s a good feeling.
Today I’m grateful for:
My student Tee, who helped fix other students’ access to use their camera and microphone on their phones so that they could complete the Quiz I asked them to do. Most of the kids’ phones are in Thai so it was difficult for me to help but once I saw he fixed it himself on his phone I recruited him to show others in the class too.
The best thing about today was:
I’m struggling to find a specific thing as the whole day was just pretty damn great!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The three annoying boys in my first class today were better than usual but their bravado upsets me. They think that they are great because they finish quickly but then get upset when I have to tell them they got something wrong and to try again. Today they complied fairly well and showed me a little more respect than normal but after the class was finished found all their empty water bottles scattered over the floor. As I was in a reasonably cheerful mood I cleaned up after them but not before taking a photo and sending it to their homeroom teacher.
A few minutes later I was talking to students in another classroom and the boys turned up trying to get my attention and then dramatically apologising. Though I wasn’t that bothered I felt like they lacked sincerity and pretended to be upset and ignored them and brushed them away. I don’t know if they will learn from this or not.
Something I learned today?
I learned today that it is difficult to teach my students to be specific when answering this very question. They confuse doing with learning, saying things like ‘I learned English ’and I had to tell them to be more specific. Even then when they said they studied modal verbs I asked them about that and they couldn’t really say what they learned. I also had to help them understand that they did not just learn things in school but they are learning from each other all the time. For a ‘thinking school’ sometimes it is difficult to get them to actually do that!
How did I put my words into action?
Last week I found out that Funfai plays tennis every day after school for two hours. She asked me if I would come and play with her.
She’s not my student but we remember each other from four years ago in Primary. She was always friendly and curious and wanted to talk. Now when she sees me around school she comes and stands nearby until I see her. She’s too polite to come and interrupt me, especially if I’m talking to other students.
I’m not sure why she likes me or wants me to play tennis with her.
Anyway, I told her I’d try and come and watch her after school one day, knowing that usually I can’t wait to get home and relax but committing to it made me feel like I shouldn’t let her down, even though she is so respectful that she wouldn’t be bothered.
Going to school this morning with my mind set to do this today, I figured that my last class would finish a little early and I could go and get some food in the city for dinner first.
A small delicious vegan plate at Oasis quelled my hunger and I got to the tennis courts on time and I chatted with Funfai for a few minutes before her coach arrived.
Incidentally one of the other coaches there recognised me from teaching at Anuban a few years ago though I didn’t remember him. He was a teacher there but quit to do coaching.
Funfai and I both felt happy that I had kept my word to come and watch her and she immediately asked me again to play. I had no sports clothes with me but thought about it a little and decided I could easily do it on Friday for 30 minutes before her training starts.
I pinky-promised her though again she said that it was ok if I changed my mind.
I want to prove to myself that I do put my words into action in this way.
How does my body feel right now?
Healthy and fitter. I still have a slight lower back ache, probably from too much lying down at the weekends and my left big toe doesn’t seem to be getting any better but is bearable. The various aching muscles from working out and all improving every day with faster recovery times. I’m keen to keep my exercise routine going as it also aids my mental health.
I took this picture because I wanted to send it to Funfai after watching her play. I was a little far away to get good shots but I liked this one.
Can no resistance be explained? The water surrounds the rocks Doing nothing is still doing something That can’t be explained to the jocks
To pick up the gun is enticing But ultimately is an excuse It’s the escalation required To break through a lasting truce
The wisest study the art of war Their patience is to be admired While the provocateurs will eat themselves Without a single shot being fired
inspired by the titular Bill Hicks bit
Today I’m feeling:
With doing extra exercise in the morning I’ve been falling asleep a little earlier these last couple of nights and with no meals yesterday after breakfast, just snacks, yesterday I woke up tired and sleepy.
I pushed through exercise this morning despite feeling like I could give up. I’m glad I did that. My body feels good and my brain, despite telling me I’m tired, exhausted, sleepy etc, is feeling good too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My little plastic toe separator for my left foot’s big toe, trying to push it back into line and hopefully ease the pain in the main joint. I’ve tried a few others but they have ended up being painful to wear for long periods. This one I can wear all the time (except when wearing shoes).
The best thing about today was:
A sudden feeling in my feet that was free of pain. It was really noticeable though only lasted for a couple of seconds. I will be pleased if this is a sign of moving towards pain-free feet. I know this is an odd thing to list as the best thing but I was shocked when I felt it. In my negative thought mode, I wonder if perhaps my pain receptors are turning off instead!
Something I learned today?
Thaksin came back to Thailand after 15 years in exile and went straight to jail. He’s 74 years old and has health issues and the talk is that he will have to serve 8 years in prison. This all happened on the same day his old political party made a deal with their foes to form a government without the party that won the election earlier this year. There’s something tricky going on for sure!
What am I curious about?
Hmm.. I feel a lot less curious about things these days. As with the quote from the other day, I’m aware that there is so much I don’t know but I’m also not concerned with it either.
Maybe I’m curious about how long I will live and be able to ward off senility and fragility. I’m not really fighting against it but trying to maintain what health I do have. Ultimately it doesn’t matter.
I’m less curious about music these days as I have so much backlogged that it’s overwhelming. If I was still involved in a scene I would be more motivated to keep looking for new things. I kinda miss that but enjoy other things instead.
I’m curious about how I feel when I fly to Australia in October. This will be my first time in Australia for a short holiday, much like we would do every couple of years from Australia to Thailand. I’m not looking forward to the prices though!
I took this picture because it took me a moment to realise what this was from inside the door. This beauty is bigger than my hand.
1994ever 