Tag: helpless

Start To Finish – 4th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Ever since time begun
– You were nothing and no one
– – Born from dirt and sun
– – – This is the beginning

– – – There’s nothing to be done
– – You’re nothing and no one
– There’s nothing to come
This is the end

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – Helpless

Today I’m feeling:

Quiet and confused but more settled throughout the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The end of the holidays!

As often happens I end up deleting lots of things that keep me updated with news from around the world. This time I’ve deleted a lot of subscriptions to reports from the USA or geopolitics that generally involves the USA.  It’s sad and frustrating to watch the wild thrashes of a beast in its death throes so I’m putting out of my sight.

The best thing about today was:

I went out to get some sodas and dropped in to see if Baipad was back home now, which she was and I chatted with her for a few minutes.  

She seemed ok and was glad to be back from her Grandmum’s though as soon as she was back her cat knocked her phone to the floor and broke it!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday’s roller coaster of emotions ended on a sour note, as even though Amy had eventually been happy and grateful and affectionate towards me I couldn’t shake the rest of the bad feelings out and when, as she often does, she drunkenly came to me for sex I calmly said that I wasn’t interested tonight and was annoyed at the fact this only usually happens when she is drunk.  When I’m rebutted in my approaches at other times I will laugh it off and wait for another day.

To be approached when drunk feels insulting to me.  I know I shouldn’t feel like this but it had been a long day for me and I was nowhere near in a loving mood.

And Amy took great umbrage at this and stormed off slamming doors and going to the other bedroom.  I left it for a while and came and asked her back into our bedroom and cuddled her til we both slept.

Although there were no hostilities this morning Amy didn’t want to communicate and so I was as pleasant as I could be and left her to it.  We continued the day quietly without talking further about what happened in particular.  I feel OK but could also feel better.

Something I learned today?

Sydney Swans are top of the table in the AFL after beating GWS and Geelong losing to Melbourne.  It’s a bit of a surprise, to be honest.  The media rarely focus much on the Swans as they have just been a consistent team without flash or bravado and they (the media) focuses on the Melbourne teams for gossip and rivalry.

And Ipswich Town have won their last game of the season to make it back into the Premier League next year.  Wow!

And then double wow, stumbling across a video podcast of interviews with Ipswich legends from my youth.  I watched one episode today with George Burley.  Amazing.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took some candy for Team Utopia.

Titanic Struggle – 13th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 13 Comments

All adrift, clinging to a plank
An act of violence ruptured
The bottom of the boat that sank

All hopeless, no help in icy waters
The push-and-pull unstructured
The cruel winds of heaven tortures

All alone, no kindness heard
Can the heart be healed?
Returned by the comforting word

All afire, broken and impermanent
The future one day revealed
When feet planted on new firmament

dVerse challenge

1st Jun 2024 – Submitted to the Ragtag Daily Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Very good. I pushed through exercise and felt good for it. At school, I comforted ****** as best I could and asked Jan to keep me updated. I feel a little hopeless about helping her and I can imagine she feels even more so.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nut’s Auntie and uncle who came and cleaned up lots of little details around our garden, in particular, pulling the weeds out from the driveway where our purple grass grows.

The best thing about today was:

Hearing from my grade 10 students that the reason that they wanted me to teach them next year is that they feel relaxed in my class and find it fun and more enjoyable than with Thai teachers. I have to wonder what some of their other classes are actually like.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

On arriving home Amy was cleaning Bruno’s high-pressure hose (and seemed to be in a bad mood) and told me he wanted it back. 

I was doubtful about this as he had said to keep it as long as I needed and I still have a few places I’d like to clean up. 

I was also informed that I would have to drive Nut’s Auntie and uncle back to Bruno’s after they had finished which would be soon. 

I didn’t say anything, I hadn’t even got the shopping inside yet. I just accepted my fate and took a quick shower by which time they were ready to go. 

Of course, once we got there, Bruno was surprised to get his machine back already as he knew I hadn’t finished with it, and said to take it back. I hushed him and told him not to worry about it, as it already revealed Amy’s little white lie and I made no complaint. Amy seemed to be in a better mood by then, so all was good as we drove back home again.

Something I learned today?

It has only ever snowed two times in the Sahara. How’s that for some relatively useless information.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Once again offering support to my students struggling with mental health issues.

I took this picture on Sunday morning because this was the same mountain that we were at the top of the afternoon before, rising out of the cool morning mist.