Run away from the zeitgeist I don’t know what’s going on And again once it’s caught up It’s a lifetime on the run
Hiding under self-made shelter Cocooned in homegrown truth It’s no conspiracy theory Or trappings of religious youth
Bored by irrelevant gossip A talk show in every pub The drawbridge to my castle Bars entry into my club
Still sympathetic to the circles Of a society I’m sat outside Deliberately contrarian But sharing my space to hide
Full of personal contradictions To care and not to care I don’t know what I’m doing here Or what you’re doing there
I’m happy inside my castle, in my head, in my home. I welcome others in, especially in sympathy/empathy, but there will always be a time when I will usher them back out in order to be alone again.
Lazy to get up but I’m enjoying the ache in my body from exercise. I’m already reminiscing about the lost time of this holiday despite actually being more productive than last year. I’ve got into the groove of taking it easy and am now feeling anxious about getting busy again in the next couple of weeks. Though I know well that I can deal with it easily enough.
Today I’m grateful for:
A brief small storm at around 7pm that whilst not hanging around for long meant a drop in temperature that even allowed us to turn the aircon off for a while!
The best thing about today was:
Tigger coming for cuddles about 7 or 8 times. He’s getting more affectionate with his age.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t get a chance to read more of my book today as I ended up busy with other things. I did get some comic reading in and a chapter from another book that I delve into every now and then.
Something I learned today?
A US senator was complaining that a bag of steel brackets needed for weaponry was costing 90,000 dollars. A Chinese seller responded offering to sell the same thing for 8 dollars! And the reality is that US Defence spending from Chinese sources has quadrupled over the last few years. So the US military is becoming dependent on parts for war with China that are….made in China!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent Anchan a little more money so that she can get back to Chiang Rai as she is stuck in a village outside Chiang Mai at the moment.
I helped Amy moving around some furniture on the terrace as she wanted to change it up. It looks good and change is good.
Did you do something difficult or challenging today?
Despite the last two days of not enjoying playing guitar I picked it up again for about 20 minutes and was a little happier with my ability.
What are my thoughts on growing older?
In the last couple of years, I’ve enjoyed the wisdom that age has brought me but recently, with the feeling of time disappearing too quickly, I’m pining for the days of boredom I used to endure as a teenager.
Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing? I know it’s just the way of looking at it. Perhaps I am bored now but don’t really know it?
It can’t be helped to wonder about being able to live your life over again but now I have to take a positive attitude with me with what remains.
I took this picture yesterday and along with other garden pictures sent them to Sharon and Rob.
More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.
I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway. Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.
After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.
Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes. My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!
I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.
And also I want to do some study around active listening. I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say! Of course, I may find out the opposite too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The cowman from a couple of doors down.
This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass. On closer inspection, it was cow shit! When did that get there! We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.
I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate. When I got to the gate it was already shut. I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.
The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream. What a lucky guy I am. Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?
Something I learned today?
Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands. In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30. That’s strange! It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world. At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.
Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally. It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’ Sigh.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.
Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again. I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer. I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.
I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?
What goes on in there? Door ajar, window wide Unholy noises emanate Secrets unseen inside
Are there witches Three crone sisters That talk in tongues And hypnotic whispers
A crash and a scream There’s blood supposed Suddenly the doors And window closed
The shadows darken And take their leave Was it just a nightmare That kids believe?
Inspired by the attached picture that reminds me of my own childhood home a little but made me think more of a house that as kids we used to pass sometimes at night and heard all sorts of weird noises coming from. Our childish minds formed ghosts and witches and we would run past as quickly as possible. A few years later and I ended up dating the girl that lived there with her wild and crazy mum and girlfriend and I soon saw for myself what was making all the noise inside. They were bat-shit crazy. It was fun for a while.
A little tired and underwhelmed so far though I’m waiting for my first coffee. I haven’t been sleeping well due to discomfort in my shoulder and struggling to breathe clearly.
Today I’m grateful for:
That the AFL website now has a dedicated page for match replays where the scores are not displayed.
Maybe they had it before but this is season is the first time I’ve found it.
The best thing about today was:
Realising what I can do for my grade 12 classes next year. Last week Australia announced that they are raising the IELTS level for students from 5.5 to 6. Already well above most kids level but as we were talking about it it reminded me of when I was teaching Chinese students online, preparing them for the Speaking exam.
So I figure why not use my class to prepare these kids and go through a different set of IELTS questions, discussing and preparing one week and then attempting the following.
It should be easy enough to find sample questions online again and it will just be a case of wash, rinse, repeat. I love it when an idea comes to me like this because I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with this class.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Today has been pleasantly full. From coffee to immediately getting home and watching the Swans play well to beat Essendon, then straight out for buffet sushi lunch at a place we hadn’t tried before, to visit Cap at the vets and then a little shopping at Makro on the way home, straight into my room to play guitar and then to finally sit and watch some YouTube videos at around 5.30 pm.
I’ve been glad to be on the go for a change as I’ve not been moving my old bones enough for this last week or so and I’m feeling it.
Something I learned today?
I finally found out where to change the setting on my Mac to do a three finger window drag!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Amy hurried me along to not wait around with my morning coffee as I usually do today but thankfully I was up early enough to get back and watch the football with enough time for us to make it to lunch before she started biting my head off.
I’m happiest when …
Listening to music, reading a book, reading a comic, playing with students – when the joy resonates through my body bringing me to a point of savouring.
Anything that triggers this is when I’m happiest and sometimes, if I remind myself, I can activate this feeling at will.
Being that she is someone who Seeing makes me happy, the Snowball’s chance in hell A know-all’s what you are But not everything is about you, Shut up for a minute to Hear the story I tell, Clearly, it’s not about me So you are the one who Go and let me be my Best for all of my friends, Rest your head where you are
A golden shovel using Black Flag’s Jealous Again – “Who the hell are you to tell me who my friends are”, with bonus rhyming first words (mostly). Submitted to Living Poetry’s Monday Poetry Prompt: Green
Today I’m feeling:
Better than yesterday for sure. My throat is still a little itchy and my brain isn’t quite in gear but I have little to do at school today and can relax a lot. Maybe I will even sleep in the dentist’s chair today.
Today I’m grateful for:
My new bridge that fixes my teeth up again until the next crumbling occurs. My mouth feels semi-normal again.
The best thing about today was:
Trying new coffee at Block Booster as Gui is in Japan for a week. The coffee was pretty good and the time flew by way too fast there and all of a sudden I had to rush to be at the dentist, who was predictably, running late.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I ran out of energy in mid-evening and didn’t get to write here or finish any Thai study. Never mind.
What does ‘home’ mean to me?
Home means safety and comfort.
A little more obliquely, home is where my stuff is. I can make a home anywhere.
There was a period of time when, after living at ‘home’ with my mother for twenty-plus years I moved house more than ten times in the space of two years (including moving from the UK to Australia).
Each of those places was home in some small way.
I took this picture because I had to take Amy to get noodles and whilst we were waiting the sun was a deep pink turning burning red through the smoky atmosphere as seen at the end of the soi.
At the flick of the switch There’s no transformation Remaining an ape or beast Change requires dedication No more time to waste If you wish the click to clack When you look at the sun It’s impossible to put it back
Reflecting on our animal nature A broken machine needing self-repair Once burdened by distraction Soon found themselves made it there Feed the mind with thought That keeps on the light Keep quiet and count the days When everything became quite right
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more relaxed after an extra hour’s sleep. Today is teachers’ day (apparently) and a day off from school though we are busy again at the temple. At least I got two Utopian coffees to kick off this morning.
I didn’t feel too hot after lunch and though feeling sleepy couldn’t get into a deep nap state.
Today I’m grateful for:
Whoever made the Thai snack boxes for the funeral ceremony tonight. There were enough left over for me to take some home.
The best thing about today was:
Mostly devoting my time to other people, though at the temple I’m not really doing much because I don’t know the etiquette or what is required but as soon as I’m asked I will do what is needed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At Utopia this morning I couldn’t stop sneezing! I sneezed about fifty times and Nick and Art were worried about me!
Something I learned today?
The top five wealthiest people in the world doubled their wealth last year! Just in one year. I’m guessing that for many others in the world, they halved their wealth. The miracle of trickle-up economics, or should I say flooding-up?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I’ve been a good boy again, doing as I’m told at the temple. I kneeled to the boy monk as I handed him pizza for lunch! Good luck boy monk. Stay off your phone.
Driving twice in and out of the city again despite feeling not 100%. Tired by the afternoon and my sinuses feel uncomfortable.
List 3 good things you have now that you didn’t have five years ago.
I thought that this would be difficult as I haven’t really acquired ‘things’ that much but five years is a long time and I acquired one of the biggest things in people’s lives and that is a home.
This time five years ago our house was built but it hadn’t quite been turned into a home, at least as I feel about it now.
I feel comfortable and safe around our house and neighbourhood and inside is Amy’s playground for decorating. If I thought about it more and knew where to buy things easily and cheaply perhaps I would make a home environment that suits me too but I’m also a little lazy to do that. Mine and Amy’s ideas are not that compatible and I’m happy to defer to her in this instance. Actually, I’m happy to defer to her most of the time.
Five years ago I didn’t have a guitar and that cheap instrument has brought me a lot of pleasure since purchase. I don’t think that a better quality guitar will improve my playing that much so I’m happy with what I’ve got.
The last thing I have is a deeper love. My love and connection with my students has grown so much in this time and it fills me with joy. I wonder where all our futures will take us.
As I was messaging with Baipad, who is in her grandmum’s village for ดำหัวผู้ใหญ่, she told me that her mum told her to send me this picture of them in their traditional Lahu dress. Fatman report
What is to be done once at the mountaintop? Once having surveyed the delights to be seen Can you shout into the valleys till the echoes stop? Telling all who care to wonder where you’ve been
Counting the cost when the afternoon storm arrives There’s no magic lantern to wish you safe and sound Darwin showed us that the smartest one survives Keeping their heads down back home on the ground
Exhausted! But happily so. I had a disrupted sleep with having to deal with the results of the spicy seafood sauce from last night as it got stuck straight into my bowels!
But I got up easily and quickly at 6.30 and we set off biking again soon after. We took a very dodgy detour that took us so far into the unknown, wondering if we’d ever make it back.
In a tiny village tucked in between cornrow hills, an old Auntie and uncle, who seemed a little unaccustomed to Thai, and even more so to two dirty farangs emerging through their dog-infested dirt tracks, helped stave off some thirst and hunger with a grocery of delights hidden in a shack underneath reams of old corrugated iron but do be sure to take off your shoes! Nervous dogs sniffed nervously, on the constant scavenge.
It felt like we were making good time but a breakdown in here would’ve consumed the rest of the day and it wasn’t even 8am yet.
Already shaken from intermittent dodgy rocky roads, it dawned that there was another hour and a half of this ahead!
In most part beautiful but also at times frustratingly shaky, I prayed little Fino could hold itself together.
Today I’m grateful for:
Little Fino performing, as one would reasonably expect any modern piece of expensive motoring machinery, magnificently despite the abuse I brought forth on it over the last two days. I would not be surprised if he sounds a bit cranky in the morning.
The best thing about today was:
Getting to Chiang Rai and familiar surroundings was a welcome feeling. At least if something went wrong here I had some idea of where to head for help.
After our morning wilderness adventure, I told Bruno there was no need to wait for me and we made our way separately North from Lampang.
I took some minor detours and when back into recognisable territory I decided to follow the Mae Lao klong (which was sublime) up past Singha Park and then back off the highway after following cute girls on what must have been their boyfriend’s souped-up motorbikes, that popped so loudly as they flew past fuel tankers whilst desperately clasping their phones in one hand.
Past the prison and up into Mae Yao through the back of Bandu and the university and delivered, finally, to my first coffee of the day back at home in Utopia! That coffee was the best ever!
It was already 2 pm and my ears were still full of wind, my hands shaking from hours of gripping the handlebars, and my eyes and clothes full of smoke and dust. It felt so good to be back home!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Lots of things were out of my control today and I happily went along with everything. I’m pretty easy to please.
Something I learned today?
The ACTUAL axis of evil seems to be the USA, Zionists and…… well, an axis only needs two, doesn’t it?
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Spending a few baht in a village shop to give the locals some income, though I think Bruno actually paid!
In another village where Bruno stopped to stuff himself with som tum, the family there were so tickled to be serving a couple of ‘crackers’ and we happily obliged them with photos, which I hope they print out and put up one day to fade in the dust and sun of posterity.
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
The way I was raised was fine, even great. The circumstances could have been different though. However, because my father died before I even knew him I never knew what it was like to have and lose him. I wonder how much impact that has had on my personality and life in general?
My mum was very liberal with me and I got to make plenty of my own mistakes. I grew up slowly. Like most teenagers, I thought I knew everything and I could fake being mature. My mum generally left me to it.
I took this picture because this is what we spent three hours traversing the back end of beyond to come and see. An emerald lagoon in a sinkhole in the jungle mountains near Lampang. The fish in there are huge and we wondered how they got there. Signs for no swimming, fishing or feeding the fish. There’s nothing else here except for a couple of big trees and once you’ve looked up and then back down again, you’ve seen a big tree. For some reason, the car park seemed to be able to accommodate a fleet of tour buses yet it’s at the end of a dirt track that a tour bus wouldn’t be able to navigate. The shop was on the far side of the car park so when we arrived a lady jumped on her motorbike and came to a makeshift stall next to the lagoon entrance, we happily wandered by on both entry, and fifteen minutes later on exit, and she happily rode her bike back across the car park to the shop. It was only 10 am. Maybe busloads of Koreans swamp the place come the afternoons?
I’ve no comment on what I remember The past is done and gone I don’t understand where I am now It’s not where I belong
And everything that was said Never made a difference anyway But at least I felt better That I had something to say
A thousand slogans were chanted Marching fists into the air rose When everything was said and done Still here the jungle grows
Today I’m feeling:
Happy after a positive day yesterday. With no classes again this morning I could just enjoy the first couple of hours of the Open House entertainment and all the stalls and I actually thought it was good and well done. I realise that I have changed my thoughts and feelings about some things and can see them in a more positive light.
Today I’m grateful for:
My old favourite student Cake, who is now in grade 9 and studying science to become a doctor in the future. She was a favoured student because she always had a positive attitude. She was already reading heavy science books when she was in grade 6.
Today she was managing a booth for her science program and I asked her to tell me all about it. At first, she was worried because she said her English was not as good as it used to be but after a brief consideration she said ‘Ok, let me try!’ and she did, very well.
The booth has the same things every year and I recognised it all from before but I let her do the spiel, including about different teas and their properties after I asked which was good for a headache. She told me and gave me a free teabag to try, which I will sometime when I remember to bring it in from the car.
The best thing about today was:
Only having to be around for a couple of hours this morning and not teaching. Again the kids were all in a great mood and there was a good vibe among everyone. I was tempted to stay longer because I was having such a good time but Amy and I went off to buy a fridge and a fan and we now have a drinks fridge and bar area in the dining room.
Amy is happily making the house into the way she wants to make her feel comfortable. Things are good now but how will they be when the burning starts again and things start to annoy and upset her more. I’m still hopeful she can fill her time with things to take her mind off it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Not a big surprise but I’d been waiting to be paid by TLC and sent a message to my boss who replied that she forgot to tell me that the school deducted my payment as I missed some days last month for my travel. I doubt that very much but like I said it’s not a big surprise really.
Something I learned today?
Today was Kru Jern’s 33rd birthday and after finding out I quickly ran to the cafe to buy a piece of cake for her.
Write about a song that always comforts and understands you.
Most of the songs stuck in my memory were not through comfort and understanding but through depression and perceived adversity. I distinctly remember playing the shit out of the Descendents ‘All’ album and The Dicks ‘These People’ album when trying to deal with the trauma of my first dumping. In a weird way they were my comfort.
There’s many songs that give me goosebumps and maybe Volcano Suns Room With A View understands me. ‘All I want is a second or two to collect my thoughts about you…I sit for hours on end, for hours on end…’
Kru Jern took this picture because Kru Ren and I are both playing dress up here. He is a video game character that I’ve never heard of and I am dressed up as a teacher.
That day of heartbreak set me on a path I learned how easy it was to hurt others And through the maze of time and people It would be my turn to torture ex-lovers
Then it took another decade or two To undo all the hurting done That started with that one broken promise Perhaps long forgotten by some
Now worlds away from each other We all found our way down different paths If we stumbled into each other’s dreams Would they be full of our cries or laughs
Wishing things were different always held us back We never knew better at the time There’s a little piece of you in my head That I promise will always be mine
A better sleep that wasn’t long enough. Pushed through an ab workout that I didn’t want to do. Feeling positive and content though I will stir further into action once I get some coffee, otherwise I could quite easily just fall back to sleep if the opportunity arose.
Today I’m grateful for:
Getting home and finding all my shirts ironed by my lovely wife. I had been putting it off because it’s too hot, even to do it sitting in an air-conditioned room. I’m also grateful to find out today that tomorrow morning there is some event for one of my classes so that I don’t have to teach them.
The best thing about today was:
Amy’s dinner. I came home hungry and Amy knocked up a delicious fake duck chilli jam, Thai basil stir fry that every single spoonful was scintillating down to the last one and even writing about it now is making my mouth water. To top it all Amy went out to meet her friends so I had a chance to bash around on the guitar for an hour or so which made me happy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I fell asleep before writing anything here. Handled by writing this tomorrow morning.
Something I learned today?
I learned that Noey in 2/6 is disliked by most of her classmates although I couldn’t quite figure out why. Jet said it’s because she is lazy and always causes the rest of the class to have to wait for her to finish but I think there are worse offenders of that than Noey.
In general, how do I feel about how my life is going right now?
I think life is going pretty well. I’ve gotten used to the change of rhythm with Amy being back so when she is back in October more permanently it should be fairly easy to settle again. Amy is talking about her business plan so I’m glad to hear that. If that happens it would feel more settled for the future. Our health is reasonably good, our cats are old but in good condition. Our little family is doing okay.
I know yesterday was an old cloud picture day but I took this picture because this looked like it would brew nicely into something that cools down the evening. It was dark and I was playing guitar loudly by the time it hit and Cap ran under cover under the desk at the first peals of thunder and then static crackled through my amp with every flash of lightning. By the time I finished playing the storm was done and any coolness brought didn’t seem to make any difference as the humidity just increased. The rice field was ploughed last weekend and will soon be filled with a sea of green seedlings.
When I walk by the river Do you see what I can see? Catfish jumping, catching cats Elves flying from tree to tree I see elephants tugging boats The waters are dark and deep Fireworks fired from the sun Dreams of which my secrets keep Do you see sparks flying? Feel the love of the farmer’s daughter? Here’s a dose of the real world Found within this water
Perceptions, real or imagined, are all valid.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. No class this morning because of the Japan Day event in the morning so teachers are running around preparing things and students are running around playing cosplay or slinking off to find a quiet place to sleep. I think what they are doing doesn’t teach much but I try to forget that and get into the spirit of it. It’s hot, humid and everyone is sweaty already. My students already asked me to skip class this afternoon but I think we can do a little bit just for fun.
(Later) It was so hot and running around to the temple and the crematorium, back and forth to school all wore me out so I fell in line with the kids and told them the class was cancelled and I came home. As I was driving back a nice storm cleared the air, though I had to quickly get to the gutter to clear all the leaves I found blocking it yesterday. Nothing like an emergency to galvanise one into action. The storm is long gone now though and the sun returned to torture us more.
Today I’m grateful for:
The Hobby coffee shop which Gui recommended me to try as House is closed today as he goes to Bangkok for a coffee festival. The barista at Hobby used to live in Melbourne and his coffee is good but lacked the kick of taste I like. Maybe he has a dark roast I can try when I go back later.
(Later) I’m here now and forgot to ask! Another time. Off to Boom’s funeral.
The best thing about today was:
Amy is about to board her flight to Chiang Rai and in a couple of hours she’ll be back here complaining about how hot it is. It will be good to annoy each other in person again! And kiss, cuddle and comfort too.
(Later) And now I’m at the airport again waiting for her and it doesn’t seem quite real. Everything changes, everything is the same.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Some of my students from the class on Tuesday were grumpy with me because I complained to their homeroom teacher so much. When I ran into them today some couldn’t resist the urge to come and chat and play with me and likewise, I always feel happy to see them, especially outside the classroom. They are good kids just bad students. They’ll figure it out given time and hopefully not too late.
Something I learned today?
A US presidential candidate has called for an end to NATO arguing that it has continually broken its own charter and is making the world a more dangerous place. I did not think it would sell in America but the rest of the world seems to agree.
What are some of my favourite things?
Amy surprised me with a new iPhone so right now that is my favourite thing. Tomorrow it won’t be though. It will just be a phone, a little better than the one I was using before.
Maybe Amy is my favourite thing. Most days.
I took this picture because today is Boom’s funeral and all his biker friends came to the crematorium to see him off. After his body went into the flames they revived their engines and tooted their horns for a minute.
1994ever 