Growing up being told a mystery Was the most interesting thing to be A facade, facing out Where I can keep and claim the real me Trying to make sense of the times Dizzy with the fumes of youth The facade falls down At the telling of a vulnerable truth
It’s started already. I turned off my 8 a.m. alarm and enjoyed dreams of hanging with my students when the pleasure was broken with the scream of ‘AUOOON! Fix this for me please’ Well, good morning! It’s an hour later now, on my second coffee after a cold shower and still I feel not awake.
Today I’m grateful for:
The plumber who came to fix up a few things around our house this morning. He nearly got away without fixing the main issue because Amy told me it was done but when I checked it wasn’t. Back to the frustrations of miscommunications!
The best thing about today was:
Amy making me busy. If she’s not here I will relax the day away, enjoying it but not getting most of the things done that we did today. Most of it is cleaning and tidying which I’m motivated to do in a different time frame to her.
When I went to Utopia I joked with Art about Amy being back, shaking my head and looking up to the heavens. Art said, ‘You prefer to be alone?’ I said ’No, both are ok. It’s just the change that is difficult.’
Besides the plumber coming, the electrician also came and fixed the electric shocks coming from our oven as well as fixing some issues with our cameras. Our home feels slightly less dilapidated now.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Almost everything was out of my control as I submitted myself to Amy’s whims and direction. I did lose my temper in frustration this morning when I couldn’t use my mobile banking app on this new phone and setting it up proved to be impossible without going to an ATM. Frustrating at the time but easily resolved in the end.
Something I learned today?
I watched a few iPhone videos before for tips and tricks to set it up the way I want but stopped watching when I realised my old iPhone 8 couldn’t do a lot of them. Today I was able to catch up.
I took this picture because Amy is back but doesn’t want her picture taken!
There are always days I disagree With all the things that even I believe The human condition Is a contradiction But I’m still blessed to receive
Today I’m feeling:
I woke up hot as the aircon conked out in the middle of the night and for some reason, my hips, back and shoulders were stiff and aching badly. It took me a while to get moving. It wasn’t until later in the morning that I felt more comfortable again. I also found some nice stretches that I hope will help too along with some advice on sleeping positions which may be the root of the problem. I also bought some gym rings earlier this week and today I hung them in the entertainment area so that I can hang from them and get a good whole-body stretch, my poor old wrists willing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Boss at Utopia advising me about an aircon repair shop just in the next building to there. I’m still not good at recognising the shops here. Pictures can be very misleading on buildings as they might just be being used for shade or advertising for another business somewhere else. A lot of shops don’t offer much information on the outside either. Rural Thailand also isn’t the sort of place where you can walk down the street and just check out stores either. Through translation tools and my broken Thai, I managed to arrange for someone to come and check out the aircon tomorrow though later got a message saying it may have to be on another day. I know all these repair people are busy fixing broken aircon everywhere at the moment.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling an improvement in my body from the stretching and hanging. Once my body felt better I felt compelled to be doing things such as a bit of cutting back the crazy vine and some watering in the garden as well as ironing my shirts. I did take an afternoon nap again though only for the duration of one play-through of Yes’s Drama today. I did feel good enough to play some guitar again too. I totally skipped it yesterday.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Aside from taking a nap and my body aches as mentioned there’s nothing that really bothered me today.
Something I learned today?
In Sapiens I was reading about The Problem of Evil and why do bad things happen to good people. If we remove the judgement elements from the sentence and reduce it to ‘why do things happen to people’, the problem disappears.
How am I feeling right now?
I’m in bed now about to read and sleep and I can feel a little ache in my back again and I’m worried I’m going to feel stiff and achy again in the morning. I’ll try to keep the advice about sleep position in my subconscious during the night and hopefully that can help. Mentally I’m feeling pretty good. Did some reading, writing, guitar playing and Thai study to keep my brain moving.
I took this picture because Tigger cries to come into the living room just so he can sit on my shirts that are waiting to be ironed.
Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that. I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.
The best thing about today was:
Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.
Something I learned today?
Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at. I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!
How can I make today amazing?
I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe. Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.
I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.
My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week. Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit. I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there. One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them. It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want. Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.
Every second that passes is paid for with your life Even the smallest moments await your attention You’re not getting back the time you waste each day Are you living for the photo or living with intention?
Today I’m feeling:
A bit more awake and inspired. Amy’s parents were here when I got back from coffee and I could feel the influence of them just being here had on me. It’s a good stress to have to interact with people otherwise I would keep losing that capability. I have to force myself out and confront my considered deficiencies. I am totally happy by myself but also mustn’t completely cut myself off from the world. This is one thing that makes the stress of being around Amy and her giving me tasks, as I mentioned yesterday, appreciate her even if they are things is rather do in my own time. I understand myself and I think Amy understands me too.
Today I’m grateful for:
The apps I mentioned yesterday, reminding me to practice more Thai. I’ve set myself a target to learn the months and hopefully impress Amy ( I know it won’t but it’s something to aim for anyway). The Duo Cards app is pretty good for this task.
The best thing about today was:
Watching the Swans game on the big tv whilst ironing. It looked like we were going to lose against North Melbourne who are one of the worst teams in the competition. It was only an interchange infringement in the last 30 seconds that helped us win by getting a free kick and kicking a goal. A win’s a win but that was a shit showing. Admittedly we are without about six of our top players due to injury. We won’t be playing finals this year.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was due to have the back door fixed this morning after coming back from coffee but then Amy sent a message saying her dad was coming back to do it properly this time. I told her there was no need as I could do it but she insisted which frustrated me a little. I want to feel a little bit useful at least! Eventually, I resigned myself to letting it go and he did come and do a good job which also reminded me of myself as I considered why he didn’t do it properly in the first place and save himself time. But that is something I have done many times and have mostly learned to not make this mistake, depending on the task. As with everything any criticism projected outward should be considered through an inward filter first. We are very capable of highlighting the faults of others before highlighting our own.
Something I learned today?
I’ve been binge-watching the Bad Friends podcast and today I dug a little into Bobby Lee’s break-up with his long-time girlfriend. It is both fascinating gossip and celebrity promotion. They are all narcissistic to some degree (we all are really) and what I found interesting is how people comment on the videos as if they know exactly what is happening in these people’s lives. I sympathise with Bobby Lee somewhat as I think we share some personality traits. Thinking about that more I guess we sympathise with the similar traits we see in others and maybe I excuse or ignore those that we don’t like.
What am I thankful for today?
I’m thankful that Amy’s dad came back to fix the door and her mum did some morning watering. I’m thankful to Noey for doing her best at making me coffee and saying she would buy some milk to practice more, adding ‘just for you’ which made me feel good whether it’s true or not. I’m actually wondering if she might be a good choice for a cat sitter for us. I’ll find out more.
Anchan took this picture on Friday because she was taking a video in the auditorium where all the English Program students were gathered. I asked her if she had a picture of me and Ren together and she sent me the video that I took this capture from. He’s a character for sure and I want to find out more about him.
Everyone’s a life coach these days Selling dopamine for the bucks Hiding behind their plastic smiles Of a thousand nips and tucks
No one is living by their words But knows the right things to say Stuck forever in the idea of living Instead of just living that way
Today I’m feeling:
A little weak and tired from lack of sleep but I got a little motivation after talking with Amy. Sometimes I just need a kick-along and be given a task or a deadline. She’s very good at giving me tasks. I’ve gotten very lazy since she’s been overseas.
Today I’m grateful for:
Inspiration found in different places. Sometimes I struggle to find things to write a poem about but if I’m noticing enough and paying attention to the small things then ideas can be transformed into words in my head and then to paper.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling satisfied with just instant noodles, a little chopped onion and an egg for lunch. Some days it’s enough.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Amy inspired me to take a look at the back door and try and make it usable again and I soon realized I’d need the electric drill to get out the screws her dad had put in. I found it again and was reminded of the fact that our drill is useless. It works for two seconds and then stops and will maybe start again with a jiggle of the battery or fully removing it and slamming back in again. I remembered that this seemed to be the case even after charging the batteries up but I had no choice and will have to try again tomorrow in the hope the batteries are improved after an overnight charge. It’s frustrating because I remember when we first moved here that Amy didn’t trust me to buy a drill and said her dad knew more about these things. I didn’t want a cordless drill figuring we have power outlets all over the place. The drill we ended up with is a pain in the ass and I was getting so frustrated with it this evening that I almost threw it in the field and wanted to drive to the store to get a decent drill instead. Hopefully, I can have the door sorted tomorrow.
Something I learned today?
I learned a bit more Thai after downloading a new app DuoCards. I’ll try and keep some momentum going with studying again.
How did this past week go?
This week has been pleasant. I could go to school and hang out with my students again and come home and chill for most of each day. My new timetable only has me teaching for one hour on Mondays so it’s almost like a three-day weekend
Last night Amy took this picture because she is staying at her boss’s house to take care of this ball of fur. He’s like a massive dog version of Cap! Amy is still a little wary of dogs after Tokyo bit her and this pooch is bigger than her but he seems quite gentle and soft.
Once the walls are escaped And feet touch on new ground A new reality ignites to show That nothing new is found The banging drum is heard afar But the beat remains the same On the horizon new walls to scale In between remains the game
Today I’m feeling:
Positive, almost sincerely happy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s dad who came to fix the back door. Unfortunately, his definition of fixing didn’t quite match ours and he just nailed two bits of wood not just across the door but across the frame too making it unusable. His reasoning was to leave it like that until Amy gets back to find a replacement door. I still need to use the door though! But I’m still grateful he came and tried to help.
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with all the English program students in the morning and having fun with them. At one point Kru Mai introduced all the teachers around the room and when it came to me there was a big cheer around the room from my students which made me feel really good. I also talked a little with the ‘weird’ teacher Ren that I mentioned yesterday and he seems really cool.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I didn’t go to sleep until late last night and also woke up during the night so I ended up snoozing my alarm and skipping any workout. That’s ok. I’m still working my way into my daily workday routine and don’t want to push it.
Amy sent this picture because this was the scene one morning a year or two ago. This year no insects (so far) but also no Kim Chi 😢 Amy and I are still feeling sad about this and it is taking us time to get over, I think because we are not together. When Amy is back in July we can fully grieve and heal.
Another winning goal, another scoring shot A sharing of the soul, a stirring of the pot Climbing the ranks, lightning to the rod Living life with thanks, stepping up to God
The title was taken from a commentator’s proclamation during last weekend’s Sydney vs. Fremantle AFL game as Buddy Franklin scored an important goal after the halftime siren.
Why on earth do you need thanks or recognition for having done the right thing? It’s your job.
Ryan Holiday, Daily Stoic
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I was able to safely get on and off the roof to put down some waterproof tape. Let’s see if it works.
1994ever 