When You Are Ready – 30th January 2024

January 30, 2024May 22, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

I will always hold you up on high
I will be your rock until I die
When you are ready I will never ask you why

I will walk through this field of dreams
I will remind you all is never as it seems
When you are ready you’ll know what it means

I will give you all the love I can give
I will show you how I learned to live
When you are ready you’ll know who to do it with

You will know there’s much to learn
You will teach them respect to earn
When they are ready – it’s their turn

Submitted to #WDYS

Today I’m feeling:

A little bit slow again but I was able to take it pretty easy with my classes today. I was still tired and hungry by the end of the work day though.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last bagel in the freezer that I ate for dinner. Thanks, Nut! It’s probably been in the freezer for more that six months already but, well, that’s what freezers are for, right!?

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that next week is Scout Week again. I initially cheered when David told me but then he reminded me that last year we ended up doing some silly useless tasks (that I decided to enjoy at the time).

Either way – it’s a whole week out of the classroom (again!)

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy called while I was at House saying that she would stay in the city as the new owners of the apartments that Mum sold were having a housewarming party. The plan was for me to pick her up after I finished work, we go home and then I bring her back to get the truck in the morning.

When I got there though Amy was still happily drinking and talking whilst I was tired and hungry and itching to get home. I stayed for a while but when Aun came back from work she offered to bring Amy home later and I quickly agreed that that was a good idea even though I would have to find my own food.

Of course, I could’ve just come straight home after work but I tried not to think about that.

Something I learned today?

Whilst watching Jerry Grey talking about the possibility of war between China and the USA he brought up a point that makes some sense, about who would fight for the USA in a conventional war.

This got me wondering about the fact that so many Americans are in debt and many are also homeless. Is this being done on purpose so that when a serious war might arise the military will be able to easily incentivise joining up as a way for citizens to get back into the black?

Could they be that cynical or is it my own cynical streak coming through?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With writing up old things into this blog I’ve been talking online a little more often with Rich Levine and will also drop an email to Rob again at some point. He still doesn’t use much of this new-fangled technological stuff and only has email.

I did wait fairly patiently for Amy this afternoon. Was it a vile deed to leave when it became convenient? Perhaps, but hunger and tiredness can do that to a man.

My student Nudee stayed back in class after everyone had left and I saw that she was doing some of her own self study with a Kumon workbook. It looked like a very useful study aid for her and she said she has been using them for about three years to improve herself. Later she sent me a message that she had received a certificate from them for being in the top 5% of around 3000 students in Thailand. She was ecstatic and I told her I was proud of her too.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 9. Take More Risks. Don’t be such a wimp.

I think this one would be more appropriate for me ten years ago than today. Though ten years ago I was still big into risks – such as moving to a non-English speaking country to live. These days I’m not so big on the risk taking.

As the body’s inevitable decline edges ever closer I’m not so keen on taking physical risks though I suppose I might get further beyond that at some point and just think ‘fuck it’ such as sky diving when I’m 90 or something.

I suppose I still take some risks with money as I’m still investing in releasing records that I’m not certain I can sell. Those are low-level financial risks balanced by spiritual rewards. I’m not going to sink all my money into trying to make a business out of it now.

Amy is still considering the risk of opening a restaurant in Australia which would easily see us use up all our money and probably go into debt. I’m not so keen on this idea though I will happily support her because I think she could do it well. Whatever happened financially though, the stress levels of pursuing that dream might be enough to make me very unhappy. My mindset would probably change though once this plan was executed.

I guess I’m just happy with my life where it is right now and thinking that I would miss this. Once getting into the maelstrom of something though my survival instincts would likely kick in.

I took these pictures on Sunday because this is where I drove to so that Amy’s mum and dad could leave gifts and give thanks because they had come here before to ask for good luck to sell the apartments and within a month they had sold. I don’t know the reason that they came here or even why these monuments are located here, directly opposite a T-junction.

Ugly Duckling – 4th September 2023

September 4, 2023February 9, 2024 ~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I lied to myself for a long time
I always understood the truth
Under the twisted thoughts of mine
Born of the immaturity of youth

It’s always a struggle, always a fight
To keep the evil demons at bay
Complacency can be found in the light
And the beasts come out to play

Finally, I sought to reject these lies
Because I was slowly killing myself
I broke the bonds of the feeblest ties
And my mind rediscovered its health

Today I’m feeling:

Good and fairly positive. I woke up with a start as my alarm went off implying that I didn’t get enough sleep. I pushed through exercise knowing I was burning up some fat stores as I didn’t eat much at all yesterday, not feeling that hungry, and weighing in under 80kg again today. Throughout the day I was surprised at how well I was feeling and I put it down to the exercise I’ve been doing which inspired me to keep it up.

Today I’m grateful for:

The packet of Tong Garden jumbo raisin medley that I mix with a small packet of party snack mix to add some texture and flavour for a pre-dinner treat.

The best thing about today was:

Being greeted by so many different students, many of whom I didn’t even know, some talking to me about other students in my classes. Everywhere I walk around school students want to talk or at least communicate with me though they can sometimes get cheekily upset when I forget their name, though I might not have spoken to them for three months. I’m slowly starting to find where each little ‘gang’ hangs out at lunchtime so if I’m in the mood and have time I will happily wander around for an hour stopping for chats, play, and sometimes even learning.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning I realised what I’d planned for my class today they had already done, so I quickly threw together a spelling test, 20 words open book and 20 words closed, along with a word search game for each.
I started the class with the word search but it soon became apparent that it was really difficult and was going to take longer than expected. As I wanted to do both word searches and tests in one hour I quickly jumped online and remade the second word search easier. Even with that though we didn’t manage to get everything done.
There are some poor students in the class who really struggle with spelling and a couple that didn’t write anything at all on the second one. I told them that it didn’t matter if they got everything wrong but they must at least try. One student did indeed get every word wrong but I could tell from what she’d written that she was at least listening and trying. That’s what I prefer, especially as opposed to some others who just copied from their friends.

Something I learned today?

I learned that two of my favourite students had a falling out a few weeks ago and I was a little surprised by it at first but on reflection it’s pretty normal for kids this age. I heard both their stories but couldn’t really get to the bottom of it and either way, I still love them both for who they are with me.

In the morning I had been updating blog entries from 1984 and was disparaging towards Rupert with whom I had been friends with just a week or two before and unfriendly a month or two before that. At that time I was a couple of years older than these two students today, which goes to show how immature I was at then despite hearing how mature I seemed from other people.

What do I hope to experience some day?

Sometimes I miss that feeling of excitement and discovery of new love but it’s been so long and I guess I’m somewhat jaded, just by my age, that if the situation ever arises again I doubt the feeling will be the same. Really, I prefer the feeling I have now anyway, of ongoing love, trust and satisfaction.

I’m avoiding the question.

Have I had all my experiences already? I’m barely shocked or surprised at anything these days. I’m appreciative of being appreciated or rewarded with kind words or even awards but they don’t emotionally charge me at all. I feel like I’m just doing what I do.

I guess I could do some thrill-seeking or travelling. But ultimately everything boils down to the same thing. Being in one place is much like being in another.

Okay, I hope to experience continuing happiness with my little Amy wherever we are in the world. I hope I can take my current feeling of contentment with me in whatever is next in my life.