Tag: illness

The New Normal – 30th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 22 Comments

The dream is dead, since the sixties
Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy
Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies
Economic vandals left a peace uneasy

Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace?
Did we ever question what’s going on here?
The grabs for land then returned for lease
The struggle for survival, a punishment severe

Can the decks be cleared with genocide?
The algorithms are running the numbers
There’s no longer a place to hide
And we’re left holding only clunkers

Sign away our lives with disappearing ink
Fingers crossed and handshakes informal
Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink
This is the new normal – abnormal

Submitted to Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Uneasy, Weekend Writing Prompt #378 – Severe (though not 18 words – I always forget that there’s a word limit in Sammi’s prompts!), Monday Poetry Prompt: Abnormal and Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Clunkers. This could also be submitted to dVerse – stormy weather but I already submitted another poem to that.

Today I’m feeling:

Uncertain yet. I slept for about ten hours and could’ve slept more, too. I’m still coughing but it doesn’t feel so much like there’s a hole in my chest.

I’m looking forward to the end of the day already.

(Later) I was a little ill-prepared for my first class, grade 11s doing presentations, as the lesson I had could be completed quickly. 

As this class is fairly lazy, though they didn’t care and spent the rest of the time playing games or sleeping. I did go around engaging them in brief conversations, though. 

The next class were grade 11 too and we did my Scams lesson and it went well and I was particularly happy with Sugus who seems to have been trying harder over the last few weeks. She has improved her English and I made sure to tell her and encourage her.

I dashed off for coffee and caught up with reading at lunchtime before heading back to help the students with the play, cancelling my afternoon grade 8 class.

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Having the freedom to cancel a class and accept the invitation from the students to help them with their play. 

I’m not sure what the teacher in charge really thought about it but she was only there briefly anyway.

The best thing about today was:

Watching my second grade 11 class set to the task that I set them for the final hour of the lesson. They all got to it quickly and would ask me for help and advice when they needed it. 

I guess these kids have matured to the point where they just need pointing in the right direction now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I ended up leaving school later than normal and sent a message to Amy that I’d be running late and she then reminded me that she was going out for dinner, so that I would have to find my own food. 

This meant spending some of what little money I had left this month. What could I do? I have to eat!

Something I learned today?

The last day the students will come to school is the 27th of September. That’s just four more weeks! Time to wind down!

Whilst helping with the play, I discovered that my old student Achang potentially has OCD. There was a part in the play where he should grab another student’s arm but he was really reluctant to do it. 

I thought that it was a cultural thing or just shyness but the other students told me that he will always go and wash his hands and that he has a problem.

He is also supposed to be acting like a smooth-talking player but is lacking confidence in being able to pull it off.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

I spent an extra hour helping with the play and gave them as much as I could, considering that they have to perform it in the next few days. 

They were all very appreciative at the end of the afternoon, though and that made me feel good.

I took this picture of Guitar, Lin and Poppy as they perform this cheerleader routine at the beginning of their play.

Under Some Allegory – 29th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Understanding
Symptoms
Apparent

Under attack
Stirring up trouble
All for a buck

Unseen by most
So obscene when seen
All will not be forgiven

Unbelievable lies proliferate
Social media vacuums
Algorithms of manipulation

Unheard, censored headlines
Smile and be happy
As the world burns around you

Commented here at Mindlovesmisery Menagerie

Today I’m feeling:

Average.  My recent symptoms are sitting there in the background and now I’m just feeling tired.  Phlegm seems to be coming off my chest a little easier now but my lack of energy is begging me to rest or sleep more.

(Evening) During the day I was doing ok but by my last class, I was completely spent and I was glad to get everyone out 30 minutes early.

I’m in bed at 7 pm and will read for a while but I’m not sure how long I will be able to keep my eyes open.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

(Being able to fall asleep before having time to write here!)

The best thing about today was:

Helping Jet and everyone else with their play this afternoon. It was really fun and the kids appreciated my directing them more than their Thai teacher. 

I could see that they were frustrated because they knew there were parts in the play that didn’t make sense but they couldn’t say anything to the teacher about it.

I will try to help them a little more again tomorrow.

I took this picture yesterday because this is the first blue sky for a while, coinciding with our garden being freshly taken care of.

Russian Winter – 28th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

The nesting dolls I keep inside
All are versions of me
The tears spilt alone, I cried
Just so that I could be

Happy to be on my own
Bitterly ostracised
Content just to be alone
Even when criticised

The nesting dolls built belief
It’s only now they start to care
Looking for their own relief
I’m only here because I was there

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

At first, a little better but after getting to school, I just want to sleep. Headache, cough, difficulty breathing, exhausted.

Next, to go and wait at the hospital.

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 6

Today I’m grateful for:

All the nurses who helped me at the hospital today so that despite having to sit around for a while it was easy to know where to go and what to do.  

One nurse accidentally flashed her soft, smooth, tanned (securely bra-ed) breast as she leaned forward and her uniform gaped a little.  I should have said something to her but opted to look away instead.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a fair bit of book reading in. I’m finally at the last chapter of The Decline of the British Empire, which I’ve been reading since January. I’m looking forward to getting back to some fiction.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Waiting at the hospital – number 260 in the queue.  Thankfully, they were already at the 140 mark and were also randomly putting people through.  The delay for me was more connected with waiting for a doctor who could speak English.  

I spent my time catching up with Substack reads.

Something I learned today?

Having read a lot of SubStack stuff I should have learned something today…hmm… I saw some pretty horrendous pictures of Israeli crimes but sadly, that is nothing new these days. 

I did see some information that Starbucks is losing lots of money due to people boycotting it because of its connections to Israel. 

I took this picture because the little one is on a rope now and can’t get into our scrumptious grass anymore. Here they are with mum, next to the fence where the gardeners had dumped all the cuttings.

Living With A Stranger – 27th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

*Sometimes I feel like I’m living with a stranger
I’m talking to myself
The branches hang down to the stream
A tilt to somewhere else
That I don’t know

Words are gathered and turned to stone
Scratch and blow to see old bones
I don’t know why

We keep it tethered, our world unfeathered
We’re out of step, so don’t forget
To keep your ear to the ground

Returning home to meet the stranger
She’s talking to herself
From scratch, she bakes such lovely cakes
But words are somewhere else
That I don’t know

We tilt until the room is feathered
Or blow until the stone is gathered
I don’t know why

I can see her avalanches turn into sharpened branches
To break her bones, so don’t forget
To keep your head to the ground

*Lifted from Three’s Swann Street as are the rhymes and rhythms. Submitted to No Theme Thursday (the two pictures) and The Sunday Whirl Wordle #669. This poem partially reflects on the time with my second wife, Kyoko and how, eventually, our cultural backgrounds couldn’t be overcome.

Today I’m feeling:

Not quite right. Slept early again and woke up a little later, skipping exercise. 

I want to go to the hospital to get checked out and contemplating whether to do it this afternoon or in the morning.

Health:

Physical: 5
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to leave at lunchtime and come home for a nap and a restful evening.

I decided that I would go to the hospital tomorrow and take a day off but then Amy said I should use the health insurance coverage that I get through work, which means going to the hospital in the city. Then Jet messaged me for help with her accent for her play. 

So I guess I’ll clock in in the morning and then see what they say at the hospital and decide then whether to go to school. I’d like to help Jet and I only have an afternoon class, so I could do it if I don’t feel too bad.

The best thing about today was:

Getting to my first class and finding that only half would be there as the others had to attend a meeting. It made for a much more intimate class with only twelve students and was very enjoyable.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

That half my class was missing today made me wonder how to proceed but I figured the best way was to teach the same lesson to the other half next week and let today’s students have free time, which they weren’t going to complain about.

As I was walking to my second class Iphone told me that their morning meeting was about events next week and that the school was closed! Huh!? Another student, Jee,  confirmed it too.

When Kru Tang went by my class a little later, I asked her and she said that she had only just heard about it from another student as well!

I’m used to this by now. Anyway, Monday to Thursday, we are supposed to be teaching online but we all know that that isn’t going to happen!

Something I learned today?

See above.

Black Hole 19 Again – 26th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 9 Comments

Grim-grey, red-crusted eyes shuck open
A dim day where dirty sheets beckon to stay
A vice-like grip holds firm the thoughts
Let slip to stay trapped in false reports

Thick treacled repetition day by day
Unequalled headache, a pacifier
Deep inside, uncoughable gunk sits
Wait and hide for uncontrollable fits

Thick wet air sinks from dark dead sky
To hang there; infect pock-marked lungs
Ventilate oxygen relief, breathe deep to keep
Concentrate belief to dream continued sleep

Written about my struggles with the remnants of a recent second infection of Covid 19.

2nd Sep 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United – letters to our body

Today I’m feeling:

Halfway good. I got up feeling ok and exercise was invigorating but once at school, I felt my energy quickly dwindle. I’m hoping for a good coffee kickstart.

(Later) As I went through the day, I felt pretty good though perhaps having the feeling that my tank was empty. My last classes with the grade 8s were fun if a little chaotic.

I was in a fairly positive mood when I got home but as soon as I got out of the car and into the humid air, I realised that I was running on fumes.

Straight to eat but that didn’t pick me up and I’m showered and ready for bed at 7.30 pm. I still have a lingering headache and cough. I got medicine yesterday for the cough, which seemed to be helping but today the phlegm has just risen up into my throat and made me croaky and squeaky, which had some students laughing at me.

Health:

Physical: 5
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The lady at Banana who helped me with sorting a refund on the USB-C adaptor that I bought last week, which I didn’t end up needing. It may take a month to get back into my account but that’s fine.

The best thing about today was:

Many students hugging me. I’m not sure why they felt the need but there are a few girls who come and hug me. 

It isn’t a sexual thing in any way, as most of them are openly gay. It feels like a comfort for them and some form of affection that they are not receiving at home.

I’m sure I will likely get in trouble at some point, as Thai adults also seem to see the worst in any form of affection and David was warned about it recently, too.

Something I learned today?

Pavel Durov, the owner of Telegram, a generally uncensored social media messaging platform, has been arrested in France and may face charges leading to up to 20 years in prison.

I took this picture because Nomsen and Namsai insisted, as they were making TikTok videos. They had completed their work and were at least fairly quiet for most of the class.

King For A Day – 13th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Arrogance is not self-confidence
The tall poppies will get cut down
A chest swollen with pride will get
Snuffed out, rubbed out into the ground

Because there’s always someone bigger
The kings come and go each day
What is that high opinion hiding?
Always causing offence in this way

Second attempt at writing an 8-line poem about what offends me. I avoided pronouns in this and was trying to put myself into the position of being offended by something but it didn’t quite work out.
Submitted to FOWC – Arrogant

Today I’m feeling:

Really sick. I woke up in the middle of the night, having to run to the bathroom a couple of times. Then after waking up, I had to go again and then threw up too. 

I went to school but decided to come back quickly and got back into bed, getting up again at 5 pm.

Hopefully, I can sleep tonight and feel better tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Royal-D electrolytes and carbon for calming my guts and replacing things that evacuated.

Fear of life – 6th March 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pic: Nick Blinko



My fear of life is necessary to me, as is my illness. Without anxiety and illness, I am a ship without a rudder. My art is grounded in reflections over being different from others. My sufferings are part of my self and my art. They are indistinguishable from me, and their destruction would destroy my art. I want to keep those sufferings.

Edvard Munch

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our wheelbarrow and shovel. They helped me move rocks around Amy’s cactus garden. Sometimes I can’t believe I own a wheelbarrow. All the other components of being grown up seem minor in comparison. A wheelbarrow!

Some say it’s the beginning of the end – 1st December 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 45

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all the technology I am able to use these days. They make life much easier and can simplify boring tasks.
I am so happy and grateful for the sickness that has knocked me on my ass. I slept almost all day yesterday. I still have a bad stomach but feel better today. It reminds me that I’m not immune to getting sick. This is my first illness since last December.