Sketches for my sweetheart (the drunk) – 5th January 2021

We had a 4-day holiday over the new year. For 2021 I have made a half-hearted resolution to play more video games! Last year I rarely played anything at all. In fact, I have many things I could, can and will do but I thought it was amusing to make a resolution often seen as negative.

So for much of this 4-day holiday, I gave myself a backache by playing new games on my old Xbox One.

An exception to this was the evening of the 31st December where Amy and I enjoyed a spicy hot pot with the last packet of sauce my friend Ellen delivered from China last year (or the year before….when was it!?). We also sipped on yoghurt-flavoured shoju but Amy gave up around 11pm. We had watched the Sydney Harbour fireworks at 8pm and that is when Amy considers the new year to have actually started for us, her heart still being there. I carried on building cities and shooting monsters and was up again pretty early the following morning.

On the Saturday a few of Amy’s friends and I got together at a cafe on the way to Mae Sai. It was busy there but we all ate our fill and lazed around, Amy knocking back a few Heineken’s and getting a little louder as she likes to do.

We decided to visit her old friend from Sydney who has a cactus farm nearby and he kindly gave us a couple for Amy’s collection.

We had to stop at a shop on the way home so that Amy could grab another beer and she organized herself to head on into the city for more food and alcohol! My sweetheart the drunk!

I left her to it but she came back much earlier than I expected, mentioning about some of her friends who insist that good luck only comes from going to the temple – something that particularly rubs Amy the wrong way. Amy believes in herself and all good and bad comes from within. Thai people are still very superstitious and like to put blame and benefit on things outside their control. Obviously, I agree with Amy’s point of view but I don’t let other people’s ideas like this rub me the wrong way, though I also don’t have to listen to them complain about their lives either!

Before this holiday I thought I’d like to do something artistic again and started off with sketching. I have more ideas for continuing this than I have time currently available – it could be a battle between sketching or video games. I hope to balance this effectively. So, I was quite happy and proud of my first sketch – just looking up from my little floor table where I was working.


Brain dump

Post-yoga workout, meditate. Thoughts focus on relationships at school and people’s personalities. Stop comparing, you are you and you are fine – you don’t have to be like George or Dylan or anyone. Being yourself is fine.

Tigger cries in the morning. My middle back aches, work on core. 10 Burpee’s was tough! Getting up was tough.

Little Kim sleeps next to my butt. So much time – enjoy it – use it. Feel good. Feel strong.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my body to struggle through doing 10 burpees this morning. It was slow going but I made it. I must carry on.


The best thing that happened today was to watch a student’s face look happy when knowing that they had learned and remembered how to say a word correctly. This always makes me happy.

*Kodak – 4th September 1998

Emails to TLJ

When you lay with your head gentle on my lap last night your beauty rose up to my eyes and I wanted to capture that moment, hold it in my memory forever and lose myself. This is where I want to be, always.


I hope that you don’t need to worry unnecessarily about what your friends think of you, me, us…. You can just tell them you went to the music festival with me and that’s why I was there. They know how much I am into music and how interested you were in that aspect. Hope you have a good day at uni today and sure wish to be seeing you soon.


There’s a part in On The Road where Sal goes to sit on the banks of ‘his beloved” Mississippi leaving Dean and MaryLou at Bull Lee’s place. When he gets there he finds the river fenced off and says ‘When they separate the rivers from the people…then what is the world coming to”. All those years ago JK stood at the Mississippi and then recently JB stood there, where there was no fence and chose to take a fatal dip. Both our revolutionary heroes now gone.

Was wonderful to doze together on Saturday. Come be in my arms again sweet angel. You are the best.

*Sunshine – 20th August 1998

Email with TLJ

S: Sweetheart. Sorry I couldn’t talk earlier – too many people around. I’m real tired too. Gotta clean out my car tonight – first time for everything. I feel good for not drinking you know! Still feel like a Gin and Tonic though. Miss you – love ya baby.
Shauny

T: i’m in at uni already – i should work more on the report, but i’m not really sure what they want. Anyway, about my dream. I think we were at sean’s place with lisa and craig and this other couple and one more guy.
Anyway, we were just sitting around talking but i think i had to go somewhere. You kept kissing me and i felt a bit uncomfortable about that. Anway, when i came back i invited everyone to your place for your birthday and said we could have cheese rolls and salad – and whatever else you vegetarians eat! but i’m not really sure if your friends wanted to come, so i was a bit embarassed after that. what do you think it means?

S: This simply means you love me and want my children – which is understandable of course. You always get some food into your dreams, don’t you?

T: on my wallpaper now, i have a beautiful picture of jeff buckley. It says
“Jeff Buckley – A heart full of Music A soul filled with Grace. We will miss you”. A bit corny maybe, but a beautiful sentiment.

S: What – no picture of me? I have some scanned pictures of me – should I send them to you – you can view jpegs right? I can’t find my photos of us together – I wanna get a picture of you and play with it! Bring me some photos will you (oh, I just remembered where they are!)

T: Anyway, i don’t know if our data systems design is right – i found some mistakes last night but was too tired to think. Anyway, may get back to it.

S: You’re one smart cookie – hope you can fix it up. How are the other groups going?

T :Are you still going for a massage? tell me about your day – hope it’s good.

S: Really want a massage so I’m gonna hafta borrow some cash off my mum and pqay it back when I get paid. the day’s OK – but my wrists are sore and my neck is sore and my feet smell. If you wanna meet me at the physio tonight I can drop you home. Otherwise I’ll call you later tonight – don’t forget South Park. Hope your day is good too sweety. Man the summer sun sure is inspiring.

T: Love you babe, tlj

S: You too angel
“If you found everyone responsible, and hung them from the highest trees – would you have enough trees?”

T: would love to meet you at the physio now i know where it is. anyway, don’t think i’d like you “playing” with photos of me, so no – i won’t show you any.

S: Yeah, but now I remember where the photos are that I have already – expect a physically altered tracca soon! I could make you look beautiful! (how could you be more beautiful..?)

T: If it’s going to be too hard to meet me, don’t bother.

S: It’s easy for me cos I’ll be laid down getting treatment – it’s only if it’s easy for you.

T: Otherwise, give me a time and a place.

S: Right here – right now baby!

T: went to john colville to get a reference from comp prac, but i never see him around and it’s so late in the semester.

S: Keep hassling – mail him – do whatever…

T: mail me please.

S: I’ll think about it.

T: 5:45 – 6pm at the physio? meet you there – that ok with you?

S: Yes – meet me there.

T: getting a bit of a headache.

S: Want me to rub yr temples?

T: dad gave me $50 to get the rest of my textbooks, but i gave it back cause i didn’t want to carry it around. now i’m afraid he’ll gamble it all.

S: Bye bye fifty dollars…

T: anyway, we’re not celebrating dad’s birthday this friday or wednesday, or ever i suppose, because he wants to go the casino on Friday with his friends and relos etc. anyway, what are you planning?

S: Seeing you of course!!

T: maybe i could see you if we’re both free.

S: Yeah sure – we have to do something that doesn’t cost too much though – sorry – I gotta look after the pennies for a little while. so we can have a big summer together!)

T: was speaking to caroline and mel about the project. caroline’s boyfriend only gets to see her on the weekend just about, so he’s pretty sick of her working on the weekends. I told them i wanted to go to the art gallery with my friend because he wanted to see the japanese art exhibition. i’ll see if i can get out next weekend, but i might be having a violin lesson (i didn’t have one saturday, since he was bogged down in ballarat) and i think it’s father’s day on sunday – i’m not sure though. but maybe you should go if I’m busy.

S: No no – we go together!!!

T: how are you celebrating father’s day baby?

S: With you?

T: thanks for going shopping with me yesterday. You made me feel good about buying the dress.

S: It was fun. You looked beautiful in the dress – let me tell you.

T: see ya maybe this afternoon? tlj

S: Absorutery, Shaun

*Make up – 18th August 1998

Email with TLJ

T: with a cherry on top – I love you – truly, madly, deeply – you seen that movie? it’s pretty good.

S: Not sure – don’t think so…

T: Just finished typing in everybody’s timesheet details into a spreadsheet only i don’t know how i should set it up.
Anyway, finally remembered what i was gonna say to you after you got the milk at the corner store but forgot when you came back – i was just gonna say that when Notorious BIT (topdeq, ice-D, Futang et al) have their meeting, Sue-pergroove and hammerDogg (jeff) sit at the front because they’re the project leaders. I was just gonna say how i’d absolutely hate the project leaders actually displaying their leadership, but remembered that our project leaders do that as well (but not as obviously).

S: Power always goes to the head and initiates the search for more power and so on…

T: oh well, we’ll never make it to the top will we.

S: It depends on how you look at it. we could already be at the top (of what we want) other people just want more and go further than we have – but happiness is more important – wherever you are. Us, together, we are at the top, sweety.

T: we just have to work harder and give them all the glory.

S: Yes, this is the thing that shits us below – where we were happy the people above seek to make us unhappy to make themselves feel better – arseholes!

T: i hate project leaders as a rule. don’t become a project leader babe, cause then i’ll want a divorce.

S: There are good leaders too I’m sure. (Ok, I haven’t met one either…)

T: saw Sandie’s snow photos the other day, and all her friends. they all got on really well (except for Jackie’s friend and her boyfriend who were real tight-arse)

S: What’s the goss?

T: and are planning a summer getaway. i really want to get away with friends as well. my school friends (laura and michelle etc) wanted to go to the Hunter Valley this winter, but i guess none of us really had the time. also wanted to go to the central coast for the summer – but I forgot i might be going to Taiwan. also, everyone seems to be going their
separate ways for the summer hols

S: I think that is kinda what happens after leaving school and those close relationships kinda disperse. I hope you keep close with your friends – they are very important – I realised this myself, after losing most of my friends. I’m still kinda jealous of you you know! I wish we could go away. We have to one day all right?

T: like Thailand and stuff. actually, i’m not so sure i would want to go to Thailand anyway – not yet, cause I wouldn’t want to go with Laura and Gerard’s friends – don’t think that much of them – they’re very elitist – Laura doesn’t think much of them either. we refer to them as the ASM – Asian Supremacist Movement. ok, so it’s very immature i hear you say.

S: She must like Gerard a lot…

T: Mich rang last night. she’s going to return my Jeff Buckley video this afternoon cause i’m meeting her at markets.

S: I don’t think you ever told me about a Jeff Buckley video did you (but then you know what my memory is like)

T: only prob – i haven’t got her the rest of her b’day present yet. there’s also a free BBQ as part of union week here at the uni. so i don’t think it’ll be hard convincing the fellas doing SDD to take a lunch break (you should see the size of some of
them). Dan was saying how much Yuri likes crackling (so do i) and how Trent just eats hot dogs). anyway, it beats Bar Broadway for lunch. told Mich if she wanted Jeff Buckley dubbed, i would try. do you think you could set up your video to dub, or would that require another power socket that you don’t have?

S: Call me Chief Dubber MC Hemsley. Course I can. Just gotta find the leads and set it up.

T: had great fun with you and Hayden yesterday – he’s a real groovy babe.

S: Hey, what about me???? We both had fun with you too. Thanks for taking the time to hang out.

T: was good to see you parenting as well – that’s another side of you I haven’t seen before

S: What did you think? Am I too slack or too overbearing. I like to let him explore things and figure out for himself what is good and bad. I think it’s cool to let him run around looking at things where other folks like to keep their kids on a tight leash. Let’s face it they really can’t do much harm and it’s fun to watch them open up cupboards in Grace Brothers or pull things off shelves. Wasn’t he cute when I would say Let’s Go and he would say it too!

T: except when you father me!

S: Sorry if I was bossy with you yesterday. It’s pretty important that HJ has his routine of an afternoon sleep – you saw how tired he was.

T: are you seeing him tonight?

S: No, but I saw him asleep last night – he was cuddling Winnie the Pooh as he didn’t have pillow and snuggler. Can’t wait for him to come back.

T: send him my love.

S: I think he felt it yesterday – thanks again.

T: anyway, if you have reached the end of this email, i’m very sorry it was so long.

S: At last a long email from you…

T: i just had plenty of time to kill and nothing much to say.

S: You’re fun, you’re the best…

T: anyway, i hope this makes up for all the mails i haven’t sent and for the rest of the week.

S: Er, no it doesn’t!!

T: love to you baby, tlj

S: And to you too sweet angel

*Thanks gorgeous – 6th August 1998

Email with TLJ

T: …for seeing me yesterday

S: Let’s do it again.

T: and for jeff

S: Anytime – anytime – anything for you!

T: i picked him up from Revolver this morning and didn’t really have too much trouble convincing them that i was
the great Shaun Hemsley in person

S: But you are nowhere near as great as me! (Actually, you are much better..)

T: or at least convincing them that I slept with you!!!!! ha!

S: Yeah – they know me pretty well and my passion for ‘young Asian birds’!

T: but now i’ll be going to sleep with jeff.

S: Oh well – should I tell you who I’m sleeping with…

T: just saw notlih and he told me what you told me last night about seeing you.

S: Yeah, yeah – we got our stories straight so you’ll never know what we actually did…

T: actually, the guy at Revolver was having a bit of a domestic with his gal (got quite ugly – i was feeling very intrusive) – so he wasn’t really interested in who i was – he didn’t even ask! just handed it to me.

S: I think he was shy of your outstanding beauty.

T: by the way, how come you didn’t return my call!

S: Fell asleep in a meeting..

T: still taking me home tonight?

S: Absorutely

T: gotto go to my meeting now. love ya babe, tlj