This world’s so mixed up everywhere you go – 26th May 2021

We’re ten rounds in to the Australia Rules Football season and as my team, Sydney Swans, is doing better this year than the last couple, I look forward to the weekends when I can catch up with the game. I can’t afford to watch the games live anymore and have to wait the following day to watch the (free) replay, meanwhile doing whatever I can to avoid seeing the result anywhere, which is not always easy.

One player in the team is Nick Blakey and he cuts an unusual figure, tall, skinny and shoulders that seem to fall away from his neck down to his elbows. His odd gait when he is running has earned him the, hopefully lighthearted, nickname of the Lizard. Once hearing this, it is impossible not to see a Jesus lizard scampering across water when he goes tearing off down field.

Nick Blakey, trying to shrug his shoulders.

So, anyway, the word Lizard has been on my mind and I will probably listen to the Jesus Lizard when I get home tonight. And, yesterday, the blue headed beauty in the main picture above blocked my exit from the car park, and luckily didn’t run away until I’d gotten out and taken a photo.

The little lizard below often greets me on the stone pillar of our gate when I get home. He’s got some cute symmetrical markings. His many, many brothers and sisters leave piles of black turds around the floor and counter edges throughout our house. And sometimes our cats deliver us some mid sized lizards that manage to escape their jaws and scitter off under the fridge or washing machine, only to appear later, high up on the screen doors frustrated that they can’t get out.

Nothing beats that time Amy, barefoot, trod on a huge dead gecko that, presumably, Tigger had left as a present in the dining room. I say presumably Tigger as this lizard was as big as Kim Chi and Cappuccino is too dumb to catch anything that size. Amy hates geckos with a passion but I think they’re beautiful – not that I want to touch it. Her scream range out across the valley and I’m surprised the police didn’t come.


Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to go on a long drive today and get out of home. It was a struggle.

Your house is falling down (The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #67 – Frightened and Scared) – 4th December 2020

This one is not a morning scribble but at night and I want to get some thoughts out before I try to meditate which I didn’t do for a few weeks and I can feel my head whirling, whirling.

Step out, step out! Nothing lasts forever. Step out, step out – demolition – look at it fall down.

Distraction. Music is a distraction and I love it. I love my room – my room from youth and now I return – here in my room. No window, ceiling or floor!

Music, music, music. People in and out. Relationships, people – why do I find it so difficult?

Never mind, I think I’m okay. I’m fine I don’t need to find excuses. Inside my head is okay – when I’m feeling okay – I don’t need anything or anyone – except my one true friend. I love Amy very deeply I’m a little scared if anything happens between us but I know I’ll be okay. Everything is always okay. The world spins. And all those cliches. But anyway – it’s not something I think about really – not something likely to happen as far as I know. Out, out, out, you fleeting thoughts – settle down and breathe deep.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to each of my students for the different ways they make me think. It’s a nice challenge to everything.

Imagine a world where children are not sexually harassed by their teachers…

Now listen…..

This week there’s music from The Nubs, The Sawtooth Grin, Jesus Lizard, Theatre of Hate, Spermicide, Gelbart, Abali, Esmectatons, Radio Myanmar, Big Black, Secret Chiefs 3, Miss Madeline, George Danquah, Karate and OMFO.

Incidentals taken from the Church of the Sub Genius Hour of Slack.
Listen right here or Podbean, Stitcher, Apple, Amazon…..all those cool places I guess.

https://www.facebook.com/The-Chiang-Rai-Alternative-Hour-107307097314670/ (the Facebook page got hijacked!)

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #06 – 5th October 2019

Music from Faun Fables, Ruins, Unrest, Minibeast, The Deviants, Deerhoof, The Clarendonians, The Mekons, Radio Thailand, The Solid State, NoHayBandaTrio, Joe Strummer, The Jesus Lizard, Martin Cure and the Peeps and Iowa Beef Experience.


Woke up with the sun and again I’m already mentally preparing for my classes next semester. It’s good but could probably turn it down a bit!

It’s only 7am and I already achieved a small thing for today. I went for an early morning walk around the village. A lot of aunties around already selling their veggies and meats. They were all happily curious, as was I. I should try some conversation next time.

Today I will try to remember that life is brief and can be taken away at any time.

I love watching my cats around the house and garden. How lucky we are to be here together.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to watch the sunrise as I walked around the village this morning. Smiling monks, curious aunties, playful dogs, foggy fields.

I leave my home, I leave it in the care of a friend – 30th January 2018

Hoo-ee!  I woke up yesterday morning after 16-20 hours of restless sleep, through 42-degree heat, though a cool change was in the air, it hadn’t quite made it to the upstairs in our new house.  I was totally betwattled.

Even the first coffee was no cure and I lurched around the supermarket uncertain why exactly I was there.  I figured it out in the end and shopping done I contemplated going back to sleep again.  The second coffee finally kicked me into gear but I had nothing to do except some reading and waiting for the man to come and give us internet again.  I stayed awake with both fans blasting and kids shouting in their backyard, perhaps hunting the floppy-eared white rabbit I saw hopping down the street earlier.

In fact, by the time evening came round I was no longer sleepy, contemplating security in our new house and a message I got from my cousin Sharon, that my mother was sick again and back in the hospital.  I got to sleep what felt like just a couple of minutes before my alarm went off and here I am back at work again, dopey-eyed with spinning stars.

My mother suffers from COPD, basically what emphysema develops into.  She needs oxygen all the time now and gets chest infections very easily which knock her down.  The infections are usually fixed with a course of antibiotics but consistently return when they are finished.  It’s been like this for the last 12 months or so.

She finally had to leave her home and now lives in a nice care home.  She was sad to leave and lose the independence she loved but she understands she couldn’t go on there anymore as she needs fairly constant monitoring.  The sale of the house should cover her care home expenses for a few years.

Being a practical sort, my mother often told me not to return to the UK for her funeral as it is a waste of money.  Amy and Sharon have both asked me if I want to go and visit but, practically, there isn’t much I can do for her, she will feel upset that I spent a lot of money to visit and I think she doesn’t want me to see her so invalid.  She has always been so strong.

She has a Do Not Resuscitate order in place, saying she doesn’t want to hang around suffering and just being kept alive for the sake of it.  She saw that happen with her sister.  I hope she’s not suffering.

I did go and visit her about 18 months ago after she was taken to hospital for the first time.  She was still able to do things to take care of herself at that time and it was really nice to be able to sit back and relax in my old family home, just chat and watch TV.  I actually enjoyed being back in the UK, it was the tail end of summer so some days were comfortably warm but it was also nice to feel that clean English chill in the air some nights.  These are memories I would like to keep of the last time to see my mother.  Somewhat selfish I know.

My mother’s sickness it most likely smoking-related, though she quit about 20 years ago already, she had smoked for about 20 years before that.  With cigarettes always around I soon started pinching some and the few times she caught me smoking she couldn’t really say anything to deter me.  I finally stopped smoking myself when my son was born.  My own father died of smoking-related lung cancer before I was two years old.

*You’ve got great eyes – 15th July 1998

Email to TLJ

“Oh man, you’ve got great eyes” – Jesus Lizard
“Post future reality – it’s a real surreal world” – Inner City Unit
“AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH” – Carmageddon

Just the things that’r popping into ma head right now LL! Better than SQL. Wuz thinking we could go out somewhere sometime, movie, theatre, art gallery or some such but yr such a busy thing and then you’ll be back at uni and not allowed out again. Mebbe a weekend sometime – and we have to have our video eve somewhen too (that’s making em – not watchen em!). And there’s the World Cup Final too – you renegeing on that one as well. You break yr plans – I’ll break yr butt! talking of which I read an interesting article on Advanced A*** techniques (for both of us) Will you read it with me – I’d like to know what you think – maybe we can do that stuff – if we do it right (and better) and it’s nice. Hope no one’s looking over yr shoulder!! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH” – “My love explodes all over the world – for you, yes you!” Me 2 U bebbe!

You can’t expect too much from two braindead brickheads – 2nd November 1994

Pic: Lawnsmell at Phantom Records 1997

These entries are a bit less frequent for two reasons, two opposite reasons. First is that we’re pretty damn busy doing crucial things like sorting our lives out! Second is that we’re not doing much, like in particular, like nothing really worth writing about. Occasionally, I’ll think of things that would be cool to write but it’s usually at a time when I don’t get chance to write it down and my memory, better it is getting, but it’s so jam packed with things, new things, new learning processes, that I inevitably don’t remember.

Something I do remember though is going to sleep a couple of nights ago, there was a big thunder storm, Libby came over with Reg and Gough, we walked them back up to the railway station and stood at the park, on the hill, waiting for the train and watched the huge swirling masses of grey thick air meeting with the light delicate coastal air and the clouds made faces like the gods that were controlling them, all this happening right within our eyesight about a mile away, great shots of lightning burst across the sky or down to the ground in a spectacular style, big drops of rain fell but only a few lonely globs of wet, it did rain hard after we got in and the fireworks had finished, though about an hour later another rip of darkness came over with some more shorter bursts of fire. It fell dark and the air smelt dank and musty and powerful.

So after all this and later when we was dropping off into that land of madness, it was deadly silent, no wind rushing through the huge gums outside our window, no bow and creek of the wood in the sway and no footsteps and no cars, no airplanes coming into land, no goods trains running through the station, no sound and I started to wonder if outside was still there and if it still existed and where it may have gone, I wondered if the hall outside the bedroom door was still there, if we were trapped inside this room like a strange Tardis, where would we wake, hmm I fell asleep soon and forgot about it until now.

And today has been a good day, with the pursuit of information about a college type course in computing, a mad fuckin’ Englishman gave us details in his own peculiar manner, he couldn’t stop his mouth and couldn’t stop his brain, listening to all the conversations going on around him and putting in his own two-penneth worth, interrupting his conversation with us or whoever he was talking to, he was keeping three of us going at once on the counter at the information desk, mad chatterbox, organiser, know all, friendly type weirdo, we ran out and laughed our heads off.

From there I went to the city to introduce myself to a guy called Joolz, or maybe Jules, or I guess even Jewels, who runs the record shop Phantom Records, and he was a sound bloke with lots of interesting stories and information and I asked him to let me know if there was any openings in the shop in the future.

You know there was lots of other stuff in between like walking through the city and getting on the train and stuff but it’s starting to feel a lot more normal to me now and not worth mentioning, like I would never used to write about work because even though it was half interesting to me when I was there, like the internal politics, it’s not something I’d want to look back on in years to come and think about for a second time, it would be cool if i can get into some job that is interesting to write about and remember in my twilight, here’s hoping. (or maybe I’ll just do some job that earns me enough money to take the time to go off and do interesting things -ha ha the catch 22 of life and work).

And yesterday I sat and read a book from start to finish, man, lazy old day, cool, man.

Reading Festival – 28th August 1994

8th January 2024 – Rich, I remember, was talking up Archers of Loaf but I didn’t know who they were at the time. He was also into Scrawl so he was already in the tent hanging out in the afternoon. I dug The Jesus Lizard on the main stage and correctly guessed that it would be less than a minute before David Yow had jumped into the audience where he may have remained for the whole set. Did I stay for Helmet? I should have. Watching bands on the main stage of a festival wasn’t fun for me anymore though. I was already preferring the more intimate surroundings of small/no stages in unusual places.

I didn’t bother with Rollins Band in the evening and enjoyed a final day of being with friends again.