“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
Shared with Reena’s Xploration Challenge #380 for the prompt ‘Who will read my diary?” I read through other people’s writing for the prompt and considered all the further questions raised from this initial one. It led to a more stream-of-consciousness write this time, perhaps because my own thoughts are not so clear yet. Who will even read this explanation?
Today I’m feeling:
Reasonable. I’d like to go for a bike ride but it’s so hot with high UV plus the air is still a little hazy so views from up the mountains aren’t so clear. I feel like these April holidays are kinda useless.
Today I’m grateful for:
The step ladder that I use around the garden. Today, to cut back the vine and fold back part of the roof that got messed up in the last storm. It seemed urgent as the skies darkened and distant rumbling approached but then just as quick the clouds disappeared and bright a scorching sun came out. Looks like I’ll have to water again this afternoon.
The best thing about today was:
The neighbour’s kids all came into the driveway to ride their bikes whilst I was watering the garden and they all laughed and played when I sprayed them with water. They’re all between 6 and 9 years old. Full of life and energy, full of hope.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Came back for morning coffee to find that Cap had thrown up on my old 1984 diary and songbook. Perhaps not too much damage, though a lot of the diary was written in tiny felt tip which is already hard enough to read so there may be even more illegible writing there to strain my eyes. What can I do? It’s one of the reasons I’m working to get all this digitised as quickly as I can.
Something I learned today?
The 2nd biggest bank in the US has gone under. I don’t really know what this means, like what happens next or why it happened in the first place but it seems to be occurring often right now.
What has keeping a journal taught me?
As a daily habit, it has helped me get thoughts out of my head, whether good or bad and into paper. When I review these over time they give me an idea of my long-term growth.
Today I’m feeling:
Ok, though a little out of sorts
Today I’m grateful for:
All the staff at the hospital that pointed me in the right direction to find Mee. Despite language barriers, we could work things out with some words and pointing.
The best thing about today was:
The best thing today was watching Nong Fah helping Nong Ninja with his reading. She comforted him and helped him with some words. It was so sweet to watch and I was very impressed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Getting a message from Mee from the hospital that she tried to kill herself last night was a bit of a shock. She had talked about her problems with me before but I was hoping she wouldn’t go this far. I think it was a cry for better attention from her family but it’s difficult for me to fully understand her situation.
I went to the hospital to see her and was happy to see her friend Petch there with her. I didn’t really know what to say though. It is hard to express the knowledge that life is long and can easily change for the better in the future. She really needs professional counselling but I’m not sure how easy that is for her to access.
Something I learned today?
It’s not ‘feed a cold, starve a fever’ but ‘feed a cold and a fever’ and whatever, drink lots of water.
What do I enjoy about keeping a journal?
It’s good to get stuff out of one’s head by getting it down on paper. The main thing I enjoy though is looking back at things that were going through my head previously and noticing if I’ve managed to grow and move on since.
I took this picture because as I was walking down the street these blooms stood out against the smoky grey skies.
I received a photo from Mee this morning showing her in hospital and when I asked her what happened she said she tried to kill herself by taking an overdose of pills. I’m not sure how seriously she wanted to die though she’s talked about it before, or if she really just wants to wake her family up to her mental health problems.
From what she told me before, the medicine she is taking isn’t working and I had advised her to talk with her psychiatrist about changing it.
Anyway, after my class I went on a search of the hospital and found her. Her aunt was sitting with her and Petch was also there comforting her in bed. Mee was still groggy and in pain and obviously, we have difficulty talking because of our language skills but I wanted her to know that I cared about her and to see that other people care about her. I asked her not to leave us and hoped she’d feel better soon. There wasn’t much else to say so I left, hoping she appreciates my visit.
I messaged her later telling her I would visit again tomorrow and let me know if she wanted anything.
The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.
From To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
The second pharmacy I tried that sold me tramadol at a reasonable price compared to the first that wanted almost 3 times as much. It reminded me of the time the same thing that happened in Chiang Mai. Shop around.
The best thing about today was:
Going to Coffee U for my morning hit. Gui at House suggested going there as it is a friend he trained in Bangkok who runs it. The coffee wasn’t amazing but did the job. Sitting outside was a foreign girl and her small dog. The dog was really pretty so I went and petted her and talked to the girl who sounded east European perhaps. She said the dog was just 5 months old and a cross German Shepherd and random Thai but that she was super friendly and relaxed and was cool with cats and kids. That’s the type of dog I’d like. One day maybe.
Also driving around to different parts of Phuket and just relaxing back into it as the maelstrom of Amy, Fern, Pim and Harper spins around me. I’m just the driver so I do my job, enjoying what I can. I ask few questions and just take them where they wish.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I was kind of interested to go to a bookshop today but it was too late by the time we’d finished running around. It would’ve been nice to have done something I wanted to do but it’s not that big a deal. I might get a chance tomorrow…and then again I might not.
What types of journals do you like to keep?
I’ve been keeping things all over the place. In notebooks and online. I’m starting to dig Day One as a journal on my phone as it also has some interesting prompts. I may pay to upgrade and use its speech-to-text ability rather than writing, especially as I end up putting everything online, it’s easier to just cut and paste.
Woke up this morning feeling pretty damn good. Perhaps due to the bowl of veggies and potatoes I ate for lunch yesterday? I should be trying to fill up on veggies whenever I can. A lot of food shops here skimp on them.
Hayden woke me this morning to wish me a happy birthday and he seems in a pretty good state of mind too. There’s hope for the Hemsleys yet!
For lunch, we’ll go to Amy’s parents and I may even indulge in a little alcohol and be prepared to write off tomorrow and maybe even Friday too! I still don’t have the taste for it, though a whiskey for these cooler nights might be OK.
So, we got a week off school (as our semester break) and annoyingly I’m not feeling too good. Still a little tired, dodgy stomach and generally feeling unexcited. It’s annoying because the temperature is very nice; it’s cool and sunny. I know the days should feel good but I just feel flat.
The fried chicken stand roars each morning
Burning oil since the early dawning
You know it’s bad – ‘But it’s delicious’
There’s things inside so suspicious
Feel your organs, pumping, throbbing
As arteries are slowly clogging
The chicken man holds a scythe
Death comes along to claim his tithe
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to have this little book to write my notes in. I prefer to write with pen and paper rather than using an app.
Mid-August – up-and-down. Nice dreams last night but can’t remember at all now.
Yesterday went well. Today has six hours teaching but I hope it will be fun – it’s Friday so it should be okay.
Kimchi is with me protecting me at the door. Take journal back inside because I haven’t been writing it. Don’t really know why.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my busy Friday teaching for 6 hours. It makes me happy to see kids learning.
What purchase of less than $100 has most positively impacted you in the last six months?
Well, it took me a while to realise such an obvious answer but it would be these journal books I write in and the pens to write with.
Starting this process after a traumatic experience has had such a positive effect on me and I hope that I can maintain this if and when more bad experiences come along. When I think about writing I realise I was doing this all the time when I was younger – working out my thoughts and feelings into lyrics and poems and sometimes diaries.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to my 3 wives for all the different experiences they opened me up to. This journey was made with their help and that’s how I got here now.
1994ever 