Joy, belligerent and hypnotic Cast a shadow of charity Over the long promontory A fat man, roly-poly round
Abundance in a city of kindness A broad island for a little boy A fungal cloud, a phoenix A beautiful desiccation
Radiance rose from the river That molten river of fire Gratification of vengeance Narrows victory to defeat
Charity bestowed from wings Of fury fanning the skies Attendant to the goddess of love Love shall burn all
This poem was inspired by the story of Richard Feynman and a phrase taken from his story about three students/assistants that became known as the Three Graces. Researching the Three Graces led me back to Greek Mythology (hence the title and theme of the poem). The image of the phoenix rising is then tied back to the science of the nuclear age and the events of August 1945 in Japan. Nagasaki means long promontory and Hiroshima means broad island and also sometimes city of kindness. The bombs were called little boy and fat man. The phoenix rising highlights the rise of Asia since those events.
Pretty good, getting up at 8 am and soon out for coffee. Whilst at Utopia, I worked on some poetry which came out pretty well, I think.
Without any other real plans for the day, I got myself into my room in the morning and started adding more old 1998 and 2009 entries to the blog.
Revived with lunch, I got back in there and did more, all the while listening to music I’ve downloaded in the past 12 months or so and deciding to either keep or delete. Finally, an hour or so of guitar playing too.
Today I’m grateful for:
My former self for being smart enough to keep some of my old emails that remind me of times past. There is a lot of other stuff that is no longer accessible, though, unfortunately.
The best thing about today was:
Getting a poem highlighted on AllPoetry.com, which was nice to find this morning and generated some extra commenters. I’ve been happy with what I’ve been writing recently and it’s nice to get some positive feedback.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This morning I also watched the mini-match of the Swans game and it was obvious within a couple of minutes that it wasn’t going to be a good day for us.
Still top of the table but with 4 losses in the last five games, our form is not inspiring confidence as we come towards the difficult end of the season.
Something I learned today?
Part of the problem with Australia’s high-priced housing is that not enough houses are being built for all the people who are either moving there or looking to move out of their family homes. I was surprised that there were just 170,000 homes built in one year. The lack of availability pushes up rents and house prices.
The average income required to buy a house now is 250K per year but the actual average income is only 120K.
It’s making me wonder where I might end up. Australia is still the most appealing place in the Western world, though. New Zealand may be an option at some point, I suppose.
I took this picture because this new flower in the garden stood out as I walked back into the house this morning.
I’m pouring rainbows down on you Until your cup is filled You’ll overflow with a love so true It can never be killed All your seeds will bear fruit In fields never to be tilled Joy spread deep from the root A life spent fulfilled
Pretty good after a long sleep from the day of travelling yesterday. Should be a relaxing day ahead.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aircon. I don’t know how many times I’ve said this but today was freaking unbearable outside between 10am (when I woke up) and around 6pm. Even just going to the kitchen or bathroom was a chore. It’s going to be hotter this coming week too!
The best thing about today was:
I didn’t do much to speak of today though when the sun did finally relent I enjoyed watering the parched earth in the garden.
Something I learned today?
Charles Cunningham Boycott (12 March 1832 – 19 June 1897) was an English land agent whose ostracism by his local community in Ireland gave the English language the term boycott.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave Art and Noey some gifts of candy that I picked up at the market in Chiang Saen yesterday.
What’s a recent realization I’ve had about myself?
I’m starting to BE old. I’m not in need of thrills or excitement so much these days.
I think I realised this when I think about travelling overseas. When I think about going somewhere with Amy I’m not so interested in planning things to do and where to go.
When I see people in places on YouTube videos I think that might be nice to go and see but I’ve just seen it pretty well. I would be taking the same photos every other traveller has taken. I feel like I may not be able to savour it deep into my soul like I might have done before. I’m much more amenable to just getting on a tour bus and letting others deal with logistics.
Having said that I’m still interested in organising a tour for a band around Southeast Asia and dealing with the stress of that, perhaps because the shows would give me the drive and inspiration I’d need.
Perhaps this is not a great realisation but has crossed my mind more recently.
Amy took this picture because this princess was enjoying our (relatively) expensive prawns yesterday.
Excellent. Got up 5 minutes earlier than usual so that I can incorporate some stretching into my morning exercise routine. Also gone back to two lots of exercise. The habit is fairly well entrenched now so doing a little extra is not too much of an issue.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru David joining me briefly for a coffee at House. It cut into my writing time but actually, I appreciated a quick chat about AFL and racist English hooligans!
The best thing about today was:
Getting home around 2pm and getting lots of things done earlier than usual (trying to prioritise things). It’s not even 6pm at the moment and just a couple of things left to do. I was already contemplating going to bed and reading comics and I’ll do that soon I think.
I need to adjust my sleep time a little too, with getting up five minutes earlier and extra morning exercise. I don’t seem to have any problem falling asleep but I’ve not been getting good sleep recently due to waking up with pain in my right shoulder.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting article on the West’s history of the Great Leap Forward in China and how no one who went there could find any evidence of a famine at all. There were food shortages due to 3 years of crop failure and the US, intent on destroying the Communist Party of China, then sanctioned grain into the country. However, the CPC continued to distribute grain to those most in need.
The whole narrative is posited to be pure Western propaganda and the figures quoted for the number of people who died were just the usual number of people that died anyway. When something is quoted as ‘6 million people died during the famine’ it implies that it would be on top of the normal death rate.
The author provided lots of evidence and it also reinforces other articles I’ve read recently stating that the US war with China started when they realised the Nationalists would be defeated by the communists.
Over time, I’ve become more convinced of the lies and deceit at play in the hands of the USA and it has become much harder to decide what is the truth. As the old phrase states, ‘If you see the lips moving then you know they are lying.’
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The usual encouragement to my students for trying their best.
What were some moments of joy I experienced this year?
This is hard for me to recall specifically but as moments of joy did not particularly stand out (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy or having a great time) I do recall moments of savouring. And these too are not specific but I do recall the feeling when it occurs.
Sometimes this might be several times a day and other times maybe just once a week. It could be on a bike ride, drinking a coffee, eating food or just sitting and reflecting. That feeling has come more often in recent years rather than moments of joy.
I took this picture because Cappuccino looked beautiful sitting in the soft light of the sunrise this morning.
I was from there, but you came from here And now we’re here you want to leave Beyond our borders, greener grasses Chasing after the things that we believe
The world is sure bigger than we understand To dip toes in the sand or look out from the hill People leaving for ports unknown And then we feel as if we’re standing still
For miles and miles, watch the Earth curve And start running towards all your dreams But one day, we arrive and reminisce For the days when nothing was what it seems
Yesterday I was seventeen and tomorrow I’ll be dead Pretending to be adult til that’s what I became Dismissing the words of my all-knowing elders Who’d long since been through the same
Those times we thought we were at the centre And everything was made for us to hold Now understood to be just youthful wishes With the wisdom that came from getting old
Really good. An easy day with a nice long gap between easy classes. With only about 6 hours of good sleep last night, I knew I was tired but was able to just remain laid back and go with the flow.
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy persisting in hugging me last night before arousing me from my lucid dreams and into a delicious tangle of hips and limbs before we even managed to kiss. 30 minutes later and I was happily drifting into crazy dreams for far too short a time.
The best thing about today was:
From my ab workout and muesli yoghurt breakfast until sitting in this cool aircon before sleeping it’s been a day of feeling happy and spreading a little happiness around. A little bit of joy was shared between us all.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
One of my students, Namfon, couldn’t do work in my class yesterday because she had no internet connection on her phone. This morning I asked her to come and talk to me and Kru Karn because I wanted to know how we could fix the situation. I could tell Kru Karn was really short with her and blaming her and Namfon started to look dejected and almost teary. I felt sorry for her but also wanted her to know that a solution had to be found. When we went back to class I tried to comfort her and she did eventually come round to a little smile.
In my afternoon class lovely little Nicha had a cry too because, although she didn’t admit it to me until later, she couldn’t understand the work I wanted her to do. There was a lot of work and other students were too busy to help her. She told me her frustrations and again I tried to comfort her and she impressed me with being able to read more words this year. Even though she is one of the older kids she hasn’t really matured yet and, sadly, she’s been left behind in her class. It is a frustrating situation for everyone because she could easily slip through the cracks and deserves a better chance than what is on offer.
Something I learned today?
Again with students, I saw Fah in class today and she looked lost in thought and upset about something which is unusual for her. When I bumped into her l asked her about it and she couldn’t explain in English and just said รำคาญ which I later looked up to find means annoyed. I’m learning language in use.
I took this picture last month because all the paddies are getting seeded and this should all look amazing again in a couple of months’ time. No new picture today so having to dig back.
Our society is wealthy enough to meet our needs Yet organised such that violence is needed to survive Fight not crime but instead, fight those who create it A real civil society dictates what it means to be alive
Slept badly and though I know I’m tired I also know today is an easy day, at least beyond the fact that we are running around doing my visa which is a stress all by itself.
I forced myself to exercise a little this morning even though my routine is disrupted by Amy being here and us running around doing things.
Sometimes I can see how old people get grumpy when routines are broken. I don’t want to get set in my ways but I do want to get back into an exercise routine again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The visa officer who was kind and helpful and despite us having a small issue with a bank statement he allowed my visa to be processed and I have to go back in September hopefully to receive another year’s grace.
The process is always stressful and has Amy wound up and I try my hardest to not bite and stay calm. Having not slept well I managed until around 11 am and was starting to flag. Whether Amy sensed that or not I’m not sure but I perked up when she decided, out of the blue, to buy me some nice shirts. Later in the day I also found some nice cheap work pants too.
The best thing about today was:
Having the free time to deal with all the visa bullshit without too much hassle and still get back to hanging out with the kids at lunchtime and for my single class. Then back to shopping at the mall.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my temper a little at the end of my class today as we were running out of time and a few girls were playing TikTok dancing on their phones. It passed quickly when I took the phone away and told them that they could get it back from their homeroom teacher at the end of the day. When the class finished one of the girls stayed behind and was suitably contrite, asking for the phone back. I was okay to do that this time with a reminder that next time it will definitely happen.
Something I learned today?
I found out that the visa officers at immigration get their lunchtime coffees at House. They came in as I was leaving today.
What are some activities or hobbies that bring me joy?
Joy? Sometimes when I’m riding my motorbike I get a feeling approaching joy. The smells, the air (when it’s clean), the cool of the shade, the freedom to discover.
In the classroom, there are occasions when joy erupts, which is less easy when you’re on the teaching side of the equation.
Otherwise, there are times of happiness, satisfaction and fun but joy is not an emotion I particularly need to chase after. Small brief moments are preferable.
Takky took this picture because, for my visa application, we have to take photos in our bedroom, outside our front gate and, for this year, we turned the teaching room into our living room as Amy entertained there last night.
Stepping into the river of joy I’m held high with its pleasure Even taken up to the heavens Where our gods now take their leisure
Dragged along in the river of grief The weight forever bearing down Can I push my toes against the mud Swirling dark yellow and brown?
Rowing around the river of need Searching for a friend and destination Sometimes smooth, sometimes wild Within an insatiable compellation
inspired by Red Hand Files #248 (I think)
Today I’m feeling:
Good all day. Nothing got in my way. No annoying students, no annoying adults. Not even the crappy coffee in the school cafe could get me down as I rose with the caffeine hit.
Today I’m grateful for:
One of my new M4 (grade 10) students asking me if I would still be teaching her class next year. I said I didn’t think so but didn’t know for sure. She said she wanted me to teach her next year too! I’ve been teaching her for three weeks! Sometimes I wonder exactly how these kids see me through all their different eyes. I’m grateful to all of them for all that they teach me.
The best thing about today was:
Amongst many things, the clouds and sun on the mountains as I was driving home this afternoon. Huge white sunlit clouds towered above lower-level rain clouds across the mountain tops and then some valleys were highlighted with sunshine reminding me of a Miyazaki anime, all topped with a fan of rays further into the blue skies up high. Just six or so weeks ago all this looked like a nuclear winter and now it is magical. What you see has a big effect on mental health.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’ve been getting parents’ email addresses from my class’s homeroom teacher if they would like an email to see how their children are doing in my class. I got information quickly and easily from a couple of teachers but another tried to palm me off perhaps not quite understanding what I wanted. When I asked them again today they told me that most of their parents don’t have email addresses which is just a plain untruth and indicates to me that they just can’t be bothered or don’t want to help. Maybe they are concerned that parents will start asking them more about their own classes. I know the teachers here are given ridiculous tasks to do all the time so sometimes it doesn’t surprise me that their focus is on themselves and not the students. It’s also true that many parents of students at this school don’t care about their kid’s work or how they are doing. One annoying foreign teacher isn’t going to fix everything. But I’ll settle for anything.
Something I learned today?
I saw a review of the Apple Vision Pro headset which looks pretty interesting with some amazing technology. It’s not something that I would buy right now but perhaps after it got to a later generation and fitted in with what I would like a computer to do. Being able to read a comic or book just by moving your eyes would be cool. As it develops I’m sure more exciting uses will come to light for it.
What do I know for sure?
Honestly, the only thing I am sure of is that I’m going to die, everyone and every living thing I know too. Anything else is up for question.
What qualities do I want to embody in my daily life?
Honesty, caring, love, gratitude, understanding, empathy, kindness….all the words from all the self-help books.
I took this picture yesterday because, much like today, the clouds, sky and mountains were making me feel joyful.
Positive and happy. Mondays are a breeze for me so I enjoyed the whole morning drinking coffee after greeting all the students at assembly. When I went back to school I made some photocopies for David to help him out a little. He is still confused about how things work here and doesn’t really try to help himself in that regard. I chatted with him for a fair while too. He was trying to guess my star sign as he is really into astrology but he guessed wrong and I wouldn’t tell him after that. I had my first class with new students and took it very easy with them. They were cautious but seemed happy enough. The class didn’t feel too big even though there are 29 students. I felt good and came home as that was me done for the day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The gummy sticky oily rubber tape that Amy’s dad bought to hopefully stop the guttering from leaking in the garage next time it rains. I sanded the metal down and cut the tape to size. The tape smells like it’s full of cancer which, I don’t know, maybe gives it a balance in that something made of carcinogenic material is likely the only thing to stop the bad thing from happening. I’m reasonably hopeful it will work in the short term but all the different types of relentless weather tests even things made of stone. I also need to get on the roof and check the gutter is clear too. Dirt gets trapped up there easily and plants and weeds here don’t need much of anything to start growing.
The best thing about today was:
Almost all my students coming to me saying that they miss me and they want me to be their teacher again. I know they’ll soon get over it but it definitely made me feel good.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Oddly, despite this being the first day back in class I can’t really find anything that felt out of my control. Talking with David he started saying he doesn’t know how I do it, in reference to just getting on with my job and not letting the people around me bother me. It took me a while to figure it out and find the balance I need to be stable. David overthinks things sometimes and sure people are out to get him in some way whereas I’ve come to the conclusion that other people are thinking about you very little, if at all. And even if they are gossiping it’s none of my business. I’m doing what I’m doing and if that’s not good enough then I’m sure someone will let me know.
Something I learned today?
Well, I guessed I learned a little about one of my classes of new students. I see them again first thing in the morning and will do little interviews with them to get a better idea of where they are at. I will be learning quite a lot this week – more than the students!
How can I make today amazing?
I don’t do amazing. Why is amazing something to strive for? My mundane days are full of amazing things. Every interaction with every atom around me is amazing for what it is. Of course, I’m not always thinking about each of those interactions but when I do I find myself in awe. Today was filled with love, joy and happiness.
I took this picture because this cactus that got smashed a couple of weeks ago is starting to sprout new wings already.
My first day of teaching and I only have one hour to teach, annoyingly at 1.30 so I have to wait around all morning. This is ok though. I can get a bunch of things done and ensure that I have things prepared for the rest of the week. Recently I haven’t been taking Tramadol very often and I’m surprised at the lack of side effects not taking it this time; usually, I get really dizzy. But I think I’ll pop some again once I get back into the working habit. I’m feeling pretty okay again. I’m glad to be out of home, as much as I love it there. One of my students, Eing Eing, was a little reticent about studying with David this semester and kept telling me she wanted me to teach her and that she loves me. Quite a few students are disappointed that I’m not teaching them. It’s a nice feeling to have their appreciation. But this is life and we don’t get everything we want. Soon enough they will be telling David that they love him too.
Under the waterline Is where dignity remains Invisible to others The pleasure and the pains
Behind the smile Is where the psyche trains Inside the mind Words to the self explains
Not all thunder Brings along the rains Under the waterline Are made the unseen gains
Today I’m feeling:
Slept well last night and feel ok today though not particularly motivated. I’m hoping that will return next week when the kids are back at school.
Today I’m grateful for:
7-11 food. Although I’m a little negative about 7-11 because there are way too many stores nearby I’m glad that they at least give me an alternative for a quick microwave meal that can stave off my hunger.
The best thing about today was:
Dropping by to see Bruno and Nut and being offered lunch. It was good to catch up with them though they were hungover from a long day of drinking yesterday. They were feeling a bit slow and I didn’t really have much to update them with so I didn’t stay for too long. It made me realise that I’m not used to communicating after five weeks being mostly at home by myself. I know my mood will lift once I see my students again.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On Telegram today I got a notification that my old colleague at the cafe in Woolworths, Joy had just joined so I sent a message saying hello. I got a reply but it seems like it’s not her and I got an angry message asking if I was a scammer. It got me thinking that we have years and years of old contact numbers kept in our phones and computers that many people will have gotten new numbers and then after a few years those old numbers get recycled. What feels like a strange world that we live in will just feel normal to the younger generations and then one day they will get to feel like this too.
Something I learned today
I started with the Thai app again mainly just to busy my brain. I also want to try and do a little more meditation again so registered again with Smiling Mind.
What is something I wish I had known when I was younger?
Everything, obviously. There’s no point wishing for something that can’t happen.
This is my cartoon face. Or more precisely, a younger me’s cartoon face. I’ll do a current one soon.
What’s next after the novelty? After the return to reality The exploration must be repeated Or minds go dead, defeated
Familiarity breeds contempt Rested at ease with each attempt The risk of ridicule, to fail Is the push needed to prevail
A mind goes dead unstimulated Boredom stretches time created The space is needed, left to fill And no longer becomes time to kill
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed, content and happy.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Fang for offering to enter my grades into the online system even though I was happy to do once I could understand the method. I returned a little later with a small bottle of SangSom to say thank you.
The best thing about today was:
Only half of my students coming to class this morning as many had to attend a meeting. It made for a pleasant and quiet environment as the kids just got on with their work and we finished early and everyone was happy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As I was talking to Kru Fang, Kru Matthew was there too. We see each other around but never talk much, I usually comment when he’s wearing nice shirts.
Out of the blue, he said ‘You live near Uncle Nit.’ I said ‘I don’t know who that is.’ I said ‘Tha Sut?’ ‘Yes,’ Huai Phlu? ‘Yes, he’s my uncle. Him and Auntie Su.’ Ahhh! My next-door neighbours!
It’s impossible to be totally secluded here. Everyone knows everyone! I joked that Auntie Su is my CCTV, always checking who’s around!
Something I learned today?
I learned the uncle next door’s name! I’d never heard it before. He’s getting a bit slow and old since I first saw him. I’m not sure he would come across and help Amy kill a snake like he did a couple of years ago.
Describe a recent moment of joy.
I don’t think I’ve had any. Feeling more emotionally stable these days with a general sense of well-being has meant fewer ups as well as downs. This is suiting me. I’m just generally happy most of the time. The joys are more common if just lesser in intensity.
Brief moments like the smell of flowers, the smile of a student, the taste of coffee, the smelly dog scratching, the birds tweeting, the red sun rising and on and on.
I took this picture because the night jasmine has finally blossomed and the smell in the morning as I go to open the gate is delicious. Although it reminds me of night times it sets me up for the day.
1994ever 