Tag: jungle

Field Of Ghosts – 9th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I was beautiful where I broke
A dim light kept shining
Although the tears began to choke
Later came the silver lining

Returning to the field of ghosts
Where the heartache remains
Memories raise glasses in toasts
To what the future explains

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Great and ready to go. Up at 6am to head out with Bruno on a long ass bike ride that I’m following him along on. Right now, after 8 hours on and off we’re in the middle of some mountains waiting to go up to see a temple perched right at the top of a craggy cliff.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy who came to help us use the petrol pump outside a village in the mountains. We didn’t need his help and he was just curious about is but we appreciated him anyways. 

The best thing about today was:

Stopping in a pretty well-kept mountain village somewhere between Chiang Mai and Lampang and enjoying a coffee in an old wooden cafe overlooking a small community square where kids were playing.

(Later) We opted for going up to Wat Chaloem before it was too late and I’m glad we did. It was an expensive entry for foreigners but compared with anywhere else in the world I found it good value. After a van ride and an exhausting walk up steep steps the views from the top were incredible. When I saw the mountain in the distance as we were riding towards it through the valley, I couldn’t believe that there was a temple up there and then I was up there looking back down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Bruno was a little frustrated with me and how slow I was riding but I just wanted to enjoy the journey for as long as possible. His personality has him racing everywhere. Well, he is the way he is and I am the way I am. 

To be honest I haven’t felt quite so comfortable riding my bike since coming off it last year. That was only a minor incident but it was a good reminder of how easy and quickly an accident can happen. I’m way more cautious going around corners now especially when there is gravel on the road.

Something I learned today?

I learned a lot about the roads through the mountains around Chiang Mai and Lampang and the villages nestled within. I learned a little more about myself and about Bruno.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

 At one of the lookout points we chatted with a Russian couple that live in Chiang Mai. 

We deliberately stopped at a nice village cafe and I bought some expensive coffee honey from them to give them a boost.

I petted several dogs including a beauty at the temple that had a reddened eye and only three legs. It was very affectionate.

When was the last time I felt overwhelmed?

From memory that was when I was working at Woolworths and having to deal with my asshole boss. I’m sure he may have been a good boss for the company but that’s the kind of person I despise. Someone who puts the corporation ahead of people is not to be trusted!

Anyway, that situation badly affected me as it was tied in with physical pain from overwork along with depression and (apparently) PTSD. I was supremely grateful to get out of that situation as I felt myself going out of control.

I took lots of beautiful photos today but chose this picture because this is what I was faced with when I went to brush my teeth. This is Thailand, this is jungle country.

Exposed – 3rd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These words are a photograph
A fight against time
Just a brief exposure
Into this life of mine
A snapshot, incomplete
Make of it what you will
It’s your story too
This one I’m living still

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good again after a good cannabutter-aided sleep. My body is a little stiff but I was happy to see more definition when I looked in the mirror this morning. Slowly, slowly getting to the shape I might like.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s banana muffins, small, light and so delicious I ate three immediately.

The best thing about today was:

Starting a new book. This time it’s Wuthering Heights. I read the first couple of chapters and already have a feel for the story.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The internet is often not good in my room and today was a little frustrating as it it difficult to play guitar along with the app I use and then trying to prepare for my classes tomorrow. I just gave up and came inside.

Something I learned today?

It’s thought that this year China reached peak carbon. Maybe the first country to do so?

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today has been a relatively quiet day with few interactions and mostly general acts neither good or bad.

I did go and wait on the bridge for Amy’s som tum food delivery. 

A future good deed I’m considering is painting our house number on the bridge so delivery drivers can find us more easily.

27th Feb 2024 – Our bridge will be gone in the next couple of months as part of widening the road in our soi. Let’s see what it all looks like in the end and maybe I’ll have to make a sign.

What is a piece of advice that I would give to my younger self?

My ten-year-old self: Take every opportunity to try new things. Don’t worry about what other people think. (I wouldn’t have taken this advice as I was too stubborn and contrarian)

My twenty-year-old self: The way you are feeling is not normal, go see a psychiatrist. Also, stop using alcohol as medication.

My thirty-year-old self: Now you’re getting there. About time. Keep going with those adventures. You still need to learn to love yourself more, this will stop you from hurting and hurting others. Stop drinking.

My forty-year-old self: You’re almost there. Almost worked everything out. Keep doing what you’re doing. Stop drinking.

My fifty-year-old self: Look at you, slowly getting fit and healthy, mentally and physically. You’re understanding that life is meaningless but don’t tell the kids that! Give hope. Share goodness. Be wary of false prophets and the pedestal you put them up on.

What is your favorite part about your town or city?

Let’s think about the three main places I have lived. Wimborne, Dorset, UK. Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. Ban Huai Phlu, Chiang Rai, Thailand.

Wimborne: After my formative teenage years growing up in the countryside outside Wimborne, when both grandparents had passed away, we moved to Colehill on the outskirts of the town but still within walking distance if the weather was suitable.

One summer I scored ten cheap hits of acid and decided to spread them out over the weekends doing a half on Saturday and a half on Sunday. From there my mind was open to many things and I would often head off out for a random walk. I loved the fields and though I rarely went near it, also the river.

One Sunday afternoon I headed down the hill into the Stour Valley with pollen floating through the air as you might imagine in a fairy tale. I knew where I was without knowing where I was, following tracks and trails over fences and through fields, ending up at the river. I don’t recall which way I ended up coming home but I revisited this walk one time when visiting my mum in 2011(?) and it was still an enjoyable excursion.

Back then, though perhaps after that summer, I would also ride my pushbike around similar areas that led to discovering the old train lines and then trying to follow them from Poole to Ferndown. Perhaps it is these times that endear me to the countryside still.

Sydney: There is a walk from around St Leonards that goes through some bushland along Flat Rock Creek, down into a ravine that opens up into a park that then goes down to the harbour at Cammeray. 

This walk is sentimental for me as it recalls the time of new blooming love, passion and understanding. Long lazy walks with TLJ found my mind opening to so many new things that I needed to replace in my life. It meant leaving some things behind, heartache for some and eventually for us all.

I recall one time, escaping home with the idea that a choice needs to be made and lying in the park alone in the warm spring evening that decision was finally made. My life took a new course from there. That was 1998.

Chiang Rai: It is comparable to the area in Wimborne, a valley that leads to the river. Beyond the bypass that takes me to and from work the valley opens out long and wide, the mountains on the other side seem far far away. The jungle here has long been cleared for rice fields and there have been times that I have been riding my motorbike here, crisscrossing the land to trying and understand how everything fits together, that reminds me of the walk in Wimborne. 

The first time I rode here I was so excited that I returned again the next day. I’ve given it a little break this year because things change here quite quickly so will check it out again and find new surprises.

I took this picture because Noey wasn’t working today. When she is working and I’m late she always messages me asking where I am so today I sent her this picture asking where she was. Predictably, she has exams.

Everything – 2nd December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

You can’t have everything
Where would you put it?
In a world-sized garage
Under everyone else’s everything?

Keep everything in your thoughts
Give away your proudest dreams
They’re still yours
Now you have it all!
Walk out of the cave

24th Jun 2024 – Submitted to Poets and Storytellers United as tangentially related to ‘an elegant sufficiency’!

Today I’m feeling:

Fairly good after an extra hour of snoozing then good coffee so that when Amy suggested going out for lunch that sounded pretty good to me. The air is already unhealthy due to burning but it’s not overwhelming yet. It will be soon unless a fire ban is implemented and followed up.

27th Feb 2024 – A fireban was implemented from 15th February until 14th April and so far the air is better than last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

Soulseek, it being the only place I could manage to find Prog 2000 of 2000AD which was a special edition at the time due to the end of the millennium. It has some parts of the stories that I’m reading in the regular edition but is difficult to track down online as it isn’t actually the 2000th issue and was just called Prog 2000. To complicate it more, there is a 2000th edition of the comic which came out around 2016 I think. I think the series is up to about 2500 issues now. I love reading it. I’m not even half way through. I reckon it might take me another ten years to get up to date with it!

The best thing about today was:

Lunch. We went up into an Ahka village nearby to try their food and just get out of the house. Perched on the side of a hill overlooking our valley was a wide panorama of hills, jungle and rice fields. We could see several plumes of smoke slowly filling the valley but thankfully it was on the far side. Above us the sky was still a bright blue. I felt relaxed and enjoyed stacking up on some calories. I resisted the urge to nap when we got home, instead settling into the hammock to finish reading the Clive James biography. Wuthering Heights is next in the pile.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I usually sit and read with my weekend coffees at Utopia but today Amy decided to come with me as she hadn’t seen Art since she got back. Knowing that my I wouldn’t have chance to read I could have been disappointed but instead decided to just enjoy the change in routine.

Something I learned today?

The average age of Palestinians murdered by Israel in the last two months is five years old. Zionism is sick.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Last night I dealt with the tokay in the kitchen (see photos), cleaning up its blood and still wriggling tail.

I cleaned out the water tank and also brought a mop and bucket of water to Amy when she requested it to clean the floor in the teaching room.

I drove us up to the Ahka cafe for lunch, and back again but my lack of funds meant that I couldn’t pay for the meal.

What do I like about this time of year?

Now is high season for North Thailand as the temperature during the day becomes bearable and the nighttime cold. But there is just a short period to enjoy this as the farmers fill the air with smoke from burning their rice fields. Now, at least, their is some breeze to stir it around to reveal blue skies but soon, once the hills come alive with fire, the air remains still and stagnant leaving it putrid brown and acrid. This should be the best time to enjoy being outside but sadly, gets reduced to being the worst.

Amy took these pictures. Last night Tigger brought this special gift and Amy was freaking out. I didn’t have my glasses on and thought I was looking at a freaky enormous dinosaur-style lizard, only seeing the tokay later. Tigger was quite proud but Amy wanted it out. After a bit of chasing around the kitchen I managed to grab it with some tongs and it hissed and spat its disapproval at me as I threw if over the fence. Then this afternoon instead of Amy brushing this little lizard off my back thought it better to take a picture.

Time To Leave – 3rd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

It’s time to leave, time to live
The tough have already got going
The soft remain inactive
But deep down already knowing

It’s time to go, time to be gone
Let the waste remain in this place
Time is forever marching on
And taking up so much space

The magnetic pull unwavering
Stick the cynics in the bin
Tomorrow is not worth savouring
If the journey doesn’t begin

Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.

9th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #363
20th Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – magnetic

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.

The best thing about today was:

Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble. 

This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.  

As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.

I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today! 

I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.

Something I learned today?

Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write. 

Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?

 I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.

I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.

I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.

I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.

In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!

I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.

Echo Chamber – 9th July 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The walls may be far away
But as words reverberate uninterrupted
The room collapses around my ears
Til their meaning becomes corrupted

Today I’m feeling:

I didn’t know how I felt this morning but by the afternoon I didn’t feel good. I feel sick without having any symptoms. I have low energy and motivation which seems to be a theme on weekends. I know I’m a little down after thinking about how Amy may not settle down here again but I feel like there’s something else going on. Dodgy guts aren’t helping things either.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the people who make things happen in order for me to order cat food from my phone and have it delivered to my house a couple of days later. As I was unpacking it I consider what a technological marvel this is that those born this century will take for granted. The global supply chain should be celebrated and not used for political machinations. It’s a great example of humans working together. It reminds me of the Bill Hicks line, if we can shoot rockets from far away and have them fly into specific windows to kill supposed terrorists, why can’t we use that technology to shoot food into hungry people’s mouths? Indeed.

The best thing about today was:

Unmotivated days like today don’t provide any high points but I did get a little satisfaction from pulling out weeds around the cactuses. 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One thing that may be affecting my mood is that last night as I was contemplating going to bed I saw a transaction come through for 4000 baht which was for my podcast hosting that I had planned to cancel by sending myself a reminder last month. The reminder didn’t work. I cancelled the account immediately but don’t get refunded anything. An expensive lesson. At least it didn’t happen at the end of the last month and fuck up my bank account for my visa. So I’m trying to spin it as a good thing though it’s not quite working I must admit.

Something I learned today?

I just went out to shut the gate and could see the shadow of a cat under the car so went to see who it was. It wasn’t our boys because they were both inside eating. As I bent down to look underneath I saw it climb up into the engine area and disappear! I always thought the engine was completely shielded from the ground but apparently not. I went inside to get the torch and key. I couldn’t see any obvious animal-looking thing inside and I started the engine to scare it out though maybe it had already decided to dash off before that. I wonder if it was the cat I saw this morning and if I had actually brought it home from somewhere! Seems unlikely but I hope my car doesn’t become an unsuspecting cat taxi.

What’s unique about where I live?

The unique thing about where I live is me.  I’m the odd one out. This is quiet jungle village life in a non-English-speaking tropical country and there’s a wild-haired white-skinned punk here. This nail has not been hammered down yet.

I took this picture because I had just let Tigger out the back door and remembered that Tangmo might still be at the front door so I went to check and found this visitor instead. She ran away in Tigger’s direction which wasn’t the wisest choice but she soon figured out an escape. She looked healthy and had beautiful swirling colour whilst slinking away. Never seen her before.

A Little Dirty – 21st June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The poison in his palace
Spews forth through angry lips
Hence it penetrates through
All his relationships
Take care not to smear
Or guilt by association
Is what we may all fear
For even a non-communication

inspired by thoughts at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

My body felt good after some chest exercises that hurt a lot though I can feel I’m getting a little more strength each time. My mind is following my body and is fairly positive though contemplating being on the borders of exhaustion. It’s a long day today but I’ve planned reasonably well for it.

Today I’m grateful for:

The tax cheque that I got for 3200 baht. That will help go towards the 5500 baht cost of the aircon repair. The aircon also stopped again last night after two nights of success. The two fans are barely enough to make sleep comfortable.

The best thing about today was:

All my classes going well and being enjoyable. The students had a good time and I did too. Maybe they even learned some things.
I enjoyed the M4 class giving them a task that I only had the idea for on Monday. I saw that they went to some special training on the weekend with an ex-flight attendant so I got them to write about that. I put some time into helping them improve their work and we’ll continue tomorrow when I hope they can finish and then read aloud what they’ve written. 
It looks like this class might lose its last boy too as he is feeling a little friendless surrounded by 15 girls.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As I was busy preparing for the class mentioned above I ran out of time to learn a little more Thai with Amy and I’m almost out of time to chill with some TV as I still have to study with my apps too. It’s a little frustrating but I know that Wednesday and Thursday are my busiest days so I’m kinda prepared for it now.

Something I learned today?

In March 2022 Russia’s Putin had negotiated a secret peace deal with Ukraine and it had been agreed to. Part of that deal was to remove Russian troops from Kiev which they did. Then ‘the West’, via Boris Johnson, made Ukraine break the agreement. Since then 1000s of people have died in this conflict. For what purpose? It comes to mind that it is for financial profit for arms makers and to drive a wedge between Russia and Europe, all of which only benefits one party. Everyone’s favourite, the USA.

How do I define success?

Success is not worrying about success. Success is being happy with what you’ve got.

I took this picture because someone had gone to the trouble of building this tiny house that is too small for a child and too big for a doll house. And then it’s been abandoned to the jungle with a bull and me as its only witness.

Beautiful Hell – 20th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A half-finished thought on a scrap
Of paper left to wait on the dash
Perhaps one day it will be completed
On this keyboard that I bash
The cosmos forever turning makes
For a beautiful hell to weave
Wherever these gifts are coming from
They’re a pleasure to receive

inspired by text at the Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good. My classes went well despite some annoyances and stresses. I felt a little bit over it by the end of the day and was glad to get home.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finishing entering my gratitude journal entries online for March 2021-June 2021. Onto the next little journal which continues up to August 2022 and when I started using this app (Day One). It’s kinda ironic that my last entry in that journal I just finished talked about being grateful for the journal itself as I prefer to write with a pen on paper rather than use the phone. I guess I still do prefer that but I’ve gotten used to doing these on the phone now.

The best thing about today was:

Chatting with my student Jet. She asked me what I thought about Kru Ren and I told her I liked him because he was unusual. She agreed and wants to talk with him more because she’s intrigued. She said he is an otaku’s otaku! I don’t know him well enough to comment but I also find him intriguing especially yesterday when he was wearing blue contact lenses.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Well, this is more the opposite. 
In my class yesterday it was apparent that the students didn’t understand much so I quickly put together some work that would give them more familiarity with the vocab and how to find their meanings in the dictionary along with a translation so that they could make connections. 
Setting this up kept them quiet and having them write it all down will help reinforce things a little more. By the time I got to the next class to teach them the same thing I had re-jigged the lesson so that it was in a better order. 
By tomorrow I should know if it has improved from the student’s perspective too.

Something I learned today?

I found some exercises and massage to possibly help my sore toe. I’m not sure if it is a bunion or not but the information should be useful anyway. It seems I would also benefit from buying wide-toed shoes to help too.

What is my favourite way to connect with nature?

See today’s picture. Right now getting on my motorbike and riding around is the best and easiest way for me. I do miss different natural settings these days. I mean the mountains and the jungle are breathtaking at times but it seems impossible to go anywhere here to get away from it.

On Sunday I took this picture because these vivid colours stood out as I was whizzing through this village on my motorbike. I had to stop and go back to get this shot but I’m glad I did.

Top Trump – 25th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Don’t despair, it’s not your role
It’s not within your control
Rejoice at what you can decide
That’s all the gods deemed to provide

For me, insanity is super sanity. The normal is psychotic. Normal means lack of imagination, lack of creativity.

Jean Dubuffet

Today I’m feeling:
A little flat and lazy but still content.
Today I’m grateful for:
My poor motorbike which must hate me for taking it through wet dirt tracks and getting stuck in deep mud and slipping off into the prickly jungle brush. What a trooper of a machine. I hope you enjoyed your wash.
The best thing about today was:
Getting off my ass and going for a ride, getting stuck in mud and getting out again and then getting home thirsty and filthy. Sun, fresh air and accidental exercise. Another ride to remember.

I took this picture because it was at the end of a path around the base of a stone hill and despite not much else being around except a broken fallen down old shack, this little field shrine was well-kept and pretty.

Shooting Rainbows – 10th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Pointed words lost meaning and never became real
Maybe I’ve gone crazy, but it’s happiness I feel
My mind is ravelling, circled to the start
Painted rainbows shooting outward from my heart

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the farmer and cows that eat the jungle growing on the land next to us. Those cows are eating machines.

If I only had three wishes, as some stories contain, then it is obvious that the third wish should be for three more wishes, over and over again! But what to do with these wishes? Knowing that a wish for a positive more often than not ends in a negative, for example, wishing to be able to have sex with that beautiful girl ends up with her getting pregnant!

So, perhaps my wish could be more even-handed; perhaps instead I would ask my jinnee to give me useful advice when I so required and I could choose to take that advice or not.

In fact, as I think more deeply into this, I realise that a jinnee is not required. We have everything we need already (speaking from my position of privilege, of course). Our jinnee is in our head, just waiting to be used.

As Amy considers starting a business in Australia, I am not so hot on the idea. I am not opposed to it and I know we could do it. I just wonder, what is our purpose in doing it? We could be successful and make lots of money but will that make us happier?

I know Amy is frustrated with where we are, living in Thailand but actually our lives are very simple and easy despite those frustrations. We have choices and neither of us works particularly hard. Amy loves to cook and serve people; her dream is a business like this. We also currently have the choice to do that here, as we’ve often discussed before.

I’m not going to try to convince her one way or another, I will be happy anywhere, everywhere in the world. I am happy to be with her, even if we are not always in the same place. I got my jinnee working for me right now.

The Week That Was – 4th February 1979

Growing Up In A House Of Cards – 15th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She grew up in the countryside
A daughter of farming folks
Nothing much expected of her
The butt of the villagers’ jokes

The poverty that surrounded her
Made no sense as she grew older
And she stopped believing
The things that her teachers told her

Revolution in the hearts and minds
Consciousness was being raised
And the young girl from the village
Was now the one being praised

She stood for what she believed
To bring her country change
And the people stood strong together
With a better system to arrange

She saw the source of the problem
Came directly from the top
Wild plans were being formulated
To bring them to stop

Bullets and brains were deployed
At times it seemed too hard
But soon the house would collapse
By removing a single card

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the farmer and his cows eating through the jungle on the other side of our fence.

Gui has got me onto a different he calls Dirty. Cold milk, a teaspoon of cream and an overextracted shot of coffee. I’ve taken to it. It’s a little more expensive but I think I will drink less. Let’s see!

In one of my classes (2/9 – the good class!) yesterday we were talking about democracy and dictatorships and I explained that our class was a dictatorship but then I started thinking about the Montessori schools and how their classes are often like a democracy.

I might try this with this class next semester – I think there are enough smart students in the class to make it work and it could be fun. I’ll try to read up on how teachers work in those classes.

Amy has been getting busier with her cake-making (cinnamon bun making) and I told her yesterday how proud I was of her skills and abilities.

We had also been talking about what happened with George last week and I had been thinking about why it upsets me. Amy keeps talking about when we invited him and Bee to stay at our house and Bee saying what a big deal it was for him so he obviously had some expectation for our friendship after that but I said, ‘That’s the thing. I feel like I trusted this person as sincere and honest and now I feel like I’ve been tricked and made a fool of.’ And we realise that this was exactly what had happened with Amy and Bebe all those years ago.

Bebe sucked Amy in with so many nice words but only to manipulate the friendship in her favour. I saw it easily and immediately with Bebe but I was fooled by George.

We live and learn and I’m happy enough with the friends in my life, whether they are close or not.