“Everything that needs to be said has already been said. But, since no one was listening, everything must be said again.” – Andre Gide
KimChi sniffs around.
Learn my Thai – little by little – day by day.
Sore neck – working out too much? Sleepy.
Amy home at 2 am – I woke up just a bit worried about her. Happy she’s okay.
Little cat, what are you looking for?
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to be working with a good group of teachers where we can help and support each other.
Mid-August – up-and-down. Nice dreams last night but can’t remember at all now.
Yesterday went well. Today has six hours teaching but I hope it will be fun – it’s Friday so it should be okay.
Kimchi is with me protecting me at the door. Take journal back inside because I haven’t been writing it. Don’t really know why.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my busy Friday teaching for 6 hours. It makes me happy to see kids learning.
Another crazy dream. Lex was getting punished by slapping but it turned into Kim Chi – I didn’t want anyone to be punished.
I heard dreams are a process of brain rearrangement during the night. Moving storage on a hard drive.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the sunny morning and my sunny outlook today. I feel good and confident and look forward to a happy day.
It’s been raining on and off for the last two weeks or more and finally, the ground has gotten soaked enough that big pools of water remain around our garden after the daily storm passes through. The frogs are going crazy, croaking across the valley. The snakes must be happy to be able to easily locate their food again. What a dangerous life. Having to call out to find your mate, only to be swallowed by a hungry snake.
Kim Chi, our killer cat, was found one morning munching on the guts of a bird in the dining room. How thoughtful. Amy woke me up to come and help clean up. There were bird feathers everywhere, strewn across the floor, table and lounge. I love our animals and I also love the birds that come to visit our garden. Leave them alone Hellcat!
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I have been able to adapt to the Thai style of working (so far). Disorganised, short notice, changing decisions…. It’s all good.
Brain dump
Home workout warmup – first time – just the warmup makes me tired! Start somewhere. Itchy throat – can’t get sick. Itchy leg – something always biting.
All our fish dead again. We can’t take care of them for some reason. Jukebox – Happy – I don’t know who sings it – George someone. Today we will make a video and I will hate this song even more.
Feel good – a little tired. But good. thinking about Hayden but have an idea how to help. Can I just be me? Too late to be tough on him.
Thinking of poor kids in China who walk 5 km across rough valleys to get to school. Just primary kids. Predictably they want to be soldiers. They are tough. Circumstances dictate. No one’s fault. Everyone wants to be someone else for a while. But without the effort. Like a video game.
This week there’s music from Outside In, Deerhoof, PFM, The Small Faces, This Heat, Debile Menthol, Quizz Kidz, Magma, MC5, Lightning Bolt, The Vibrators, Unsane and The Shades.
Brain Dump
Fed cats but forgot to check KimChi didn’t eat Cap’s food. Cap’s so lovely – follows Amy everywhere. So fluffy and gentle. Kim teases him all the time and Tigger seems to hate him! Which cat am I? Tigger the hater – Kim the teaser – Cap the gentle. Which do I want to be. Of course. Be like Cap.
Half Man Half Biscuit on mental jukebox. On the ‘roids. Five-minute workout. Feels good but not yet inspiring enough to do a 10 or 20-minute workout. Don’t need to push it anyway.
I read – can I act on it? Practical things yes, but mental things? The result of performing practical things will bring me towards the mental things. I will spend my whole life doing this.
Ache in shoulder. Cateran. *
Time to watch a movie today? So many great movies. Sometimes feel like I don’t have time or concentration to watch movies anymore but that’s not really true. Painkillers or not today? Aching eye – tired from screens probably. Do eye exercises?
*reference to The Cateran song Ache from the album of the same name. I believe the line sung is ‘ache in clover’.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for getting out of bed with my alarm this morning and doing my morning routine when I could have ignored it completely. I feel good for it.
To-do list
Easy day but went too fast. I pushed myself to wake up and get up this morning and did about 90% of my usual routine.
Went for coffee, watched the Swans game, went to Big C for lunch and shopping. Feel pretty good today.
Reading some old diary entries from 1994 seems to show me that I understood many of the things I’m going through now back then. Feels like even after all that time I still didn’t learn from it. I’m not beating myself up over it – just noticing. I need to stop thinking and reading and start doing.
Kim Chi playing with her new collars.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my cats because they bring joy to our lives.
A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they never sit in.
Greek proverb
To-do list
A lazy day watching movies, eating and drinking. I feel very happy and satisfied yet a little empty.
What is an unusual habit or absurd thing you love?
I’m not sure that I have an unusual habit – if it’s a habit it would be pretty normal.
Absurd things I love though – that would have to be the music I enjoy. I really enjoy music that is difficult to listen to. Cerebral I guess most would call it. Sometimes it’s not even something I enjoy listening to – well, the music – I enjoy the process – the emotional response – even if it is negative.
Amy would be able to list so many things for me here – she really doesn’t enjoy most of the movies I like either.
Despite years of trying to shut my brain off, it looks like I actually enjoy thinking.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful to wake up a little earlier than normal today and walk around my garden as the sun was not yet risen over the mountains. It was cold but peaceful. Kim joined me, running with her little legs as fast as she could.
Woke up just before my alarm. In my dream, I was trying to enter a password for something but kept getting it wrong. Things are fairly normal at home. Normal is good. Why I write this is because all our cats are happy at the moment.
All the humans are happy too.
My last week at school. Very relaxed. Not sure about what is coming up next – well, actually, I am. It’s holiday time. LIve in the moment. Your job doesn’t define you.
Gratitude Journal
Playing sport with some of the school kids made me smile, even when I fell over and hurt myself! I smiled and laughed with Amy a lot this week, feeling better about things in general. I smiled coming to school knowing that a holiday is coming and I will be leaving this environment. I smiled at Kim Chi and Cap chasing each other around the house. I smiled when the big dead lizard made Amy jump a mile into the air!
9th Mar 2021 – When I think about working at schools in Thailand I can’t help but believe that I am there for the student’s education and I care more about them than the ‘adults’ working there, who I can generally take or leave. The Thai staff at the schools I have worked at have a different agenda entirely as far as I can tell.
1994ever 