Clear Away The Clouds – 5th January 2024

Live to sleep, to inject death
Into every day and forever keep
A dying breath along the way

Your body goes, follows the mind
There’s no return, God only knows
You cannot find, cannot learn

Clear the clouds, your time is fixed
Give it worth and raise the shrouds
Before you’re nixed from this earth

inspired by a quote from Marcus Aurelius


Today I’m feeling:

A little tired but in a good mood.  I’ve been waking up before my alarm quite often which is a little annoying as I know I’m not getting quite enough good sleep.  This morning as I was dozing and waiting for my alarm to go off I wondered if it was because I was excited to exercise.  That was quite an interesting thought for me. 

I moved on to Intermediate leg exercises this morning and got through it pretty easily.  I don’t think I can move up to Intermediate arm exercises yet though.  I still don’t have the strength in my back, shoulders and arms yet and I’m still waiting for my right shoulder to fully recover before getting back into even the Basic exercises that I normally do.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the drivers that let me cut into their queues so that I could get to work a little quicker this morning (actually every work morning!).  Traffic is getting busier and busier along the bypass now and the dumb traffic light systems they have in place frustrate everybody. 

Anyway, I will let people in when I am in a similar situation and see other folks being in a hurry.

The best thing about today was:

Getting paid!  But now I have to be really careful with the reduced payment again this month.

Can I stick to no more than two coffees a day and nix the third that I have every other day or so? Buy less snacks, no candy for the kids, no meat sticks for the pups….?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As soon as I got paid I settled my account with Gui at House.  That was just over 1000 baht! Gah! 

He has offered to let me pay once a week before but I told him I didn’t want to do that because I can fool myself by only paying 130 baht a day, convinced that that amount is acceptable.  But seeing 1000 baht a week…..that I can’t rationalise!

Something I learned today?

Today was Baitoey’s birthday.  I only taught her a little bit last year and she was quite quiet in class but she is always friendly and playful with me since then.  I gave her 5 baht as a gift because that was the only money I had in my wallet!  My last 5 baht!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My old student Noah was complaining about T. David this morning and then in the afternoon, after they had a class together T. David complained about Noah and her attitude.  So I thought I would message her and see what the story was. 

She said she has given up in his class because he goes too fast and she doesn’t understand.  When she told me that other students do understand I encouraged her to ask them for help (though I know she has struggled to make good friends in this class).  I told her not to give up and that I will help encourage her as much as I can.

Kru Ning talked to me a little after our classes about some of the grade 7 students we share as they sometimes don’t show up to her class, or do little or nothing whilst there. I confirmed that they were a little difficult to get motivated and gave her my suggestions though I struggle with them too. 

It was nice to actually have a Thai teacher ask my opinion, or for my help, with our students.  I guess usually they don’t because perhaps they don’t want to admit that they are in that situation or admit that perhaps a foreigner might have another angle or useful idea.

I took this picture because when I got home I found a package from Ryu in Tokyo with his Stacked State CDs and t-shirt plus his solo CDs. I will listen to them tomorrow. A weekend of furious fastcore.

The Feral – 26th December 2023

Raised in the manner of wolves
Howling at the moon
Running wild in the company of fools
Wide-eyed in chaotic tune

Tamed and reformed by riches
The devil still pulls at the heart
All are affected by witches
The feral rips itself apart


Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good from exercise but still not particularly enthusiastic.  Perhaps due to this month’s struggle with money and its limit on what I’m able to do.

(Later) Things did improve as I spent time at House and then back at school wandering around talking to students everywhere.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Ning who seemed happy enough for me to help assist some of the students in her class – my grade 7 kids.  It’s sometimes fun to join another class without there being any pressure and just offer assistance.

The best thing about today was:

Kwang (and Premier and Program) took my arms and led me around the school whilst chattering away with me, so I feel happy that Kwang is comfortable with me again after her episode last week.  I’d really like to talk more deeply with her and get to how she really feels about things.  She’s still covering things up with bravado at the moment, which is not unusual for kids at this age.

Something I learned today?

I watched Alexei Sayle’s Christmas message where, as a Jew, he supports the Palestinians and calls out the Zionists in Israel as absolute liars. Much of the world is in agreement with his sentiment.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My students were happy that I cancelled all my classes today.  It was possible that we could still have them but they would be distracted and unfocused with many not even bothering to show up.  I feel slightly guilty though!  Though not guilty enough not to be sitting in the cafe writing this right now!  I will go back to school soon though and play with my students and hang around for an hour or three.

What was the best new thing I tried this year?

Best new thing? I’m not sure I tried any new thing!

Maybe I started using the DuoCards app this year which has been pretty helpful with my language learning.

Fuck, that’s not very exciting, is it!

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

As I’m already past the age of 30 and I can remember what my body was like then perhaps having that body would not be for the best.  I was still skinny at thirty, the beer belly came on over the following ten years.  As to my mind at thirty, I was still on my way at that point.  I still had peaks and troughs that overly affected me.

If we could rephrase the question to be 60 instead of 30 then perhaps I would choose my body now, despite it being older and slower it feels like it has improved and is fitter than before.  My mind is also in a better place….  Damn, this is a difficult choice.  The two are inextricably linked – healthy body, healthy mind….  I think I will go with maintaining the body. 

I’m thinking this because of seeing Grandmum now whose body is almost given up and unable to speak but I can’t help thinking that inside her mind is still sharp and that must be so frustrating.

I took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie. When I showed her later she said she looked like a pig. At least I hope she was talking about herself.