Tag: Kwang

Get It Together – 22nd June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Got a head barren of motivation
What’s said only delivers frustration
Not dead but denied inspiration
Get it together or you’re done!

Emo-driven tears an aberration
Forgotten fears sudden implication
Perspective clears internal narration
You got skills but the bills are due!

Each turmoil treads towards education
Lessons learned have no expiration
Third eyes open to the realisation
Time to shine because the rains will come!

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 53 and inspired by one of my students who is trying hard at school but is close to getting kicked out.

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up tired but got going with Utopia coffee. Game was there and commiserated with me when I told him and Art that I couldn’t hang around as Amy had me quickly home for us to go to meet Mei and Hagan for lunch. I still managed to get a little reading in though, starting Rip It Up And Start Again again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Hagan for shouting us lunch at Mo’s (near Mae Sai). Good food and good catch-up, probably the last before they head back to Australia.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst out in the village in the evening I went across to the 20 baht shop, which was closed in the morning, and picked up some batteries and a door closer. I saw that KhaoThang was sitting in her mum’s shop so I went in and chatted with her and her mum for a minute. 

Her English pronunciation is awesome now, though her vocabulary is still limited as she studies in a Science program rather than language.

They told me that they will close the shop in December and mum will go to a temple in Phan and KT will stay in a dorm near her school (Tessaban 6). She’s only 14 but its quite common here.  Good luck to them both.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Somehow it feels hotter than it did in summer. It still hasn’t rained, two weeks now, so our new gutter is still untested. 

After the first rain, a month or more ago, it felt cooler and refreshing and now the temperature has remained the same but the humidity seems to have skyrocketed. It’s pretty tiring but despite some huffing and puffing, I’m still trying not to complain out loud.

The heat did stop me from going to my room today though. I could’ve still gone but I couldn’t even really face getting up out of the air-conned living room to get a drink of water.

Something I learned today?

I came across a Roy and HG documentary and it made me reminisce a lot about my early years in Australia and then even more so when there were clips of The Dream which was the show they did during the Sydney Olympics. That was still a memorable prime time in my life.

I found a load of videos on YT which I stuck in the queue to watch at some point.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Around 7pm Amy wanted to go to the market to get some soy milk, implying that I had to ride her there. I still didn’t want to get out but eventually, I did.

I took this picture at Mo’s because I finally remembered to take some pictures today. I knew this one was going to look good when I took it.

Journey Of Joy – 2nd June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

If you’re going to fight the universe
Learn to become wise first
Else you’ll spend time sulking in corners
Where thoughts become the worst

Joys are formed deep within
Even on the path of most resistance
Prepare well for the journey ahead
Is the teacher’s eternal insistence

Inspired by a Sadhguru quote and a student who loves to battle with me in class (and obviously reminds me much of myself at that age)
19th Oct 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Ahead

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and slow which is surprising to me as I did next to nothing yesterday and should feel refreshed. Is my body telling me that I need to rest more or that I need to be doing more?

During the workweek, I’m switched on and ready to go and can usually get up at 6 am without any problem. I’m enthusiastic and inspired.  But with nothing planned to wake up for in the morning, it’s like I’ve died!

Yesterday I didn’t write and didn’t get to play guitar despite having hours of free time.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy’s safe return and wanting to go straight from the airport to Makro to buy ingredients and cook.  

Even though only gone a few days and knowing I’m able to take care of feeding myself, I was struggling to be bothered a little yesterday so I’m glad to have my personal chef back at home!

The best thing about today was:

Nothing in particular.  I ran out of energy soon after picking up Amy.  She even thought that I was hungover and I kinda felt like that.  

I napped for a little while in the late afternoon and have recovered some energy from that but also ready for an early night and long sleep, with another day off tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was talkative whilst we were eating but my brain still wasn’t working properly. She was, fairly slowly, drinking small glasses of wine but seemed to me to be getting louder. I could feel some tension within me because of that but I knew it was my problem and not hers.

After eating I went to the bedroom and read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Something I learned today?

You can buy some highly discounted items on the Bath and Body Works website, so I stocked up the cart and will purchase once I get paid!

19th Feb 2025 – Money ran short so that I never bought anything in the end.

Nobody Knows – 11th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 23 Comments

“Why does Spring once again offer its green clothes?”*
A break from the darkness, sprung from where nobody knows

Clinging to warmth on those dark winter nights
Hiding under covers as daylight dallies. Nobody knows

where the world is heading, these paths to be unmuddied
Always turning, the coming and going. Nobody knows

when the lights will turn off, green concedes to the dark again
Again, again – why the black dog barks, nobody knows

These clouds shower down a ridiculous rain
As I long for the green, now gone where nobody knows

*From Pablo Neruda’s ‘Book of Questions’
Shared with dVerse Meeting The Bar, a ghazal somewhat meeting the criteria!
31st Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty bright and positive.  

My lower back is sore from sitting in the cinema for three hours and this morning a bit of tooth, or porcelain (I don’t know what is mine anymore) broke off whilst eating yoghurt and has left it very sensitive.  

I have an appointment on Thursday anyway so hopefully I can hold on until then.

Today I’m grateful for:

The positive feedback that I’m getting on some of my poetry.  I’m also grateful to have found many prompt pages and ideas around poetry forms which I’m enjoying trying out.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a group of various students, some of whom I knew, bonding together as there are few students around this week.  They were bonding by playing truth or dare and a drinking game, though with an assortment of soft drinks, of course.

Still, it is obvious to me where that idea will lead.  What can I say, that’s what we all did at that age.  You live and learn, hopefully without anything untoward happening.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

It was a little annoying that all my first class turned up in the classroom this morning which meant I had to stay around for a while and babysit them, though I took time to visit the other classrooms too.  

All of them were lazily playing on their phones or making up their own ideas of fun.  

I managed to get out about 30 minutes early at least.

Something I learned today?

Britain mocked France and Egypt when they were building the Suez Canal until they realised what a benefit it was for them to be able to get to India two months quicker than previously, in case there was another uprising there.

When Egypt soon came unstuck and wanted to sell its share in the canal, Britain eagerly snapped it up.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered some emotional support to Praew who has become slightly isolated in her class recently. 

Also to Kwang who told me that her mum, who is in Bangkok somewhere, has blocked her phone calls.  I don’t think there is any animosity in it but it must suck to know that your mum is too occupied with other things to take your calls.

I took the motorbike for a little ride, sticking in some petrol and charging up the battery a little for Amy as she wanted to go to the market tonight but hasn’t been able to use the bike since it needing to be kick-started on its back stand. She’s too little to pull the bike up onto it though I reckon she could if she really needed to.

What is one thing I want to learn more about?

I’m watching a video about RipX DAW and reminded that I still need to learn more about using a DAW, particularly the one I already paid for (Ableton Live – which has been so long since I tried it that I had to look up what it was called!) and bought a midi keyboard to use with it.  

I’m really interested to do it but can see that it involves a lot of time investment that I don’t really have enough of at the moment.

Sarah took this picture of Ozone because she stole my phone out of my pocket as Praewa dragged me off to dance on the other side of the room. As she filled up my phone with pictures I only found three worth saving at the end of the day.

Haunted By The Living – 27th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

She’s forever standing next to me
Begging me with bitter sad smiles
Everywhere I turn, the memory
Kept as treasure in my mind’s files

She’s out there still, ten thousand miles away
Taunting me with her continued silence
I only wish that there was something to say
To return her back to this lonely island

Some parade photos. Students and teachers had been at school all night preparing costumes and make-up. What a palaver, my mum would say.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good and looking forward to the sports day event so that when I got to school I surveyed the parade for all my students, many of whom were difficult to spot as they were dressed up so fancily that I couldn’t recognise them at all! 

I slept badly because of my aching shoulder and woke many times laying on my back and when Amy didn’t stir after I exercised I shook her foot and she complained of lack of sleep too due to my snoring.  It’s possible the exercises I’m doing are aggravating my shoulder too much and it is not recovering from whatever stress or strain that I have given it.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kwang, Premier and Program again.  I spotted them in the parade and they grabbed me and insisted I walk with them which I did for a little while.  As Premier and Program let go, Kwang still held on and out of the blue said quietly ‘I miss my dad.’ Sigh.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of excitement and happiness in the whole school celebrating sports day.  In the past, I’ve usually left after an hour or so and gone home but this time, with an hour and a half break at House I stayed until around 2.15pm. 

I was on my way to leave at around midday but got sucked back into staying and ended up trying to find Funfai whilst other students dragged me around to watch all the team’s cheerleader routines, partly because I had an umbrella they could shelter under.

Something I learned today?

Listening to the You Don’t Know Mojack podcast today, they were interviewing Chris Shary who is an artist that works with The Descendents and All.  What was interesting was how he was a high schooler in Ipswich, UK and hung around with the Stupids, even singing with them near the end of their run.  Pretty much useless information but of a little interest to me in discovering more about how everything is interconnected in our little weird music world.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Congratulating everyone who had dressed up for the day.  Encouraging others to cheer and do their best in their competitions. Commiserating with the few who were bored or cold whilst waiting for things to get going.

What was the biggest risk I took this year?

Lending $1600 to Ad Interim so that they could get their album made.  I only knew Max through acquaintance but I liked the band’s music and made the deal for repayment within 12 months and he was good enough to get it paid off within three or four months.  I’m happy to work with people like this.  I can’t offer a lot when it comes to marketing and distribution but can at least support artists with funds for production.

Do you think that most people are doing the best they can?

I borrowed this question from The Red Hand Files where Nick Cave simply replied with the answer ‘No’ which surprised me a little and made me consider why he replied that way.

Even though it seems that there is only tragedy in the world and so many bad people acting in bad ways when I look around my own personal environment I believe most people are doing the best they can.

We can all do better, and all try harder, I guess (maybe that is why Nick Cave answered no to the question) but here, for many people, they are still struggling to get by.

Maybe it’s the difference between living in a first-world country and a third-world one.  Maybe in a first-world one, we expect more of each other and in the third-world folks are doing the best they can in the circumstances.

Bebe took this picture because she grabbed my phone and I just let her take as many pictures as she wanted. I like this one the best because Baibua has a big smile which she doesn’t usually show for me. Namfon, in the middle, has become a favourite student of mine because although we both know she may never be good at English she will now try her best and that is the main lesson to learn. Bebe is on a similar trajectory but still gets very distracted in class, though usually in a way that cracks me up. It’s hard to assert authority when you are laughing so much yourself.

The Feral – 26th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Raised in the manner of wolves
Howling at the moon
Running wild in the company of fools
Wide-eyed in chaotic tune

Tamed and reformed by riches
The devil still pulls at the heart
All are affected by witches
The feral rips itself apart

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good from exercise but still not particularly enthusiastic.  Perhaps due to this month’s struggle with money and its limit on what I’m able to do.

(Later) Things did improve as I spent time at House and then back at school wandering around talking to students everywhere.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Ning who seemed happy enough for me to help assist some of the students in her class – my grade 7 kids.  It’s sometimes fun to join another class without there being any pressure and just offer assistance.

The best thing about today was:

Kwang (and Premier and Program) took my arms and led me around the school whilst chattering away with me, so I feel happy that Kwang is comfortable with me again after her episode last week.  I’d really like to talk more deeply with her and get to how she really feels about things.  She’s still covering things up with bravado at the moment, which is not unusual for kids at this age.

Something I learned today?

I watched Alexei Sayle’s Christmas message where, as a Jew, he supports the Palestinians and calls out the Zionists in Israel as absolute liars. Much of the world is in agreement with his sentiment.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My students were happy that I cancelled all my classes today.  It was possible that we could still have them but they would be distracted and unfocused with many not even bothering to show up.  I feel slightly guilty though!  Though not guilty enough not to be sitting in the cafe writing this right now!  I will go back to school soon though and play with my students and hang around for an hour or three.

What was the best new thing I tried this year?

Best new thing? I’m not sure I tried any new thing!

Maybe I started using the DuoCards app this year which has been pretty helpful with my language learning.

Fuck, that’s not very exciting, is it!

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

As I’m already past the age of 30 and I can remember what my body was like then perhaps having that body would not be for the best.  I was still skinny at thirty, the beer belly came on over the following ten years.  As to my mind at thirty, I was still on my way at that point.  I still had peaks and troughs that overly affected me.

If we could rephrase the question to be 60 instead of 30 then perhaps I would choose my body now, despite it being older and slower it feels like it has improved and is fitter than before.  My mind is also in a better place….  Damn, this is a difficult choice.  The two are inextricably linked – healthy body, healthy mind….  I think I will go with maintaining the body. 

I’m thinking this because of seeing Grandmum now whose body is almost given up and unable to speak but I can’t help thinking that inside her mind is still sharp and that must be so frustrating.

I took this picture because Nicha wanted a selfie. When I showed her later she said she looked like a pig. At least I hope she was talking about herself.

No Sight – 25th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The miracles you’ve forgotten
Are still behind those tired eyes
So long now woe begotten
Every day the same grey skies

No longer believing in dreams
Since they all became real
All is exactly as it seems
You no longer know how to feel

Approaching the end of the night
The winter is setting in
And cold hearts start to bite
With no sight of the spring

Today I’m feeling:

A little down on the way to school but better once surrounded by happy smiling Christmas greeting kids.

A little disappointed but happily so that there are no morning classes as kids prepare for the sports parade on Wednesday and there’s a chance there will be no classes in the afternoon or tomorrow too, which is kind of a shame as I had a cruisey time planned for the kids, just making Christmas cards for all my classes this week. 

Still, it means I’m already here back in my spot at House, drinking coffee already.

Today I’m grateful for:

Fui, who I haven’t seen for a few months but as we talked a little whilst he ordered his coffee he paid for my cup as a Christmas gift.  I wish I had some extra money at the moment to be able to do likewise.

My grade 8 students who welcomed onlooker, my grade 7 student Spain, to play football with them.  Spain has some kind of social problem but is a good kid at heart.  He senses safety with me so follows me around a lot and he was watching me play football and the kids kept asking me who he was. 

I went off for a while to see what else was happening around the school and when I returned he was happily joining in with their games with a big smile on his face.

The best thing about today was:

Playing football and volleyball with my students instead of sitting in the classroom with them.  I waited to see if they would come to class but it was apparent that they wouldn’t and no one else appeared to be teaching either so instead of stealing off I decided to stay longer and play with the kids at least.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The change to the classes today was a bit annoying as I had left the Christmas card making activity until this week.  But still, both teacher and students prefer not to be in the classroom as much as possible, so I guess I will convert this into a new years card making activity come next week.

Something I learned today?

From watching a classic books recommendations video I should try to track down Woman In White, Vanity Fair and Nicolas Nickleby.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Jan and Apple the art pads to write in and give to Baipad, who was sick at home again today.

I joined in with many activities through out the day, encouraging everyone, laughing with them and generally showing a good time and attitude.  Even Kwang has forgiven me for the tough time we had last week.

I dropped by the flower market to pick up some lillies for Amy as a gift.

Perhaps a vile deed was requesting credit from Gui at House for my coffee this week as I’m almost out of money now.

If you’re going to win the lottery, would you rather win £10 million, or £100 million?

Why would someone choose $10 million?  Yes, it’s enough but why not choose $100 million and give $90 million away?  It’s an odd question anyway as there’s no choice in a lottery.

As this is such a fantastical question I’m not even going to think about who I might give $90 million away to.

I took this picture because the red team were practising their cheerleading and dance routines in the cool morning air. Soon after I went off for my second coffee of the day.

Time To Leave – 3rd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

It’s time to leave, time to live
The tough have already got going
The soft remain inactive
But deep down already knowing

It’s time to go, time to be gone
Let the waste remain in this place
Time is forever marching on
And taking up so much space

The magnetic pull unwavering
Stick the cynics in the bin
Tomorrow is not worth savouring
If the journey doesn’t begin

Once again, inspired by this post at Spinning Visions. I am usually inspired by things I see, hear and read (more than conjuring things from the depths of my brain – at least, these days) and I’m catching up on reading Makenna’s journey via her blog.

9th Jun 2024 – Shared with dVerse OLN #363
20th Oct 2024 – Shared with Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – magnetic

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and content. I’m so happy that Amy is back and made our house back into a home again. Everything is clean and tidy! It’s not that I’m terribly messy and dirty but my standard and its importance is lower.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Jern for fixing up some things in the class attendance system for me. It’s important to have a good connection with some co-teachers because sometimes there are things that need to be done that I can’t do by myself.

The best thing about today was:

Unprompted, Kru David commented positively on my new Monotone trousers today. It’s nice to hear that though I never would expect that about my trousers as they are relatively plain when compared to some of the shirts I wear!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I have a smart kid in one class (Kwang) who suffers from a lack of direction and absent parents. She’s smart enough to avoid working hard and avoid getting in too much trouble. 

This week she explained that her phone touchscreen is broken and that she can’t do my work whilst in class but promised that she would do it at home in the evening, which she then didn’t do.  

As I have two old spare phones I figured I would donate one to her so she could do my work in class. I struggled to remember to find it this morning but in the end, I picked it up and found the charging cable too.

I waited for the homeroom teacher to appear in the morning and told her of my idea which she thought was a good solution. However, Kwang’s grandparents sent a message that morning that she wouldn’t be in school today! 

I left the phone with the homeroom teacher as Kwang will likely show more respect for receiving it from her than from me.

Something I learned today?

Of course, surely, I learned many things today but they all seem relatively minor and inconsequential as I try to summon them here to write. 

Name five ways you are quite difficult to deal with?

 I still have a childish reaction to being told what to do and how to do things sometimes, even when offered in good faith and it being a better solution than what I’m trying.

I enjoy things that most people don’t and I detest many things that others seem to enjoy. I’ve softened somewhat over the years and can bear small amounts of detestability. In general, this revolves around entertainment such as music and movies mostly.

I’m happy to be by myself and don’t need much interaction to be satisfied. It’s not that I don’t like people, I really do. It’s more that I don’t find a large percentage particularly interesting and I often don’t feel like investing the time to go deep with them. Others though, will appear that immediately interest me. I can wait for them to show up.

I still sometimes struggle with changing tack after I’ve invested time and effort into the direction I’ve been going. Working in Thailand has definitely made me improve myself with this as changes can manifest with little warning.

In the past, I was quite contrarian, in connection with point 1 here. However, I would say that I am not at all outwardly like that these days, though the thoughts are still entertained internally!

I took this picture because this is an accurate reflection of my place in this world. At the walls of my palace sit the beasts and the jungle.

Ask – 1st September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The old man looks like his life has been lived
The stories contained in the lines on his face
No more want except a smile and a seat
What would you want to be asked in his place?

picture found in a newsletter but I forget which one.

Today I’m feeling:

Positive but a little tired what with it being the end of the week. I sure don’t feel like Fridays are a big day to plan going out and getting drunk anymore. Get home and read a book. What a boring old man but I don’t care. I’ll do what I enjoy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The iron and ironing board that I have located in front of the lounge to inspire me to sit and iron the thirteen clean shirts here too. I’ll watch something interesting or listen to music to make the passing of that time more entertaining. Anyway, I’m grateful to own this equipment and that both the board and iron have served us well for more than five years already.

The best thing about today was:

As I was leaving after my first class this morning I went to see David who was preparing for his class with 2/6. I didn’t make it in to see him though as different groups of kids came to talk to me. Goya appeared in front of me holding the cutest tiny kitten and I immediately grabbed it for cuddles. I couldn’t quite get to the bottom of why she had a kitten in class and I reluctantly gave it back. Still grieving for Kim and our boys getting old, both Amy and I have told ourselves, no more cats but it’s hard to think about when there are unwanted kittens everywhere all the time. Caring for cats so much has tied us down a lot though. Today Amy said that if we didn’t have cats we would be living permanently back in Australia already. I’m finding that difficult to think about as I am feeling so contented here right now.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had planned to spend my four free hours finishing off my grading files but when I tried to log in this morning our school was no longer listed in the system for some reason. I checked with another teacher and they had the same issue. It’s not like there was nothing else I could do in the meantime so it was only a minor annoyance and when I posted a message in our teacher’s group Kru Ren advised that the name of our school had changed for some reason and when I tried again I could get in. I updated all but one class and will get that one completed over the weekend. Bend with the breeze.

Something I learned today?

Amy messaged me that the face-tattooed German guy who ran the Bavarian bar in the city is now in a Bangkok jail and due to be deported back home to face murder charges from his time in a biker gang. I was not at all surprised by this news.

What am I looking forward to this month?

The end of it! The end of this semester and then preparing to go to Australia in October. I’m a bit tired today and started to feel a little wearisome to be teaching today though it’s enjoyable once I’m in class.

Kwang took this picture because I left my phone at my desk whilst I was helping other students. She is a smart independent tomboy, currently with a lackadaisical attitude towards studying. So long as she doesn’t go off the rails she’ll be good in the future. She also has a model-like face which she likes to hide with the mask and could be a child actor, model or somesuch. In comparison, this picture is not particularly flattering of me! Still need to work off some excess rolls of fat that accumulated during my prime years in Australia.