Tag: Lack Of Motivation

Just A Boy – 13th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

She said we can forgive him
Because he is just a boy
As she picked up the bottles
Now empty of their joy

Without a thought or care
For the wider world around
When he needs to be somewhere
He’s nowhere to be found

Anyway, cleaning is for girls
A boy can’t do it well
It’s a privilege to clean the piss
Off the floor where it fell

Dressed in the body of a man
The brain never adapted
The childish mind, a selfish mind
Remains forever distracted

Will he ever become a man?
A real man of her dreams
She’s always doing the best she can
But never enough it seems

So, she sighs, this is her lot
To be a mother of a peer
When she weighs up what’s she got
Just what is she doing here?

Today I’m feeling:

Super tired even after an almost ten-hour sleep. I felt tired around 10 pm last night but was excited to read comics and eventually went to sleep sometime after 11. On waking I still felt dizzy and had a stiff sore neck, both of which are persisting even now as I wait for my first coffee.

Today I’m grateful for:

The kale that Amy has been growing and she threw a handful of it into my lunch of fried rice today.

The best thing about today was:

Reading Roald Dahl’s Boy about his childhood whilst in bed this afternoon and then having a crazy nap.  Woke up feeling tired for the second time today so have done next to nothing.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Doing next to nothing felt out of my control as I lacked motivation and energy. Handled by….doing nothing!

Something I learned today?

I found out that there is a Das Damen reissue of their first record that comes with a bunch of extra tracks.  I will try to find that for sure.  I think I heard that they may be making new music too.  Could be interesting.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Noey was back from her holiday and in catching up she talked about going to Australia and I told her she could talk to Amy for help with going there.

I took this picture because Creme brought these two two-day-old kittens to school as the mother had rejected them. Unfortunately, neither of them made it through the week.

No Longer Delighted – 10th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The golden age has been and gone
We danced those glorious times away
Left exhausted after the final song
The fat lady now has nothing to say

Revival is just a nostalgic fail
That feeling cannot be repeated
At least alive to tell the tale
Yet feeling sad and defeated

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired and unmotivated for most of the day. A good reading day. I feel like I might be able to force myself to do a little workout after talking with Amy and before eating something.

Today I’m grateful for:

The tool (name unknown to me) that was lying around the garden (used previously to try to break down the termite mound in the front corner of the garden) which I used to dig out the tough grass that the gardeners were too lazy to get out from in between the bricks outside the kitchen. The temperature around 5 p.m. is nice now so I’ll try and do a little in the garden. This ended up replacing my exercise for the day.

The best thing about today was:

Reading Clive James’ biography about his childhood in Sydney. He lived in Kogarah which is just a suburb away from my first Sydney home in Allawah. Although I only recognise a few of the places he talks about I can get a feel from my own memories of the area.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My motivation was lacking today and whilst I did a few things I hardly feel like I accomplished anything. I suppose I don’t need to feel like I accomplished things but I often feel like there are lots of things I could enjoy doing but can’t push myself to get up and go.

Something I learned today?

The city of Birmingham in the UK has declared bankruptcy. Things don’t seem too great there at the moment.

What are the most important moments in my life?

Boiled down to basics this would be moving countries and meeting the girls that I would spend my life with, for better or worse.

My old friend Fatty would often criticise me for changing my behaviour when I had a partner and from his perspective, I’m sure there’s some truth to that. I guess because of my father dying I felt my life was missing something and subconsciously knowing that one day my mum wouldn’t be there anymore, I held on closely to my girlfriends.

In my mind, I can kind of divide up my life into who I was with at the time. These people are obviously important to me.

I found this picture online because I was chatting with Baipad about pets and she said she liked border collies. Smart dogs. I still pine to have more animals but not knowing what the future holds makes it difficult.

We got that attitude! – 25th February 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to have a phone that helps me organise things in my life.

The way in which the stream of life is to continue on its journey is written in the sands.

Sufi tale

To-do list

  • Please stay calm ✅
  • Reply Stoa emails – they are challenging ✅
  • Print more for KhawThang ✅
  • Watch out for catastrophic thinking ✅
  • Offer to help someone ✅

A quiet day today. I realised that my self-esteem is not good at the moment and not sure why.

Dealing with the kids today was a bit of a struggle for me to be honest, even though I was fairly calm and relaxed but it made me question what it is I’m doing and if it is bringing me happiness. It could just be end-of-semester exhaustion and a feeling of lack of motivation.

I’ve been thinking a bit recently about what I really enjoy doing and that is tour organising. I don’t see any way to turn it into a monetary venture but it would be something that would bring me closer to contentment. The time to do it would be soon though, as I’m getting older and lots of travel and sleeping on floors will get more difficult. I want to talk with Amy about this sometime when the time is right.

28th May 2024 – The COVID pandemic put any of these ideas to rest.

Tomorrow we have no classes and not been told what we are supposed to be doing so I will plan to finish off some things that I am studying.

I’m also getting to the point of thinking to limit all the information I’m trying to process. It’s all good and thought-provoking but I may not be giving myself enough time and opportunities to process it.