Slowly sipping on iced lemon teas
Savouring the freshness of the breeze
– Who will prepare the food to bring?
– Who will push and pull the swing?

Feet put up and nestled with a read
Imagining there’s nothing else to need
– Who will make sure the dog is fed?
– Who is gonna bake the daily bread?

When the body is settled in for rest
And doing nothing then becomes a test
– Who will ensure the grass is mown?
– And cut the trees that are overgrown?

Dreaming of more of these lazy days
Wondering what the bee to the flower says
– Who’s gonna counter the middle-aged spread?
– The time to sleep is when you’re dead

Submitted to No Theme Thursday picture prompt. The title borrowed from Crass.

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Today I’m feeling:

Tired, dizzy and upset.  I slept very badly, waking at 4 am thinking about Amy and how I haven’t been supportive enough of her.

I was remembering that I had written that when Amy returned from Australia it would be good for her to get some business going and every time we have talked about it it has just felt impossible, in that it feels like it would be too much work for too little return.

Along with the many events since she got back, Grandmum passing, her brother’s wedding (and various issues that that has raised) and friends visiting, it hasn’t really but been easy for her to focus on starting a business too.

But now I feel that this may be able to focus her attention away from sitting around at home and brewing and stewing about things going on.

I started to wonder if one of the reasons that I am generally happier is because I am busy all the time.  I don’t have time to think about the little annoying things that bother me.  Maybe Amy needs that distraction.

I wanted to talk to her this morning about this but she is very grumpy and short with me.  When I asked what was wrong she just said that it was her problem and no one else could help her.  She said it’s nothing about me, that I do everything right, I’m a good husband and she needs to be by herself.

Of course, that could mean anything.  Will she leave again?  Will she leave for good?

I’m really upset about all this but still have to keep my head for work at school.  I’d rather be sleeping and not having to think about all this.  Wild scenarios are playing out in my head and none of them are particularly good.

Today I’m grateful for:

My umbrella.  For my last class (grade 10s) I gave a brief overview of two pieces of work that I wanted them to do, whilst at the same time we would go to the gym to watch one of the students playing volleyball.  Just as we arrived there though the game finished.

I sent the work to our chat group and most of them started doing it whilst a few seemingly slipped away (but I will catch them!).  As they started working though, a huge storm came and flooded the school and also trapped us in the gym on the other side of the football pitch.  We were stuck there for about an hour and I helped everyone who was having difficulty (and I’m chasing those who got away now this evening).

Having planned ahead and bringing my umbrella I made my way back across the field and into the flood! Some kids were trying their best to stay dry whilst others took advantage of the slippery playground and dived headlong across the basketball court.

The best thing about today was:

A poem that I wrote today.  Somewhat inspired by events as written here, it was a challenge to write using lots of metaphors and I feel like I did it well.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not being in the best of moods I struggled with my first class (grade 8s) this morning as they were unfocussed and doing their very best to wind me up.  I ended up choosing a group of about ten boys, some of who were messing around and I asked them to leave.  Things were a bit easier after that though still a struggle.

I sent a message to their homeroom teacher and deducted 5 points from everyone for their disrespect and then tried to forget about it.

Looking back at old entries here I can see that I have said before that it seems that each year’s students seem to be less and less able (generally speaking) and so it seems this year.  I am teaching out of a book that I used with grade 7s a couple of years ago and many of these grade 8s just look at me bewildered!

I had texted a message to Amy earlier with what I wrote above in the What I’m Feeling section and when I got home she was very upset at what she perceived as an attack on her.  Whilst that was not my intention at all I listened as she finally started to open up and get things off her chest.

(Reading back what I wrote I don’t really see an attack on her (of course we all perceive things differently) and I was really just thinking out loud because there was no communication at all last night)

As she was talking I thought perhaps I have misunderstood some things – particularly when it comes to her happiness.  She tells me that she is happy with things at home, with us but not with the things that she can’t control such as the family issue and dealing with the bullshit builder.

I said that I thought that she was unhappy because of all these things and always talking about returning to Australia.  So perhaps I misread some of this and so she took affront at me trying to find ways to keep her busy.

She is a very good homemaker, a great cook and takes care of most everything around the house and I certainly appreciate that about her.  I do not want her to leave me here again for a long period of time if it’s possible.  Yes, we can both survive by ourselves but I was only happy doing that knowing that we were still together, talking every day and supporting each other.

Amy says that I am very involved with my work and students and perhaps that is something that I need to pull back from somewhat. I know that whilst Amy was away I put all my love into little Kim Chi and all my heart into my work.  Now that she’s here again I need to shift my focus back to her.

We are both still upset and ruminating but at least some talking has happened and we both understand each other a little better.

Something I learned today?

I was chatting with Lin and though she was frustrated that she couldn’t say everything that she wanted in English she did very well. I suggested that next year she change to the English Program but then she told me that her parents want her to be a doctor.

I asked her what she wanted to be and she semi-seriously said a K-pop idol.  I asked if she could sing and she sang me a little song. I then asked her about dancing and she said she could but she was too shy to demonstrate.

When I suggested that being shy won’t help her to be an idol she changed her mind to be a gangster’s wife!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I chide myself for my selfishness and lack of understanding of the person closest to me in my life.

I chide myself for a lack of imagination and taking things for granted when it comes to taking care of our relationship.