Tag: live in the now

Subterranean – 5th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 15 Comments

Like Jack, I ran quickly from my dreams
Eager to discover what it all means
In the moment, exploring the themes
Is anything at all what it seems?
– Put it down on paper
– To review this endless caper

I found a box and put time inside

Was it living or was it writing?
It’s only myself that I’m fighting
A jazz dance in the underlighting
Each pair of eyes met, newly smitten
Fresh fruit waiting to be bitten
Another story begging to be written
– Late nights spent on the town
– Running home to get it down

I found a box and put time inside

And when I meet my future me
I’ll open the box to look and see
Words pressed, sentimental free
Whether tragedy or victory
– Presented here from me to you
– A diary of everything I do

I found a box and put time inside

Submitted to No Theme Thursday and dVerse Meeting The Bar (bop poem)
Inspired by the movie The Subterreans, based on the Jack Kerouac novel of the same name, where one of Jack’s girlfriends criticises him for always running off to go and write about the events of the night whilst he could have stayed and enjoyed more adventures. For some reason, this interaction always stuck with me.
Either way, WordPress provides a box of time for our future selves.

Today I’m feeling:

Anxious this morning. I woke up well before my alarm thinking about going to Bangkok and preparing for school next week.

Starting to relax a bit as I wait for the plane as I leave control to others for an hour or so until landing again.

Today I’m grateful for:

The crazy mixed-up rail options in Bangkok for helping learn more about getting around and gauging travel times. It’s also helped me achieve 10,000 steps easily.

The best thing about today was:

Meeting old friends and new ones at the show tonight.  First Nampan and Pam from SpeechOdd. 

Then Team, who is a young uni student that contacted me last week trying to make connections to put together a screamo band. Later, another young guy called Poom bought some screamo from me so I introduced them to each other.

Of course, I met Arwith and his bandmates in Piri Ries.

I met Sano-san from Low Fat again and exchanged CDs. 

I briefly talked with Fern who is the owner of the venue.

Nampan introduced me to the High Voltage folks.

I also met one of the guys from ADxHD (Korea) who also plays in Struggle Session (China).

Another guy came up to me and asked if I was Shaun and if I remembered him? It was Sasha from Russia! I met him about nine years ago in Kuala Lumpur when we were both staying with Kimi!

It is a little sad to think how small our world is because it feels like there are so few of us interested in this music. But it is amazing to bump into random connections anywhere in the world.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Just my sweat. Thankfully I bought an extra pair of clothes as I was expecting this.

Something I learned today?

Coming from Don Muang, don’t get off the train at Chatuchak for Chatuchak market! Even the nearest station at Bang Sue is a fair walk.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I left some stock free of charge at Heaven and Hell. Poowanat gifted me a CD in return.

I sold some merch at a discounted price at the show and also gifted the venue the Trumans Water and Flesh Narc CDs.

I took this picture because I finally got to see SpeechOdd play.

History Now – 8th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You don’t need to worry about the future 
If you made your foundations solid today
Soon this day is done, there’s only looking back
And reflecting on how you got along this way
Say to yourself that you work and you exist
And it’s some kind of history you’re making
What’s done is done and all is set
That’s the future that you’ve been creating

Today I’m feeling:

Struggled to get up as sleep was interrupted a little by being too hot but once I settled in to exercise my body started to feel good and ready to go. My mind followed suit. I’m writing this as I’m stuck up on stage waiting for this ceremony to finish but I’m not resentful or bothered about being here. Rather than feeling like a waste of time I can read or write in relative peace. The two quick coffees I downed before getting here probably helped a lot too.

Today I’m grateful for:

Kru Karn dragging me up onto the stage for the ceremony today. Although I didn’t understand anything it was nice to watch the traditional Thai dance and the beautiful song that was sung. And then Kru Karn asked if I wanted to leave as she said she had class so I managed to escape before it got too boring. A nice way to start the morning.

The best thing about today was:

In the morning, my body feeling good after exercise and my brain feeling good after coffee. Hearing the song the children sang and chatting with Kru Karn, meeting many of my students in a slightly different setting than normal outside the classroom.
In the afternoon, enjoying dealing with my last class for the day and at least making it a little enjoyable for those that are still struggling to understand. Even the students I mildly punish left smiling. Chatting with Kru Fluke and Kru Fang and then gossiping with some of the students before enjoying the drive home listening to a podcast about Killing Joke’s first album.
In the evening, before running out of energy, I enjoyed revisiting the rest of the day.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home around 4 pm I dashed out to go and get the fried fish from the walking street that I usually enjoy but they either weren’t there today or I was too early so I came home empty-handed and had a quick microwave spaghetti meal which wasn’t really enough so I had some pomelo and then some raisins with rice crackers. Even then I didn’t feel sated. 
Around 7 pm I suddenly ran out of energy and feel exhausted and spent. There are a few things I’d like to be doing but feel like I may have to just go to bed. I don’t feel sleepy, I kinda don’t feel anything.

Something I learned today?

I learned that some states in the USA are suing Hyundai and Kia (I think) for their cars being too easy to steal! Now those companies have to keep some hundreds of millions of dollars in reserve for possible compensation claims.  Totally ridiculous!

Where did I make progress?

I made a little progress with my Thai learning and also with my classes. A little progress with working my abs and hanging for 15 seconds a couple of times a day. This progress is slow and steady and is the best type of progress.

How has my personality changed or evolved over time?

I would say I have followed a fairly traditional evolution of personality, gaining wisdom through reflection and not being in such a hurry as in my youth. I’ve learned better control of my emotions, though that has been a long hard road to navigate.

I took this picture because today is ‘respect the teachers’ day and although I was going to skip out I ended up getting dragged up on stage with everyone. I watched the beautiful dance but better still was a choir who sang a really nice Thai song. It made me think about learning some Thai songs to help with language learning.

The Dark Forest – 2nd July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

An invasion is coming
Some are set to flee
To claim a heritage
To remain forever free

Who gets on the ship?
Who’ll steer the way?
There’s limited space
For an unlimited stay

A reckless endeavour
Deciding who to save
The smart or the rich
A master or a slave

Inspired by the book of the same name.
18th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – unlimited

The growth of an acute sense of the past and future, gives us a corresponding dim sense of the present.

Alan Watts

Some people in elevators are going to the top but I know you’re not there with them – 30th October 1994

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Got up early, lost an hour last night due to daylight saving, so pretty tired, ran up to the train station and hopped on, taking the top deck for viewing reasons, I just had the urge to look out the window even though its getting very familiar, it still seems new.

We headed over to Petersham where we lost our way as soon as we got off the train so we called up Geoffrey, who we were visiting, to find out where the hell we were, he told us to wait and he’d come and get us. Sure enough, a couple of minutes later, Geoffrey comes streaking up the street with a big grin for us, pleased that we are here.

We stop off at his place for a while, the more I’m getting to know him I realise how well he’s doing and how he’s coping with his illness, he also comes up with some pretty profound stuff occasionally.

We decide to head into the city and go up Centrepoint and dig the views across the city out to the ocean east and the great dividing range west, the north shore and south to the airport, Botany Bay, where we live and the bush further on where there’s a bush fire raging away on the horizon, we look down at the tiny figures navigating the busy city traffic, the cars all stuck in gridlock, busy on this Sunday midday.

The elevator takes us back down the thousand feet in about ten seconds, our ears pop and through the slight gap at the bottom of the door you can see daylight seeping in reminding you there’s just a flimsy elevator door between your body and the view, rushing past it would be, wind up yer drainpipes.

We all come back to our place and when Geoffrey leaves a while later I feel sad again, maybe because I’m not distracted, because I’ve got time to think and I seem to be spending more time thinking rather than acting at the moment. It’s a long struggle but I’m determined to make it shorter and easier, I will soon be living in the now again.


Now I can’t show you all the things I’ve seen and I can’t make you feel anything, certainly not what they meant to me – 2nd September 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s an exciting life. When Broni gets home I have a delicious meal prepared for her and sit yummying as we talk about our day.

Broni has been very busy at work and soon falls down dog tired but after some rumination we take a gentle stroll into the park as the sun slowly descends somewhere behind some cloud or other. We sit and watch the ducks and swans and talk about belief and good things. We realise how lucky we are, to have each other, to have this adventure and to have the future.

When I get back I have a long chat with Rob on the phone, which involves more shit flying in the Fatty department, which will bore me to death to repeat here and particularly as I am making great pains to forget all about that sad part of my life and to look towards brighter things. It is sad for me to carry a thorn in my side but now I feel able to let it go (haven’t I said this before?) Now feels different though and my future is absolutely soaring away from everything I know here, all the things I like but all the things I dislike too.

Later Broni and Kerry are talking and I join them in the bedroom, Kerry is talking like a maniac, high on life, full of herself because she finally feels comfortable with who she is and recognises her place in the world and realises her worth. She says it’s taken ten years but if you could see her bright chirpy cherub face you can see ambition and content. It was so good to hear her talking positively about life especially after my talk with Rob which dealt more with clearing out negative emotion.

So the cloud over me soon disappeared and I felt a wave of enthusiasm for life come over me and a little bit of loss for not having Steve around to talk to. Broni has me sussed pretty well though and reflects all my good points which make me feel much better and soon we are wrestling and playing in our makeshift bed on the floor.

Before we know it we are awake again, missed our dreams and she is off to work as I get up and cycle around the harbour taking video memories every now and then, through the park to the quay and back along the circuit, catching glimpses of beauty and depths through the cameras eye and hell, I feel so good inside myself today.

It is so easy to forget just how lucky you are to be alive and mornings like these bring it home that no matter what goes wrong, will still be okay.

Now is what’s happening, now is real, live for the now. I will see the sunset over a beautiful peaceful world.

28th Jul 2024 – A video shot of Horton Tower as we were passing by sometime.