The dream is dead, since the sixties Turned to the seventies, nice and sleazy Endless wars processed the hippies and pixies Economic vandals left a peace uneasy
Was it in our name, the forever fight for peace? Did we ever question what’s going on here? The grabs for land then returned for lease The struggle for survival, a punishment severe
Can the decks be cleared with genocide? The algorithms are running the numbers There’s no longer a place to hide And we’re left holding only clunkers
Sign away our lives with disappearing ink Fingers crossed and handshakes informal Accustomed to shit we no longer smell the stink This is the new normal – abnormal
Last night I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with my brain running. This has happened for two nights in a row but last night it was much more difficult to get back to sleep.
A few days ago, I decided to cut the Tramadol tablet in half to try and cut down and maybe give myself a break from taking it for a while to see how I feel. And last night I thought that this was perhaps what had caused me to wake up because this waking up with my mind running hasn’t happened since I started taking Tramadol.
I will see how it is tonight and go from there. I’ve been incredibly calm and content since taking Tramadol but still curious if I can be that way without it.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Boom, my grade 12 student. We were studying the IELTS Speaking exam about technology and a main question was about how your life would be different without your most precious item of tech.
To demonstrate I took Boom’s phone and put it in my back pocket and asked her how she felt. After she finished, I purposely didn’t give it back, which she accepted well.
I carried on talking with other students for about 20 minutes and she only once play-whined,’ Teacher – my phone…’ but I still held on to it.
Once I’d finished talking, I opened the camera app on her phone and walked around the classroom taking random photos. Everyone was laughing and Boom took it all in her stride.
In the evening, I asked her if she had any good pictures from today and she sent me this one:
The best thing about today was:
The whole class mentioned above was a pleasure to teach again. A fair few students were missing, which made it even easier to get more personal interactions.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The downside of those missing students is that they missed the prep for work required for next week. Well, nothing I can do about that.
Also, in my grade 8 class, I have them reading in groups of 4 and Ten has not been prepared to do anything to help himself, so I put pressure on his group that if I grade the group it will be to the lowest scorer amongst them.
I know this will have a negative effect in that it will make the group members think even less of Ten than they already do but I want to demonstrate to them that this is what happens in real life. The weakest person lets down the whole team.
Something I learned today?
I learned a whole lot about semi-fake mobile game ads, why they are made and how they are implemented. It was a head-shaking experience.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I talked a little with grade 8 student Film today, as he has cut himself off from Ten and No, as they are not really fulfilling his expectations of friendship. I’m just conscious that last year he came to me to discuss his mental health and I don’t want him to be so isolated and cut himself off from everyone. It’s a weird group of kids in that class for sure. I like them all, except for Ten.
You can have me over and over again But your hands will never reach all the way around Your honeymoon here might seem fantastic But soon enough your feet will touch the ground
Here now where it all seems right Sipping coffee and getting scribble down Trees dance shadows across the windows And soon enough this will be your town
Not so bad. I woke up a little unsure how I was feeling but pushed myself up and out of bed with a surprise alarm and kick-started myself with exercise that I really didn’t want to do but glad that I did.
I got inspired to write some new lessons after finding a podcast for teen girls, which I can easily adapt for my classes. I guess I’m feeling a little more invigorated than the last few days at home. I know that this is trying to tell me something but I’m kinda trying to ignore it!
Baipad didn’t come to school today, which is not unexpected. She had messaged Fahmai already that she was crying all last night.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Mai reminding me that we needed to have 50% of our grading scores in the system. I saw a message in Thai about this at the weekend so I knew it was something being done but usually I don’t do anything unless instructed in English.
I had already been filling in scores over the last couple of months anyway, so it was no big deal to fill out the rest with the four hours I had free today.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling in control. I felt above average all day without any wild highs or low lows and I felt that I could deal with everything that got thrown at me, which wasn’t much anyway.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Tomorrow is another event day and some of my grade 12 students are generally busy preparing things for it. They asked me for free time tomorrow and I consented on the condition that they must submit a small piece of work by the end of the day for me.
It’s hard to consistently teach some of these classes as there are always students missing, being taken off to do other projects. I’m getting used to it now.
Something I learned today?
Wipping came to class late and fake-crying because Kru Tan had scolded her and the team that performed in the drama competition a couple of weeks ago (despite coming second in the whole northern region!).
This evening I messaged Wipping to ask why they were still talking about it, assuming that only the winners went on to the next stage of the competition. She told me that the top 3 go on, so they will be under more pressure from Kru Tan to perform well.
My guess is Kru Tan is old school, motivating them with threats, bullying and pressure. All of the students involved are down and depressed about it but I’m trying to get them to deal with it and deflect away from that method of motivation.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Every Wednesday morning now I sit in on the class that used to be assigned to me and help the students with their work. I’m glad that the Thai teacher is ok with it because it fills a bit of my day rather than just sitting in the cafe until 2.30 and it’s a no pressure class, I can just help when I want and the rest of the time I’m preparing other lessons.
After school, I was starving and decided that I would ride up to the uni market to get food and could drop in on Baipad on the way to see how she was. Perhaps a day off was what she needed because she seemed happy and over any residual grief from yesterday. I took both her and her sister up to the market and we all got ourselves fed.
I took this picture on Saturday because I wanted to make a joke with Baipad and Jan (walking by with NamHom), saying ‘Look, three buffalo and NamHom.’ Buffalo is the slang word for ‘stupid’ here.
I have fallen into a habit of writing at a cafe near my school. It’s fairly quiet and with a bit of reading of other people’s writing, I am usually inspired to write a poem or two myself.
The downside to this is that I have found it more difficult to write at other times and so when it is the weekend or school holidays I have to force myself more to find the time and place to write.
I have a blog policy to only have one post a day and have been adding a poem a day for the last three years or so. Up until about six months ago, I was always a week behind with posts but since using many different prompt blogs I’ve managed to get a couple of months ahead, so posts will still keep coming even after I’m gone!
As a writer, I find it important to read as much as possible. Books-wise I pick ones that I am interested in but blog and poetry-wise I’m still refining what interests me, sometimes slogging through poems and prose that doesn’t engage me at all. That is still a lesson for myself though, helping me to define more what it is that I want to say.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good after a slow start. I wasn’t sure which way things were going to go as I could easily have slept until 10 am given the chance.
However, I was up at 6 am and did a little testing workout and now all Amy’s cookies are gone, I’m slowly losing some weight again!
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru Mai organising another two hours for me to teach on Monday morning after having that time freed up with the grade 12 HAP students off for three months training.
Initially, when I approached him about it he said that I could have free time and he was a little surprised when I told him that I didn’t want free time but wanted to teach.
The best thing about today was:
Writing and posting a decent poem that got some nice feedback. I’m starting to feel reasonably competent with my writing and getting feedback certainly helps with that.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m still being lazy when I get home from school and just sit watching TV. I want to push myself more but also understand my body may not be so willing these days.
Something I learned today?
I was reminded that today is my old primary student PunPun’s birthday. I haven’t seen her for four years now and I asked her if she kept in touch with her old classmates and I was surprised to hear that she didn’t contact them at all!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
Baipad messaged me talking about flying foxes so I regaled her with information about them in the Royal Botanical Gardens in Sydney.
She also talked about making art from animal bones and it reminded me of The Black House and I offered to take her and her friends there if they wished.
I took these pictures to send to Jan and told her that we all miss her. As you can see, Apple and Baipad are both suitably unimpressed at having their pictures taken in the morning.
This Island Under night Skies a-blazing Rows and rows of homes Turning to ash and dust Maui, Hawaii – on fire No rescue until it’s too late There’s money to be made rebuilding This island under night skies a-blazing
Destruction and death Build back better, U.S.A. Casino waiting
The Country of the Blind. – Stanzas 1 and 4 by C.S. Lewis
Hard light bathed them and a whole nation of eyeless men dark bi-pedals, not aware of how they were maimed A long process, clearly a slow curse drained through centuries Left them thus
If a man, one that had eyes a poor misfit, spoke of the grey dawn, or the stars or green sloped sea waves Or admired how warm tints changed in a lady’s cheek None complained he had used words from an alien tongue None questioned. It was worse. All would agree “Of course.” Came their answer “We’ve all felt like that.” They were wrong.
……………… 1. What is Lewis saying? 2. Here he compares the poet to the masses who believe they have experienced the same feelings. Why does Lewis say they are wrong? Look at the first stanza. 3. What are your feelings in comparing the poem to society, today?
This has taken me a while to get to as I prefer to spend my time writing over analysing. Slowly I am starting to appreciate analysis though so as to better understand what a poet might be saying.
So, today I finally came back to this and interestingly I read this quote this morning which seems along similar lines:
That showed me in an instant that not by wisdom do poets write poetry, but by a sort of genius and inspiration; they are like diviners or soothsayers who also say many fine things, but do not understand the meaning of them.
– Socrates, The Apology
To attempt to answer the questions…. 2. Lewis says that they are wrong because society as a whole blindly accepts what it may be told. (Does this connect with the phrase ‘the one-eyed man is the king of the blind?). 3. In comparing the poem to society, I can see the parallels but as a poet, I prefer to consider myself with the man with eyes. But then, maybe individually, we all do that. And thus we end up with society. Individually thinking and believing different things and collectively believing the same things.
And I think that answers question 1.
Today I’m feeling:
Pretty good again. I forgot to write anything this morning as instead of spending the first six hours of the day at the cafe I decided to sit with my old class and help some of them with their work though I also took advantage of this time to make some future lessons.
Sitting in that class made me look at the kids a little differently. I could see that they were more attentive to the Thai teacher and understood more (obviously). They still struggled when it came to answering questions and their comprehension but it made me feel a little more sympathetic with them.
The work Kru NumNim has been giving them is from the British Council and I decided to take it and reuse it for my reading classes with them. I’m hoping that they at least remember some of it and can draw on their learning in this class when it comes to doing it again in mine.
At House, I sat, read and wrote as usual and now felt that 4 hours was an ok amount of time to spend doing that, instead of the six hours of the previous couple of weeks.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the folks who ensured that my records arrived safely from Hong Kong.
The best thing about today was:
Everything again. It was consistently good from morning alarm, exercise, breakfast and driving to school to getting home, sitting back and watching videos.
I’m also feeling a little relief at having fewer hours to teach tomorrow than before too as another two hours got passed on to another teacher.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The parcel of Bennu The Heron records arrived yesterday but I had to go and pick them up from the main post office and pay 700 baht tax on them which is just about the end of my money for the month.
Still, it was better than paying what Amy originally thought was 4000 baht. If it had been that much then I would have sent them back.
Something I learned today?
I found Yurin sitting by herself today and she looked up at me sadly and said ‘No friends’. I talked with her for a little while and she said that she was quarrelling with Dena and Earn though I’m not sure about what. I told her not to worry and maybe it will all blow over.
Later I caught up with Dena and she said that Yurin was always causing drama and everyone was sick of it. Actually, I’m not surprised at this as Yurin was always causing problems in the first semester of grade 7 when she was hanging out with Hyper, who eventually got taken out of school by her parents. Somewhere inside, Yurin has some conscience, though sadly, I don’t think the future holds much positive for her.
Praew told me that she won’t be in school tomorrow as she has to go to hospital and when I asked her why, she explained that she has to get new medicine for depression.
I asked her how she felt after taking the medicine and she said that she felt better but it also made her more anxious. I noticed before that she has shaky hands. She’s a bright and funny girl and I wouldn’t have guessed that she was taking medicine for depression.
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I told Praew that she could talk to me anytime if she wanted.
For the last couple of days, I’ve been trying to encourage Baipad to do something kind for her friends. Yesterday she offered up that she lent her lip balm to her friend.
But then I asked her to do something intentionally kind today and she was stuck.
When I saw her in the morning she and all her friends were all just sitting playing games on their phones, with barely any interaction between them.
She told me that she will go to Chiang Mai tomorrow so I reminded her that she could buy a nice gift for a friend or something like that. Let’s see if she does!
I took this picture because Jin demanded it. Ueang and Jin, busy avoiding study.
A little tired on waking, after our cats kept scratching at the door as soon as the sun came up. On the third or fourth time of letting Cap in and out, I rolled over, snuggled back in for my alarm to go off a second later. Up and at ‘em!
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru NumNim taking over my morning class from today. Unfortunately, it means I have six hours to kill each Wednesday now before my only class of the day. Fortunately, I have six free hours now!
I think the kids were pretty happy, too – it’s cut down my hours with these grade 8s from 9 to 7.
The best thing about today was:
I got a message from Nancy to drop by the office and was happily surprised to find a cheque for 2750 baht. I’m not sure what it is for, but I’ll take it!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
By the end of sitting with my laptop at House for six hours waiting for my class, I was pretty exhausted, and my eyes were feeling strange. I pulled back on asking too much of the class, and we just went through some translation, a word search game and then a spelling test.
Everything was going as planned until a couple of students had their bags packed and ready to leave even though the class wasn’t finished. I told them to sit down, but then one, Nomsen, started crying. After a minute or two,o Film told me that there was some sort of family emergency and that Nomsen’s family were waiting for her downstairs. If that was the case, why were other students wanting to leave too?
I let Nomsen go but made everyone else stay, and the lesson was over probably only ten minutes later, even though the allocated class time still ran for another half an hour. Much like the kids, I want to get home, too!
Something I learned today?
Amsterdam to phase out 1,280 Chinese CCTV & traffic cameras over five years amid spying concerns! Oh, the ironing!
Review your acts, Good and bad.
I got to school quickly this morning, quicker than necessary and cut in on a car that came out of a junction and drove slowly, forcing everyone to change lanes. Considering how much time I had to get to school, I can slow down.
Getting home….ugh. Having to go to TLC after school meant I hit the traffic driving, and I can’t stop myself from getting annoyed at people not moving up quickly enough once the lights are green.
I was pretty hungry and tired, but I should try to breathe and take it easy. I’m sorry, everyone.
What’s one world event that has recently impacted me?
Since the pandemic, there is not really anything going on in the world that impacts me directly. Things like wars and politics in other countries do impact financially with inflation. The politics in Thailand and locally have no real effect that I know of, too. Maybe ignorance is bliss? If I have no idea about something, is the impact lessened? Is it only our perception that makes us more emotional?
Being that she is someone who Seeing makes me happy, the Snowball’s chance in hell A know-all’s what you are But not everything is about you, Shut up for a minute to Hear the story I tell, Clearly, it’s not about me So you are the one who Go and let me be my Best for all of my friends, Rest your head where you are
A golden shovel using Black Flag’s Jealous Again – “Who the hell are you to tell me who my friends are”, with bonus rhyming first words (mostly). Submitted to Living Poetry’s Monday Poetry Prompt: Green
Today I’m feeling:
Better than yesterday for sure. My throat is still a little itchy and my brain isn’t quite in gear but I have little to do at school today and can relax a lot. Maybe I will even sleep in the dentist’s chair today.
Today I’m grateful for:
My new bridge that fixes my teeth up again until the next crumbling occurs. My mouth feels semi-normal again.
The best thing about today was:
Trying new coffee at Block Booster as Gui is in Japan for a week. The coffee was pretty good and the time flew by way too fast there and all of a sudden I had to rush to be at the dentist, who was predictably, running late.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I ran out of energy in mid-evening and didn’t get to write here or finish any Thai study. Never mind.
What does ‘home’ mean to me?
Home means safety and comfort.
A little more obliquely, home is where my stuff is. I can make a home anywhere.
There was a period of time when, after living at ‘home’ with my mother for twenty-plus years I moved house more than ten times in the space of two years (including moving from the UK to Australia).
Each of those places was home in some small way.
I took this picture because I had to take Amy to get noodles and whilst we were waiting the sun was a deep pink turning burning red through the smoky atmosphere as seen at the end of the soi.
In grobblegrinch not merry met A whistlewomp paced upset Eyes colder than the darkest coal A ghosting galloped across my soul – The frugglefrau awaits beneath – The bridge, baring broken teeth The flutterflumps flew in fright As tolling bells queried the night Clearly here the foxes gather To feast on human gristleslather
A little flat. Summer has kicked in seemingly overnight and there are no more cool nights, at least not indoors. With the tail end of this flu, it has left me a little tired (though not sleepy) and easily affected by other’s moods or actions.
Today I’m grateful for:
A weed shop open in our little village! This evening Amy wanted to go and get some medicine and as we were riding home there was suddenly the smell of weed. Amy wanted to stop and bought a brownie in the hope that it will aid her to sleep better tonight.
The best thing about today was:
Getting through more than half of my grading for this semester and doing a lot of it during class time after setting some work and letting the students get on with it. It’s not even due yet but I want to get it done.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I forgot my medicine this morning so have been a little bit dizzy all day. Missing one day doesn’t affect me in that I will be depressed but the dizziness can be disorienting, otherwise I’m not thinking about the fact that I’ve missed it.
Something I learned today?
I bumped into my struggling student on the way to another class and they were on their iPad so I sarcastically asked if they were playing games or studying but they were actually live streaming. Live streaming whilst studying – and getting paid for it too! Sometimes 2000 baht they said! I waved to their followers and went off to class.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I followed up on the student who was struggling yesterday and they seem a bit better today. I gave some more tips and things to think about.
I also gave Baipad some more advice on using her brain more and trying to be more sociable. She reminds me of myself at times, much like all my students.
Imagine that, all my students are little pieces of me, running around as a reminder of what I was like! Is this a game? A fantastic AI simulation?
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 22. Don’t Blame People. What’s the point? Do you want to punish them? You don’t do that to people. Also, don’t blame yourself—you’re only human.
I’ve gotten better at this over the years. I would switch between blaming others and blaming myself. There are no winners in that thinking!
I took this picture on Saturday at the housewarming in the rice fields. No pictures today.
I met a salesman from an orange land Who said “Two fat and chubby legs of stone Stand on the golf course…In the bunker, on the sand Buried in broken promises, whose botox smooth Unwrinkled lip, and sneer of old demand Tell that it’s maker well understood Lifeless things will always be lifeless things This hand mocks him, there is no good And on the pedestal, these words appear My name is Trump, you’re fired! Look at my face, losers, and despair No trace remains of policies of decay A colossal trainwreck of heartless hot air Blows across the bunkers and far away.”
The charging cable that I always borrow from Kru Mai so I can use the speaker in the classroom. I’m charging now so I can use it for class tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
In my morning class finding 100 baht that someone had dropped but no one claimed. I kept it and waited to see if anyone would come back to claim it though no one did.
In my second class, it was Anchan’s birthday and we sang her happy birthday. Often the kids ask me for money and I’ll give them one baht and tell them to share. Anchan cheekily asked for 100 baht and as I was up for the day I gave her the money I’d found.
Something I learned today?
In 2010 the US Supreme Court made a ruling in Citizens United versus Federal Election Commission that companies are people and money is speech, therefore allowing companies to use money to influence the political process, effectively turning the US into a plutocracy.
What is my favourite photo of the past month?
I think this must be the pictures Aing took of me at the waterfall. The experience itself was fantastic and freezing and then to see myself, a flabby middle-aged man in his underwear dwarfed by the torrents of water falling from the rocks yet laughing with joy, stupid mad joy still motivates me to live my life any way I can and want.
I took this picture because, in the messy garden of House which is full of green everything, this red flower overhanging the path screams ‘take my picture’!
A lazy weekend spent trying to keep my brain in control. It wasn’t too bad but it meant not being in the mood to do anything much.
There’s a bunch of chores I was hoping to complete but ended up doing only the essentials so another huge pile of shirts awaits as well as all Amy’s indoor plants that need some topping up with water.
At the the start of the week I’m somehow filled with energy but by the end I’m knackered. This weekend was a catch-up with myself.
To push myself a little I’ve messaged Bruno to go for a little ride which also forces me to get my bike a quick service and a wash too. By committing to some things I’ll get pushed along.
I did spend the weekend chatting in LINE with some students about their futures and that was a good little exercise in communication, not just for them but for me too.
Back in the classroom, this morning was fun as I’m relaxing into the end of the semester, as the students have been doing for the last six weeks or so already.
Sometimes I question whether pushing the kids harder is the right thing to do. Their lives are so much easier compared to my own experience and what I understand for many other students around the world. In my mind that leads to laziness and lack of innovation or critical thinking.
I look at myself and realise how I, myself, hidden away from people, generally ignorant of the dramas of the world, feel much happier that way. Maybe there’s just no right and wrong, or good or bad way. I can feel that I’ve bonded with this group of M1 (grade 7) students – I guess as we’ve had at-school classes for the whole year instead of the lockdown interruptions of the last two years.
I’ll miss these kids as I won’t teach them so much next year if class arrangements stay the same
Can you appreciate I’m in a state? What can I do To please you? Can you appreciate Not complicate? But I feel this way No matter what you say Can you appreciate It’s not too late? Can you appreciate me Just by what you see? Can you appreciate And concentrate On what’s inside That I can’t hide? Can you appreciate Then deliberate About what I should do To please you? Can you….?
1994ever 