Tag: loss

You Are The Key – 17th October 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 5 Comments

Cultivate your garden
On the revelations of loss
A flower to push on through
The weeds you’ll come across

Are you terrified of the rain
Or love rolling around in mud?
Either way, stand up again
To see roses made from blood

There always was a before
And there will be an after
For every tear spilt
Endless hours of laughter

You can hold onto your pain
Keep it safely in a box
Remind yourself now and again
Of this healthy paradox

Inspired and paraphrased from this post at Spinning Visions

Broken Poetry – 31st August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Is this matrix worthwhile?
I miss her, I miss her so
Broken hearts will mend in time
I know, I know, yes, I know

Inside broken poetry
Made a home from a dead heart
We are creatures made to love
And duty-bound, play our part

She has gone and I’m still here
The cosmic universe chose
She’s shown me that I’m worth it
Back to the matrix she goes

Inspired, borrowed and paraphrased into seven-syllable lines from the question and answer at The Red Hand Files #293

The Decline and Fall of the British Empire, 1781-1997 by Piers Brendon
(reviewed at Goodreads.com)

I love the language used in this book though it did make it a little bit of a slog but, as an Englishman myself, this was a fascinating journey. Somehow, in my youth, I was aware of the way things were going in Britain and got myself out just before the end of this book, the handover of Hong Kong.

I was appalled at the lies and deceit of the Empire and thoroughly enjoyed following its decline. I also noted how the USA was (hypocritically) critical of Britain’s colonialism before they stepped into the breach after WW2. And it fills me with warmth to see the USA making the same mistakes since then, and being able to watch their own empire’s decline in real time.

Red Dress – 22nd November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The last time you looked at me
Your eyes were pleading
‘I don’t know what’s happening
And I don’t like it’
We waited for each other
But were never able to see again

Your world in a plastic bag
That will still end up in landfill
And survive for ten thousand years
The relentless tide offers little comfort
Except that it will be there tomorrow
But I’ll never wear this red dress again.

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good but the headache from coughing is still annoying. I think it will hang around for a couple more weeks so it’s just a case of soldiering. People are sympathetic with each other at school though as everyone is coughing, sneezing or has lost their voice.

Today I’m grateful for:

Tim from Chocolat Frog for messaging me to introduce me to their new album which I had already downloaded anyway. Listening and enjoying it right now.

The best thing about today was:

Being pleased with the engagement with both my classes today. They were a pleasure and everyone did well. Maybe the little bit of support I gave yesterday helped. Let’s see if we can keep it up until the end of the week!

Something I learned today?

For some reason the app for ThaiPod101 doesn’t include the flashcards which is disappointing as I’ve found them a useful tool. With a bit of fiddling around though I discovered how to import them into Duo Cards so I’ll use that to reinforce what I learn during the TP101 lessons.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I offered a wish of better health to Kru Ren who has been struggling with some kind of flu for more than a month already and today complained of losing his sense of taste.

I congratulated the students who got into the programs they applied for and commiserated with those that didn’t.

I took this picture because this grass looked nice in the morning golden hour as I took Leo for his walk at around 8.15am. It’s cool now but not cold enough for a jacket for me. The kids at school are wrapped up already though and complain about how cold it is.

Tony Suspect – STE Bulletin – 5th January 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

SUSPECT THOUGHTS WITH TONY

How do you react to the loss of a friend? On the evening of December 28th, I got a phone call, it was Rob. Of course, as I recognised his voice, I gave him a cheery “Hello” + expected to be told when our next practice was. As if reading my thoughts, his next words were “We won’t be practising for a few weeks”, there was a pause before the hammer blow “Steve’s dead”. I was stunned, I just couldn’t believe it. Rob was understandably, in a bit of a state + after giving me all the details he had, he rang off. I just sat there in a daze, there were no tears, no overwhelming sense of grief, nothing, except that I couldn’t get Steve out of my thoughts. For the next few days, I would suddenly find that I had been sitting just staring into space thinking of Chrissy, Amanda + Rebecca, the band + then back to Steve again. It was like I was numb. I still couldn’t accept that I wouldn’t be seeing him again.

I had known Steve for years but not all that well. I’d see him at gigs, we might say “Hi” to each other but that was it. Then we started THIRST together (with Shaun + Shane) + as the band progressed + we got to know each other better, I’m pleased to say we became quite good friends. He would often say that, above all else, the band were all good friends + that’s what kept us together when we’d have bad practices + couldn’t find a compromise. We stuck at it + things got: better + because we all got on so well, being in THIRST became cool.

Our first: demo may not be perfect but the time we spent recording + mixing it was fun, we were having a good time + achieving something with our band, it’s a happy memory I will keep forever. Like me, he was a football nut + we were talking about playing for the same team, something 1 was really looking forward to.

Steve was really into THIRST, so Jon, Rob + I have decided to keep the band going, keeping the name + recruiting someone who knew Steve + who Steve liked. Rob will move over to guitar + we have Phil of CHICKEN-BONE CHOKED, coming in to play bass. I’m not sure how permanent this will be as obviously Phil has his priorities with CBC but we hope to record a single as a tribute to Steve, featuring a couple of tracks he played on, plus some new stuff.

So, how did I react? Just shock I suppose, I still find it hard to come to terms with, it’s just so sad to lose someone you liked + respected. Writing this, along with reading the obituaries, was the hardest thing I’ve had to do since he died, it’s kind of brought it all home to me but (as l write) the funeral is still to come + that will be worse.

Now our thoughts must be with Chrissy + the kids + in that we will always remember Steve. He was one of the nicest. people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I may not have known him well for as long as a lot of others but I value the time we spent as friends. Steve, I will never forget you.