Caterpillar Youth – 31st October 2023

Your youth breaks your heart
Trying to make someone love you
Push together and pull apart
As one returns to two

In the wake of all that came
As the stories were often repeated
It’s easy to lay the blame
At the child so easily defeated

Dazzling colours hide the truth
That a butterfly is waiting
To leave behind its caterpillar youth
To a life of constant recreating

Inspired by words and parts of this post at Spinning Visions
Submitted to dVerse ‘young and green’


Today I’m feeling:

Positive and relaxed. The calm before the storm. Back in the classroom tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the folks who have been diligently working on putting together the Jornada Del Muerta 12” over in Turkey. I can see it has been difficult for them to organise and all I’ve had to do is just send money when necessary. Hopefully, the packages turn up safely though I don’t expect to have anything for Friday which is the release date.

The best thing about today was:

Getting a haircut. My winter cut. The Lady was very busy today as the locals were all bringing their kids in, as many go back to school tomorrow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy and I went up to the book fair at the University this afternoon. Before we left I’m sure I heard her say it was at the library so when we arrived nearby I headed off in that direction. When we got there there was nothing on and Amy asked me why I came to the library!

She was annoyed with me but at the same time didn’t know where the fair was either. We got pointed in the right direction and as Amy grumpily walked back I was happily enjoying the perfect temperature and the beautiful smell of evening flowers in the air. It was good to be able to walk anyway.

Something I learned today?

Leaked documents show that Israel deliberately shot its own people when Hamas attacked them on October 7th, blaming Hamas for all the deaths. Just to justify the genocide they are now carrying out in what is left of Palestine. Other documents show plans to remove all Palestinians from Gaza and into Egypt.

I took this picture because MFU sure is photogenic at this time.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #55 – 12th September 2020

From now I’m going to tell you that these selections are highly curated, carefully selected and specifically ordered for your listening edification by world-renowned DJtenzenmen.

I tell you this because these kinds of things sell!

The truth is that the music is randomly selected by iTunes – but as the iTunes library is already carefully selected with only the best top quality material from 50 years of research then satisfaction is surely guaranteed!

This week there’s music from Shield Your Eyes, Cecil Buffalo and the Prophets, DJ PicaPicaPica, Invisible Ghost Luigi, Mutants, Butthole Surfers, PFM, Sun City Girls, Gelbart, Ne Zhdali, The Freeze, Massacre, Cypress Hill, Deep Turtle and Orthrelm.

Intro and background music by Utotem.

Brain dump (by mouth)

Attempting morning pages exercise using dictation with phone (Samsung)

Your post goes against community standards
Who was the man in the castle?
Ride around MFU placing stickers – advertising podcast – my stickers are tiny – maybe some people will see, will notice
Utopia this morning – met Pim, Fern’s friend
Woke up late – decided to turn off alarm in the middle of the night – My plan schedule now out of whack
Soon I will read Hendrix – Maybe sort out some more music – Do yoga – Meditating – some more reading – Maybe record some more podcasts in the evening
Try to relax
Teaching English online – I don’t look forward to it but enjoy it when it happens
2 o’clock already
Big rain – big sun big rain
Next week not many hours – How to make use of the time – Always things to do

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my cracking neck these days. Hopefully, it is cracking more because it is becoming more flexible with doing more stretching and yoga. It feels sore but better than before.



The dearth of new ideas makes us wallow in our shame (The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #16) – 14th December 2019

I’ve been considering what content I can put here as some of my personal thoughts and feelings about this particular place I am now living (and enjoying) could cause me trouble. It’s funny how Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles but often times it feels like the Land of Fake Smiles. Having a couple of years experience here now, I understand these reasons but cannot fully support a positive attitude towards it. This is the balance I am trying to find in my world.

Perhaps that balance has always been there even in the other places I have lived but I haven’t noticed it so much and oftentimes found myself in difficult or at least odd situations. I don’t ‘play the game’ very well still but I’m getting there. If this sounds like generalised waffle, I apologise. I will try to make an orderly composition of my thoughts at some point.

Out of one of the most difficult times I’ve had in Thailand I found myself keen to focus some energy into something personally (and somewhat selfishly) fulfilling. In what little downtime I had when I was pushing myself too hard preparing lessons for my grade 5 English class I would throw my iTunes playlist on shuffle and found myself quite enthralled at the collection of digital music I collected.

The randomness reminded me of those late school nights furtively listening to John Peel’s radio show under the covers, falling asleep as I lay hoping to hear the latest and greatest punk tunes in amongst all the other genres being pioneered. This exposure to many different styles of music laid the groundwork for events many years in the future when I was organising shows for bands in Sydney and subconsciously decided on mix billed being the best way for people to hear new music. Never a way to a successful financial business model, it kept my brain satisfied and able to calmly appreciate music I didn’t particularly enjoy, anticipating music that I would.

So it was that iTunes on shuffle kept popping up a classic tune (classic to me), a dodgy old punk demo, an experimental noise soundscape and a 60s garage rocker, with many things in between. Nothing really modern mainstream though. It’s amazing some of the music from my youth was considered mainstream back then. It shits all over what is mainstream now.

Anyway, digging this vibe I even ended up downloading a bunch of reggae and African music that Peel always used to play – just to try and get that reminiscence in full force. Things I may not listen to as a full recording of suddenly make a lot of sense squished in between things I was more familiar with. I ended up down many paths of discovery of experimental music from around the world – as opposed to ‘world music.’

With need of some distraction, I decided to put together a ‘radio’ show and upload the result to the Mixcloud platform. I mostly take the tracks as they were shuffled through iTunes and do a bit of back announcing. I also decided to play around a little with some of the songs and introduce some moments where I could read a paragraph or two from books from my shelves.

To give this odd mix a little focus I decided to target my audience to the university students at the local uni which is less than a kilometre away from where I am. I roped in a few of my student friends from there and also from my favourite local coffee shop, to do a bit of speaking and to have their pictures taken. So was born The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour and the push for musical world domination.

The tenzenmen music library
Gus, Mink, Nu and Aing – in the music library.

Understanding that my tastes are almost niche beyond niche I would not expect a huge audience for what I’m doing but really that is not the purpose. I do it for myself. I really enjoy putting it together and messing around with things, trying to come up with some new ideas for presentation. I’m contemplating how to do this mix in a live setting and finding a place to do it but I don’t have much time to practice that part as well as not having a completely reliable equipment setup. A new laptop is a little out of reach at the moment.

So, if you’ve read this far you may be curious to hear what these shows sound like? Or scared to find out. Either way, it seems like this is a good vehicle to post links to each show and also force me to write at least once a week as new episodes appear.

“Remember life on earth is but a flash of dawn
And we’re all part of it as the day rolls on”

Music from Ween, Magic Mushroom Band, No Babies, The Ebonettes, goat, Andy Partridge, Acanthus, Banned, Hebosagil, The Yellow Payges, Bad Brains, Daniel Striped Tiger, Martin Archer, Teenage Depression, Mudhoney and Donovan.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that I could do so many things yesterday and keep going even though I was so tired by the end of the evening. I kept a good attitude and wasn’t so anxious about things that I wanted to do compared with some things that I had to do.

Did it list

  • Encouraged Fern to learn to make my coffee at Utopia.
  • Got my haircut.
  • Uploaded TCRAH podcast.
  • Recorded new TCRAH podcast.
  • Prepared and executed a quick fun game for my two students today.
  • Got through a little of the never-ending sorting of music, on computer and CDs.
  • Wrote another blog post and enjoyed the process of writing.
  • Got passport photocopies done.
  • Rosie offered to do quick drawings and send them out as postcards. What an awesome idea so I asked her to do Jochen, Lachlan and Kyaw Kyaw.
  • Finished reading Lonely Boy