The Tallest Tree – 25th February 2023

The tallest tree is afraid of lightning
And forever wants to stand tall
To rise above the rest is so frightening
But one must look over them all

Competition begins at the very roots
Fighting for glimpses of the sun
Cooperation only required when it suits
Until the race can be clearly won

The tallest tree, with its deep shade
Stunts both the weak and the good
The forest succumbs to death man-made
And all becomes the finest wood


Today I’m feeling:

Tired and dizzy. Unenthusiastic. I’ve been reducing my sertraline dose to half a 50mg tablet a day and it had been on until today. The feeling is so disorienting that I don’t feel inclined to push through. I’ll go back to my regular dose tomorrow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Netflix and British TV. I’m really not in the mood for anything today and whilst on other days I usually hate to waste time with watching TV shows today I’m finding numbing satisfaction in not thinking. I think I’m gonna be ok.

The best thing about today was:

Cute Noey at Utopia making my coffee and trying her best to improve her skills. We didn’t talk for a long time as she is quiet and maybe intimidated in a work environment of boys. She has a kind of endearing ditzy attitude like she doesn’t take anything too seriously but obviously, deep down has a different personality lying in wait to be discovered by her intimates.

Anyway, the coffee tasted good despite the lack of foam that I like.


What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My feelings and emotions are a little out of control today but I’m well aware of it. I hate to waste a weekend day but know I need to get to the other side of this feeling so I’ve handled it by sleeping and TV.

Something I learned today?

I watched an edited version of a debate with Matt Taibbi, Douglas Murray and Malcolm Gladwell and was quite shocked to hear a usually smart guy like Gladwell resorting to straw man arguments.

The topic was about trust in mainstream media in the USA and I was quite surprised that Gladwell sided with the idea that we can trust it.

I’ve been watching Chinese news (CGTN) to get news from the States. They just report the facts as they know them. No opinion no debate no analysis. Just like news should be. Most of their reports are less than two minutes long.

USA news sources are 24-hour verbal diarrhoea and for all the talk nothing is achieved.

What do I enjoy doing?

Today the only thing I enjoyed was sleeping. Most days I actually enjoy almost everything I do.

I took this picture because I liked the look of this mini cactus at House. It could serve well as a model railway cactus.

Not My Business – 11th January 2023

A choice is made
And has to be lived with
It’s not my body
It’s not my business
I have an opinion
But it doesn’t count
I don’t need to care
What you’re thinking about
Your choices have no effect
If I’m not involved
No need to push an agenda
That is so simply solved
If I was the father
The body still isn’t mine
Doing the right thing
Will reveal itself in time

My opinion on abortion – I don’t like it (hopefully there is no one that does) and I do (kind of) believe that it is taking a life, no matter how old the fetus. However, as a male, I feel I have no right at all to decide if someone should have an abortion or not, even if I was the father. It’s not my body, it’s not my business. The problem of unwanted pregnancy is far better solved with education and better contraceptive options rather than denial of termination.
22 Sep 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – choices


Today I’m feeling:

Happy and a little inspired. Sometimes on long work days, I feel more energetic such as I’m feeling now. But I’m expecting to wind down very quickly once I’m home. I know underneath this bravado is a weary brain and body.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad greens that Nut and Bruno grew themselves and gave to me. I mixed it with salad from the market and sprinkled on some chilli cheese flavour chips and zinged my taste buds. Awesome.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a Malcolm Gladwell talk. I like his ideas and the way he presents them really connects. I like that he often doesn’t have solutions too but just presents coherent ideas as real possibilities. Watching this also reminded me I have some of his books to read too so as soon as I finished watching I read a nice quick Chekov story. I want to read more. Still.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

From today’s picture and a little below, I didn’t go home after school as I needed to get a letter from a clinic (stating I don’t have syphilis!) and would have to wait til 5 when they opened. When they didn’t open at five I wasn’t that bothered but messaged Nancy who told me they don’t open til 6.30.

I was already hungry and not prepared to hang around for another hour and a bit. Nancy said to send her a picture of my blood test and she will get the letter from the clinic prepared but said for me to pick it up when ready, which would mean hanging around for several hours just waiting to collect it.

I told Nancy that I’m not ever around the city at that time and would it be possible for someone else to collect it for me and she said she could arrange that to which I sent my appreciation.

A couple of years ago this kind of thing would have frustrated me immediately and I probably would have made matters worse with my reaction. Now I’m more attuned to the way things work here.

Something I learned today?

As I had to wait until 5 pm to go to the clinic I thought it would be easy enough to go and wait at House only to learn that they shut at 4 pm now. Luckily they let me stay a while and I chatted with Gui and Nay a little.

What are the most important things in your life?

Amy, music, books, cats. Next!

Amy is important because we share our lives together even if we are apart. She has become my soulmate more than the soulmates I thought I had in the past.

Music has been an important part of my life since my pre-teens and grew in importance until recently. Books are replacing music a little now if only for the fact that I don’t often read whilst listening to music.
Cats have been comforting friends at various stages of my life. I find their attitude compatible with mine.

I took this picture because it was already past five and the clinic was still shut. I messaged Nancy and she said it doesn’t open until 6.30!