Tag: Matt

Early Bird – 10th May 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Egged out, we must survive
Enthusiastic push to thrive
Finally, no one gets out alive
That’s the way we all go

Early birds catch the worms
The voice inside us turns
In turn, the worm learns
That that’s the way we all go

One day, in a different way
Here tomorrow, gone today
Even the early bird will say
That’s the way we all go

Paraphrased and plagiarised (in the nicest possible way) from various majestic Cardiacs songs.
Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 47

Today I’m feeling:

Good again though that 6 am alarm was tough.  It had to be done though.  My leg workout was too much, supposed to be 3 x 64 reps of lunges but I could only manage 40 by which time my skinny thigh muscles wanted to explode.  But 40 is better than none.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt, who kindly donated me some magic mushroom capsules as he tried them but didn’t enjoy the experience.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying a whole day out of home even though I could’ve just gone to school, signed in and come home again.  I had planned to do this anyway but it was made even more desirable because when I was leaving this morning Auntie Sue told me that the electricity would be off today as they are moving the lines to the new poles.  Great – no reason to come home early.

After signing in I spent the morning reading and writing at House whilst enjoying three coffees and even getting another lesson done for the classes on Presentations.

After that, I dropped by Central to buy a gift for Funfai as it is her birthday today and she told me she would be playing tennis at 4 pm.  I got her a notebook, pencil case and pen.  I also got the same for Anchan.

For the afternoon I went to see Matt as planned and we talked for a couple of hours catching up on each other’s lives.  He also showed me his guitar setup and pedals, all of which sound fantastic but not within my price range or even within my time limitations for being feasible.

I left at around 4 pm to head to the tennis courts though I could see in the distance very dark clouds and the wind started picking up dramatically.  Baipad messaged me that it was storming in our village as, after cancelling bike riding yesterday due to a storm, we had rearranged for today at 5 pm.

I got to the tennis courts and there weren’t many people around and the wind was already making it difficult for those there.  No sign of Funfai so I messaged her and she told me that her lesson had been cancelled.  Ah well, no worries.  I used the opportunity to go and clock out of school which I haven’t bothered to do so far this week.

As I drove back home it started to rain though nothing storm-like.  It had already blown through by the looks of things.  I figured Baipad wouldn’t want to ride and a wet road would have made it more difficult for her too, so I thought I’d drop by and see if I could chat with her a little more in-depth.

As I passed by our soi it was still blocked with electricity people running around so I assumed the power was still off at home too.  Amy also called and said that she couldn’t get home earlier when she tried as the road was blocked then too.

So I hung out at Baipad’s for an hour and did get her to open up a little more and whilst not confronting any of her issues, started to get her to think about them a bit more.

She feels comfortable to talk with me though she still lacks the maturity to know how to express herself.  I can report though that she is not happy with herself and does want to change, she just doesn’t know how and I can feel that her mum doesn’t know how to teach or show her either.  Her mum obviously has her own struggles.

Anyway, I’ll try my best to support, motivate and teach her some skills that can bring up her confidence.  It’s all valuable reminders for me too.

I came home around 6 pm and it has been raining most of the time since, 3 hours now, with a comfortable temperature again, which I, and most probably everyone, is grateful for.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got my new teaching schedule today.  It has changed a little bit from what I was expecting, with me being given 24 hours instead of the 22 that the other teachers get.  I’m not going to complain though.

I like being in the classroom, with the kids so another couple of hours is fine and it might also encourage me to stay each day and sign out like they want me to!

After arriving home I found that our internet wasn’t working, probably due to the work going on with the poles in our soi.  I hope that our provider knows about this work, but I can also easily imagine that they don’t.  At least I can still hotspot and connect with my phone tonight and we’ll be out most of the day tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

Both Jet and Praewa sent me messages today because they got their study schedules and they were upset that I won’t be teaching them this year.

Did you do something difficult or challenging today?

Any of the minor challenges that I’ve mentioned above didn’t feel that difficult at all (except the lunges) and my state of mind was good enough to accept everything as it came.

I took this picture of the Utopia FB post and sent it to Noey. She wanted to know where I was because she hadn’t seen me today. I should be there on Sunday though.

What kind of artist were you when you were young?

When I was about 5 or 6 I always got told off for drawing castles instead of writing.  I tried to compromise by writing something that allowed me to also draw a castle!

In my teens, I got deep into punk iconology, cut-up style and sloganeering.  I made many posters like this, including a huge one that I submitted for an art assignment.  I also painted a picture of a faceless punk in a three-piece suit, crucified on a cross.

My forays into the artistic world ended up more around words but also into producing booklets, fanzines and posters.  I don’t have the creative drive anymore to do this, perhaps hampered by a lack of time due to other endeavours such as writing.

Did you paint, colour with crayons, build things with blocks?

Painting and colouring yes but I had an aversion to building things.  Other kids had Meccano but I could never figure out what to make with it.  Similarly, with Lego, it seemed like too much effort to make a shitty version of a house or something like that.  My imagination didn’t run in that direction.

What kind of creative acts did you enjoy?

When the punk ideology hit, the ‘anyone can do it’ attitude, I wanted desperately to be the singer in a band and so set about writing lyrics.  This was from about aged 11.

A little later this also turned into writing brief poetic thoughts of which I was constantly churning out.

I always enjoyed doing that though somewhere along the way in my 20s, I stopped writing those until I started again in 2020 when I remembered how much I enjoyed it and got back to doing it again.

When did you write your first poem?

I guess it would have been in 1984 when I was 15 or 16 though I probably had some before that, written for an English class.  The earliest things that I held onto were from 1984.

What was it about?

Poems from that time were about petty thoughts and trivialities of a schoolboy’s life.  It turned serious though as depression sunk in and the future looked bleak.  Back then though I could write about any little thing that sparked my interest.  It was fun.

How did you come to poetry?

As described above, through writing lyrics.  I still consider what I write mostly as being lyrics rather than poetry.

For What It’s Worth – 29th March 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

Tell me what you want me to say
And I’ll say it
Just slip a dollar into my hand

The great shepherds of society
Created an illusion of fear
To maintain their demand

For whatever it’s worth
I’m just as happy as all the other people
I know

So drop some silver in my pocket
Buy me now
Before I go

Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – buy now.

Today I’m feeling:

Really tired again.  It feels like I just can’t get enough good unbroken sleep.  Cap woke us both up again last night, vomiting up some food.  

I’m starting to feel really concerned for him now.  He’s not eating or drinking enough and is all saggy skin and bones.  It feels like this might be his final days but I hope I’m wrong.  

Maybe I’m just being overly cautious after being less concerned with Kim Chi last year.

Today I’m grateful for:

The people who found Leo after he ran off this evening and Amy had to go and ride around to search for him. Without luck, she then just happened to check a local online message board where someone had posted that they’d found a lost dog. That crazy Leo!

The best thing about today was:

Watching more of the 3 Body Problem. I don’t have energy for much at the moment and am already in bed at 8 pm.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After a couple of coffees, I cancelled meeting up with Matt and figured to go to school and sign the documents to get paid before going home to catch up on sleep. Nancy sent a reminder to go to sign the documents so that was my trigger to leave. 

It was already about 36 degrees and with the bad air and lack of sleep, I was super dizzy, especially after walking up to the fourth floor where waiting for me was absolutely no one. 

I was about to pass out and couldn’t wait around and so left a message with Nancy saying there was no one there and I was sick and leaving.

When I got home there was another message from Nancy saying that if I didn’t sign today I would be paid late, without giving any indication of what late meant.

I flaked into bed but couldn’t get a good rest, sleeping for maybe only twenty minutes. I tried to get Kru Mai to go and sign for me. Why not! Why do we even need to go through this nonsense every month?

At three-forty, looking like there was no other way around it I decided to drive back just to sign their paper.

I took this picture because this tree at school is blossoming and looked great with the sun rising and the school building in contrast.

River Of Sorrow – 10th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the bottle was empty of pills
There’s no time left to grow
Amongst so many ills
It’s the bitterest one to swallow

When the son takes the rope
Believing there’s no place to go
Those left now to cope
Traverse the river of sorrow

When attention wasn’t sought
And she suddenly became the show
Life is no longer a thought
Slipped into the undertow

So pass the many hours
That survivors will never know
And drift away the flowers
Along the river of sorrow

Today I’m feeling:

Fuzzy and weird. After a delicious afternoon nap yesterday I got into reading comics so much in the evening that I was up just past midnight. I shoved down some medicine in the hope of waking up flu-free and slept reasonably well until 11. I do feel better but fuzzy around the edges, eyes unable to focus 100%.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt for buying me a drink and giving me half a pack of tramadol after running across to Central.

The best thing about today was:

Seeing live music in Chiang Rai. Punk, hardcore, metal! Who’d’ve thought?

Something I learned today?

A Wall Street Journal report says Iran is having trouble reining in “Iran-backed militias” and offers one reason why: The US killed the guy who was good at reining them in!

I took this picture because this was the venue for the show before dark. The sound inside wasn’t fantastic due to the stage being shoved in the corner which is circular. This made for some wild and interesting sound distortions from the guitars though.

Never Made A Cent – 27th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When chopping wood in winter
Becomes the gift that keeps giving
Carrying water under the blazing sun
Reaffirms the good life you’re living
Never selling a song or picture
Has no effect on the artistic soul
The action is the best reward
The outcome is out of our control

Today I’m feeling:

Another good sleep and woke with more of a spring in my step than yesterday. 
(evening) run out of energy after an hour of playing guitar.

Today I’m grateful for:

Matt paying for lunch for me. After I finished at school in the morning I drove over to his place and we went to a new fancy-ish restaurant just 500 metres from his place. The food was average but the vibe was cool. Time flew by as we hadn’t caught up with each other for quite a while. He’ll go back to the States in September for a few weeks and then I’ll go to Oz in October. I guess we’ll catch up again after that.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that I’m not needed until 1 pm at school tomorrow and making the decision to not bother clocking in on time and having a sleep-in instead.  No doubt I’ll still wake up but then I can go at my own speed.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I was enjoying my morning coffee at House expecting to head back to school before 9am for the start of today’s activities when at about 8.20 I got a phone call asking where I was as the bus was about to leave. What bus? Here we go!
I came back to school and was told my spot for activities is under the bridge at the river. This is where I’m sitting now and told to wait for about thirty minutes for students to arrive. Let’s hope it’s not a Thai thirty minutes. I’m holding on to my thoughts and will use this time to study or contemplate the good things in this world.
(later) The kids came after about 20 minutes and I played an easy game with them, then they went off and I waited for the next group. The fourth and final group came after about an hour and I was done.
A random teacher came and picked me up on a motorbike and I went back to school where I found Mike who was still waiting for the first lot of kids to arrive. He’d spent an hour and a half in the sun waiting because no one had thought ahead about how they had planned this event. I chuckled and left before I could get roped into anything else.
I enjoyed the quick games with the kids and filled in the rest of the time studying Thai so in the end it was an interesting variation on my usual morning routine.

Something I learned today?

I’m tired and not quite feeling well-fed despite eating plenty today. I can’t think of anything clearly that I learned despite reading, listening, watching and talking plenty, too. 
Matt’s cat died last week so we shared our common sadness.

I took this picture because this was my teaching space this morning. That’s how I roll! I’ve gotten used to the bizarre situations I can end up in.

Everyone’s A Stereotype – 9th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Entitled to an opinion?
Constantly talking shite
Does Everyman exist?
And what of his plight?
Doing the dishes again
Through lace curtain windows
Post-work pub crawl
Where good gossip flows
Ideas getting bashed out
From a giant ball of clay
Slowly returns to mud
With every word they say
Everyone a stereotype
Every opinion counted
Even in opposition
A culture war is mounted

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good but I can tell that I’m a little exhausted at the end of the week again. This day is weird. Teach first thing and then wait four hours to teach again. I can fill the time easily enough it’s just the up and down of the tension in my body.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mum’s soup again. I got home a bit late and I could see a storm coming. I wasn’t sure what I was going to eat and thought I could quickly dash to the market to find something. Just as I put my keys in my pocket after getting changed some rain came, not too much but it didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. A quick double-check of the freezer and there waiting was Mum’s soup. Great. Adding salt, pepper, dried garlic, chilli in vinegar, crunchy dried gluten with dried chilli and kaffir lime leaves, defrosted and piping hot, it sure hit the spot.

The best thing about today was:

Being happy and contented at school so much that even after I finished my own class I joined another where I knew some students and helped them a little before bumping into other students all stopping for a chat or calling me over. There were some students from another school and I realised one was a girl (Gift) I met here a couple of years ago. I never taught her but she always wanted to talk with me when she saw me and slowly I got to know her and her friends. I didn’t know she’d moved schools and was now at the Technical College doing something related to cooking. Her English is still poor so I couldn’t get much more than that. She has a positive attitude though and should be able to do well for herself. It was good to catch up.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The rhythm of the day has seen me run out of energy again and although I feel happy I also seem a little grumpy (to myself). Like not quite right. The buzz of the classes at the ends of the working day have made it feel like a very stop-start affair, almost two days in one but with no sleep between them.
Matt messaged me about a new restaurant near him and wondered if I might come over to check it out. My feeling is not to do anything this weekend, then I considered that I could go on Sunday but then pushed myself to go tomorrow instead. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass to get myself moving.
Amy also called from the Star Casino bar where she was having a great time drinking and dancing by herself, though enjoying the acquaintance of others there. For me though I was feeling a little annoyed at being called many times but I also realise that she misses me being there with her (even though I wouldn’t have likely been at that bar with her). I appreciate her happiness and enjoyment of her life and know that my mild annoyance is irrational. I need a sleep and I’m already thinking about tomorrow morning’s coffee!

Something I learned today?

I was listening to an interesting podcast with Peter Hessler whose books about China I have read or to read here (as well as his wife’s book Factory Girls). They left China in 2007 but a few years later after having twins decided to live in Cairo, Egypt just at the time of the violent colour revolution there. Besides that, what was interesting there was his discovery of the Chinese diaspora there, how they ended up there, how they became leading plastic recyclers or women’s lingerie sellers and the differences and appreciation of each other’s cultures.

When do I feel most alive?

At age 55 it definitely isn’t on Friday nights anymore! I suppose it would be at school being with my students, not necessarily teaching them but just chatting and understanding.
Back in Sydney, I remember talking with friends about my possible futures at the time and that I was thinking of becoming a barista (which I soon did) and perhaps an English teacher (which I eventually did). My friends said they thought that I would make a great teacher though I didn’t really know why they thought that. Maybe they could see something that I couldn’t. They didn’t imagine me as a barista though admittedly at the time barista was judged similarly to hipster.
When I think back even further I remember the time in Gosford in 1995 when Bronwyn and I got stoned and ended up at her friend’s youth club that night much to my dismay and initial reluctance and then after getting over my paranoia  (it’s not easy to get lost in thought surrounded by 100 teenagers in a room) having a memorable night of enjoyment that has stuck with me ever since.

I took this picture because this is the result of the plant/tree sap dripping on me the other day. It’s cleared up a bit now, after blistering a little in places but I expect it to stay red in places for maybe three or months and will get itchy in the next week or two. I should try and find out more information about what the plant actually is.

17th July 2023 – With my new iPhone I was able to use the Look Up function for the picture of the plant. It is Euphorbia tirucalli (known as Indian tree spurge, naked lady, pencil tree) and the latex sap is poisonous and can indeed cause temporary blindness!

Communion – 26th May 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A spark flies on wandering wings
Darting forth on invisible strings
Before coming to rest on the orange soil
Growing here a cluster of limes
By the river flowing since ancient times
And the field the poorest farmers toil

The leaves all fall and flow downstream
Watched by those that wish to dream
Of lands and opportunities far away
What is here and there is just the same
The seas and cities all wax and wane
Only the princes are happy to stay

Keeping butterflies within their cages
Whispered words on parchment pages
Tell legends of a joyful union
Setting fires ablaze, the whole world sings
Another spark flies on wandering wings
Ignites the story of our own communion

Today I’m feeling:

Good and happy. This morning I opted for a 7-minute chest workout because yesterday whilst students were talking to me one of them whispered ‘Teacher nom yai’ and I looked at her and grabbed my chest and gave a stern face and then a sad face, all the while we were all laughing. As my lower back was a bit sore this morning I decided to try and work off some boob fat!

Today I’m grateful for:

Goy and Bae for letting us share their Netflix until now. News is that they won’t be able to share anymore as Netflix is changing the options to only be able to share on the same wifi network. That’s ok for me. I enjoy watching things on there but I already have a whole host of other things I can spend time watching.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst sitting in House, watching a lecture on modern poetry and trying to find inspiration to write something myself, an attractive young couple came in and ordered coffees, and inspiration was found in the young ladies’ soft smooth tan skin, pretty feet and bare waist. So I wrote about temptation, how it can only lead to trouble and that it’s better just to enjoy the view.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had a plan to go to see Matt between my classes today and messaged him as he had asked before leaving school to drive there. I had contemplated cancelling as I’m pretty tired from the first full week of classes but figured it would help keep me going for the rest of the day rather than sitting around for the whole four-hour break between classes. Unfortunately, Matt replied that he was busy caring for his mother-in-law who had broken her ankle. Well, the change of plan was fine. I mean, I don’t need much convincing to sit around drinking coffee in a favourite cafe and doing bits and pieces of reading and writing.

Something I learned today?

Also at House, Gui offered me a new tea that he had in stock. He told me it was a famous Chiang Rai tea though I didn’t quite catch the name and when he presented it to me it was blue, made with butterfly pea flowers. It was sweet tasting without having any sugar added and refreshing with ice. He then offered more but this time with milk and a little syrup and that was delicious. Along with two coffees and two glasses of water, I was well slaked.

Where do I usually find inspiration?

Well, I guess thinking back on today’s poetic inspiration it would appear that pretty ladies are where I usually find it! In general though, I would say inspiration is found in beauty, wherever that may be seen. A river, a rainbow, a flower, a tree. Similarly, it can be found within the dark ugly shadows of desperation too. 

I took this picture about ten days ago and posting it today as I haven’t had much time or inspiration to take pictures these last couple of days.

Make Me Laugh Johnny – 17th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Pissing time away, money ain’t gonna save us
Betting on a 7-2 combo down in Vegas
A couple of lines will cut the time in half
Make me laugh Johnny, make me laugh

Stroking beards ain’t the thing to be doing
When the dancing girls are being flew in
Shiny lights ain’t enough in this big city
Make me laugh Johnny, I’m feeling shitty

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and lazy

Today I’m grateful for:

The free weed that Matt gave me. I don’t know when I’m likely to use it though as I don’t like smoking it and don’t often use it in tea. I also already have gummies which keep me happy enough and is easy to measure the dose.

The best thing about today was:

Waking up before my alarm with Kim Chi investigating a good spot to lie on me. She likes my hip but is disturbed every time I turn over. After I got up she quickly transferred herself under the doona on Amy’s bed and I had to get her out just so that she would eat. After eating she went straight back and was still there when I got home around 3 pm. She loves sleeping.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My classes were both pretty much out of control for the most part but I went with the flow and it really just meant taking longer to get things done. The kids are just excited at the moment with sports week coming up but I doubt if they will be settled after that either.

Something I learned today?

Thanks to Matt I learned where to buy kratom leaves and Nam Kratom. The bonus is that there are two beautiful lively friendly dogs there too.

I took this picture because yesterday Tamgmo played in the garden with his friend. No new pictures today.

I’ve been keeping my app updated more than writing here (on paper) and I thought this was the last journal book I have here so have been winding down. However, I found another book on the shelf so I’ll get back into this again.

I went to see Matt at lunchtime and he gave me a bunch of homegrown wee and sold me a couple more vials of acid. He may also have a lead on some more in Chiang Mai in a couple of weeks. We are the quiet fiends not bothering anybody!! Haha! He also clued me into a Kratom seller selling leaves and bottles of tea in Wiang Chai so I picked up a bottle on the way home.

We met at the cafe near Happy City golf course and were kinda surprised at all the Koreans in the cafe, coming from or going to the golf course. Somehow they looked very Korean, all wearing special skin patches on their cheekbones presumably to stop the sun from burning their skin and also reduce the glare in their eyes. They all looked perfect. It was strange to see them in this dishevelled old wooden shack of a cafe.

Classes today were rowdy but fun. It’s difficult to take things seriously at the moment as there are so many days off in the coming weeks and before you know it’ll be the end of the semester again.

Amy and I are missing each other. She’s been back in Oz for about 10 days now and we’re both still readjusting. Even this will be quick as a flash though and she’ll be back again just after her birthday.

Aing and Now will come again in a couple of weeks. I guess they have other friends around here graduating.

I’m trying to get back into a decent routine again but finding it hard. I’ve got my energy back. I think the longer-term effects of Covid have gone (as far as I can tell) so I’m trying to do a little more exercise in the morning.

I want to read more but find myself resorting to YouTube and just watching comedy. I guess I need to laugh.

Mass Scale Perception Management Operation – 19th April 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You are secretly perfect
But you will never know
The world is perfect too
Purposely hidden from view
The way of the world
Must be the way you go

Because all beliefs are false
The self is an illusion
Our eternities at heart
From the end to the start
Every no is made from yes
Despite our delusion

Learning how to learn is the most important skill to acquire.

Robert Greene

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Matt and Mix and their family for cooking lunch yesterday when I went to visit. They made Sukothai Pad Thai. Followed by delicious home-grown jackfruit.

Artificial Womb – 3rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

New concepts for conception
A baby-making contraption
A warehouse full of wires
Tubes of blood suppliers
A matrix of growing babies
A new world full of maybes
Birth is an open door
Special delivery from the store
Is nine months an optimal time?
Perhaps twelve for extra spine
Let’s bake these babies longer
And make them so much stronger
An artificial womb, a real fear?
Where next to go from here?
Mixing up all DNA data
To make the future so much smarted

I hope in my lifetime to see the first human being created without pain.

Aria Babu, on Artificial Wombs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Matt yesterday and get a surprise gift which was very kind and generous.

We got that attitude! – 24th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful to try this kratom powder today. I don’t know what to expect. Thanks to Matt, who bought it originally and then sold it to me.

Ah – home alone! I left Amy in the city with Nong Baew and friends, so I can chill at home, fiddle around and do whatever comes to mind!

I’ve been experimenting with this kratom powder that I bought off Matt and will see what kind of effect it has. I haven’t really felt much of anything so far, and anyway, I feel good already. Blasting music on the terrace and dicking around with my blog – as always.