Tag: Matthew Shearlock

Pleasure’s real or is it fantasy? – 21st July 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Dark and rainy but I’m happy. Five-minute exercise with a few squats and foot exercises – can I fix my feet? Dream – I know I didn’t want to wake up because I wanted to know what happened but now I don’t remember what it was about. Earlier I dreamt about giving Matthew Sherlock (an old school friend) a blow job – he had a skinny dick. What’s the meaning?

I’ve been thinking recently about how over time everyone will be more open to each other about any sexuality so that we will all experiment with everything. A few generations away. Have a good day Shaun – happy.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful that is easy for me to listen to podcasts in the car and I’m enjoying listening to this one (You Don’t Know Mojack) about all the SST releases. Very interesting.

To-do list

  • #1 – awards game
  • Gratitude, mantra, compliments
  • Listen first, speak later

These entries seem to be going a little by the wayside at the moment. A little because I have been busy transferring old DVD burns back to mp4 files. I mentioned to George that I was doing this and he asked me ‘why’, as if he couldn’t comprehend it.

It made me wonder a little too and I realised that I enjoy cataloguing and ordering things. I always seem to be in this process. Now I’m looking at my photos, physical and on my computers, cataloguing my life and 1994 diary, CDs, music files etc. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. It’s mostly pointless and time-consuming but for some reason, it makes me happy.

School has been fun and I’m enjoying teaching these new classes. The environment and other teachers are all pleasant and contribute significantly to the good feeling. I feel good and self-confident almost all the time now.

*Angels – 28th January 1985

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Diana is divine
Katie is so clean
Claire is my sweet
Julie is so keen
Lovely angels, broken wings
No one told me of these things
Angela is my angel
Susan is my dream
Lisa is so lovely
But Jane just makes me scream
They’re my lovely angels, broken wings
Now I know of these things

The Week That Was

Record of the week: Husker Du – Metal Circus, Manitou – 7″, Manitou – Live (Waiting For My Girl, Something Happened, Nervous Breakdown)

28th January 1985
M: Went to work. Went to Careers at 9. Drew £70 from Building Society. Paid £5 fine. Went back to work. Rest of the morning went fairly quick.
A: Afternoon went as quick as morning. Me and Ian are swapping over next Monday. Ian’s joining Navy in March.
E: Did Postal Course stuff. Continuing doing the Void art – I hope they use it. Manitou on Thursday.
7

9th Feb 2024 – An image of Ian jumped into my memory as I was writing this today. Yesterday I wasn’t even sure who he was! He was a Weebly-looking kid, a round body and round head, no neck and freckles. He certainly had the look of someone in the Navy.

29th January 1985
M: Feeling fucking tired. This morning took a long time to get over with – especially having to count Key Terrain.
A: Afternoon was OK. Only 4 tickets to book which can’t be bad – for me at least. Got back – rung Paul up. Atrox 16th Feb. Prac. on Sunday.
E: Went to Matt’s. He said that my lyrics were good. Got records back.
5

30th January 1985
M: Got on bus.Chucked till roll out of back. Went down college. Got bored during plumbing.
A: Acid rain!? Carpentry – oh wow. Wayne wasn’t on bus. Got school bus back again.
E: Went to YC. Went to Wimborne YC. Ulterior Motive played very well. Matt passed his test.
7

31st January 1985
M: Went to work. Can’t remember what I did but it went quick anyway.
A: Afternoon went ok. Looking forward to tonight. Fuck all to do at work really.
E: Went to see Manitou – they were absolutely fucking brilliant.
8

1st February 1985
M: Decided not to go to work.
A: Woke up about 12. Stayed in just resting.
E: Went to YC. Had plenty of free games of pool. Took Lee home
6

2nd February 1985
M: Went to Wimborne. Couldn’t get DM’s. Came back. Pissed around Gaunts for a while. Sharon came down so we got on her nerves.
A: Went to gravel pits on the heath. Fucked around there for a while. Came back.
E: Went to Muz’s. Played computer til about 1.30. Left at 2.30
8

3rd February 1985
M: Went to Paul’s. Got train to Dorchester.
A: Atrox practice was pretty boring but their demo sounds quite good. Got in at 7. Had a bath.
E: Don’t feel too good. Bad back, legs, arms, chest and got a cold.
5

*Over The Top And Six Foot Under – 21st January 1985

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Wild child, well out of order
People couldn’t afford her
Over the top, loaded to the hilt
She destroyed everything you built
Built you up, pushed you down
No one pushed her around
Wild child met her maker
Paid a visit to the undertaker

The Week That Was

Record of the week: Wasted Youth – Gone Midnight, Flux of Pink Indians – The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks

21st January 1985
M: Took me ages to get to work. Chain kept coming off. Rung 3 Cross, get a service on Wednesday. Morning passed pretty quickly.
A: Afternoon passed pretty quickly too. Went long way home. Should be going to Ferndown with Dandy and Vicky. Hope Dandy gets the message.
E: Went to Ferndown. Bought some fags but left them at the Sports Centre. Saw Eric Coombes who is doing ok after his accident on Friday.
7

22nd January 1985
M: Couldn’t go in on bike so mum had to take me in. Got very pissed off after only a while. Feel like crying.
A: Afternoon got a little better but not much. It’s been a bad day all round.
E: Even the evening. Went to Shirl’s, talked with Dandy, Beki and Shirl. I don’t think Dandy wants to get the message.
3

23rd January 1985
M: Got bus to Wimborne. Got bus to Poole. Went to college. Wasn’t too bad. Went to Sloop at lunchtime and beat some bloke at pool.
A: Mr Andrews – our YTS bloke – was in college so me and Ian gave him shit. Saw Wayne on bus back – had a laugh.
E: Went down Youth Club. Played free pool all night. Fell asleep.
7

24th January 1985
M: Didn’t get up til 8. Feeling really tired. Had a laugh unloading fibreglass over in the yard. Martin (?) went to hospital about his arm.
A: Didn’t do much this afternoon – I want to move around departments. Janeen’s back and on a fucking full wage.
E: Went to Matt’s because I thought Dandy would be there. Had a laugh on his synth.
6

25th January 1985
M: Feeling pretty good today. Ian’s got an interview in Southampton. Doing lots of work. Bought a donkey jacket.
A: Didn’t do much again this afternoon – we’re just too good. Went for job interview at J.T. Lowe’s. Came home.
E: Went to Y.C. Fixed the pool table so we could get it free. Eraserhead tonight.
8

26th January 1985
M: Went to town. Got bus to Poole. Went to snooker club with Scott and Bennett. Scott’s friend Richard came along. Played a bit of snooker.
A: Went back to Richard’s in the back of his van and he’s a mental driver. Took a trials bike to the heath. I went on the back which was fucking excellent. Walked back to Wimborne.
E: Toni took me down Bournemouth. Gig was shit. Left with Paul and others. Went to nightclub where Bernice was. Got lift back.
8

27th January 1985
M: Got up at 10. Couldn’t piss around at Matt’s cos it’s Sunday. Came back, got bored. Rung Dandy who said she didn’t want to go see Frankie.
A: Cancelled tickets for Frankie. Pissed around on drums. Took dog. Stayed in and got cheesed off. Thinking about last night. Punk sucks.
E: Had a bath.
4

*The Week That Was – 23rd July 1984

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23rd July 1984
Got up. Found out there was another accident last night at Horseshoes. Went to Wimborne. Met a few people. Went to Careers. Told me about a YTS at Holmans. Came back. Went down track. Crabby, Scott and Burt camped in Crabby’s garden. Went to Houldey’s. Dandy wasn’t there. Came back. Read book til 1 o’clock and then went to sleep.

24th July 1984
Got up. Mum took me to Wimborne. Went to Holmans. Asked about their scheme. Could be a chance of working there. Saw Bernice’s sister. Jim doesn’t want to go out with Bernice anymore. Came back. Had tea. Went down track. Went to Bernice’s. Was teaching her how to ride a moped around the car park. Walked around town. Came back. Met Shirl, Paddy etc

25th July 1984
Got up at 11. Watched telly. Played records. Went for a pizza with Fog and Bernice.

26th July 1984
Went for a pizza. Jim’s going out with Bernice again.

27th July 1984
Got pissed tonight at the Horns. Went to Wimborne. Pissed about down there. Can’t remember anything else. Went for pizza with Fog, Bern.

28th July 1984
Didn’t go to Bournemouth to the squat. Got some booze instead. Came home. Got drunk. Went back to Wimborne. Went to Horns. Had a pint. Got some booze. Jim came over and we got drunk.

29th July 1984
Woke up. Went to Wimborne. Got some more money. Me and Jim got pissed again tonight.

*The Week That Was – 14th May 1984

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Record of the week: New Model Army – Vengeance and Spirit of the Falklands (from Vengeance LP)

14th May 1984
Went to school. Did Office Practice – piss boring. Came home. Went down track. Came back. Did some drums. Took dog. Can’t remember anything else. Watched telly all night. Went to Houldey’s – everyone was there apart from Dandy. Came back. Watched Scully – fuckin’ ace – and Hill Street Blues.

15th May 1984
Got up 12. Went to Wimborne, saw everyone come out of school. Went to Simon’s – he was occupied with some bird. Came back. Went to Allenborne to see if Kathy was about. Came back. Read book. Had tez. Went to Jez’s. Had a decent game of snooker. (?) beat by one point 70-71. Came back. Watched Young Ones – better than last week. Doing more on wall. Went to sleep.

16th May 1984
Got up about 11. Started pissing and rode to school on moped. Had a H.E. exam which was shit. Got back, did this and that. Doing wall. Zoe rang. Had a fuckin’ shit talk. She started crying and hung up. Fuckin’ pissed me off. Went round Houldey’s – had a laugh. Went to sleep.

17th May 1984
Woke up 10. Went down track. Went to Wimborne on moped. Looked for Kathy. Vince and Rob looked at my bike. Came back. Pissed around doing this and that. Went over Jez’s. He told Roo he was chucked out of PCH. Had another decent game of snooker. Came back. Went to sleep.

18th May 1984
Managed to get up – but only just. Went in – R.E. (exam) – was fuckin’ shit. Christian this, Christian that. Wrote ten poems. Finished R.E. in half an hour. Went up Simon’s to get amp but he wasn’t in. Bought tons of grub. Went to Jez’s. Had a shit game of snooker. Jack Chickenshit being a cunt. Took Carly and Cilla back. Now I’m home.

19th May 1984
Jez came over. Went to Poole. He bought NMA. Got bass back. Scrounged money for a lead. Met these girls who gave us some fags. Came back. Went to Three Legged Cross to get my amp. Got Shirl’s amp. Pissed around. Shirl came round. He went. We did some more. Went to Houldey’s – no one there. Came back. Had tea. Did some more. Sharon and Zoe rang. Zoe was in a shit still. Pigs came round and did us for playing too loud. Went to Houldey’s. Beki and Dandy were swimming. Came back. Went back at 10.45. They came back. We came back home.

20th May 1984
Playing PCH til 3 and went to sleep. Got up 10.30-ish. Fixed my bike so Jez could get home. He went. I took dog. Went to Houldey’s. Beki was going with Mini somewhere. I came back. Took Mat’s amp back. Dandy was there. Walked back. Went to Jim’s – took Subhumans LP. Had some food. Watched Spitting Image. Cane back. Roads were a cunt. Went to sleep.

*The Week That Was – 2nd April 1984

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Record of the week: Minutemen – Politics of Time

2nd April 1984
Started off all right. Physics – was ok. Hayward nicked our lyric book. Maths – shit, did CSE exam paper. Lunch – fuckin’ cold, fuckin’ boring, fucking pissed off. H.E. – a bit better – me and Pete pissed around. Bus – can’t remember. Watched TV and that’s about it. Got letter from Zoe.

3rd April 1984
Feeling better today. R.E. – did some work – shit. Biz – Bell had a moan cos we did no work. Me and Burd nicked a book. This girl asked me out – I said no. English – ok. P.E. – decent game of football. Bus – put up PCH placade. Went to club – saw Burd. Went to Hinton Martell. Followed Kig (?) back to Wimborne – had a fag down the rec. Came back – put up PCH poster.

4th April 1984
H.E. – didn’t do much really. Physics – Hayward was in a good mood. He gave book back. Burd nicked a light thing. Moved the strobe to see if anyone notices. Lunch – fly by – kicked a netball about in gym. R.E. – did some more work for a change. English – read a play – fuckin’ good. Bern and Karen aren’t friends anymore. Biz – didn’t do a lot – something about spirit duplicating. Maths – fuckin’ shit. Langridge is a fuckin’ cunt. Bus – put up another poster. Practised drums – got some decent rhythms for PCH. Listening to Bloodstains. Doing some typing of PCH. Fucking knackered.

5th April 1984
Art – good laugh. P.E. – fuckin’ shit game of football. Lunch – can’t remember. Social Studies – ok, didn’t do much. Biz – Bell’s ill – got bored. English – did a play. Whole load of hockey teams came to Q.E. – not bad. This (?) is still on my back. Bus – can’t remember. Practising drums. Went to Houldey’s. Went to Muz’s. Went back to Houldey’s. Came back – watched telly etc etc. Can’t remember anything else.

6th April 1984
Assembly – fuckin’ yawn. English – did another play. H.E. had a laugh answering Pritchard’s questions. Maths – shit. Lunch – had a game of football and a fag. Art – spoke to Mandy. Used a typewriter. Quite a good lesson. Biz – boring. Physics – reading mags. Bus – ok. Practising drums – fucking good. Went to Shirl’s – got bass drum pedal. Went to Houldey’s. Went to chip van. Back to Houldey’s. Dandy gives me the horn. Came back – watching telly.

7th April 1984
Went to Poole. Muz etc were on bus. Still no Black Flag LP. Bought Minutemen LP instead. Got bored. Came back – 12. Practised more drums. Went to Wimborne on moped. Didn’t stay long. Came back. Watched telly. Played more drums. Went out on ‘ped again. Went up and down track – good fun. Watched TV rest of the night. Smokey and the Bandit Rides Again was good. Hand of Dracula was on – went to sleep.

8th April 1984
Got up. Got bored. Went to Simon’s to get records. Came back. Blah blah blah. Looking for something interesting to do. Zoe rang up, said she’d be coming down next Saturday. Don’t remember much else.

*The Week That Was – 5th March 1984

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Record of the week: Confessions of Sin – Loose (live)

5th March 1984
Physics – ok. Maths – shit. Social Studies – ok. Someone put my bag in a bin so I left it there. H.E. – ok. Got letter from Black Flag’s drummer Bill Stevenson. They’ve got a new LP – My War, released March 1st so should be here soon. They’re coming over early June – right when my fucking exams are. Fuckin’ typical. Practised at Simon’s – fuckin’ ace laugh. Especially Balderson’s Boots. Hill Street Blues – fucking funny.

6th March 1984
Found my bag. R.E. – ok. P.S.C.E. – shit. Maths – shit. Wellman wanted to see me – Mrs Bell said ‘well done’ – fuckin’ bitch. English – good. P.E. – had a fuckin’ laugh pissing around in basketball. Getting good friends with Julie again. Maybe taking her to Brownsea on Saturday before gig. (?) not open yet. Went to Muz’s – making fireworks with Jasp. Had a laugh with some on wall (?)

7th March 1984
H.E. – did fuck all. Got hamster cage for Damien – he ate 7 other mice on Monday. Should get him tomorrow. Physics – ok. Didn’t do a lot at lunchtime. R.E. – has film on addiction. English – ok. B.Studies – shit. Maths – fuckin’ shit, got more revision books today. Went to Muz’s, Burt came round. We went up to the common. Blew some aerosols up. Burt shit himself. Went back to Shirl’s who gave us some (?) and a burger. Went to Muz’s, played a bit on his computer. Came back.

8th March 1984
Met Damien. Art – bit of a laugh. P.E. – badminton, fuckin’ knackered. Pissed off for some reason. Talked to Julie. Social Studies – not too bad. Went for a fag with Mandy. Business Studies – won part of a lottery to use an electric typewriter. English – reading. Took Damien home on bus. Chris gave me a lift from bus. Put Damien in cage. He’s not very sociable. When I picked him up he pissed all over me. Not a lot happening tonight. Doing some art and even revision. Rang Paul and Andy who seem to hate each other now.

9th March 1984
Julie isn’t coming tomorrow – but next Saturday. Bit pissed off. English – ok. Got Aischrolateria tape. People liked it. H.E. – boring. Maths – shit. Art – Mini brought in his moped to draw. Business Studies – pissed around on electric typewriter. Physics – ok. Saw some Saw some common (?) punk on the tube. Went to Muz’s. Chris came down. Me, Muz and Burt went up to Houldey’s and had a crack-up. Listening to Aischrolateria now – for a laugh.

10th March 1984
Played football against Bournemouth who were acting like a bunch of pricks – we still lost 5-3. Met Simon in Wimborne. Went to Ratty’s. Went to Poole. Watched Simon have his hair cut. Went to Record Fair. Bought Skids/SGC/Fall singles. Ratty took them back for me. Got bus to Bournemouth. Went up to gig. Had a chat with everyone. COS weren’t playing which pissed me off a bit. Atrox played instead. Then Breakout. Then COS turned up too – we had a fuckin’ great time. Loose for 10 minutes – ace. Idiom Tribe went on – real heroes. Aheads went on to catch everyone. I went back then so missed Self Abuse. I should see them on Monday though.

11th March 1984
Finally stirred at 10.40. Feeling a bit pissed off but looking forward to tomorrow. Went to Muz’s, saw Conway on the way. Muz wasn’t in so went to the BMX track in the woods. Started hailing it so went to Shirl’s – who wasn’t in. Left some tapes for him to tape. Went home. Remembered I had to collect bag from Houldey’s so did so. Saw Dandy – lovely. Came back. Watched It’ll Be Alright On The Night. Had a bath. Had a chat with Mother. The fuckin’ money situation is in a terrible state. Damien bit me today.

*The Week That Was – 10th April 1983

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Record of the week: Bauhaus – She’s In Parties

10th April 1983
Went to Simon’s with Justin
FUCKIN’ KNACKERED

11th April 1983
Went to Copse with Mat
Fuckin ace laugh

12th April 1983
Got some photocopying done
Making art

13th April 1983
Went to copse – had fun
Black Flag rule at the mo!
Been doing awful
FARTZ
Cat is playful

14th April 1983
FUCKIN’ GERT MUD FIGHT

15th April 1983
Can’t remember

16th April 1983
Walked back from Poole

*The Week That Was – 1st June 1981

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Single of the week: The Associates – Q Quarters, Dead Kennedys – Too Drunk To Fuck

1st June 1981
Back at school
Boring I suppose

2nd June 1981
Bit stormy last night

3rd June 1981
I beat Shearlock up
NerNerNerNer <- I WON THE HEATS

4th June 1981
Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy

5th June 1981
Sports Day
Won so far: Long, High, Triple Jump
About to win: 100, 200, Hurdles, Relay
Abandoned

6th June 1981
I won a quid
EXPLOITED BARMY ARMY
Jello is no joke

7th June 1981
EXPLOITED BARMY ARMY -> DON’T FUCKIN’ MESS

This week’s chart-topper is: Adam and the Pants – Stand and Deliver

*The Week That Was – 20th April 1981

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Single of the week: Blue Orchids – Work, Exploited – Dogs of War

20th April 1981
B__________

21st April 1981
___OR______

22nd April 1981
________ED
Matthew is a liar
‘ad an ‘aircut

23rd April 1981
Last night
FC Cologne 0 – Ipswich 1

24th April 1981
Hoping Graeme comes
He isn’t you twat
TIRED

25th April 1981
He might come today
He did AMAZED
ME 4 (I) L.Y.
Ipswich 1 – Manchester City 0

26th April 1981
KNACKERED
TIRED

This week’s chart-topper is: Bucks Fizz – Making Your Mind Up