Clare’s Hoped For Sleep – 16th June 2024

A knot to untie the time
Tightened by weight
A sinking ship
Submits to fate

Empty bottle on the sill
A chemical reaction
Soothed into slumber
A sought-after satisfaction

A razor to the wrist
A red river runs
Across the dim-lit dusk
Of no more suns

An inch of water deep
To all the sorrows drowned
A cold ceramic bed
A final furlough found

Cold steel at the temple
One last prayer said
No more cookies to crumble
All the lemons put to bed

Submitted to Moonwashed Musings – hope for, Writer’s Workshop – sleep and Weekly Prompts Weekend Challenge – Sleep. Inspired by Australian fanzine writer Clare Lemon’s quest to commit suicide which she openly wrote about and eventually achieved her wish.


Fatman report

Today I’m feeling:

Good after yesterday though still tired. Woke up well before my alarm, with aching shoulders but spent a few minutes preparing my mind to do exercise, which I then went and did and also whilst in my room did some guitar strumming exercises. Let’s kick off the day well!

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Hagan offering to get Amy home from the city after I left them in a bar there to come home and finish up some work and write.

Predictably, Amy didn’t want to leave when they did as she wanted to go off dancing at Whiteline.  They called me to make sure I was ok with it and once I found out that Amy would probably go back to her Mum’s place, then that’s fine.  I wouldn’t anticipate her having any problem getting home to me but Mum’s is much closer.

The best thing about today was:

Hanging out with Mei and Hagan, chatting and catching up since we last met in October in Sydney.  We decided that instead of getting pizza at Singha Park we would try a Persian restaurant about ten minutes away and I’m glad we did.

The restaurant is just run by one guy so things were slow but as there was only us and one other table we all relaxed into the food and the afternoon.  After a while, we got talking to the guy, Woody, and learned all about his life and travels, and him only being 29 years old.  It was an interesting and pleasant few hours there.

Something I learned today?

After discussing China with another WordPress poet I worked out that the 37,000 Chinese that entered the USA across the Mexican border is 0.002% of the Chinese population.

Ground Run – 18th October 2023

The whole of life calls for tears
The past is done, the future coming 
Now is when the fog clears
Get ready to hit the ground running


Today I’m feeling:

Tired. I’m sleeping better but still not well so waking up feeling out of it and a little dizzy. Nothing on this morning though so can take it easy and get my brain into gear slowly.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Haken again for picking up all of Amy’s donations this evening after sharing a nice dinner of tapas with them and their friends.

The best thing about today was:

Taking the ferry from Drummoyne to Olympic Park and seeing every single house and apartment that we are likely never to be able to afford along the way. Sydney is a wealthy city, or in a lot of debt.

Something I learned today?

Watching a documentary today about abandoned places, I learned about an old nuclear missile silo somewhere in the USA that housed the biggest baddest bombs of the time but due to technological advances had become obsolete and abandoned after only three years.

What is an experience that changed my perspective?

My experience of being in Thailand has certainly changed my perspective on many things and is highlighted by my return to Australia where I now feel a little out of place again. Perhaps it is the switch from country living to being back in the city again though. I guess I’m a country boy at heart. The slower quieter life.

I took this picture because it was certainly a beautiful day on the Harbour. This was Amy’s view every morning as she went to work.

Glimmers – 14th October 2023

Every little while
Comes surreptitious smile
Whilst looking at a girl’s pretty toes
A leaf whirls from the sky
A bike goes whizzing by
Towards the city’s night time neon glows

The matrix may be woken
The nightmare briefly broken
When the moonlit water shimmers
A coffee cup of thoughts
Sees a pumpkin on the porch
And hopes to hold on to the glimmers

inspired by a couple of lines in this post at Spinning Visions
24th Jul 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Moonlit
7th Aug 2024 – Submitted to Moonwashed Weekly Prompt – Glimmer


Today I’m feeling:

So tired. Only had about 5 or 6 hours sleep again but had to get up and go to meet Hayden and Bronwyn for breakfast and though I’m tired I still have energy reserves probably from all the food I’ve been eating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The guy from the AEC who helped us skip the hour-long queue because I told him we weren’t sure if we were registered. Neat trick. Got to the Yum Cha quicker for lunch.

The best thing about today was:

Walking around the park parts of Barangaroo and under the bridge, past the Rocks and to Circular Quay was pretty nice this morning. Even though the visage is familiar and I have many similar photos it’s pretty hard to resist taking new ones.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My sleep is still totally out of control. The funny thing is that when I woke up at 8 am Sydney time and sent a message to one of my students, where it was 4 am, they replied wondering why I was still awake. I asked them the same thing! I tried to nap at 4 pm but that was useless too. I’m just out of whack.

Something I learned today?

Our friends Mei and Haken were in a car crash last night though luckily neither were seriously hurt. Mei was supposed to be a bridesmaid at the wedding today but unfortunately was still a little sore and shaken up for those duties.

What is something I look forward to every day?

Coffee. I’ve gotten used to the coffee in Chiang Rai now though and these Aussie coffees are not so tastily satisfying for me anymore. I managed to stick with just two today though, which is good.

Bronwyn took this picture because she wanted another shot of Hayden and me together. We looked at each other laughing and shaking our heads at her. I like this picture a lot.

A Glass To The Gods – 11th June 2023

Never admit that the gods will win
Even if you know it true
It’s your dream you’re murdering
If such you are admitting to
Accept the contradiction
So that the greatest art is created
It’s a long line of tradition
In which the battle is clearly stated
Children born with great dreams
Eyes turn cold when they learn
Nothing is ever what it seems
And for that, the heart must yearn
The lovers and kings will dance and drink
Until they can masquerade no more
Because there comes a time to stop and think
What was all that dancing for?

inspired by this post by John Coyote


Today I’m feeling:

I slept so badly last night maybe because I had that nap that left me exhausted but also not helped by the humid air that even with the window open and the fan sucking in air did little to help. Woke up before my alarm and bumbled around before riding my pushbike to Utopia. Still not sure how I feel yet.
(Later) I managed to get going and keep going until now, late afternoon, shopping and vacuuming and just now playing guitar and reading but my body is feeling like it will enjoy sleep again. Let’s just hope it is better than last night.

Today I’m grateful for:

Haagen and Mei for getting a very drunk Amy safely home tonight. I don’t like to see Amy like that, it looks like it has gone beyond happiness and towards oblivion. I’ll never ask her to stop drinking because I know she enjoys it so much but I would like her to moderate better. As I’m not drinking these days it is difficult for me to share her feeling and I find myself frustrated. I generally don’t like hanging around people when they have had too much to drink unless I feel compelled to take care of them. Of course, I will take care of Amy and I hope that sometime she will start to feel like me in that the hangovers counter the pleasure to a negative degree.

The best thing about today was:

Feeling better than yesterday though I am wondering if I may be sick with something. Last week there were free covid test kits in the teacher’s room as many people supposedly have had it recently. Also, a couple of my students have looked sick in my classes.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I asked Art to come with me to the aircon repair shop next door to Utopia and see if he could convince them to come and fix mine. This time the lady said that the mechanic was too busy. So it seems like he’s not sick anymore. Well, too bad for them. They did mention another aircon shop and Art sent little Art out to see if they could help but he soon came back and said that they close on Sundays. I really appreciate all the help they gave me and makes me feel that I have at least some friendly local acquaintances here.
I will drop by that shop tomorrow afternoon and see if they can help me. I’d like to get it fixed before Amy comes back which we realised is only 4 weeks away now!

Something I learned today?

I watched a video of a mosh-style hardcore band (Speed) touring South East Asia and it reminded me of the documentary I took part in about ten years ago. Watching the reactions of the band members to the quirks of South East Asian life and the enthusiasm took me back to my own experiences and made me miss Kimi and the thought that I will find it hard to travel there again without him being around. Writing this also reminded me to contact Asikin, Kimi’s widow, which I just did.

How can I improve this moment?

Damn, I’m in bed, about to do some Thai study and a bit of reading before sleeping. The aircon seems to be working again (fan only) and I’m prepared for a good sleep. This moment may only be improved by actually being asleep.
I will try to improve with some positive reflections to take into my dreams.

I took this picture because a couple of these mushrooms suddenly appeared overnight. No idea if they are edible and I’m not going to try.