Tag: Miyor

Walking To Happiness – 21st February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 10 Comments

Let’s roll the rock, let’s roll it up
The mountain doesn’t exist
When the rock, it rolls on down
In its nature not to resist

And what’s your nature? ask yourself
You are the rock, you are the mountain
Walk right on up to the top
To drink from the happy fountain

Submitted to WDYS 226

Today I’m feeling:

Good for taking an extra 30 minutes snooze this morning.  I could have pushed through and got up and exercised but subconsciously I knew that I slept late last night because I wasn’t feeling tired and I was telling myself that I should rest more.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Na bringing us a small gift today.  We invited her over again to make another contact if we need a cat sitter in the future.  We’ve never needed to ask her but I think she would be happy enough to do it and she seems quite reasonable and responsible.

The best thing about today was:

I taught my grade 10s the Sexual Abuse lesson that I had used a couple of years ago.  I had to adapt it a little and put in a lot of translation so that they could fully grasp all the concepts.  They seemed to follow it well enough, especially the video of the Thai girl speaking out about being abused by a teacher.

They particularly perked up when we came to talk about words about sex, though they started off shyly until I asked them what about all the bad words that you are not supposed to say?  Once they got the green light on that, they were off and running.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Late this afternoon I found out that there is an art event again tomorrow morning.  I asked a few of my students but they didn’t know anything about it.  As usual, communication sucks but I thought that perhaps I can use it to my advantage.

I came home and forgot about it though until one student contacted me, having obviously heard about the event from somewhere, asking if they could go to the event instead of class.  Well, doesn’t that sound like a grand idea?  But I kept them hanging and just replied ‘Maybe….’

Actually, if I had known something about it I could have prepared some tasks to at least incorporate the event into a lesson somehow.  As it is, the kids will probably wander around the event for a few minutes and then go back to the classroom and play on their phones for the rest of the two hours.  And so will I, except I will go off for coffee instead.

Something I learned today?

Hippos can’t swim but they can sleep underwater.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

The kids are mostly in a pretty good mood with the end of the semester approaching and I was being pulled in many directions to join and chat with different groups at different times during the day.

Before leaving to come home I usually walk around the park to see which students are hanging out there and I’ll chat briefly with the ones I know and sometimes ones I don’t know will start a conversation too.

This afternoon, Kaowfang, Miyor and Husna were walking by and Kaowfang, as always, was talking about the latest boy that she likes.  Then she spotted the boy that Miyor likes and I feigned to bring him over and Miyor pulled me back.

We walked off in different directions but crossed paths again a few minutes later and Miyor went off to sit down whilst Kaowfang and Husna started telling me that Miyor was angry and upset with them.  I thought maybe because we were teasing her about the boy that she likes.

I didn’t have time to get involved further in their coming-of-age quarrels but was messaged later that they were having a real problem with Miyor and they didn’t know how to deal with it.  They said she was vain, self-centred and selfish!  Wow! I didn’t see that coming.  Miyor is a pretty quiet girl in class and I never heard any bad talk either from or about her.

I asked Kaowfang if she had talked directly to Miyor about it but she said that she would just get angry and not listen anyway.

I suggested that perhaps Miyor is upset because she just doesn’t like people talking about her, either good or bad and that maybe whilst we were playing and joking about the boy she actually felt quite serious about it.  I also said that, really, it’s none of our business who she likes or doesn’t like so perhaps we can not talk about this with her next time.

Kaowfang thanked me for the suggestion.  Let’s see what happens.  Here I am still traversing the perils of teenage relationships.

What does love mean to me?

I find love a little difficult to define though I know it is what I feel for certain people and about certain things.  Love changes throughout our lives so its definition changes.

The love I have for Amy doesn’t feel the same as the love I had for my first girlfriend (which I might hesitate to even call love now).  It is also different to the love I have for my mum or my students or my home.

So what does it mean?  Warmth, acceptance, understanding, kindness, growth.

For me, love also means fidelity.  I think that if you cheat on your partner then you have stopped loving them.  I say that without judgement as I have cheated before.  When that happened I knew that I was no longer in love.

Now, having learned that I understand that it is better to break up with someone if you no longer love them, before sharing your love somewhere else.  Either way is heartbreak but one is more morally acceptable for me.

I took this picture because Nong Na came and updated us on her first year at university so far.

Another Vapid Poem – 14th February 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 3 Comments

How many vapid words I read today?
So much written with nothing to say
Some thought many were written by me
It’s true, I accept responsibility

“All the flowers shine bright in glory”
The charming prince wins every story
Look out everyone, it’s yet another verse
Praised by all yet poetically worse!

How many more vapid words will I read?

60 words written for Sammi’s Weekend Writing Prompt: Vapid

Today I’m feeling:

Upbeat though could have done with a couple more hours of sleep. Still, here we are, up and about.

Today I’m grateful for:

This soda water I’m drinking right now.  The third of the evening.  The temperature is starting to rise a little as the mild winter fades.  I’m thirsty and probably going to suffer later having to get up to pee during the night.  Never mind.  I’m a human being and this is how my body works.

The best thing about today was:

In my first class with grade 10s I was teaching about a topic one of them had chosen – European History.  It’s nothing to do with what they are supposed to be learning about but I wanted them to suggest ideas for topics so that I knew it might hold their interest.  I found a Middle Ages in 5 Minutes video and used AI to pull out ten questions from it.  I grabbed the transcript to print out for the students and as I was expecting, they were quite shocked to see so much text and many words they’d never come across before.

I started the lesson by telling them that the topic is European History and to not be scared of what they are seeing and hearing.  What I will be teaching them in the class is English and not history.  I advised them that they didn’t have to understand everything and not to stress themselves about it.

First, we watched the video at three-quarter speed and at the end of it, the best English speaker in the class looked at me exasperated saying that she didn’t understand anything!  I told her that that was fine and not to give up.

I had drawn up a list of words for them to translate into Thai to help them a little and we talked around those a little to make sure that they had found and understood the correct meanings.  Then I had them do a word race, trying to find the word that I said in the text and they all got into that as it was competitive.

Then we watched the video again and, again, the students looked a little confused and lacking confidence.  I told them that they are feeling like this because they are expecting to fully understand something before attempting something connected to it.  I told them that that is often a luxury we can’t afford when learning something.  I said that when we are young children we might watch TV, something that we don’t understand and can’t explain but the words and pictures are making connections in our brains.  This is what they have been doing today.  They seemed dubious.

Finally, we attempted the quiz which was ten multiple-choice questions.  They needed a good understanding of English for them so I guided them with ideas of what to search for in the text, asking them questions, prompting and testing.  They all struggled through the first few questions but slowly they started being able to answer them more swiftly and I stopped them at one point praising them and reminding them of how they had arrived at this point.

Usually, these students are itching to go and eat as the class is before lunch but today we ran over time as they were all quite pleased at what they had done today.  Maybe they will remember little of the details of today but next time they are faced with what seems an ominous task they will feel more confident.  Perhaps some will be reminded of some of the information when they see pictures of old cathedrals or hear the names of some English and French kings.

That was a great lesson for all of us today!

And then….for my second class, I split my grade 7’s into random groups of 5 or 6 and had them come read together and answer questions with spoken English, rather than writing, where it is easy to copy each other’s answers.

This really tested some of the students who think they can cruise through by copying.  This is not the best method of teaching but compared with what I see going on in some other classrooms I’m hoping it is a little more effective and encouraging for the students.

I was happy with the way this class went too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Last night Amy was in a tipsy playful mood and while I was already in bed, settled into a book, she came in looking serious.  She said she wanted to talk to me seriously about something.  This was a bit surprising to me as she had been happy with her wine most of the evening.  I said ‘ok’, not really knowing what to expect.

Her face was serious and she looked teary and struggled to say words, hiding her face in a shameful manner.  I was still slightly bemused but also on my guard.  What is she going to tell me?  What is so difficult to say?  What happened?  I was mentally and physically preparing for a confession of infidelity.

Finally, after a few minutes of this acting, she proffered ‘Do you think I should get my nose heightened?  I know you like it small but I want it to be bigger.’  She laughed and cackled at this and I reminded her (as we have talked about this before) that I love her little nose but if she’s not happy with it then she can do what she wants.

She asked me ‘What would you do if I told you I had cheated on you?’  I stoically said ‘If that happened, we’d have to talk it out and decide what to do.’  Ultimately that is all that gets done in that situation whether it’s amicable or not.

Amy went off back to her wine and movie and I congratulated myself on my calm in such a situation.  It was good to practice going through an emotional test like this.  Occasionally, I will walk through situations in my head to see how I might react, mentally preparing.  It’s not always effective but it’s better than being knocked off your feet by things.

Something I learned today?

Over the last few days, I’ve been watching more Little Chinese Everywhere videos as Yan was travelling through Iran.  I learned a lot about their local crafts and was reminded of how wonderful and welcoming the people there are.  I would have loved to have gone there when I was younger but I have lost the travel bug a little recently.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

With it being Valentine’s Day, as is tradition here, students were giving out heart stickers to each other and to me too.  I also had some extra candies.  When I ran out of those I peeled off the stickers from my shirt and passed them on to students, hoping to be sticker-free by the time I got home.  

I remember last year finding these stickers in the washing machine, even weeks later because there were still some stuck on my shirt when I put it in the wash.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  17. Think About Others. Just be mindful, that’s all. We all have families, bills to pay, and our own issues. Don’t always make everything about yourself.

I believe that I am quite good at this but I would say that I do not involve myself with others lives unless invited.  

I’m not a chatterbox or the type of person who charms up banal conversation to form connections.  

Perhaps that makes me a little standoffish, maybe even self-centred but actually I care very much about people and what is going on with them and I will help when I can and forgive when they have their own things going on.

Miyor took this picture because she came to take a photo of my computer screen and I joked that she wanted a picture of me. I’ll try and get a haircut this weekend.

Lesson In Peace – 24th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The art of war is a lesson in peace
The politics of life to make the violence cease
The finest swords will all eventually rust
To build a legion is to gain their trust

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and positive though I have a nagging tiredness throughout my body.  This could possibly be from pushing myself too much with exercise but the benefits of it outweigh this.  Some of the things going on in the family are getting me down a little.  This is connected with cultural differences but it’s hard not to judge a situation when something is so clearly unfair.  No details to share here as yet.  Perhaps if and when the situation resolves or is in the past.

Today I’m grateful for:

Finding the candy lady outside of school.  Miyor and KhaoFang were walking around the park after classes and I bumped into them and they offered me a bag of candy of a type that I’d never seen before.  I took one and it was tasty so I asked where they got them and they pointed to one of the stalls so I went to investigate and there was a cornucopia there!  It was also a pick and mix so I picked out a couple of each to try the range.  I didn’t eat any yet – I’m saving them for the weekend. 

I was laughing to myself today about it because it feels just like when I was at school as a teenager.  I always skipped lunch, saving my money to buy records instead.  Then I would scrounge pennies off friends and buy candy from the van that pulled up in the playground every lunchtime.

The best thing about today was:

Getting my work permit so quickly sorted that I had time to grab another coffee before my class started.  I guess it doesn’t take long when you’re handing over 6,000 baht.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

After making copies of my work permit I headed over to the office.  It was only while I was there that I discovered that I have to fill out the visa application and pay another 2,000 baht for the visa when I take it to immigration next week.  I thought that whole process was already done when I was at immigration at the end of last year but it seems that I was just on a bridging visa.  Amy was not impressed to hear this, especially as I don’t even have 2,000 baht left this month.

Something I learned today?

This evening I found out that the 6,000 baht will get refunded next month.  Woohoo!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sat and helped a couple of students again, taking the time to work with them and encourage them.

Every morning now, when I arrive at school, I join Baipad, Jan and Apple and talk with them for a few minutes.  Sometimes it’s a struggle to get them to look away from their phones but slowly they are opening up and chatting a little bit.  I can especially feel that Apple is more relaxed now to speak English.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 4. Don’t Start A Relationship If You’re Not in Love. I’ve done this more than once. You kind of like someone and think: “We might as well give it a shot.” Not a good idea. You’re either in love, or you are not. Don’t fool yourself. It’s not fair to you and the other person.

The difficulty with this is when growing up and learning about love.  Our societies don’t emotionally prepare us as children for the consequences of love.  It’s quite noticeable here in Chiang Rai, Thailand that a fair percentage of teenagers are not so much into the idea of romantic relationships yet.  They might have urges and desires but many are still learning about how to make good friendships amongst themselves.  I used to think that this was somewhat of a downside to the kid’s development and that they were growing up too slowly but now I see it as a benefit.  In the West we are not aware of all the privileges that we have just by circumstance, to be able to grow up so quickly, whether mature or not.

In my own experience, I thought I was in love many times as a teenager but I was just in love with the idea of love, without knowing what it really was.  My first relationships were rough on my partners as I had no clue how to treat them, having been told through society that chocolates and flowers could fix anything.  It wasn’t until my mid-20s, meeting Bronwyn that I first felt what I consider to be true love.  And then even that was not enough to keep us together.

It’s way too easy to say ‘Don’t fool yourself.’  We fool ourselves all the time without knowing.  We do have to go through the process – love, lose and learn.  Not many people get things right the first time.

Now I try to teach my students to guard themselves somewhat, to protect themselves from the huge emotional twists and turns of young love.  When they break up, to encourage them not to dwell on something that wasn’t meant to be.  To stop feeling like it is the end of the world.  But I know, it feels just like that and words are sometimes little comfort.

I took this picture because this is an unusual sight, to find both our cats sitting on the same mat like this.

Happy Birthday, I Still Don’t Love You – 27th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I hope your day is grand
Goes as you have planned
It’s the thing to do
But I still don’t love you

It’s a past we shared
When once we cared
But yesterday is through
And I still don’t love you

I wrote a broken ode
Broke the unspoken code
I’m thinking of you
But still don’t love you

inspired, but not connected, by part of this post at Spinning Visions

Today I’m feeling:

Happy again but a little tired now that I’m home and have eaten some food. I will try to sleep earlier tonight I think. I say that now but I often end up late again!

Today I’m grateful for:

The fruit-flavoured toffees that I can buy at Big C and no doubt fuck up my fillings. I will take a packet to Hayden so he can fuck up his fillings too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Today I found out that one of my students, Feije, has been expelled from school. I could sense that something was up with her recently and tried to reach out to her but she said everything was fine. I saw her falling asleep in other classes and she would often skip mine with excuses that her friends said weren’t true.

Her friends were sad that she has gone. They told me that she had posted pictures on IG of herself drinking beer. I told them that she was stupid for doing that. Her friends wanted to protect her but they also knew that I was right.

Amongst all the kids in her class, there were plenty of others that I would’ve expected to have discipline issues first.

Something I learned today?

I read about Gregory Sadler who has 377 videos on YouTube about his reading of Hegel’s Phenomenology of Spirit. He started in 2015 and finished this week. He is also considering reading it again!

What do I remember about a recent dream I had?

Dreams are evasive when trying to force them back into memory. I know that I woke up last night needing to pee but whatever I was dreaming about had given me an erection that made it extremely difficult to point downwards into the bowl. It was still dark and I wanted to get back to sleep as soon as I could but had to wait and then bend it as much as possible. I’m not sure what the dream was but I seem to remember thinking that it was something affectionate rather than sexual. I didn’t have any trouble getting back to sleep but also don’t recall any new dreams that I might’ve had.

I took this picture because Miyor was excited to show me this new trick she had learned. She then proceeded to get other students to try it too. I’m trying now whilst writing this and my old bones just don’t bend that way.

No Fish – 6th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A fish for today
A problem gone away
Tomorrow, will you be so kind?
A gift quite odd
Here’s a fishing rod
And you may eat all the fish you find

Today I’m feeling:

Ready for the day. I had a bit of a bad dream when my alarm went off. A weird story of Nong May and I walking across a street and she bumped into a guy and they both fell over. I was concerned for both of them and we ended up catching a scary bus to get to a doctor and insurance place. Everything around was getting darker and more ominous. I could’ve slept a lot longer but I was quite glad to get out of this dream.

Today I’m grateful for:

Not having caught everyone’s colds and flu so far. Many students are sick, coughing and sneezing in class. Sooner or later I will get sick for sure but so far so good. I can feel my throat is dry and itchy just when I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Feeling like my Thai language learning is improving just by using it in class more often and trying to understand the kids when they speak Thai to me. Google Translate is much better than it was a couple of years ago and I can imagine we get to a point where we don’t even bother to learn languages anymore and use super fast translation instead. 

In my grade 10 class today I asked the students how often they used messaging instead of calling and it seemed to be 80/20 favouring messaging.

Will we stop talking altogether? Once we figure out converting thoughts into text maybe our mouths will only be used for eating.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Yesterday I was thinking about doing a particular exercise (running dictation) with a couple of my one-hour classes but then remembered that in previous years it had taken much longer, so I quickly switched them around to be in our two-hour classes, one of which was today. 

I was then shocked to find them finished within the hour and us having time to spare. I stretched things out before letting them do other work or free time. 

Everyone enjoyed the class, though they got hot with the running and as I had anticipated the lazier students soon got distracted but in the end, things turned out ok. I do the same exercise with another class tomorrow.

Something I learned today?

There are rumours that the terrible fires in Hawaii, which locals are saying may have killed a couple of thousand people, may have been deliberately started or at least had a deliberately delayed response as investors were looking to get the area cleared out to build a new ‘city’.  Save time and money by letting everything burn!

The locals are still struggling to receive help or even information. It sure looks like a horrible situation and is close to a modern genocide if these people are to be believed.

What random memory comes to mind right now?

This is a difficult question to answer when sitting and trying to think of it. It then becomes not random. Random memories will pop up during the day but not at the time I have this question in my mind. All the things that happened today are already memories and they are already swirling around in the quagmire of my brain.

Next time an older memory does randomly appear I’ll try to remember it and come back and add it. Or more likely I will read this sometime in the future and all the text here will be the actual random memory.

What am I taking for granted?

I think I am probably taking a lot of things for granted right now, though because of that, they are difficult for me to identify. Everyday things such as water, electricity, internet, phone, computer data, and music are almost ubiquitous and easily taken for granted and would be stressful if taken away. 

In some ways, I take Amy for granted but that is part of a relationship and we often remind each other in mostly humorous ways that we don’t do that.

Part of writing a gratitude entry every day is to be reminded not to take things for granted.

Miyor took this picture amongst a whole bunch of others because she was messing around with apps and filters etc.  I wish the kids would put as much effort into studying English!