Hands up if you’ve ever been a jerk? There should be no hands down. Please comment if you have never been a jerk. Not even once.

Here’s all the times I was a jerk…….

No, no, no, I’m not going to do that! Not here anyway.

I wonder if we actually are surrounded by idiots, or if those people have chosen a simpler path that just makes them appear to be idiots to others. They must have some redeeming qualities.

As individuals, we seem to be quite together, perhaps even inconsequential, yet when we get together to form systems or groups we often devolve into idiothood.

Sometimes I wish I was ignorant and close-minded. Then the truth – the reality – doesn’t matter.

So, I’m sorry to everyone who ever felt that I was a jerk to them. I’m trying.

Well, I feel bad
And I’ve felt worse
And I’m a creep
And I’m a jerk

Mudhoney, Touch Me I’m Sick

---

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my phone and this app (just called Gratitude). It reminds me of all the little things I should be grateful for.

To-do list

• Finish reply to Kieran ½
• Start creating events for WDS ½
• Enjoy teaching Bruce again ✅
• Case more CDs ½
• Do not complain. Think before speaking ½

Got thrown an extra class this morning but luckily it was with one of the better classes of students. The following classes all went well too but I’m starting to feel worn down. I was wondering today if I’m just jealous of the freedom that the kids have, their care-less attitudes, their joys and grievances.

There was almost a fight today as two kids stood up to each other. I was curiously, happily watching it progress and wanted to see how the class dealt with it themselves. I’m not sure if someone was expecting me to step in but eventually Kru Noon did and it was a little disappointing that it fizzled out.

My self-control was tested somewhat when finding out late in the afternoon that there are no classes for the next two days but I looked on the bright side for myself rather than thinking about the unstructured disrupted learning these kids are going through. Two easy days ahead. I hope I get to spend more of this free time in the quiet classroom and write, think and study more.

I taught Bruce again today and he wants to study 2-3 times a week which is good for me. I need to do a bit more research for his lessons as he wants to learn about TOEFL exams for speaking.

I learned today that I can push through and enjoy it when teaching, even when I’m tired. I can improve my methods when teaching Bruce as I feel they have dropped off somewhat at Anuban. As Mohan laughingly mentioned ‘Once you start teaching here you can’t teach anywhere else.’ This shows me his satisfaction at his job and settled into this style, knowing its limitations and drawbacks. Can I do the same? I think I have to if I want to stay sane.

14th May 2024 – Four years later I can safely say that I have settled into a working style that is suitable for here but as Mohan infers, it would be very difficult to be a teacher anywhere else after this.