Tag: motivation

A Lull; A Crisis – 14th September 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 19 Comments

A Lull

Lulled into obedience
Cocooned in a routine
Lulling in a language
The soft belly fattened
Lulled back to sleep
A thief’s hand in the pocket
A lull in the fighting
Fresh-faced provincial naivety


A Crisis

Always in need of a crisis
To keep putting up prices
Push the thorn in deeper
Make this pain a keeper
Today was another bad day
Another breath stolen away
A cake built from glitter and guns
Towards the battle runs


A Lull; A Crisis

Lulled into obedience, always in need of a crisis
Cocooned in a routine to keep putting up prices
Lulling in a language, push the thorn in deeper
The soft belly fattened make this pain a keeper
Lulled back to sleep, today was another bad day
A thief’s hand in the pocket, another breath stolen away
A lull in the fighting, a cake built from glitter and guns
Fresh-faced provincial naivety towards the battle runs

6th Jun 2025 – Shared with dVerse OLN #385

Today I’m feeling:

Lazy again. The dark grey sky has returned with a light, constant rain. Even though I woke up and got up at 7 to feed the cats, I went back to bed and, after reading for a while, dozed a little too.

As I was driving out for coffee this morning, I was thinking about how I generally only feel motivated when I have to go to work. When I have some pressure to be doing one thing, then I’m really motivated to do another thing! This feeling is making me concerned about actual retirement. I have to figure out a way to be motivated when there is nothing else to do!

Health:

Physical: 7
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy getting us motivated and out of the house. At about 11.30, she said that we should get some old clothes together and donate them to people who need them at the moment. Lots of people are donating food but so much of it is getting thrown away as it is going off before it can be distributed.

It is a little heartening to see how people are pulling together to help each other and even to watch some folks laughing as they clean up the mud around their houses.

Others are not so happy, though. I dropped by House on the way into the city. Gui wasn’t there – he decided to stay in a hotel – so I talked a little with his mum (as best I could anyway) and she showed me inside the shop, which is a disaster, as is their front room, kitchen and bathroom, the back garden and even the parking area.

His mum couldn’t be sure how long before they could get everything sorted and the shop open again. Maybe even up to three months. I think Gui might just give up. Others who are renting their shops will be facing the same questions.

Tokyo heard me talking to Gui’s mum and barked from the safety of the terrace above the kitchen. She soon ran down and through all the mud to jump up at me as I had a snack waiting for her. She is oblivious to what is going on around her.

The best thing about today was:

Getting up and about and not just lying down at home reading or watching TV. I was also informed that school won’t open again until Thursday at the earliest, though that may change as I heard that clean-up had already started.

After seeing some of the damage in the area today, though, I can understand why it’s not just a matter of the school but also of the affected students, too.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Driving around the city and particularly the area near my school brought home the amount of damage that folks there are dealing with. All the roads are a mess of garbage and mud. Animals are loose, fields are empty and flattened and even some walls were knocked down or foundations for poles and fences so soft that they have keeled over.

We felt very subdued by it all and even though people are pulling together there’s a sort of bewilderment in the air. About 80% of shops are closed, whether they are affected by the water or not. The economy was already struggling and this is another setback to recovery.

Something I learned today?

Brisbane scraped through their final with the Giants and I listened to it live on the radio though as I wasn’t particularly invested in either I was also doing other things until the final ten minutes or so.

That means Brisbane will play Geelong and Sydney will play Port. Could end up being a Sydney Geelong grand final again and it will bring back memories of getting absolutely smashed by them in the grand final two or three years ago, whenever it was.

Well, we have to get there first and I will listen live a little more intently on Friday for sure.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Donating a lot of clothes and pillows was appreciated by the folks doing the organising of the distribution. I hope that they end up getting to people who really need them. There may be a few villagers who end up with ni-hao! And SpeechOdd t-shirts that were too big for me.

Ordinary Days – 24th August 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Recalling times without that hand
Holding me, wild and untamed
Seeking excitement and following
An uncontrollable urge

When you came I began to understand
Big ups are followed quickly
By downs, so far down
You smoothed out my graph

Of course, it wasn’t the way I planned
All these years later, still popping
But I’m grateful for the comfort
Of ordinary days

Submitted to AllPoetry.com – antidepressants

Today I’m feeling:

Slow and lazy. Slept until 8.30 and felt lethargic even after morning coffee. 

The sun made it out in the morning and the rain looked distant in the mountains, but by 2p,m it was back and after our car service, we drove over the river into the city and it is already flooded over the side roads. 

Health:

Physical: 6
Mental: 7

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks at Nissan for not fucking around and servicing our car in under two hours. Hopefully, they did more than just clean it. I didn’t recognise it at first because it was so shiny and new-looking again.

They said everything was good, though. I don’t care much about cars so long as they work and little Almy has been doing a good job.

The best thing about today was:

Finding some decent words to describe my current feeling of my second post-covid experience.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I didn’t make it out to my room today, as I was tired and our plans changed throughout the morning. I haven’t played guitar for almost two weeks now. 

I just run out of energy and motivation at home these days and end up watching videos. 

I haven’t read many books this year either, though I have read a fuck-ton more poetry.

Feeling a little under the weather for the last few weeks hasn’t helped but I hope I can wean myself off the videos and back to books and guitar again.

Something I learned today?

I was finally able to access the EDSY online trial that some of my students have been trying and was surprised to find Milk, who struggles a lot with English, was #1 of all the students, even beating Momo by a couple of points.

It looks like a reasonable tool to use but I feel that there are some components missing that don’t motivate the students to improve.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

As I checked Milk and Momo’s work in EDSY, I messaged them both to give them encouragement and advise on little things that they could do to improve.

I took these pictures because it was haircut day today. HoiTod reminds me so much of Kim, same size, colour and affection.

Get It Together – 22nd June 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Got a head barren of motivation
What’s said only delivers frustration
Not dead but denied inspiration
Get it together or you’re done!

Emo-driven tears an aberration
Forgotten fears sudden implication
Perspective clears internal narration
You got skills but the bills are due!

Each turmoil treads towards education
Lessons learned have no expiration
Third eyes open to the realisation
Time to shine because the rains will come!

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 53 and inspired by one of my students who is trying hard at school but is close to getting kicked out.

Today I’m feeling:

Woke up tired but got going with Utopia coffee. Game was there and commiserated with me when I told him and Art that I couldn’t hang around as Amy had me quickly home for us to go to meet Mei and Hagan for lunch. I still managed to get a little reading in though, starting Rip It Up And Start Again again.

Today I’m grateful for:

Mei and Hagan for shouting us lunch at Mo’s (near Mae Sai). Good food and good catch-up, probably the last before they head back to Australia.

The best thing about today was:

Whilst out in the village in the evening I went across to the 20 baht shop, which was closed in the morning, and picked up some batteries and a door closer. I saw that KhaoThang was sitting in her mum’s shop so I went in and chatted with her and her mum for a minute. 

Her English pronunciation is awesome now, though her vocabulary is still limited as she studies in a Science program rather than language.

They told me that they will close the shop in December and mum will go to a temple in Phan and KT will stay in a dorm near her school (Tessaban 6). She’s only 14 but its quite common here.  Good luck to them both.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Somehow it feels hotter than it did in summer. It still hasn’t rained, two weeks now, so our new gutter is still untested. 

After the first rain, a month or more ago, it felt cooler and refreshing and now the temperature has remained the same but the humidity seems to have skyrocketed. It’s pretty tiring but despite some huffing and puffing, I’m still trying not to complain out loud.

The heat did stop me from going to my room today though. I could’ve still gone but I couldn’t even really face getting up out of the air-conned living room to get a drink of water.

Something I learned today?

I came across a Roy and HG documentary and it made me reminisce a lot about my early years in Australia and then even more so when there were clips of The Dream which was the show they did during the Sydney Olympics. That was still a memorable prime time in my life.

I found a load of videos on YT which I stuck in the queue to watch at some point.

Review your acts, Good and bad.

Around 7pm Amy wanted to go to the market to get some soy milk, implying that I had to ride her there. I still didn’t want to get out but eventually, I did.

I took this picture at Mo’s because I finally remembered to take some pictures today. I knew this one was going to look good when I took it.

Are You Happy Now? – 6th October 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Back in the good old days
Of feeling miserable and sad
Never could consider the ways
To stop from feeling bad

Depression in the dark room stays
Endlessly elevating the mad
Safely hidden away from praise
Scribbling it all out on a pad

The written word rarely pays
But surely makes one glad
No matter what anyone else says
Those were the times that were had

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions blog

Today I’m feeling:

Awake and alive despite only about six hours of sleep. Also feeling a little fragile and on edge but don’t know why. I feel like if something doesn’t go to plan I could easily lose the plot.

Today I’m grateful for:

Funfai for inviting me to play tennis which we finally got to do today. I made it through about 30 minutes and she had already been playing for an hour before that! It was only 9.30 am but over 30 degrees and no shade. I haven’t played for more than twenty years so everything was pretty stiff. My brain knew what it wanted my body to do but my body wasn’t always capable. I was dizzy after sitting down, drenched in sweat and super stinky as my shirt was one of those that hadn’t dried properly in the sun last week. And although my body feels used up I think it is happy to have been used. I want to go again!

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that Carsick Cars will play in Sydney whilst I’m there! I saw they will play with Garry David, so hit up Bob Blunt to get more info. Amy already has me busy with lunch and dinner appointments on the day they play but Bob advised that they added an afternoon matinee show which I should be able to squeeze in – no problem! Cool bananas! He also told me Julian Wu is the tour organiser so I messaged him too and he’s prepaid a ticket for me and it will be awesome to catch up with everyone again. What a trip!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got a message overnight from an M3 student, Pon, who I taught last year saying he was hoping to join the English Program next year but his grades weren’t up to scratch. I had rarely interacted with him and he was always quiet in class though he usually did my work. His low grade was when Dylan was teaching him and I’m not sure why he decided to message me to say he was devastated. I’m understanding but not exactly sympathetic. His grade was in his own hands and now he’s reaping the results of his lack of attention at the time. ‘Don’t care was made to care’ as I was often told as a child! Students are not taught how their decisions and actions affect their futures.

I read an article today about the negative effects of phone use and social media on children and how it affects the mental health of the undeveloped brain. It’s common sense to me that kids shouldn’t have phones in class! Even though I have tried to have them utilise their phones for study they often switch in and out to other apps which I know is detrimental to learning and memory.

I also received a message from my M2 student Alew, asking about scholarships. I don’t know how you go about applying for those but I’m glad he’s asking the question. I pointed him to Champ who may be able to give him some advice.

Something I learned today?

I saw that in China you can order your taxi by phone and if you are not sure where it might be, like at an airport for example, you can shake your phone and it will trigger the hazard lights on the car. And once in the taxi, you can control the aircon from your phone too.

What motivates me to do my best?

If I am invested in something I will do my best. Sometimes if I’m not invested I will also try to do my best but be less bothered about the result. 

I am always trying my best at school to entertain and teach my classes. I put a lot of effort and energy into that and I’m personally motivated by that. I care about the results for the students and not for the results as seen by the school, which is why I disagree strongly with their grading policy.

Funfai took this picture because I asked her to. I wanted to see how I looked after running around in the sun for thirty minutes!

Slow – 28th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The air is stuck
There’s no going anywhere
One step forward
It’s sideways from there
Invisible mud muddles
Through invisible puddles
Backed up traffic, stuck
Driving this torpid truck
Barely falling forward
Towards a future unseen
Holding onto the past
Where the memory’s been

The minute you hear ‘freedom’ and ‘democracy’ watch out because in a truly free nation, no one has to tell you you’re free.

Jacque Fresco

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and inspired.
Today I’m grateful for:
Pushing myself to go to Daytripper for coffee and to sit for an hour or more and prepare for class next semester. It was a nice space to be in and there were lots of uni students studying too. I’m grateful to have many choices for places to go to even though I rarely do so.
The best thing about today was:
Seeing an online post from my students saying how much they liked me as their teacher. That made me feel so happy! See photo entry.

I took this picture because I was truly heartened to see these words from Anchan. I can feel that she is mature in her thinking and attitude and I know she has to work hard at home after school too. I hope she becomes a great student and can have a bright future. I hope that for all my students.

Roundhouse – 24th September 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is the house that time built
The 60s are just through the door
Another world, another lifetime
What were the billions gone all living for?

This is the house that time built
Educated to a level capability
Flexing muscles of hidden thoughts
Exercising a great mental agility

This is the house that time built
Once glorious yet now decrepit
All shall one day return to earth
No matter how amazingly intrepid

Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.

Edward Abbey

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The chef at the shop next to Utopia for preparing me a delicious lunch to my requirements with yummy fresh tofu and crispy noodles to make lard na.
The best thing about today was:
Getting so many little things done but in a relaxing manner. Sometimes I struggle with motivation but today I managed to push through without feeling like I was forcing it.

I took this picture because I was walking home from Utopia and thinking about how to make an interesting picture. The three contrasting colours of yellow, green and blue along with the lines as seen from the ground level give this picture a more complex feel. I thought about straightening the picture but kind of like that it is a little off.

Man Lives In Fear – 12th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 7 Comments

The Woman’s Era has been dawning
For more than a hundred years
Held back by the arms of man
And his resistant fears

Equality means inclusion
And ending this fickle game
To treat each other as human
To see each other the same

Embrace all our differences
Enrich our lives together
For the sake of all humanity
Wherever, whoever, whenever

Submitted to WDYS #228

Without urgency or panic, make the necessary time and make much of that time.

Mason Currey

My midweek chill was rudely interrupted last night when I suddenly lost my energy and good feeling. I was so exhausted and feeling dizzy and sick that I went to bed at around 7pm and was soon asleep. In the night, I felt hot and I’m also feeling hot now, though the temperature check just said 36.5 for me and the crappy ATK I bought shows a very faint line that I’m OK. Difficult to say if it worked or not.

Anyway, I woke up not feeling too bad, still a slight headache and not 100% but ok. When I read my messages, I had to cover Dylan’s class this morning too – which is OK but meant I was teaching all morning. I’m going to dash off now to Fascino to buy a different ATK and will check again tonight. I don’t really want Covid right now as it will fuck up all Amy’s plans. Faaaar out.

I’m following this 12-step course of creating new habits, this is from James Clear, whose book, Atomic Habits, I’ve read and used to some degree. I’ve developed many good habits already and considering what I should do to create a new one. I’ve been good at exercising, studying Thai, learning guitar and those things do take up a bunch of my time already.

One thing that I do want to get back to, is learning Ableton and using the keyboard I bought and to create music. Before I create music, I really need to understand how these things work and hold together. An early step in forming this habit is to make a two-minute rule, a very simplified version of just starting the habit, not necessarily completing anything. So now I want to figure out what I can do to get down to a simple two-minute rule so that I can start forming this. I think I need to have the keyboard set up and Ableton open and ready to go, maybe then, just study one part of the manual for two minutes and then begin to understand it well.

I need to fit this in with my routine in the evening, which is usually to write a blog entry or two, use Yousician for at least ten minutes, play guitar to some songs with Capo, which can take up to 45 minutes, after that, I usually go inside and watch some TV so that I can wind down.

I’m still not quite happy with my set-up in my room and don’t feel quite comfortable in there. Clear some space? Rearrange again? It’s quite a good working environment for all the things I’m doing but some days I just don’t want to go in there! I’ll figure it out I guess.

18th Dec 2025 – I still haven’t figured this out. I still have many days where I just don’t feel like going to my room. Maybe I have set it up in my mind that it is like my old bedroom, a safe space away from the world, and somehow it doesn’t quite live up to that expectation. The Ableton keyboard has been sitting on the desk since this entry and has collected dust for most of the time. Perhaps reading this today will give me some incentive to get back to it.

Mo No Syll A Bic Man – 31st August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know what to say
A voice that sounds so dull
I sound like a wet rag
I speak with one syll-a-ble

Dead mouth and dead brain
Down and out, glass not full
Old man, though still young
Speaks in mo-no-syll-a-ble

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for these rice biscuits that the locals make. I can add them to my muesli to give it a sweeter taste.

Cap woke me up in the middle of the night as he wanted to get out of the bedroom. It was difficult for me to get back to sleep properly, instead having wild dreams but also a deep sense of love for Amy. I am ever grateful to be with her.

Hayden is on my mind too. Any discussions we have online just receive a monosyllabic reply from him, often with ‘I don’t know’ as a response. I feel sorrow for him. I hope that under the weed fog, he does know and understand some things but it’s difficult to see him this way.

And after talking with Sharon about her struggles with Kim, I’m starting to think that there’s nothing much I can do. It has to come from himself. I will keep trying to push him in the direction where he can come to those conclusions.

I sometimes feel guilty about how much effort I put into teaching my students compared with the effort I put in with Hayden. I know they are different times but it still rubs. Am I trying to compensate by taking more care with my students? At their age, they are still malleable but Hayden is, unbelievably, 25 now.

My lower back is sore from too much sitting. Need to exercise more but due to a lack of sleep and a dark, grey, cloudy morning, I couldn’t motivate myself to do it. Motivation, motivation. It’s the same for everyone, old and young.

Today will be a good day. Cannot get that Smart Went Crazy song out of my head, which was something else that kept me awake last night!

Don’t want a life of lies and pretence – 18th February 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Cat cries – wake up call – got a present for you, toss and turn – nice dreams again, forgotten or fading already.
Cranky neck, cricks and creaks.
Birds call – wake up, the sun is coming, left big toe throbs in pain.
Welcome to another day.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my weird independent personality. I prefer just to keep myself amused over trying to keep everyone around me engaged. It’s not that I’m cold but it’s just the way I am. I work hard for my students and other younger people – I offer them my advice and my point of view and expression are just as valid as any other teacher’s methods, I’m sure.

Amy’s alcoholic uncle got killed, being hit by two cars, so we’ve been running around a little bit sorting things out for his small funeral. He was not particularly well like so there wasn’t much to attend to in the end and everything was over within two days.

Someone mentioned that the size of the funeral is a reflection of the person’s life. Steve’s funeral was attended by so many people it was standing-room only. But, so what? Do either of them care? I think that they would both ask for a chance to do it all over again.

Amy wishes for a small funeral. Me too.

Both classes today were enjoyable as I watched kids trying a little more than usual to do and say the right things. Dylan and I both agreed it was weird how some days the students are all good and other days they can be a nightmare.

Yesterday I stopped to talk to some students in the canteen and a couple asked me to teach them more English so I’m trying to arrange to help them out once a week. They gave me the impression they were keen to study and that is what I am looking for in the students. Let’s see.

All in all, the working days have been good this week.

We got that attitude! – 6th April 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I am so happy and grateful for my Gloomy Bear mug which I’ve had for many years now. It reminds me of my past and my happy history.

To-do list

  • Must finish that lesson in the morning. ✅
  • Don’t watch TV until the afternoon.
  • Sort more CDs. ½

(It’s Friday now!) Finally, I have a little return of motivation.

Yesterday was our 10th wedding anniversary and we had a nice time at home, having spent time preparing a nice environment, as if we were out somewhere more fancy than our dining room. Amy did most of it with me working under direction. She has a good eye for design and detail. 10 years – mostly happy and content. Any rough rides smoothed over by our caring natures.

I finally finished another lesson plan, sorted some CDs and did one or two other things in my room. Tomorrow I’m thinking of playing some video games but wondering how much of a time suck that will be. If it’s a time suck that brings happiness then it’s not a big deal.

In the morning I also want to talk with George and see what his thoughts are on teaching online. I’m not sure how it will work when we have to encourage speaking. I’ve been writing my plans for students to work in pairs. How can that work? I’m curious about the possibilities though. It could be good in the way of learning new methods and developing ideas around the technology.