Don’t wait until it’s too late to realise A life isn’t lived if it’s lived in fear Even though we fall we still hope to rise We sure could use a drink down here
The further we go the further back we get* The possibilities only ever feel near Along the way exclaiming ‘Are we there yet?’ We sure could use a drink down here
Wherever this winding river will lead Its waters are more muddy than clear It pays to suffer, it pays to bleed And we sure could use a drink down here
Lazy and happy. Woke up at 10 am and have not been motivated to do much of anything really.
I came across this quote yesterday that I quite liked:
“Delusions believed by billions are still delusions and the truth of one humanity embraced by even one human is still the truth.”
Abhijit Naskar
Today I’m grateful for:
Finally receiving my classes list for next semester. I have a wider range of classes so will have to do more preparation and will start getting into that on Monday.
The best thing about today was:
Eating a bowl of LungChom ice cream. It’s been a year that I’ve been denying myself because it is so nice and I was getting too fat from it, so I’ll enjoy it again now and try to resist falling into any further addiction.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Talking with Anchan breaks my heart. She doesn’t know anything about what happened with her mum in court and is sad, lonely and frustrated in Chiang Mai. I discovered that her mum is in a Myanmar prison which is just a nightmare.
I suggested many things to try and take her mind off her situation but she is in a pretty negative state of mind. She did cry that she should be enjoying her teenage life and not having to deal with all this.
I saw that her and Fah were friendly at the end of last semester so I contacted Fah and asked her to chat with Anchan, just to be a friend. I hope some contact will keep her a little grounded.
Something I learned today?
Bonism – the doctrine that the world is good, although not the best of all possible worlds
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I moved around some plants for Amy and fixed up the vine plant so that it should grow over the empty roof space and hopefully give some natural shade at least.
Mee took this picture sometime last year. I’m pleased that she is feeling better than last year.
Music from Pregnant Neck, The Fugs, 35mm Dreams, Tsushimamire, Skurge, Mudhoney, George Duke, Electric Light Orchestra, Lightning Bolt, Unknown, Thinking Fellers Union Local 282, Dennis Brown, Wild Youth, Vibrato Fetish, Spanish Dogs, beNt, Cockney Rejects and The Temptations.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my shower in the morning, to cool and refresh, and prepare for the day.
To-do list
Continue video editing ✅
Enjoy Baew’s birthday party ✅
Record TCRAH if time
Find warm up video and then exercise
Read some more – I want to finish this book! ✅
I enjoyed learning the video editing software today. Amy was obviously in her monthly bad mood so it was good to be out of the way. She was baking cakes too. I find it hard to deal with her when she’s in these moods and even she knows that she is not herself.
She was happy when we got to Baew’s though and we started eating and drinking. I had to stop after a little bit though because I was tired and I ended up sleeping for a couple of hours!
First: an implicit or explicit sense that you are an ‘important’ person. Second: an implicit or explicit sense that you are surrounded by idiots.
– Eric Schwitzgebel (blog extract)
Hands up if you’ve ever been a jerk? There should be no hands down. Please comment if you have never been a jerk. Not even once.
Here’s all the times I was a jerk…….
No, no, no, I’m not going to do that! Not here anyway.
I wonder if we actually are surrounded by idiots, or if those people have chosen a simpler path that just makes them appear to be idiots to others. They must have some redeeming qualities.
As individuals, we seem to be quite together, perhaps even inconsequential, yet when we get together to form systems or groups we often devolve into idiothood.
Sometimes I wish I was ignorant and close-minded. Then the truth – the reality – doesn’t matter.
So, I’m sorry to everyone who ever felt that I was a jerk to them. I’m trying.
Well, I feel bad And I’ve felt worse And I’m a creep And I’m a jerk
Mudhoney, Touch Me I’m Sick
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for my phone and this app (just called Gratitude). It reminds me of all the little things I should be grateful for.
To-do list
Finish reply to Kieran ½
Start creating events for WDS ½
Enjoy teaching Bruce again ✅
Case more CDs ½
Do not complain. Think before speaking ½
Got thrown an extra class this morning but luckily it was with one of the better classes of students. The following classes all went well too but I’m starting to feel worn down. I was wondering today if I’m just jealous of the freedom that the kids have, their care-less attitudes, their joys and grievances.
There was almost a fight today as two kids stood up to each other. I was curiously, happily watching it progress and wanted to see how the class dealt with it themselves. I’m not sure if someone was expecting me to step in but eventually Kru Noon did and it was a little disappointing that it fizzled out.
My self-control was tested somewhat when finding out late in the afternoon that there are no classes for the next two days but I looked on the bright side for myself rather than thinking about the unstructured disrupted learning these kids are going through. Two easy days ahead. I hope I get to spend more of this free time in the quiet classroom and write, think and study more.
I taught Bruce again today and he wants to study 2-3 times a week which is good for me. I need to do a bit more research for his lessons as he wants to learn about TOEFL exams for speaking.
I learned today that I can push through and enjoy it when teaching, even when I’m tired. I can improve my methods when teaching Bruce as I feel they have dropped off somewhat at Anuban. As Mohan laughingly mentioned ‘Once you start teaching here you can’t teach anywhere else.’ This shows me his satisfaction at his job and settled into this style, knowing its limitations and drawbacks. Can I do the same? I think I have to if I want to stay sane.
14th May 2024 – Four years later I can safely say that I have settled into a working style that is suitable for here but as Mohan infers, it would be very difficult to be a teacher anywhere else after this.
I’ve been considering what content I can put here as some of my personal thoughts and feelings about this particular place I am now living (and enjoying) could cause me trouble. It’s funny how Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles but often times it feels like the Land of Fake Smiles. Having a couple of years experience here now, I understand these reasons but cannot fully support a positive attitude towards it. This is the balance I am trying to find in my world.
Perhaps that balance has always been there even in the other places I have lived but I haven’t noticed it so much and oftentimes found myself in difficult or at least odd situations. I don’t ‘play the game’ very well still but I’m getting there. If this sounds like generalised waffle, I apologise. I will try to make an orderly composition of my thoughts at some point.
Out of one of the most difficult times I’ve had in Thailand I found myself keen to focus some energy into something personally (and somewhat selfishly) fulfilling. In what little downtime I had when I was pushing myself too hard preparing lessons for my grade 5 English class I would throw my iTunes playlist on shuffle and found myself quite enthralled at the collection of digital music I collected.
The randomness reminded me of those late school nights furtively listening to John Peel’s radio show under the covers, falling asleep as I lay hoping to hear the latest and greatest punk tunes in amongst all the other genres being pioneered. This exposure to many different styles of music laid the groundwork for events many years in the future when I was organising shows for bands in Sydney and subconsciously decided on mix billed being the best way for people to hear new music. Never a way to a successful financial business model, it kept my brain satisfied and able to calmly appreciate music I didn’t particularly enjoy, anticipating music that I would.
So it was that iTunes on shuffle kept popping up a classic tune (classic to me), a dodgy old punk demo, an experimental noise soundscape and a 60s garage rocker, with many things in between. Nothing really modern mainstream though. It’s amazing some of the music from my youth was considered mainstream back then. It shits all over what is mainstream now.
Anyway, digging this vibe I even ended up downloading a bunch of reggae and African music that Peel always used to play – just to try and get that reminiscence in full force. Things I may not listen to as a full recording of suddenly make a lot of sense squished in between things I was more familiar with. I ended up down many paths of discovery of experimental music from around the world – as opposed to ‘world music.’
With need of some distraction, I decided to put together a ‘radio’ show and upload the result to the Mixcloud platform. I mostly take the tracks as they were shuffled through iTunes and do a bit of back announcing. I also decided to play around a little with some of the songs and introduce some moments where I could read a paragraph or two from books from my shelves.
To give this odd mix a little focus I decided to target my audience to the university students at the local uni which is less than a kilometre away from where I am. I roped in a few of my student friends from there and also from my favourite local coffee shop, to do a bit of speaking and to have their pictures taken. So was born The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour and the push for musical world domination.
Gus, Mink, Nu and Aing – in the music library.
Understanding that my tastes are almost niche beyond niche I would not expect a huge audience for what I’m doing but really that is not the purpose. I do it for myself. I really enjoy putting it together and messing around with things, trying to come up with some new ideas for presentation. I’m contemplating how to do this mix in a live setting and finding a place to do it but I don’t have much time to practice that part as well as not having a completely reliable equipment setup. A new laptop is a little out of reach at the moment.
So, if you’ve read this far you may be curious to hear what these shows sound like? Or scared to find out. Either way, it seems like this is a good vehicle to post links to each show and also force me to write at least once a week as new episodes appear.
“Remember life on earth is but a flash of dawn And we’re all part of it as the day rolls on”
Music from Ween, Magic Mushroom Band, No Babies, The Ebonettes, goat, Andy Partridge, Acanthus, Banned, Hebosagil, The Yellow Payges, Bad Brains, Daniel Striped Tiger, Martin Archer, Teenage Depression, Mudhoney and Donovan.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful that I could do so many things yesterday and keep going even though I was so tired by the end of the evening. I kept a good attitude and wasn’t so anxious about things that I wanted to do compared with some things that I had to do.
Did it list
Encouraged Fern to learn to make my coffee at Utopia.
Got my haircut.
Uploaded TCRAH podcast.
Recorded new TCRAH podcast.
Prepared and executed a quick fun game for my two students today.
Got through a little of the never-ending sorting of music, on computer and CDs.
Wrote another blog post and enjoyed the process of writing.
Got passport photocopies done.
Rosie offered to do quick drawings and send them out as postcards. What an awesome idea so I asked her to do Jochen, Lachlan and Kyaw Kyaw.
1994ever 