Said with a smile, hand over fist The beating you deserve said with a kiss Hormones kicking in, take a licking The beating you deserve, hand over fist
Given an inch, you’ll take a mile Can you hold your nerve and smile?
Medication kicking in, it’s a kiss in Given an inch, you’ll see what’s missing The beating you deserve, hand over fist Say it with a smile, said with a fist
Like time is running away. I got up and exercised as normal, sat down to eat breakfast and already could see that it was a few minutes later than I thought.
On the roads, it was already busy and took me longer than usual to get to school. I tried my best to be patient in the traffic!
So now I’m sitting with my first coffee, aware that I don’t have too long until my first class, only a short break until my second and then I’ll be dashing off home again. I could do with another day of just sitting around watching videos at home.
Today I’m grateful for:
The old ice cream in the freezer that I finished off. I’d forgotten we had any left and I fancied something sweet after Amy’s amazing dinner, a delicious fake meat crispy pork.
The best thing about today was:
My grade 12 class telling me that they had to go off and do something for the last hour of my class with them, meaning that I could get an extra hour at House with another cup of unrushed coffee.
It was also convenient as the lesson I had for the class was a little too short.
Something I learned today?
I heard Fiery Furnaces and Between The Buried and Me for the first time today. Pretty interesting, the two tracks that I heard though, I’m starting to think about how much time I take to listen to music and how much I already love and how much more I want to try and discover.
I can’t help myself searching for new music but I already have a stack of stuff available that I don’t spend time trying to enjoy.
I took this picture because another year goes by and the dragonfruit flowers again but will we get any fruit?
Been through all my mp3s Got them into folders Making them easier to find Tagged with genre holders Downloaded semi-legally Some, decades ago Now they are all mine Apparently so
Now I have cloud storage Folders I can share 7 million songs Are waiting for you there Music, the great healer In any shape or form From drum to vinyl to CD And now digital the norm!
Been through all my vinyl got them into plastic sleeves protection from the dust and grime that passing time it leaves Cathartic, it was wholesome remembering the time when I purchased each and brought them home when they were all then mine
And now I have a flight case with a selection waiting there to play on my turntable and with some others share Music, the great healer it is a remedy to cure or at very least bring respite as its purpose is so pure
A little better this morning. I started feeling a little better last night but crashed out early deliriously in and out of consciousness hearing the duff duff of the DJ and Amy’s screams. Amy was the last one standing, as usual, dancing on her own as everyone else retired and left.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing and Now, who have been borrowing our bike and car but put petrol in them and got the front tyre of the bike replaced when it went flat last night.
The best thing about today was:
Reading more of this book about the Rise and Fall of the British Empire, this time about the way the British dealt with China from 1800 onwards.
I’ve read about this history before and it still makes me upset. I kind of felt smug whilst reading it this time though, knowing how the UK is fairing in the world these days compared to China.
Something I learned today?
In Vietnam, for many drunk drivers, it’s cheaper to abandon the bike than to pay the fine. Now the police are wondering what to do with them all…
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I helped Baipad with work and motivation for about an hour and a half this morning and I think she carried on working after I left and hopefully finished them all.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 21. Don’t Take Yourself So Seriously. Yeah, yeah, you’re an individual, and people have to take you seriously, I get it. But at the end of the day, we’re all a bunch of ants trying to chase the same things. Lighten up.
I don’t take myself too seriously though I do take what I do seriously.
People say I am serious but I think that it is just that I am not easily amused by many people, not adults.
It’s hard to be serious surrounded by naughty 13-year-olds much of the day and whilst it’s still easy to fall down to their level I hope I at least pull them up a little bit to mine.
I don’t mind being a clown or a fool for the sake of the kids. It makes me laugh to think of adults looking down on me for clowning around.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
What is it I’ve lost? I really wish I knew Forever counting cost The dreams that withdrew
Always filled with hunger Came the realisation When I was younger I stunted imagination
Though I roll in riches On stock market gambles I can’t scratch the itches That fantasy unscrambles
Today I’m feeling:
Good to go in the morning but after lunch I flaked into a long afternoon nap from which I didn’t feel very inspired by.
Today I’m grateful for:
Paul Merton, an English comedian who I have enjoyed since the 80s. I loved his absurd humour in his TV series and now he is still on the long-running show Have I Got News For You where his very English wit still resonates with me. I can still enjoy the show whilst not having any real idea of what’s going on in the UK these days.
The best thing about today was:
Morning coffee and reading some more Wuthering Heights, followed by some pleasant (forgotten) dreams during nap time.
Something I learned today?
This app (Day One) offers a book service and it looks awesome. It would be better for me if WordPress did something like that though as that has more content. Still I reckon I might get a couple printed up for Hayden and Amy.
12th Mar 2024 – I’ve since discovered that there are services that print out WordPress sites and I will try and get one done for 2023 when I finally have finished updating it, which may still take another year yet!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I bought a T-shirt from Utopia, not because I need one but just to support them. I think Utopia T-shirts are one of the most popular shirts in our area.
What songs were the soundtrack for this year?
I decided to try answering this question knowing that this year is part on an ever decreasing tendency of listening to music.
Without there being a specific artist I would say the two things that I have heard the most are the songs that I bash along to on guitar and the Jazzcore podcast that I listen to about once a month for an hour or so, usually when I’m napping.
Which particular small thing that your partner does irritates you the most?
I’ve been mulling this over for the day and there may be many possibilities to mention but ultimately at the end of the day anything that irritates me is a choice that I’ve made.
And this is what I will keep telling myself every time I feel that way.
I took this picture because the hairdresser’s kitty reminds me so much of Kim. A happy friendly tiny little ginger cat.
A complete genius or total wanker There’s no in-between A diamond geezer or a tosspot If you know what I mean?
Of course, it was a waste For those with good taste Lost in old England’s dream When the rhythm stick hit Championing the Brit Inspired by old sweet Gene A London vicar A treat or tricker And occasionally obscene With panties and boots From Edwardian roots Cloaked in a music hall theme
inspired by Will Burch’s Ian Dury biography
Today I’m feeling:
(1.30 am) I’m still awake again. I’m super tired but just can’t get to sleep.
(9 am) I reckon I got to sleep at around 3.30 after trying various different places around the house. It was so frustrating. My 8am alarm shook me awake and I did 100 star jumps to try and actually wake up. On the bus and in the city waiting to see Hayden.
(11.15 am) I’m starting to flag. Hayden’s flight was delayed an hour and I’m desperately trying to keep my eyes open.
Today I’m grateful for:
Ray Ahn at Utopia Records and Nic at Repressed Records for giving me information and updates on what’s happening around Sydney these days. I’m glad they still remembered me!
The best thing about today was:
Catching up with Hayden and his news and cruising around town in and out of various shops. Another day of more than ten thousand steps.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My brain was a little out of control there for a while as I got dizzy looking at all the books in Kinokunya.
Something I learned today?
Ray Ahn recommended three bands to me; fortuitously, one of them will play the show on Sunday.
What brings me the most fulfilment?
Teaching for sure. Since returning to Sydney for these few days I’m realising how much my life has changed since leaving Australia. My eyes opened to new ideas and pace of life. Whereas I may have found fulfilment with music before, organising and working with artists; that feels like a different life. That’s ok. It’s better not to just be stuck in one thing forever. I’ve worn many hats and maybe I’ll still have a chance to wear more.
Who has influenced my life in a profound way?
All the special women in my life. My mom, Emma, Cherry, Bronwyn, TLJ, Echo, Lorraine, Kyoko, Chise and Amy. Small parts and big, all these people I have loved and got me where I am right now, attending a wedding overlooking the beautiful waters of Sydney. It’s been an up-and-down journey that I’m proud to have travelled. Let’s keep going. Now the special women in my life are my students who I hope I can inspire to realise their dreams.
Hayden took this picture because we haven’t seen each other for four years and we’re both happy and healthy these days.
Remember when then was now? You couldn’t wait to get to here And now you’re here, your desire is for then again As the past became more clear
Today I’m feeling:
Less achy than yesterday but also slightly more tired. I did do 100 jumping jacks to try and undo an aching lower back. It kinda worked but need to stretch it some more. Yesterday I didn’t read the book I planned, opting for comics instead. I also didn’t play guitar. Lazy. Today I had planned to go and visit Matt but don’t think I’ll make it. Lazy. My motivational drive is all over the place.
By the time the long lazy day had passed (still too quickly), I got a sudden burst of lesson planning on and now my mind is whirling with ideas for classes when I should be winding down and preparing to sleep.
Today I’m grateful for:
The bananas that Amy’s mum gave me last week. I’ll finish off the last two tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Just going at my own pace and waiting for drives to come. It still didn’t come for playing guitar today unfortunately and I think it is because my lower back is sore and sitting and playing guitar compounds it. I’ve also felt a little disillusioned with listening to music but that’s mainly because I want to read and find that difficult when there is music on. Lesson planning I can do at the same time though and when the music started I loved it and wondered why I was holding off. I need to listen to more music more intentionally again.
Something I learned today?
I was looking for something that I watched today to jog my memory about something I learned today. I went back to a classroom management video and from there ended up in the YouTube rabbit hole. I learned about one strategy that may be worth a try with my grade 7 students next semester, though would have been better at the beginning of the year. I had a plan before the start of the year but then forgot all about implementing it!
Quote: Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference – Marcus Aurelius.
This quote can also tie in with the legacy question today. No matter what you might wish for with what you try to influence, it is out of your control. Trying to keep others in your control is to punish them with your ego.
I am constantly learning about the things in my control and becoming indifferent to what is outside. It is a practice that will never be perfected but must be continued.
This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to make a difference in the world ourselves but it is up to other people whether they get anything out of it.
What is my legacy?
I think I’m not that egotistical to expect to have any real legacy. I know that I have had some influence over various people’s lives and hopefully inspired others from time to time. Sometimes that was my purpose but mostly I was doing things just for my own pleasure.
After a generation or two, I don’t expect anyone to repeat my name but I’m still satisfied with everything I do and have done.
I took this picture because it sums up the day. Soon after this, a dark storm stuck around for the whole afternoon bringing the night sooner than expected.
We apologise for the extended delay We’ll be with you as soon as we can Soon is not soon enough I say An hour to wait today was not my plan
Today I’m feeling:
About 80% this morning. I slept ok but could have gone for longer. I exercised well enough but can feel the tiredness through my body. I think I will sleep well again tonight.
(Later) Stressed for most of the day (see below)
Today I’m grateful for:
Hans, the guy I spoke to from the Westpac Fraud Department. He was efficient and helpful and dealt with my issue easily. What issue? (see below)
The best thing about today was:
Getting lots of things done whilst on hold on the phone waiting for Westpac to deal with my problem. What problem? (see below)
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I actually woke up before my alarm today as my phone had buzzed which means Amy had sent me a message. Everything else is set to Do Not Disturb until 8 a.m.
The message she sent was asking if I had used our bank account for anything recently, which I hadn’t. It seems someone had gotten hold of my card information and used it a couple of times before the bank, Westpac, automatically blocked it. As we have a joint account, Amy got a message saying both our cards have been suspended.
I got to school thinking more about my classes and after the first one was done went to House for coffee in preparation for calling the bank. My first try was 30 minutes of waiting without success and I asked Amy to try, knowing it was unlikely she would be able to do anything as it was my card that had been used. She waited for an hour and a half to find that out too, calling me to tell me to try again. With less than two hours until my next class, after about 40 minutes of waiting I spoke to someone in India who verified that I was who I said I was and then told me to wait whilst they put me through to the fraud department and do it was I was waiting and watch time tick away for my class to start. After about 45 more minutes, Hans answered and within about a minute, opened a case and told me the money should get returned in a couple of weeks.
I dashed back to school only five minutes late in the end and had to deal with hot sweaty impatient teenagers, one of whom got emotional and started crying. Several students skipped out too and I told their homeroom teacher that I’d marked them absent in the system.
I tried to destress myself by talking with students who were hanging out around school and the park but I have really only just managed to unwind in the late evening.
Something I learned today?
One of my new students, Jin, will change schools next semester purely because there will be no van to pick her up next semester. Kids are at the mercy of the weird system that is in place here, and at the mercy of their own economic situations.
I also found out that Namthip and Dena skipped a class yesterday and were given a final warning that they would be kicked out if they did it again. I was a bit surprised to hear that it was them, to be honest, and then to realise that Dena had skipped out of my class just then too!
What song always puts me in a good mood?
An interesting question. I don’t often listen to music to put myself in a good mood and the music that makes me happy is not really that uplifting. Having said that I have about 100 songs I can play rhythm guitar along with these days and I always enjoy the Volcano Suns songs the most and save them til last. Impossible to pick just one though.
I took these pictures (Namkhing sneakily taking one when I wasn’t looking) because despite the stressful day some of us were having there was still a lot of fun and laughter. Top to bottom, left to right; Namkhing, Pleng, Aoey, Pang, Khaofang and Husna (who had suddenly come to life after complaining of feeling sick when there was work to be done). Why all girls? All the boys just sit and stare at their phones all day and barely interact with each other, let alone with me.
Fairly positive, and cared about yet still with a nagging cold in my psyche.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nong Nut and Nong Fon for making and giving me food today. Nut made a delicious cheese, cream cheese and spinach bake along with some banana cake, yoghurt and more jam. Fon made her best sourdough bread yet and was delicious, toasted with cream cheese.
The best thing about today was:
I felt quite blissful as I was talking with Amy whilst sitting outside. I could smell food cooking coming from somewhere instead of smoky air for a change. The trapped heat in the house was not present outside with a comfortable cosy feeling of warmth. Another day has passed quickly with the feeling of little achievement though relative satisfaction. I have to remind myself that this is what life is. I don’t need to be jumping out of aeroplanes or be popular to know that I am alive.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I still haven’t got back any enthusiasm for listening to music. Apart from playing guitar a few times I haven’t purposely listened to any music this month. I know music can take me away but it can also bring focus right inside my head and I still feel like I want my senses dulled. I’m still in some kind of mourning. I’m getting used to Kim not bring around now and it even feels like she never existed, like she was a dream. That’s sad but maybe my way of coping. Where does the love go that you gave? It feels like it just evaporated.
Something I learned today?
Robotaxis have been given the go-ahead in Beijing. It would be weird to be in a car with no driver but still have a steering wheel and watch it moving. Why not just get rid of the wheel too? Anyway, the future is here. Where is it going? By the time you read this, you’ll be able to tell me.
What am I looking forward to this week?
I’m looking forward to having finished sorting out the hundreds of vocabulary cards that I started making last month. I’m enjoying the process of putting them in order after they all got mixed up during the process of making them. It’s one of those huge tasks that I enjoy as I watch it slowly get easier as it nears completion.
I took this picture yesterday because I like leaving these little models around amongst our little plants around the entertainment area.
There’s no rest for the wicked And no rest for those of virtue Adrift in a world that never sleeps The feeling of dread is gonna get you
Gasps of dismay at faint sleights A skin now brittle and thin This ritual of panic has become The default state to be in
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.
Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!
Something I learned today?
The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!
What do you think gets better with age?
I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.
I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.
The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular. Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow. And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry. Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter. I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently. And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything. I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.
1994ever 