Tag: music

It’s Not My Business – 11th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

A choice is made
And has to be lived with
It’s not my body
It’s not my business
I have an opinion
But it doesn’t count
I don’t need to care
What you’re thinking about
Your choices have no effect
If I’m not involved
No need to push an agenda
That is so simply solved
If I was the father
The body still isn’t mine
Doing the right thing
Will reveal itself in time

My opinion on abortion – I don’t like it (hopefully there is no one that does) and I do (kind of) believe that it is taking a life, no matter how old the fetus. However, as a male, I feel I have no right at all to decide if someone should have an abortion or not, even if I was the father. It’s not my body, it’s not my business. The problem of unwanted pregnancy is far better solved with education and better contraceptive options rather than denial of termination.
22 Sep 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – choices

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and a little inspired. Sometimes on long work days, I feel more energetic such as I’m feeling now. But I’m expecting to wind down very quickly once I’m home. I know underneath this bravado is a weary brain and body.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad greens that Nut and Bruno grew themselves and gave to me. I mixed it with salad from the market and sprinkled on some chilli cheese flavour chips and zinged my taste buds. Awesome.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a Malcolm Gladwell talk. I like his ideas and the way he presents them really connects. I like that he often doesn’t have solutions too but just presents coherent ideas as real possibilities. Watching this also reminded me I have some of his books to read too so as soon as I finished watching I read a nice quick Chekov story. I want to read more. Still.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

From today’s picture and a little below, I didn’t go home after school as I needed to get a letter from a clinic (stating I don’t have syphilis!) and would have to wait til 5 when they opened. When they didn’t open at five I wasn’t that bothered but messaged Nancy who told me they don’t open til 6.30.

I was already hungry and not prepared to hang around for another hour and a bit. Nancy said to send her a picture of my blood test and she will get the letter from the clinic prepared but said for me to pick it up when ready, which would mean hanging around for several hours just waiting to collect it.

I told Nancy that I’m not ever around the city at that time and would it be possible for someone else to collect it for me and she said she could arrange that to which I sent my appreciation.

A couple of years ago this kind of thing would have frustrated me immediately and I probably would have made matters worse with my reaction. Now I’m more attuned to the way things work here.

Something I learned today?

As I had to wait until 5 pm to go to the clinic I thought it would be easy enough to go and wait at House only to learn that they shut at 4 pm now. Luckily they let me stay a while and I chatted with Gui and Nay a little.

What are the most important things in your life?

Amy, music, books, cats. Next!

Amy is important because we share our lives together even if we are apart. She has become my soulmate more than the soulmates I thought I had in the past.

Music has been an important part of my life since my pre-teens and grew in importance until recently. Books are replacing music a little now if only for the fact that I don’t often read whilst listening to music.
Cats have been comforting friends at various stages of my life. I find their attitude compatible with mine.

I took this picture because it was already past five and the clinic was still shut. I messaged Nancy and she said it doesn’t open until 6.30!

Pie Time – 26th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Savour the crumbs of the pie
Scraps picked from the floor
Be sure to breed and multiply
The cogs must turn some more
Money is power is oil is gold
Not for some to touch
And so the story has been told
From parent to child as such
Oil is power is money is gold
Only for some to touch
And so the lie has been sold
There’s already too much
So savour those crumbs of pie
Get back to the factory floor
Sons step in as fathers die
And so remains the score

Leaving this will be easier than living it.

Charles Bukowski

Today I’m feeling:
am: happy and relaxed – pm: tired and subdued
Today I’m grateful for:
My hair bleach to make me feel younger, at least when I look in the mirror. I’m still mixing up old congealed powder that I bought years ago and too thrifty to throw out. It’s not perfect but it still does the job.
The best thing about today was:
Crossing a few little bits and pieces off the to-do list. I have a few more that I have to remember for tomorrow too including picking up a cake for my birthday that Amy has arranged for me. Thank you my lovely little Amy.
What jobs do you do in life that you don’t get paid for?
Thinking in reverse, I do one job of teaching that I do get paid for and I don’t get paid for anything else so it comes down to what might be considered a job. I have a hobby promoting musicians and their music that does have minimal income but I don’t consider it as getting paid and loses more money than it gains. I don’t have any philanthropic jobs. I do work at things but none of them are jobs.

I took this picture because Kim Chi is enjoying sitting on the toilet mat and doesn’t move out of the way when I want to go. This is what I look down at!

Our Dark Side – 17th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You are a nice and pleasant person
Loath to admit or examine your dark side
As your fallibilities may worsen
Deep insecurities, desires to hurt people
Fantasies of revenge, suspicious of others
Your hunger for power and attention
Attempts to place you above your brothers
This dark side haunts your dreams
Leading to inexplicable depression
And blame laid on circumstances
As you fail to understand the lesson

inspired by a Robert Greene piece from Daily Laws

If their work is satisfying, people don’t need leisure in the old-fashioned sense. No one ever asks what Newton or Darwin did to relax, or how Bach spent his weekends.

J.G. Ballard

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The new frozen veggie microwave meal option at the 7-11. It wasn’t bad and at 45 baht pretty reasonable too.
The best thing about today was:
2 hours guitar? 3rd day in a row walking to Utopia? Golden hour bike ride again? Finish watching After Life? The sounds, the smells, everything…
What would your life be like without music?
Could it even be called a life? Music is everywhere. Imagine no music! We have it so I guess it’s possible to imagine not having it. What do we not have then, what things unimagined yet? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have music in their life somehow. Everyone must in some way or another.

I took this picture because I waited for golden hour again to go for a ride but just to counter sunburn rather than for good pictures. However, I was lucky enough to get some good pictures too.

Scrabble – 1st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a fall you may rest in bed
But those words can never be unsaid
Your actions may bring some trouble
But your words will score them double

Live long enough and you’ll learn that the people who’ll really hurt you and screw you over aren’t the obvious, overt monsters but the sly manipulators who smile to your face.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to listen to CDs throughout the day. Marc Ribot, Half Man Half Biscuit and That Fucking Tank. To have music available to suit (or make) any mood is something I’m grateful for.
The best thing about today was:
Walking in the rain and being in the garden in the rain, with Cap watching me from the terrace and Tig curled up on the chair. Idyllic.

What is your favourite season of year? Why?
My favourite season depends on where I am in the world but I guess spring would generally be my favourite. The balance of the four seasons in England makes each of them enjoyable. Sydney, Australia mostly felt like having two seasons but a short break in between each. Thailand has three seasons with no spring to really talk of. Just winter, summer and rainy seasons.

Spring is the light after the cold dark of winter, everything renews and regenerates. A time of hope and possibility. Sometimes summer is tinged with a hint of sadness, knowing that it will finish soon.

I took this picture because despite the rain I was enjoying this walk and I wanted to show my village, with the highway running through. I no longer wonder what I’m doing here. I could be anywhere and this is just where I am right now.

Problem N – 28th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Too much, and thinking is affected
The past is a time still being perfected
Forever with us as a problem somehow
Living in the past instead of the now

Humanity’s state of mind has been distorted by its own bloody history.

Liu Cixin, The Dark Forest

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to enjoy falling asleep to weird interesting music. I love that feeling and sometimes reminds me of listening to John Peel as a teenager or jazz on the radio in the early hours.

Mine – 13th June 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

This here is my property
But it’s only a word to say
It’s just a thing to hold on to
And let go of again one day

Built on years of hard work
Though hardly blood, sweat and tears
Each inch contains a memory
That remains ’til the end of years

That twinkle is all I can hold
And will always take me to that time
That feeling cannot be taken away
And will forever then be mine

The turbulence was purposeless, but in huge quantities of purposeless turbulence, purpose took shape.

Liu Cixin from The Dark Forest

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 for making music that makes me smile and tap my toes in the morning.

The Week That Was – 26th August 1979

If I – 30th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I was guarding the prisoner
I’d loosen their chains
If I was lost in a dark wood
I’d look where light remains
If I was walking home late
I’d shortcut through the park
If I found your magic idol
I’d goof around in the dark
If I could be young again
I’d test myself further still
If I found the point of no return
I’d climb the nearest hill
If I was caught in this rip
I’d flail against the tide
If I found all the answers
I’d find somewhere safe to hide
If I saw all the warning signs
I’d still struggle to react
If I heard you telling lies
I’d tell you what is fact
Me, you and everyone else
Like cats fighting over a fish
Me, you and everyone else
We’ll fight for what we wish

My poetry is, or should be, useful to me for one reason. It is the record of my struggle from darkness toward some measure of light.

Dylan Thomas

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to listen to music in my house whilst doing housework-type things.

The Book Of Joy – 2nd January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The comedy of survival
Tutu and the Dalai Lama toy
With this universal index
With this book of joy

All artwork is stored energy. The art releases its power whenever a viewer becomes a dreamer.

Larry Bell

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for technology and being able to listen to my favourite music throughout the house now.

I was looking forward to a day at home, figuring out things to do as I go, when I woke up, Amy suggested going for a massage. As I went for coffee, fixed my bike number plate and worked out how to play music from my computer and into the kitchen stereo, my aching back and neck agreed that a massage is the best idea.

So, off we go.

The massage was of the relaxing type – not my favourite. I prefer pain for my money.

Breakout – 26th November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The steeples point to heaven
Yet my feet are here on earth
The cities yield to the dirt
Whilst the woods exercise their mirth

Solace amongst the battlements
Whilst treading familiar paths
Breath deep the cool pine air
The sun sets upon our gentle hearts

United in our spiritual mores
This ghostly presence felt
Brings gladness to my heart
For these present tidings dealt

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Bruno to be able to help me plant a tree from a branch we pulled off from the side of the road. It’s only the size of a flower at the moment but I will plant it one day and watch it grow.

Be thankful for life’s difficulties. Grateful for those who show you disrespect. Thanks to those who judge and criticise without knowing more.

Thank you, Champ. I’m grateful that you let me rant at you and you showed some understanding. I calmed down later and I realised that that is because of you.

Thanks, George, for being consistently rude to me despite my being polite to you. Your behaviour feels like a challenge I can rise above and I’m sure you have your own motives and difficulties to deal with that I don’t understand. I can’t control the way you act so it won’t make me angry. I can control the way I act and respond – that is the test for me. So, thanks!

Thanks to the parents who complain about me as a teacher. I cannot control their actions and they have judged me on the words of their children without any interaction with me, so who am I to assume to know what they are complaining about?

Thanks to this virus that has challenged me to come up with new ways and means to teach and to spend my days.

Thanks to my aching back and sore butt from sitting on wooden chairs all day. Reminds me to move.

Thanks to the difficult students, the lazy ones, the pretenders, they are a constant challenge for me to improve myself.

Yesterday, when I went back to the teacher’s room, I had a long talk with Kru Karn and she couldn’t stop talking! Her English pronunciation is very Thai and she has a limited vocabulary but we had a good chat about all sorts of things and I enjoyed it very much.

I’ll try to have more connective conversations with some of the other teachers too. It’s often difficult to do when there are many teachers in the room but if I can find them alone, I will try. I’m not interested in becoming friends with any of them. In fact, what I think is that I just want to improve their English abilities! My students have better English than some of them!

I’m sitting in Game’s new cafe that just opened today. Another place for good coffee in Chiang Rai. I’m pretty spoiled for choice here.

Weirdly, this has made me think that I want to get another tattoo. I have some ideas for tattoos but haven’t gotten around to following up on them. No hurry, I suppose. We’ve got forever.

I’m doing a free online course about Coleridge that is influencing my writing a little. I don’t like to read poetry much but I do like it when it is explained. Much like the couple of Shakespeare books I picked up. I’m curious about language and its use. Maybe if I study enough I’ll be able to enjoy it without explanation.

Or I can keep on listening to music and enjoy screaming along to the words. I’ve printed out some lyrics that I want to analyse and keep thinking of more, and I also have this stupid plan to review all my CDs, one by one, which will actually force me to listen to them. I estimate that doing one a day may still take me 4 or 5 years to complete. Never mind all the digital music I have!

I still haven’t sat down to listen to the Leopold CD again. Oh well – I have forever, right?

Sleep Alone – 22nd November 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

We can’t share this dream together
Each world, a darkness of our own
The waking world we have in common
Born to us after our sleep alone

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Dave Drayton in Australia who sent me his book of poems. Today I will send him something in return.

Yesterday was a beautiful blue sky day, which Amy tuts at and means that people will start burning again now, and then we’ll be back to a smoky sky. What she says is true but I’d rather just take in the beautiful sky as it is, right then and there. She warned me that she was pre-menstrual, so I didn’t say anything!

We went to visit Bruno and Nut and had a good lunch through to dinner, chatting about everything and anything. Bruno and I did a quick dash into the city to meet an acquaintance of his who has just opened a coffee shop at their house. His name is Run and his English was pretty good.

Back at Bruno’s, I ate lots of hot pot food and took part in drinking all their ‘weed whiskey’, which didn’t taste like either and didn’t have much of either effect too, but it tasted nice. I had a good time even though I didn’t get a chance to practice guitar. I’ll make up for it tonight, hopefully. I’m starting to feel a little tired now.

This week is no-kids week for me, so I’m at House, marking their work as they send it and preparing for more weeks for 2/9. My ass is getting sore from sitting on these stools for too long.

At some point, I want to sit and listen to a CD and write about each song, to try and practice my writing and get down how those sounds make me feel. I really wanted to just listen to the Leopold CD I just bought. I heard it last week and really liked it and wanted to take the time to concentrate on it a bit more. I ran out of time though.