Tag: music

Ritual Of Panic – 6th February 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

There’s no rest for the wicked
And no rest for those of virtue
Adrift in a world that never sleeps
The feeling of dread is gonna get you

Gasps of dismay at faint sleights
A skin now brittle and thin
This ritual of panic has become
The default state to be in

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed as no classes today but maybe too relaxed as I’m sleepy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The wide variety of food available especially on market days like today. I got some deep-fried fish with riceberry rice and chopped unripe mango covered with chilli fish sauce. My mouth is watering as I’m writing this!

The best thing about today was:

Sitting in House for 3 hours drinking coffee and adding blog entries, finishing off the old diary with my gig list.

Tomorrow I start adding 1983 entries and consider figuring out other gigs I went to after 1992 which is when I stopped writing them down.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing has needed to be completely in my control today. It has passed by reasonably uneventfully!

Something I learned today?

The French live 6 years longer than Americans on average and work fewer hours and produce one-third more than the British. I’m not sure how this was calculated, or even true, but I’m siding with the French against my own birthplace!

What do you think gets better with age?

I’m going to treat this as what gets better as I age and that is wisdom. As it should. There’s something wrong if you are not getting wiser.

I took this picture because the dry winter has ignited a growth spurt in our cactuses. They are going crazy.

The weekend disappeared in some kind of rush of nothing in particular.
Domestication took over as I cleaned up around the house as Aing and Now arrived on Sunday morning and I should at least make everything presentable somehow.
And the biggest chore at the moment is watering the garden daily as it is so dry.
Amazing how quickly months and months of rain can disappear even in winter.
I happily received a nice online order with the release of the Ad Interim album and anticipating another release from a cool band from Istanbul that approached me recently.
And, in my endless search for interesting music, I found a band called Focusrights whom I felt immediately compelled to contact though they weren’t able to commit to anything.
I still get off on the feeling of discovery of music that gets my heart pumping.

It’s Not My Business – 11th January 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 6 Comments

A choice is made
And has to be lived with
It’s not my body
It’s not my business
I have an opinion
But it doesn’t count
I don’t need to care
What you’re thinking about
Your choices have no effect
If I’m not involved
No need to push an agenda
That is so simply solved
If I was the father
The body still isn’t mine
Doing the right thing
Will reveal itself in time

My opinion on abortion – I don’t like it (hopefully there is no one that does) and I do (kind of) believe that it is taking a life, no matter how old the fetus. However, as a male, I feel I have no right at all to decide if someone should have an abortion or not, even if I was the father. It’s not my body, it’s not my business. The problem of unwanted pregnancy is far better solved with education and better contraceptive options rather than denial of termination.
22 Sep 2024 – Submitted to What’s Going On – choices

Today I’m feeling:

Happy and a little inspired. Sometimes on long work days, I feel more energetic such as I’m feeling now. But I’m expecting to wind down very quickly once I’m home. I know underneath this bravado is a weary brain and body.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad greens that Nut and Bruno grew themselves and gave to me. I mixed it with salad from the market and sprinkled on some chilli cheese flavour chips and zinged my taste buds. Awesome.

The best thing about today was:

Watching a Malcolm Gladwell talk. I like his ideas and the way he presents them really connects. I like that he often doesn’t have solutions too but just presents coherent ideas as real possibilities. Watching this also reminded me I have some of his books to read too so as soon as I finished watching I read a nice quick Chekov story. I want to read more. Still.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

From today’s picture and a little below, I didn’t go home after school as I needed to get a letter from a clinic (stating I don’t have syphilis!) and would have to wait til 5 when they opened. When they didn’t open at five I wasn’t that bothered but messaged Nancy who told me they don’t open til 6.30.

I was already hungry and not prepared to hang around for another hour and a bit. Nancy said to send her a picture of my blood test and she will get the letter from the clinic prepared but said for me to pick it up when ready, which would mean hanging around for several hours just waiting to collect it.

I told Nancy that I’m not ever around the city at that time and would it be possible for someone else to collect it for me and she said she could arrange that to which I sent my appreciation.

A couple of years ago this kind of thing would have frustrated me immediately and I probably would have made matters worse with my reaction. Now I’m more attuned to the way things work here.

Something I learned today?

As I had to wait until 5 pm to go to the clinic I thought it would be easy enough to go and wait at House only to learn that they shut at 4 pm now. Luckily they let me stay a while and I chatted with Gui and Nay a little.

What are the most important things in your life?

Amy, music, books, cats. Next!

Amy is important because we share our lives together even if we are apart. She has become my soulmate more than the soulmates I thought I had in the past.

Music has been an important part of my life since my pre-teens and grew in importance until recently. Books are replacing music a little now if only for the fact that I don’t often read whilst listening to music.
Cats have been comforting friends at various stages of my life. I find their attitude compatible with mine.

I took this picture because it was already past five and the clinic was still shut. I messaged Nancy and she said it doesn’t open until 6.30!

Pie Time – 26th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Savour the crumbs of the pie
Scraps picked from the floor
Be sure to breed and multiply
The cogs must turn some more
Money is power is oil is gold
Not for some to touch
And so the story has been told
From parent to child as such
Oil is power is money is gold
Only for some to touch
And so the lie has been sold
There’s already too much
So savour those crumbs of pie
Get back to the factory floor
Sons step in as fathers die
And so remains the score

Leaving this will be easier than living it.

Charles Bukowski

Today I’m feeling:
am: happy and relaxed – pm: tired and subdued
Today I’m grateful for:
My hair bleach to make me feel younger, at least when I look in the mirror. I’m still mixing up old congealed powder that I bought years ago and too thrifty to throw out. It’s not perfect but it still does the job.
The best thing about today was:
Crossing a few little bits and pieces off the to-do list. I have a few more that I have to remember for tomorrow too including picking up a cake for my birthday that Amy has arranged for me. Thank you my lovely little Amy.
What jobs do you do in life that you don’t get paid for?
Thinking in reverse, I do one job of teaching that I do get paid for and I don’t get paid for anything else so it comes down to what might be considered a job. I have a hobby promoting musicians and their music that does have minimal income but I don’t consider it as getting paid and loses more money than it gains. I don’t have any philanthropic jobs. I do work at things but none of them are jobs.

I took this picture because Kim Chi is enjoying sitting on the toilet mat and doesn’t move out of the way when I want to go. This is what I look down at!

Our Dark Side – 17th October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You are a nice and pleasant person
Loath to admit or examine your dark side
As your fallibilities may worsen
Deep insecurities, desires to hurt people
Fantasies of revenge, suspicious of others
Your hunger for power and attention
Attempts to place you above your brothers
This dark side haunts your dreams
Leading to inexplicable depression
And blame laid on circumstances
As you fail to understand the lesson

inspired by a Robert Greene piece from Daily Laws

If their work is satisfying, people don’t need leisure in the old-fashioned sense. No one ever asks what Newton or Darwin did to relax, or how Bach spent his weekends.

J.G. Ballard

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
The new frozen veggie microwave meal option at the 7-11. It wasn’t bad and at 45 baht pretty reasonable too.
The best thing about today was:
2 hours guitar? 3rd day in a row walking to Utopia? Golden hour bike ride again? Finish watching After Life? The sounds, the smells, everything…
What would your life be like without music?
Could it even be called a life? Music is everywhere. Imagine no music! We have it so I guess it’s possible to imagine not having it. What do we not have then, what things unimagined yet? I don’t know anyone who doesn’t have music in their life somehow. Everyone must in some way or another.

I took this picture because I waited for golden hour again to go for a ride but just to counter sunburn rather than for good pictures. However, I was lucky enough to get some good pictures too.

Scrabble – 1st October 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

After a fall you may rest in bed
But those words can never be unsaid
Your actions may bring some trouble
But your words will score them double

Live long enough and you’ll learn that the people who’ll really hurt you and screw you over aren’t the obvious, overt monsters but the sly manipulators who smile to your face.

Caitlin Johnstone

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to listen to CDs throughout the day. Marc Ribot, Half Man Half Biscuit and That Fucking Tank. To have music available to suit (or make) any mood is something I’m grateful for.
The best thing about today was:
Walking in the rain and being in the garden in the rain, with Cap watching me from the terrace and Tig curled up on the chair. Idyllic.

What is your favourite season of year? Why?
My favourite season depends on where I am in the world but I guess spring would generally be my favourite. The balance of the four seasons in England makes each of them enjoyable. Sydney, Australia mostly felt like having two seasons but a short break in between each. Thailand has three seasons with no spring to really talk of. Just winter, summer and rainy seasons.

Spring is the light after the cold dark of winter, everything renews and regenerates. A time of hope and possibility. Sometimes summer is tinged with a hint of sadness, knowing that it will finish soon.

I took this picture because despite the rain I was enjoying this walk and I wanted to show my village, with the highway running through. I no longer wonder what I’m doing here. I could be anywhere and this is just where I am right now.

Problem N – 28th July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Too much, and thinking is affected
The past is a time still being perfected
Forever with us as a problem somehow
Living in the past instead of the now

Humanity’s state of mind has been distorted by its own bloody history.

Liu Cixin, The Dark Forest

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to be able to enjoy falling asleep to weird interesting music. I love that feeling and sometimes reminds me of listening to John Peel as a teenager or jazz on the radio in the early hours.

Mine – 13th June 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

This here is my property
But it’s only a word to say
It’s just a thing to hold on to
And let go of again one day

Built on years of hard work
Though hardly blood, sweat and tears
Each inch contains a memory
That remains ’til the end of years

That twinkle is all I can hold
And will always take me to that time
That feeling cannot be taken away
And will forever then be mine

The turbulence was purposeless, but in huge quantities of purposeless turbulence, purpose took shape.

Liu Cixin from The Dark Forest

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 for making music that makes me smile and tap my toes in the morning.

The Week That Was – 26th August 1979

Artificial Womb – 3rd February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

New concepts for conception
A baby-making contraption
A warehouse full of wires
Tubes of blood suppliers

A matrix of growing babies
A new world full of maybes
Birth is an open door
Special delivery from the store

Is nine months an optimal time?
Perhaps twelve for extra spine
Let’s bake these babies longer
And make them so much stronger

An artificial womb, a real fear?
Where next to go from here?
Mixing up all DNA data
To make the future so much smarter

I hope in my lifetime to see the first human being created without pain.

Aria Babu, on Artificial Wombs

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to meet Matt yesterday and get a surprise gift which was very kind and generous.

Time goes quickly, whether at home or work. I should remind myself that time quickly goes when I’m having fun, so I should be happy with that.

Last night, after getting home, I fiddled about with the things I fiddle about with and then enjoyed watching some comedy. I wanted to watch a movie but within a couple of minutes, I was put off by the acting, so I checked IMDB for reviews and read that the story was ok but that the bad acting spoiled it all so I decided to give it a miss.

Had a good sleep that I would’ve enjoyed for longer if I could but got up and did an arm workout. As I was eating breakfast, I saw someone walk past our window, which, weirdly, didn’t surprise me as much as I thought it would! I quickly realised that it was just Amy’s mum and she had come early, as grandmum wanted to go to the temple for her birthday today.

This morning’s classes were fun and I was very heartened to hear from students that next week, when they all have to do Red Cross activities, they all said that it was a waste of time and that they would prefer to be studying instead. Apparently, we (the high school teachers) are supposed to be going to Primary to help out there. I would rather be teaching!

Sitting in House for the rest of the afternoon. Looking at writing prompts and the first one is about obstacles. I don’t feel that I have any obstacles, really. But I want to imagine myself having an obstacle to overcome and how to go about it. Actually, I don’t want to imagine myself, but to write a story about someone else having that problem to overcome. I need to get my imagination back in gear again. My creative side.

I’ve enjoyed messing around with the keyboard to create mini-tunes, so want to continue developing that side of my personality. When talking to Matt yesterday, he said that he hadn’t been recording anything of the modular music he’d been creating and I was considering saying to him to record some and give it to me to manipulate more, but then I remembered that I had self-committed to remixing all the Senyawa stems last year but only ended up doing three. So, really, I would probably feel better motivated by doing it all myself from scratch – that would feel like more of an investment to me.

Anyway, obstacles. As I sit and write, I can think of many minor obstacles that I could consider. They just don’t seem significant. They feel like they will just naturally be overcome. I’ve learned to sit back and reflect on things more and problems (obstacles) tend to just naturally disappear. The importance we place on many thing just aren’t really what they seem.

If I – 30th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

If I was guarding the prisoner
I’d loosen their chains
If I was lost in a dark wood
I’d look where light remains
If I was walking home late
I’d shortcut through the park
If I found your magic idol
I’d goof around in the dark
If I could be young again
I’d test myself further still
If I found the point of no return
I’d climb the nearest hill
If I was caught in this rip
I’d flail against the tide
If I found all the answers
I’d find somewhere safe to hide
If I saw all the warning signs
I’d still struggle to react
If I heard you telling lies
I’d tell you what is fact
Me, you and everyone else
Like cats fighting over a fish
Me, you and everyone else
We’ll fight for what we wish

My poetry is, or should be, useful to me for one reason. It is the record of my struggle from darkness toward some measure of light.

Dylan Thomas

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to listen to music in my house whilst doing housework-type things.

Slept a lot last night and had good dreams but also kept waking up, what felt like all the time. Weird and nice not to have Amy here and somehow I felt more responsible and happy to feel that way.

Sorted the cats with breakfast, noticing Tangmo was already waiting for me at the gate. Cute.

I’m reading a Jim Morrison biography with my weekend coffees at Utopia and it’s well written and interesting to learn more about this guy. Never really enjoyed the Doors much but a well-written book put some music in better perspective and I may give them a go again at some point though I’m not short of things I want to listen to, having watched a Black Sabbath documentary the other day and hearing Pink Floyd at Utopia.

When I got back I still felt like I had many things to be responsible for, so I figured out what food to order later online, testing my Thai reading ability, watered the garden before it got too hot and as it was still, I decided to clean the leaves off the roofs of the teaching room and spare rooms, getting myself covered in dust and water. I did all this whilst listening to 400 Blows on the outdoor stereo.

Currently blasting random tunes on the kitchen stereo whilst I’m here in the living room and feel like all this strange music is my constant companion. I think I would go mad without music.

Showered and then marvelled at the speed and efficiency of the Grab Food order and delivery service, eating while watching The Twilight Zone, an episode from 1987. It’s odd to think that I was alive at the time – already 20 years old. The clothes, acting, and styles all feel like they were from an era before I was alive.

The Book Of Joy – 2nd January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

The comedy of survival
Tutu and the Dalai Lama toy
With this universal index
With this book of joy

All artwork is stored energy. The art releases its power whenever a viewer becomes a dreamer.

Larry Bell

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for technology and being able to listen to my favourite music throughout the house now.

I was looking forward to a day at home, figuring out things to do as I go, when I woke up, Amy suggested going for a massage. As I went for coffee, fixed my bike number plate and worked out how to play music from my computer and into the kitchen stereo, my aching back and neck agreed that a massage is the best idea.

So, off we go.

The massage was of the relaxing type – not my favourite. I prefer pain for my money.