Tag: My Vivid Blog

Two Hiroshimas – 18th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Forgetting how shadows fell to the ground
When winds blew the dust without a sound
A solution so final was finally found
And everyone thought ‘never again’
But it wasn’t a matter of if but when

3rd Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Today I’m feeling:

Good in the morning after excellent coffee and a pleasant drive to Paew’s shop for the blessing lunch which was fine until I started to flag at about one pm.

I came home first and hopped into bed listening to jazzcore as I like to do on lazy weekends. I let the crazy music guide me into light lucid dreams occasionally lulled deeper.

Amy woke me up with all her friends coming back here to carry on the drinking and celebrating which is fine with me so long as they leave me out of it. I’ve hidden in my cave until it quiets down a little before trying to get to bed.

Today I’m grateful for:

Paew’s dad who is always happy to see me and practice his English despite every time I see him he is drunk and says the same things over. I can feel that he is sincere though.

The best thing about today was:

Finding that there are two new issues of Love and Rockets to read and also grabbing the last year’s worth of 2000ADs which I may get to reading in about five years’ time at the rate I’m going. I love comics.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Amy was happy that I was not bothered about her bringing her friends home to party despite me not feeling 100% and tired. It’s not a big deal. Our house is ideal for entertaining and has only been filled with me and the cats for most of the last two years. 

I noticed a bit more recently that my hearing has deteriorated and I especially struggle when there’s lots of surrounding noise like there was at the lunch this afternoon. Maybe it will encourage me to listen more carefully.

Something I learned today?

Paew and Mee will go back to Bangkok soon. We thought that they might stay a while longer but it seems that despite living with their family the internal politics are causing them problems that are easier avoided by distance. We hoped they might just move out of the family home and stay somewhere nearby but that seems to have changed.

What is my favourite song right now?

I don’t listen to songs over and over like I used to. The only time I do that now is when playing along to songs on my guitar to practice my playing. I could still list about 50 songs that are favourites in that regard.

What are my personality traits?

I’ve been kicking this one along for a week or so. As the question is worded, my flippant answer is ‘all of them’ as surely we possess all the traits to some degree or other.

As I searched for a list of traits online to guide me to answer this question, it seems established that there are five main traits but diving deeper provides lists of anywhere between 20 and 721. So I thought I’d find an online test or two and see what the internet thinks my personality is.

Even this was a little disconcerting though as depth is difficult to consider. A question will trigger a memory where I would strongly agree or disagree with it at that particular time.

Yes, I need to answer the question as I feel about it right now but the past also has contributed to my current personality. All the doubts and worries of the past that I no longer have have made me what I am today. 

First result:

Advocate INFJ-A 

Advocates are quiet visionaries, often serving as inspiring and tireless idealists.

62% introverted – Introverted individuals tend to prefer fewer, yet deep and meaningful, social interactions and often feel drawn to calmer environments.

Advocates (INFJs) may be the rarest personality type of all, but they certainly leave their mark on the world. Idealistic and principled, they aren’t content to coast through life – they want to stand up and make a difference. For Advocate personalities, success doesn’t come from money or status but from seeking fulfilment, helping others, and being a force for good in the world.

59% INTUITIVE

41% OBSERVANT

Intuitive individuals are very imaginative, open-minded, and curious. They value originality and focus on hidden meanings and distant possibilities.

47% THINKING

53% FEELING

Feeling individuals value emotional expression and sensitivity. They place a lot of importance on empathy, social harmony, and cooperation.

63% JUDGING

37% PROSPECTING

Judging individuals are decisive, thorough, and highly organized. They value clarity, predictability, and closure, preferring structure and planning to spontaneity.

71% ASSERTIVE

29% TURBULENT

Assertive individuals are self-assured, even-tempered, and resistant to stress. They refuse to worry too much and tend to be self-confident when striving to achieve goals.

I’m not going to disagree with these results but also can’t help feeling that they seem horoscopic in that the words are generalised to a point that they could apply to anyone.

Second result:

The Lively Center of Attention

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who’s constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who’ll always cheer them up and help them out.

This quiz was much less academic than the first. I can adapt the results to apply when it comes to dealing with my students but they don’t seem to equate much to the results of the first.

Ok, let’s try one more. This one is way more detailed.

Third result

Well, I took 10 minutes to answer 100 questions and at the end, the website wanted 20 dollars before giving me the results. Never mind.

What does that tell you about my personality? I’m a cheapskate and what some website thinks my personality might be isn’t that important to me.

No picture today once again but Hayden sent me this shot from his recent trip to Paris. I’m glad he’s getting to see a bit of the world.

On Repeat – 14th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The breeze blows through the open door
-Outside whipping the trees
–A glass of cold water waits
—It is happiness pure and plain
—-Mr Piano Man plays a song for me
—-I’ve nowhere else to be
—Using words to explain
–That the world demonstrates
-It will do as it may please
The breeze blows through once more

1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to MVB-PROMPT

Today I’m feeling:

Dizzy. Not unhappy or down just bothered by feeling sick. I ended up coming home after my first class as I was getting dizzier. I sent some instructions to my other two classes to complete some work for me this afternoon. I wonder if they will do it!

Today I’m grateful for:

Medicine that is helping my body fight this flu. David was telling me he thought he was getting sick but didn’t take any medicine just using natural remedies instead. Which is fine but everything is chemicals and the virus is natural too.

The best thing about today was:

Starting to feel better by late afternoon, at least until I move too fast. Then I feel dizzy again. I ended up doing a lot of Thai study today, getting back into the ThaiPod101.com learning. I’m considering paying for it again and pushing myself.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got home I got into bed and setup with my laptop. Cap was scratching at the door so I decided to let him in for a change. But within a second of jumping on my bed he started peeing and when I smacked him he jumped over to Amy’s and started peeing there. Motherfucker! I quickly grabbed up everything and shoved it into the washing machine. So much for getting some rest. I’m in the living room now and maybe I’ll nap a little.

Something I learned today?

According to newly declassified documents, in 1992 the US government laid out plans for Asia never to be allowed to be ruled over by an Asian country. It must always remain under US control.

When was the last time I cried?

A lot of tears were shed immediately after Kim’s passing and still now when I think of her my eyes get wet, even as I’m writing this.

When do I feel most calm?

When I’m alone.

I took this picture because Baitong came good on her promise to paint me a picture from her imagination. Amy was impressed and wondered if she could pay her to paint a picture of our cats.

The Saviours – 3rd August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Philosophy and art are the saviours
When becoming bored with beauty
Chasing the objects of our desires
Has become a mindless duty

Nature holds a love so special
This day ripe and then tomorrow rotten
To make the thought last forever
To contemplate all that’s forgotten

Unsatisfied with the richest rewards
The sparks must generate resistance
As though seeing things for the first time
Is the wonder of one’s existence

inspired by a recent Stoa Letter newsletter
4th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty positive. Woke up with a start when my alarm went off. I was in the middle of a dream where I jumped into some icy water and got sucked into a cave and started drowning. But then I was watching myself counting whilst holding my breath to see if I had enough air to find my way out. 

When I arrived at my first class the kids were early and busy doing work so I asked them why and they said they hadn’t done the work in the six-day break and had to finish before their next class. I asked them what it was about and it was something to do with a futuristic world. So I let them carry on and I prepared a related quiz for them for the second half of the class which they are competitively doing now. Easy work for me so far.

Today I’m grateful for:

Hearing that Hayden has landed himself a full-time job in Brisbane. I’m not sure how this will affect being able to see him whilst I’m there but I hope this might be a good starting point for him to find a routine that he can work out to his advantage.

The best thing about today was:

Enjoying being back at school even on my busiest day of classes. I had everything in order and things ran pretty smoothly. 

I also advanced myself a little bit with my guitar practising, finally being able to stumble through some difficult tunes well enough to pass that section. I’ve been stuck at the same level for two years or more mainly because there’s a fingerpicking section that I’m not particularly interested in completing but I’ll give it a go again.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing untoward out of my control today. Things that were out of my control were treated as such.

Something I learned today?

I had a little look at my old lessons on Google Slides today and can see that they should be relatively easy to convert to Quizizz for use next semester. Apart from being unable to control the students forgetting logins and passwords, I feel more confident using the system now and finding a good tool for tracking and ensuring work is done and revised again easily.

What do I need to let go of?

There is a certain person that I would like to get out of my thoughts. I need to let go of any resentment and bitterness that has been left. In fact, I don’t have those feelings much but somehow this person’s actions in the past come back to haunt me as validation that my attitude towards them is correct but what I would prefer is to just not care. I don’t have anything to prove so why do I keep comparing?

I took this picture because here is the top princess of the house, keeping a careful watch on his human staff.

How Do You Do, Bartholomew? – 3rd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In the battle between one god
And this supreme being’s two sets of believers
Each arguing that they were doing good
And that the others were purely deceivers

These good deeds involved massacring
Those that believed the same thing
Killing more of each other than those
That hated what some good deeds might bring

More than the Romans ever threw to the lions
Over the space of three hundred years
In just one day thousands lay dead
And the Pope rejoiced with glorious tears

The irony seems to be lost on some
When their books said to live and let live
Only humans could twist the words of their god
And make it part of their dogma to forgive

Inspired by a section of Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari dealing with religion.
1st Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Today I’m feeling:

I’m zonked out today. I went to bed around one thirty last night and I knew I was dog tired but still felt like I was in a good mood and should be doing things. I knew it wasn’t the best idea though and fell asleep quickly in the end. I got up late this morning and felt pretty good but by about lunchtime, I was crashing. I just ran out of energy.

Today I’m grateful for:

Yes’s album Drama, which I listened through twice as I crashed out through the afternoon on the sofa. I drifted in and out of consciousness as did the music. At times it made me think of the 70s and 80s, the Old Grey Whistle Test and listening to John Peel late at night. I can’t recall any of the music, even just a couple of hours later but I know I enjoyed it. I’ll listen to it again soon.

The best thing about today was:

Getting into bed early and getting a message from my student Jet that she was having problems at home with her mum and stepdad. I tried to understand as best I could and gave her my support. Jet is a very funny, smart but lazy, tomboy that speaks her mind and has a lot of bravado but as with any kid around 12-15 has her own insecurities and hers is whether her parents love her.
Her mum and dad split a couple of years ago after her dad cheated and no doubt her mum was shocked and sad, and now with a new man living in the house there must be all sorts of conflicting emotions at play for everyone.
Sadly, a lot of kids are facing situations like this. I wonder if it is spurring on the popularity of lesbian relationships here. Girls are seeing how badly their mothers get treated and then forgive and remain subservient to men and they’re deciding that’s not what they want in their lives but they still want love.
Anyway, the reason this was the best thing that happened today was Jet’s response of ‘Thanks for listening, you’re the best teacher and I love you! ‘
That warmed my heart though I did remind her that I am not perfect either!

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

My energy levels, handled by sleep! I think I just get so exhausted during the week at school and whilst still buzzing on the Friday, it all comes crashing down on the weekend. That’s not to say I didn’t get anything done or feel down. I’ll bounce back.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, there was a report out of Cambridge University Press that China is no longer communist but runs a free market, controlled capitalist system and that at the same time, the USA is becoming an increasingly authoritarian system. In my lifetime the world has turned upside down but I still know where to stand.

What are some simple pleasures that bring me happiness?

Coffee. Is coffee simple enough? Maybe not but right now it is simple. Reading a good book that stimulates thought and memory. The smell of night jasmine. A clean shave. The soft ache of a post-workout body. The struggle of conversation in a second language.

I took this picture because this is Thailand. Dirty, dusty, hot, random, wild, beautiful.

Ready For Something – 22nd September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 4 Comments

The kids are bored just hanging out
Breaking curfews and running about
They’re ready for something, set to rise
The fire is burning behind their eyes

The trigger arrives by train and bus
Thinking ‘no one else can fuck with us’
The energy is bursting out of control
Electric atmosphere to charge your soul

The movement grew to change the world
Banners raised, freak flags unfurled
Possibilities open to interpretations
Underground rising across the nations

Inspired by listening to Joey Keithley of D.O.A. talk about travelling to their first show in San Francisco in 1980 (?). Some band members went by bus, another by train and a fourth by hitchhiking. D.O.A. were a pioneering band spreading their punk rock messages around the world. He said that at that time kids were ready for something, though they were not quite sure what it was.

Of course, there are other possible interpretations too.

15th Mar 2024 – Submitted to Reena’s Xploration Challenge using this quote as inspiration:

I think if you are curious, you create opportunities, and then if you open the doors, you create possibilities.
– Mario Testino

11th Apr 2024 – Submitted to My Vivid Blog

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for all that I’ve achieved in my life so far. I am happy with the way I am. and the changes I have made throughout my life.

I took a walk over to Primary today and chatted with folks there and it’s still the same crazy nonsense as I when I was working there. One surprising thing to learn was about everyone’s dislike of Mike there now and not just because of his brownnosing ways but also passing on private information from their personal Farang teachers LINE group to the Thai teachers and, worst of all, fucking one of the Thai teachers.

Most of the other teachers know his wife so they are pretty upset about it. I know it’s not the first time for him either.

Anyway, hearing all this and all the other stuff from there made me appreciate not being there anymore. I feel good and relaxed today. Nice!