A restless nest built from gathered straw The dead-end grass slight comfort bring Hungry crackles cackling for more Long forgotten all the songs to sing
For in this desert of desolation No succour found at every turn In those times before desperation When the early bird caught the worm
That late coffee yesterday kept me up, running through my head the day ahead today. Well, I’m at the end of it now and it went well. I’m ready to sleep though.
My last class finished at 4.30 by which time traffic was bad and it took me a while to get back home. I forced myself out to my room to practice guitar, which with a few days skipped was very rusty.
Well, it’s another day off tomorrow for some holiday or other so everything’s groovy.
Today I’m grateful for:
The neck fan that I ordered on Lazada. It is next to useless but at least offers a tiny bit of relief from the humidity.
Some of the kids are walking around with portable 12-inch fans now. It’s crazy.
The best thing about today was:
A new class, with a handful of students I knew from teaching previously and a handful of new ones, who I’m enjoying learning their skill level.
It’s a shame though that many of my high school classes are only once a week.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Kru Pooky uses the classroom that I use today often and she doesn’t use the projector or even her computer by the look of things. She stuck some paper on the board, right where the image is projected which was pretty stupid if you ask me!
She stays in the room when I’m teaching and I can tell she doesn’t enjoy it because my classes are usually pretty rowdy and noisy and of course, I’m encouraging the students to talk and think as much as possible. I also spot her looking at what I’m doing in class and I’m actually curious what she’s thinking.
Anyway, I asked her if I could take them down, to which she agreed and I tried as best I could to peel them off cleanly. The whiteboard is the whole width of the classroom so why would you stick them right in the middle of it?
Something I learned today?
I learned that one of my grade 10 students is actually 19 years old. She’s from Myanmar and has been in Thailand for two years and has learned some English in that time (better than some that I have taught for even longer than that time!)
The leaves turned brown since you left I sweep them away across the floor Piled up along with my memories As we said goodbye once more
On your return, the flowers will bloom And the bees buzz with more steel The ground spurts flowers where you step The unreal, once again, real
Today I’m feeling:
Satisfied and relaxed.
Today I’m grateful for:
The friendly people in the Lahu village, who gave Bruno and me a plate of fruit to eat whilst we curiously watched them playing a traditional spinning tops sport.
The best thing about today was:
Several moments of complete satisfaction seeing things on the ride today. Just the simple thing of seeing a couple of puppies follow their human mum across a dirt yard in a traditional wooden shack village surrounded by green and under a bright blue sky was the first in a series of sublime moments. Wonderful.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Nothing springs to mind as being out of my control today. Is that because I just accept everything for what it is or because I was in control of everything? I think the former is more likely than the latter.
Something I learned today?
I guessed I learned the route along the Mae Kok to the west of Chiang Rai and that it can be pretty and with reasonable roads when it’s dry. I’d do this ride again I think. I must’ve learned some minor bits and pieces from Bruno as we were riding and chatting but nothing that jumps out. I learned that Amy can fly from Bangkok to Sydney in the time it takes me to ride to Tha Ton and back!
What’s in the news today?
I have no real idea. I don’t watch any news much but may find out about certain things through YouTube videos and most of what I watch there is not about news but is sometimes commentary on certain current events. I don’t know what’s happening in Australia, the UK and particularly little in Thailand. Almost all news is irrelevant to my life.
I took this picture because these are the happy Lahu kids Bruno and I met next to the river somewhere between here and Tha Ton. They were so happy and surprised to see us.
Nice big long ride today as Amy was in the air back to Australia. Bruno and I left at around 9am and it was still cold to be riding but it wasn’t so unbearable.
As we got beyond our familiar tails, the sun was high and filling the valleys from edge to edge. Bamboo-lined dirt tracks ran parallel to the river, sometimes rising up to form a gorge and then down back towards water’s edge.
Roads were a mix of dirt, concrete, gravel and dust. We had to stop at one point and wait for a concrete pourer to finish pouring a new section of the randomly concreted road onto the regular dirt track. Villagers in this remote area bemusedly staring at the two farang visitors.
Even deeper into the valley we came across a Lahu village and gifted candy to the local kids, dressed in their traditional clothes as some event was going on. Women seemed to be up in a house on the hill whilst the men were playing a spinning top game on the playing field. These were big fist-sized tops, spun with a whipping rope. One spun an initial top and another tried to hit it with their own and then keep them spinning. We couldn’t quite make out the rules but it was fascinating to watch.
We continued on, following the road as it ran mostly next to the river and the concept of time vanished.
By the time we got to our destination – a border checkpoint with Myanmar – we’d been riding for three hours yet barely felt like 30 minutes.
The rare clear skies and clean air deepened all the colours and around every corner was a view, either majestic or curious and interesting.
At the checkpoint, which was way off the beaten track, we laughingly joked that we were likely to get shot, a friendly soldier (out of uniform, because it’s Saturday!) invited us in so long as we didn’t take pictures and besides some bunkers and fences, there wasn’t much going on. He said no one tries to come across here and all they are really charged with doing is fence maintenance. We noticed an awful lot of beer bottles around, which may be a clue to how chilled they were here.
After leaving we charged up on a coffee, which wasn’t tasty but the caffeine hit was superb. We motored on back along the highway, concerned to make it back before it got cold and dark again.
Once home it took me about an hour to get my hearing back and to warm up. Then I was faced with the food dilemma – back to taking care of myself again. What to eat? Luckily, Amy prepared many different dishes, waiting for me in the freezer.
Tonight is also cold enough to consider some shots of Glenmorangie. Ironic that now Amy is not here, I fancy a drink!
Smash them in the shitter Fry their dicks in batter Friends of Gary Glitter Fuck ’em, they don’t matter Freedom, guns and fuck yous The new intellectual debate Pretending to be news In the amphitheatres of late
You must always respect those who struggle, even if they are defeated.
from Burmese Moons by Sophie Ansel
Today I’m feeling: Happy Today I’m grateful for: Trying to engage some of the ‘bad’ girls in my class and able to draw them into enjoying finding solutions or seeing how to think about something in a different way. The best thing about today was: Catching up on some things during the three-and-a-half-hour break between classes. Each day of the week has a different schedule that I can utilise in different ways. Mondays will be catch-up days. Daily thought Do you rule over yourself? I try. But there are some things that I don’t wish to give up that just to feel that I do rule over myself. For instance, I take a mix of sertraline, tramadol and kratom which keeps me very well-balanced and in a good state of mind. I understand that it would be preferable to be able to maintain that balance without these things but I’m happy to let them rule over me for now. What are three things you couldn’t live without? How to answer this? Air, food, water? Or, really there’s nothing that I couldn’t live without? I enjoy the things I have in my life but if I didn’t have them I could still live. So, I guess I could think of the question like this – what are three things you prefer not to live without. Maybe that’s easy too. Amy, books, music. If I could have four then I would add cats.
I took this picture because on our bike ride on Saturday Bruno and I ended up in Doi Hua Mae Kham and rode around this developing village with freshly laid concrete. The format of the panorama doesn’t show quite how steep the road is or how spectacular the views were (unless you zoom in a little).
Thailand reminds me of the free festivals I attended occasionally in the UK in the mid to late 80s. There’s a chaotic order and unspoken civility but one that borders on the edge of disintegration at all times. Whilst everything goes well for everyone concerned things go on as usual. But things don’t always remain that way and then will be the true test of one’s mettle. Sometimes the rush of blood from my head, as I stand up too quick, reminds me of that wafer-thin barrier between reality and insanity.
At the moment, Thailand is far more beautiful at night, when the rough edges are hidden in darkness. The smoky haze of the day’s white skies now unseen, along with the mosquitoes that suck on your sweaty ankles.
The days are full of dust and dirt. Individual abodes may gleam and glitter powered by personal responsibility but the bits in between are left to rot and ruin. Construction is everywhere, as in all developing countries, ignorant of the political decisions made in far-off lands. I try not to keep up with the news of the world but the stupidity of the American presidency is hard to ignore, like a train wreck in super slow motion. I know enough about Thai politics to not talk about it. I am the stranger in the strange land and that suits me fine.
Politics…..
We avoided any house stresses by taking a quick trip to Chiang Mai. This was its own small test of my driving skills. Whilst puttering around the city of Chiang Rai is a pleasant enough affair, the open road, full of its mountainous twists and turns, is a different beast altogether.
Tail-gaters desperately seek advantage and pull out at any opportunity and decide they will ‘go for it’ if there is even an inch of space. All this at high speeds that even had me bemused at how fast I was going. Amy and I whooped and hollered at one particular basket case who we hoped to see crash in a fiery ball of petrol and oil but instead, everyone acquiesced and moved aside and let the danger advance to be somebody else’s problem.
Settling into the drive, it is quite a pleasant trip through some nice forest and jungle, offering some nice views when you may afford a brief glance away from the road. After three hours though I was happy at the approach of Chiang Mai.
The city has grown considerably since my first visit and I must confess my dislike of it now. It sprawls and crawls, taking its dusty entrails out into the paddy fields, eating up new villages as it goes. We were lucky enough to be heading out into those edges though, to meet our friends from Sydney past.
Jess is one of Amy’s best friends and she was staying with her aunt and cousin. It took us a long while to find the location but once there it was an oasis of frangipanis and beautifully cut grass. A big main house and steps leading to what was until recently a small and very popular restaurant. So popular in fact that Jess’s aunt was on TV just a few days previously talking about the construction and design.
Two dogs, one in its autumn years, the other a bouncy teenager, sniffed at us and the younger one was warned not to get too excited. Aunt Siripan advised that sometimes he can get aggressive for no reason as I would discover several times through the evening. Though he never bit he would snarl and bark, teethed bared and scarily so. But a few seconds later he would be calm and look up at me with a sorrowful face. It was shocking and amazing to see. One second I was expecting a bleeding arm and the next I’m in love with this pup’s dopey eyes and soon after scratching his belly again, prompted by a paw offering.
Auntie’s food was amazing as expected. She had spent a fair amount of time in different parts of the world, including England, even speaking with a stronger English accent than myself. She spoke a very deliberate and thoughtful Queen’s English which was impossible not to like. We were regaled with stories of her life and past times, though saddened by the sudden death of her husband last year, which eventually saw her overwhelmed with the task of running a successful restaurant solo.
She was now reviewing her plans for the future but still in obvious mourning for that close comfort and steady hand of guidance of a partner. She commented that if she died now she would die happy with her life as it was but I encouraged her to consider that if she lives until she is 100 she still has another third of her life ahead of her.
Our evening was enjoyed with other Sydney friends, all now scattered worldwide, Lekky and Steve and Lena. We were so happy with our time there that inevitably Jess was asking us to leave as she was tired and wanted to go to bed. Jess is the bright shiny smile as she awaits food, but once filled just wants to slip away and retire.
We cheered everyone off as Amy and I headed over a suburb or two to stay with her old high school friend Oh, around midnight. Amy wasn’t quite done for the night though and got Oh to ride to the 7-11 to get more alcohol. So it was at 2am we finally go to bed with plans for a late meet up with Jess and her dad the following morning.
That done, we headed back over the mountains for the quick return journey. Exhausted I was by the day’s end but finished off nicely with a full and fancy dinner with an ice cold beer.
So it was for the next couple of days, us totally escaping the realities of our house build, a mini-holiday, a quick trip via a tea plantation into Myanmar, to get me a new leave-by-date in my passport and to score ridiculously cheap malt whisky that I just hope is real when I get to open it in our new house…..one day!
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