You burned down our house But home is in our head We marvel at the pyres And warm ourselves instead
We are the free ones Wandering and wild Whilst you guard your toys The spoils of the child
For all the sermons High up on the mount You carry more burdens Than anyone can count
The title refers to the Dangerous Girls song ‘Step Out’ that repeats the phrase “demolition”. The first stanza refers to Edison watching his factory burn. ‘Wandering and wild’ refers to Wasted Youth’s album titled “Wild and Wandering”. The burden is a reference to what Israel will carry once they have completely destroyed Palestine. 8th May 2024 – Submitted to dVerse Poetics
Today I’m feeling:
I felt pretty good after getting back from coffee but whilst settling into some reading some felt sleepy and had another three hours rest waking up again at two pm
Today I’m grateful for:
The shop where we sneakily parked our car and decided to get out and walk the rest of the way to the festival.
The best thing about today was:
The atmosphere of fun and pleasure at the festival. Folks were having a good time.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Taking an hour and a half to get to Singha Park for the balloon festival, stuck in traffic for more than an hour and missing any sunset photo opportunities. At least I could listen to my music whilst in the car.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I remained patient whilst stuck in traffic (and hungry)
I took this picture because we had a nice spot by the lake to watch the balloons being inflated though it was a little windy for them to go up tonight.
Those things so important matter no more The once-cool kids are married or dead A grown-up version becoming a bore And forgetting all those promises said
Innocence devoured by wolves of the wild Dared to be taken for a future story told A reminder of the life of a child With all the possibilities to take and hold
Now the world is within easy reach The starry eyes often filled with regret A brutal truth was bound to teach Another lesson to never forget
Because I slept in yesterday I was up late last night and ended up with less than six hours sleep but managed to get up and moving, knowing that today I would probably not have anything to do. I clocked in and went off for coffee and as there were no specific messages to come to school I came home around 11 am to start this extra-long weekend. I’m starting to flag a little now (3 pm) but will try to stay awake and sleep well tonight. Mentally I’m feeling good. (I went for a nap about ten minutes after writing this!)
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding cheap new work pants outside Big C and the girl letting me go to the centre toilets to try them on. She measured me at 38cm but the 34cm fit fine around the waist. The only downside was that they seem designed for tiny Thai butts. I’ll see how well they perform next week.
The best thing about today was:
Not getting called back to school for any reason. It meant I could spend the day as I liked though right now I feel like I wasted it. I watched some videos and read a little. Oh, I did the vacuuming which was a plus as there was so much cat fur blowing around the floor. That’s a win. My fish seller was at the market today too so I bought that instead of the salad that I went for.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Today was Amy’s birthday and she had a good time with her workmates and flatmates. I was happy to see her so happy. But it also makes me a little fearful about when she returns in October. Can she settle back here and get something going that keeps her happy?
Something I learned today?
The kids who were arrested after a protest in Bangkok were acquitted today. They were part of a protest that the Thai police had approved and knew about when suddenly and deliberately a royal motorcade was driven through the area. Not even the police managing the protest were aware but when the protesters realised there were important people in these cars they made sure that the people inside knew. I don’t believe there was any threat or violence beyond perhaps some banging on the cars. As the royals are still seen to be above us mere mortals a few kids were arrested. After two years or more of awaiting their fate which potentially could have seen them imprisoned for up to 15 years, they are free to carry on with their lives. As they should be.
What did I get done this past month?
Essentially, more of the same. I guess I finally got someone to come and investigate my aircon and hopefully, that will be working again before Amy gets back in a couple of weeks. I don’t really have a to-do list these days. I can keep most everything stored in the noggin and things will be done when they’re done.
I took this picture because the garden is turning green again with the few storms we’ve had dropping some good rain.
What are you really afraid of When you’re afraid of what you’re told? Are you really afraid of These things you can’t even touch or hold? Or are you afraid that your dreams Will crumble at the lies that you’ve been sold? Keep those dreams beside your bed Unable to sleep on your mattress of gold
Today I’m feeling:
In the morning I was tired from getting up too early so instead of an afternoon nap I went for a morning one instead!
Today I’m grateful for:
All the artists and musicians I’m currently working with on upcoming releases for tenzenmen. Things have slowed down but I’m still happy to be helping musicians make music that I really enjoy.
The best thing about today was:
Wanting to play guitar. I just haven’t had the feeling for this past month though had been forcing myself every couple of days even if just for five minutes. I did about ten minutes in the afternoon but then felt compelled to pick it up again in the evening.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Eating lunch at the restaurant I was happy with green curry salmon and a side dish of cabbage in fish sauce. I was enjoying the spicy sauce and went for a spoonful of the cabbage which I happily chewed up like the cows outside my kitchen window, grinding the vegetable into a swallowable pulp. However, the chilli suddenly induced a sneeze which I managed to catch with my hand without too much damage. But then I felt another coming and I stupidly tried to hold my nose which didn’t have the desired effect of killing the sneeze. Instead, the sneeze manifested and forced air out of my mouth along with its contents! Chewed cabbage pulp hit my hand and sprayed in a wide arc over the table and onto the floor. I quickly tried to clean myself and the table, thankful I don’t think anyone saw what happened. I picked up pieces off the floor after finishing eating trying not to show any guilt. I think I got away with it though I’m giggling and embarrassed at the same time.
Something I learned today?
Today I learned that it is Cap that pees on the folding mattress as I caught him in the act. All this time blaming Tigger; though I had my suspicions. Amy was concerned when I told her as this behaviour is often a cat’s way of saying there’s something wrong. After coffee, I can back and set up the litter tray and stick him in it and he started peeing immediately. I put a tissue under him and could see that there was no blood which is usually an indicator of some problem. Then he went and sat at the sliding door and looked out at Tangmo who had come into the garden when I came home. It was then I realised that yesterday Tangmo had chased Cap into the house and so maybe Cap was reluctant to go outside to pee and decided that the mattress was the best replacement. Recently I’ve been leaving the gate open overnight so it’s possible Tangmo has been here during the night and maybe chased our cats inside from time to time and made them afraid. I noticed Tigger being indoors more recently and I thought it was just due to the heat but perhaps it’s all connected with Mo. I wish he was a calm dog and could be friends with our cats, but we don’t have much choice as he’s not ours. I’ll be keeping the gate shut more now though.
What is happening around me right now?
I’m sitting in Tid Doi Tid Din having just finished some lunch. I needed a full food hit to keep me going today so ate green curry salmon with rice and cabbage in fish sauce. Not sure if it’s enough to buck my energy up but at least it’s a fresh range of vitamins and minerals.
I’m sitting at a corner table next to the window and near the door. Outside, cars and trucks speed past on the highway only about ten feet from where I’m sitting behind big plate glass and in the cold air conditioning. Outside looks hot and I can’t decide if I want to go to Daytripper to see if they have banoffee or not. I’m enjoying the aircon as I see students on motorbikes (3-up) at the U-turn burning their bare exposed legs in the sun or on the bike’s exhaust.
There are not many customers here but enough to keep the staff on the move. This restaurant is kind of attached to the hotel behind it from which it draws most of its custom. I haven’t been here for about three years though do very occasionally order delivery from here. It’s expensive for the students and across the highway I can see a plethora of white shirts and black pants and skirts in the local food shop with 30 baht plates.
The environment inside is appealing, a mix of modern with traditional wood finishes and floors. The wall opposite me is lined with rows and rows of bottles of wine and beer and by the door the clunky PC and keyboard that controls everything.
I took this picture because I’m treating myself to lunch today.
A rose-tinted bubble of positive illusions Given by all as if a truth foretold Could not prepare anyone for all the confusions Reality brings forth as contradictions take hold
the first line is taken from Affluenza by Oliver James and the title relates to the vaccines offered for the virus of affluenza
Today I’m feeling:
Sick with a head cold. I had felt it coming on for the last couple of days but couldn’t fight it off anymore.
Today I’m grateful for:
There not being any real need for me to be at school as it is still sports day. I’m glad I could sleep in and rest more.
The best thing about today was:
A three-hour afternoon nap, knocked out by medicine for a runny nose and cough. I hope it knocks me out again tonight.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My cough is out of my control and made worse by the pain in my ribs. I think I will go to the hospital on Saturday just to get them checked.
Something I learned today?
I learned a little about the gell-mann amnesia effect which relates to confirmation bias when it comes to reading media ‘news’.
What new creative project or hobby would I like to start this year?
The one I wanted to start last year of making music in Ableton. I’m so tied up with getting my past into the blog that I don’t feel compelled to spend time on it yet though. Anyway, I’m happy either way.
I took this picture because it was hard to miss this monster on our terrace. Amy would’ve screamed if she’d seen it. She gets a very bad rash from even the hairs of these floating in the air.
The man with the winning smile Wins a front-page reward His shiny teeth are squeaky clean But he speaks like a machine And everyone got bored
The man stands above the crowd Surveys the plebs around A swinging dick and shiny head But a nightly empty bed With no friends to be found
Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and chilled. Cancelled riding over to see Matt as I feel lazy and want to enjoy my home for another day. May go to Daytripper later but I thought that yesterday and ended up not getting there.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut and Bruno again, this time bringing me food because they are going away for a week. A whole banoffee. I need to work these calories off!
The best thing about today was:
Walking in our driveway in the dark and looking at the clear night sky and the brightest nearest stars. I do this most nights and feel how inconsequential I am in the bigger scheme. I’m smaller than an ant. An atom or even less.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I had minimal interactions with people today and nothing went wrong at home. I have spent 95% of the day in my head where I had full (?) control. Maybe I couldn’t control my laziness today and I handled that with a delicious nap.
Something I learned today?
I learned that I can use ChatGPT to write lesson plans! But I will investigate more as I want to come up with more fun ideas for the classroom.
What are your top two favourite apps or websites?
Website is definitely Bandcamp as I use it to host promote and sell the tenzenmen catalogue. It’s easy to use as a seller and as a buyer and researcher.
As for an app, apart from this one (Day One) at the moment, it is probably Substack as it collects interesting newsletters for me to read when I’m free, rather than clogging up my inbox.
Art took this picture because he used it to post to Facebook to show Utopia is open. I don’t like myself in this picture though. I’d like to cut off my sagging chin!
Kid, you got a question? A minor fleeting thought? Shout it to the crowd Demand yourself an answer Revise what you’ve been taught Thinking aloud allowed
Thinking aloud allowed is a motto at our school. That’s not to say it happens though.
To waste your time in battles not of your choosing is more than just a mistake, it is stupidity of the highest order.
Robert Greene
Today I’m feeling: Average. Tired. Today I’m grateful for: Tangmo coming for a quick visit when I came home. I always enjoy his unconditional interest and acceptance when he’s here. He’s not so needy now and sits patiently outside until he gets bored and goes home. The best thing about today was: A quick snooze after coming home at lunchtime where I never got into a deep sleep but enjoyed some lucid dreaming. Daily thought Are you lucky? I don’t believe in luck as such though good fortune may come my way from time to time. So, I may be lucky but it’s just random. I also try to look at many situations as being of good fortune even if they seem otherwise. In this sense then, yes I am lucky. If you could interview one person from the past, who it would be? Why? Now my mum has gone I often think about questions I’d like to ask her. I guess I would have lots of questions for my dad too, having no memory of him. I would love to talk to Steve again too. Perhaps this question is supposed to be answered along the lines of proposing someone famous historically. I think the people I am interested in historically hold that place because of what they themselves have already written and left behind as their legacy so there’s not much left for me to ask them. Asking why someone made such and such a decision won’t really change the situation as it is today. But then as I’m thinking more, perhaps Lee Harvey Oswald. His story never got heard leaving somewhat of a mystery that has fascinated people for the last 60 years. Ultimately though it wouldn’t affect anything really.
I took this picture because this big lizard was making a racket outside the door. I chased him around to the other side of the house where I can still hear him asking for rain.
Why does what you believe make you so mad? If something else was true would it really be so bad? So angry at the skies you take it out on the clouds So oblivious to yourself as you fight amongst the crowds
Was it something that you lost that others took away? Did someone take their ball so that you couldn’t play? Divided we are conquered, that’s the way it’s been Let’s celebrate our diversity to realise our dream
When looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now.
Joseph Campbell
Today I’m feeling: Dozy and happy Today I’m grateful for: The coconut lip balm I have. I think I’m missing something in my diet that is causing me dry lips and this balm works wonders. The best thing about today was: The brilliant 4-hour afternoon nap I had. It was a light sleep and could feel myself enjoying it! Sounds played on my thoughts and influenced my semi-lucid state. I didn’t want it to end! If you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why? This answer would change over time. I identify a lot with Dostoevsky’s Underground Man but that is a me from the past. I recognise the thoughts but no longer think like that. Me, now? I don’t know. Alice? As I often contemplate the wonder in the world around me. …I realise I’m reading the question wrong. If I could be a character…. I suppose when reading a good book or watching a great movie you become the characters in them. If I could choose though…? I’m struggling to think of an answer. I think it may pop into my head when I come across it in the future. Perhaps I’ll return to this question then.
I took this picture because this is the valley I live in. My house is near the mountains there on the horizon to the right. Behind me are mountains on the other side of the valley, a similar distance away. Zooming in you can see three levels of mountains with smaller valleys in between, places where I’ve ridden my bike around many times. Now I’m enjoying the discovery of the big wide valley. It’s beautiful and I’m lucky and grateful and can’t believe I’ve ended up here.
1994ever 