Tag: Nicha

Seventeen – 4th December 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I’m seventeen today
I’ve learned very little so far
Don’t expect so much
This is the way we are

I’m only seventeen
This is no time for babies
The future so uncertain
My life so full of maybes

Yes, I’m seventeen
Full of doubts and bluster
I can do anything
With the energy I can muster

I’m already seventeen
Stop telling me what to do
I can do what I want
I don’t need to listen to you

I’m dead at seventeen
My life already done
Everything a disaster
Will eighteen never come?

I’m still seventeen
Inside an adult insecure
Learning all about life
Always growing more

Today I’m feeling:

Back to normal though I still have some phlegm on my chest but it doesn’t bother me now. I’m feeling good and positive mentally too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The bread shop at Big C that has a black sesame mochi-bread type thing that is a yummy snack and then a little chocolate pastry that I follow up with. It’s a small treat for myself sometimes.

The best thing about today was:

Having a reasonably simple but long (for me) conversation in Thai with Goya about the colours of the day in Thailand and the colours of the shirts we were wearing and our shirts for sports day. It was only as I walked away I realised that we’d been speaking in Thai the whole time and I felt a little bit proud of myself. I’m grateful to Goya for that today.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had a simple class in the morning and the kids were trying to catch up on work for their science class, which frustrated me at first.

I took all their work away telling them that there was plenty of time and that if they finished my class they would be free to do the work they wanted. They reluctantly agreed and most of the class completed the work with plenty of time to spare…. except three students who wanted to go to the bathroom and disappeared for about 20 minutes.

It is still a case of herding cats with some of these kids though they are slowly improving.

Something I learned today?

Brodie Grundy has joined the Swans from Collingwood. Amy used to mention how handsome he was whenever she saw him playing but she’s not so keen now he’s looking a bit older.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Once again I offered Earn some advice because she is shy to talk to the boy she likes. I told her that if she doesn’t talk to him she will never know how he feels. And if she does talk to him then she will know and whatever way he feels about is a positive outcome for her.

Really, she is not shy at all, she is just scared of rejection. She agreed. She then wanted to focus on how pretty she was. I told her that that is only one element of who she is and not to get so hung up on it. She appreciated my advice but I’m not sure that she is strong enough to act on it (yet).

Little Nicha is also crushing on a boy in her class but insists that he doesn’t like her. She is also too shy to find out. I talked to him a little today, asking if he liked any girls in the class but he is either too shy to talk about it or hasn’t even thought about it yet. The girls seem ready for ‘romance’ whilst the boys are stuck on football and video games.

I don’t know if I have the best advice for these kids but what I do want to get across to the girls is to be strong and independent.

I joined Baipad, Jan and Apple in the canteen at lunchtime and they also introduced me to their friend Chompoo. I tried to get them all talking about things in English as much as I could instead of looking at their phones.

Quote: “You’re only poor if you give up. The most important thing is that you did something. Most people only talk and dream of getting rich. You’ve done something.” – Robert T. Kiyosaki

I don’t consider myself rich though where I live others might consider me so. I still gauge things in Aussie dollars and in comparison, I’m not rich at all. Comfortable, I suppose. 

I never really expected to be rich and when I dreamt about it I was fully aware it was a dream. I never thought to try and marry rich or even chase money particularly. I was lucky to have a very well-paying job for a few years and whilst saving some I also invested it into philanthropic art with my music label.

So all this time I was busy doing things, doing something. In fact, I even made a T-shirt that just had two words on the front ‘do something’. I had been practising this even before leaving England with my free pamphlet ‘Fuck Around’. 

Whether you like something or not, you have no right to reply if you are doing nothing yourself.

One of the purposes of this trail of words on this blog is to look back at all the something I did.

I got this picture from August because my students were supposed to be working but hid themselves behind some stage props in the classroom and started their own little photo shoot. As the quality of the picture shows I caught them before they got very far. I told them that if they didn’t finish my work today I would send the pictures to their homeroom teacher and, sufficiently threatened, they mostly got on with it. It was an empty threat anyway, I just wanted to see my naughty students having fun. Pictured are Fah and Nicha (holding the guitar).

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
30th Sep 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – arrive

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

The Beautiful People – 29th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Heads may turn in Soho streets
At soirees at the Ritz
And so this scene oft repeats
Amongst the glamour and the glitz

Here are seen the painted faces
And the finest flowing dresses
But the real beautiful people
Are down playing in their messes

The artists and bohemian types
The dustbin men, already sleeping
Absent of any media hypes
Content in the company they’re keeping

The farmers covered in mud and shit
The real diamonds under dusty feet
Pearly smiles gleam as they exit the pit
Just enough energy left to eat

All the beautiful people go unseen
Away from the cameras clicking
This is how it has always been
Since the time that kings came tricking

Let’s celebrate their grime and sweat
Grateful for the time they’re giving
Don’t let the glamour rats forget
Why they enjoy the way they’re living

21st Mar 2024 – Submitted to Ragtag Daily Prompt – Colourful Streets

Today I’m feeling:

Relaxed and a little sad. Most of my relationships now have been formed around my students and I know that I will miss them during the holidays. Some students feel the same, not necessarily about me but about not being able to meet their friends often. But it is also great to have a break from it all too and I’m starting to look forward to going to Australia.

Today I’m grateful for:

Nong Gam for putting a frangipani behind my ear, giving me a hug and saying she will miss me in the holiday. I have appreciated her efforts to improve her English this semester and she has appreciated the time I spent to help her.

The best thing about today was:

Little Nicha wrote a very sweet message for me in the Quizizz I gave her class today. Along the lines of ‘Thank you to help me learn more when I am struggling and for comforting me when I was sad.’  I’m tearing up a little just writing it! 

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I had psyched myself up to stay at school and play a little tennis with Funfai before her coaching but it had rained a lot during the afternoon and I wasn’t sure if she would still go. She said she wanted to and the rain had cleared so I waited around playing volleyball with a bunch of other kids. But then more rain came and I gave up and we agreed to try again next semester when there will be less rain. 

So, it was annoying that I stayed around when I could’ve gone home quicker but I still enjoyed the time hanging out with different students.

Something I learned today?

Last night I was following up on the drama at school with Feije and asked Nong Fah what was the story. She told me a little and it was a totally new story to the one from the day before! 

When I asked Fah what she thought about the events she said she didn’t know, much like when I asked her before what was up with Feije recently. I then realised that she was being typically Thai-style diplomatic and didn’t want to say anything bad about someone else. 

I found this kind of endearing but also frustrating in that it’s difficult to know how people really feel about things in Thai culture.

Either way, it was an interesting learning experience for me to see how some cultural norms are here through the lens of my students.

Also in relation to yesterday, the student having trouble with his friends messaged me saying he stopped being friends with them because they were punching him. I told him that friends don’t do that and that he can tell me if they keep bullying him. He said that it was okay because he didn’t want to cause any trouble. I told him that I understood but that I was there if he needed me. 

I thought that this was a kind of Thai attitude but now I’m writing more I guess this is how many kids deal with being bullied anywhere in the world.

What changes did I experience this past month?

This feels a little difficult to contemplate these days. Things are changing a lot more slowly than previously and are less noticeable.  I guess that as it’s gotten to the end of September I’m starting to feel a little excitement about going to Australia, as I will leave in ten days time.

Also as the month has gone on and the holiday approached, I’ve felt a gradual winding down and relaxation in the classroom.

I took this picture because I have no new pictures today so scouted around the house for something interesting. These cats are part of a set of 5. The picture behind is from a long time back as I was still dying my hair black then. I think it’s from a trip to somewhere in Thailand.

No More Shiny Things – 25th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

What is left to be pursued?
The bigger, brighter things have faded
Realising that there’s nothing new
Has made us all become jaded

No longer entranced by shiny things
It’s all been seen and done before
A mind that’s closing sooner brings
Death knocking at your door

5th Oct 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – pursuant

Today I’m feeling:

Tired and good! I slept early last night and ended up waking a little earlier but as it was still dark I tried to get back to sleep and when I finally got real deep into it again the alarm went off.

I pushed and struggled through exercises telling myself how much better I will feel afterwards. My arms and legs ache at the joints from all the extra work they’ve been doing but ultimately my body feels more together and capable. I can only imagine how I might feel if I had treated myself better in my teens, twenties and thirties.

In my early thirties, I started going to the gym after work and then straight to the beach to bodyboard. I always felt great after that but rewarded myself by drinking. One step forward, one step back.

Today I’m grateful for:

The nice taxi driver that took drunk Amy home from the city this evening. It reminds me that most people are ok.

The best thing about today was:

Messaging with Nong Mee and getting an update on how she is doing as I rarely see her these days. She is the girl who swallowed a bunch of pills last semester. She said she is doing better and that even when she feels down she knows both myself and some of her friends are there to support her. I was heartened to read that and happy for her too.

Something I learned today?

I read in Derek Sivers’s book Hell Yeah Or No that our beliefs and understanding of the world are based on our location. 

Obvious, true, but the point was that when you go to foreign places, the people there grow up with their own set of beliefs and understanding. Rather than take the approach that our way is best we need to unlearn our own beliefs and accept different ones. 

Even knowing your way is better it’s not appropriate to try and change something blatantly. Gradually, exposure on both sides will find some kind of agreement.

I know I struggled with this when I started teaching in Thailand. Of course, I want to improve things for the lives of those I’m teaching. I no longer think I can do that with words but rather through actions and just being.

Quote: Day by day, what you do is who you become. – Heraclitus

I guess it’s obvious. But when you are in the middle of being you, and always believing you are right, the obvious becomes obscured. 

Since my late teens, I became less confident in the things that I knew. Doubt crept into everything. 

For a long time, I considered myself a fence sitter, often admiring those who held strong beliefs. Now I have come around to the fact that the fence is often the best place to be. The wind can blow in different directions. Whilst there may be universal truths everything else is always up for debate.

How did I practice stillness?

I’m going to say that I practice this when I’m reading. I know my brain is still active but I am usually focused within the story, almost out of body.

Even when I do meditation my brain struggles to calm though I do generally feel less stressed after. I know it’s a matter of practice. I don’t think I’m in a state of stress that requires me to counter it with converted efforts towards stillness really.

I took this picture because after I finished my class around 4 pm I ended up playing volleyball with Nicha and one of the boys and got soaked with sweat as there is no cover in the playground at the moment. The sun kept appearing through the broken clouds along with the already high humidity. Nicha joked about how cold she was when I tried to block the sun with my hand. I didn’t even really cool down in the aircon of the car on the drive home and the house was already stinking inside so I tried to cool down with a shower but even that was a struggle. Then, seemingly suddenly, it got dark and proceeded to rain heavily non-stop for about thirty minutes resulting in all this water sitting on top of the soil under the trees, the ground already too waterlogged to soak up more. The rain has calmed down a little now but is still coming down with no sign of it stopping just yet.

Respun Visions – 18th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Today I experimented a little using AI. I took the five paragraphs individually in this post at Spinning Visions and asked AI to summarise each with a four-line poem:

A balcony that's hidden from the view
A door that's sealed with plaster and with lies
A neighbor who has seen what lies behind
A mind that's overgrown with ivy vines

They say our brains must prune the past
To make some room for what is new
But I don't want to lose the things
That made me who I am with you

I've closed so many doors inside
And left them in the dark
I've cut off ties that once were mine
And hid the broken parts

I saw him through the window pane
The one who broke my heart
I thought of all the words unsaid
And how we grew apart

I've left behind so many things
That once were part of me
But now they're hidden by the green
Of ivy's memory

I then asked AI to make these results more philosophical and ended up with this:

What is a balcony but a space
Between the inside and the out
A door that's closed can never face
The truth that lies beyond the doubt

What is a brain but a device
That stores and shapes our history
But when it prunes it pays a price
And loses parts of mystery

What is a heart but a vessel
That fills and spills with love and pain
A tie that binds or a trestle
That bridges gaps or breaks in twain

What is a memory but a shade
That fades and grows with time and light
A green that covers or a blade
That cuts and heals or stirs the night

Of course, I can’t really claim any credit for this beyond the fact that I took the time and effort to do it. I like Makenna’s writing at Spinning Visions and have found it quite inspiring to take her ideas and thoughts and consider them in my own contexts. This time I was just curious how AI would find summarising short texts into four-line poems.

Today I’m feeling:

Tired but positive, a little sleepy when I stop and sit. Need to keep moving. I pushed through two workouts again and feel good for that. After my first class is a four-hour break that I will hope to stay awake through. I don’t want to get caught sleeping at the cafe!

Kept myself going by getting right into some more lesson planning so ran out of time to even do much blog updating.

Today I’m grateful for:

The little plastic toe spacer that I hope will improve my sore big toe joint over time. I’ve tried a few different spacers but I find that they can get uncomfortable after an hour or so, even waking me from sleep. This one is smaller and simpler and just helps you keep the big toe straight in comparison with the second toe. It would be great if I could actually fix this painful foot that has bothered me on and off for most of my life. I’d also like to fix my hips which are out of balance and also contribute to the pain in my foot and other places such as knees, back and the hips themselves.

I can imagine a complete relief, like being pumped full of a relaxant but I think that will only come just before I die. A slow relief that completely overwhelms, until only your body is all that is left and you cease to exist.

The best thing about today was:

Listening to Nicha and Namkhing improve their reading skills, as I had been personally encouraging them last year with one-on-one lessons and whereas then, they struggled with even just two-letter words now they are able to make attempts at four-, five- and six-letter words. They still often fail but the fact that they are trying fills with happiness. I made sure they knew how happy I was too.

Something I learned today?

I rediscovered a website with some English lesson plans, quizzes and games and it inspired me to put together new lessons. Once I get into it I can imagine the work unfolding in the classroom, who will struggle and who will do well, deciding whether to push harder or pull back. Not every time is a hit and some days that happens can be frustrating for the students who then make it frustrating for me. I think I mixed things up well this week and kept my students occupied, learning (if they wanted to) and happy.

Where am I headed?

I’m just heading along. I feel like I’ve spent my life headed to here, where I am. I don’t have any other place I particularly need to be.

This could change in the future as I’m guessing at some point we will head back to Australia again. I don’t need to be thinking about that right now though.

What worries me the most currently?

I don’t tend to worry much about anything. Even things that might cause worry such as Amy being able to settle back here again, doesn’t really worry me that much. Whatever path life goes down I’m still on the path.

I took this picture because finally, something stood out to me that begged a photo to be taken. The sky was a little brighter today which seemed to open my eyes more to what is around.

Old Man Of Twenty One – 4th August 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I was from there, but you came from here
And now we’re here you want to leave
Beyond our borders, greener grasses
Chasing after the things that we believe

The world is sure bigger than we understand
To dip toes in the sand or look out from the hill
People leaving for ports unknown
And then we feel as if we’re standing still

For miles and miles, watch the Earth curve
And start running towards all your dreams
But one day, we arrive and reminisce
For the days when nothing was what it seems

Yesterday I was seventeen and tomorrow I’ll be dead
Pretending to be adult til that’s what I became
Dismissing the words of my all-knowing elders
Who’d long since been through the same

Those times we thought we were at the centre
And everything was made for us to hold
Now understood to be just youthful wishes
With the wisdom that came from getting old

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions and its connection with my own experience.

Today I’m feeling:

Really good. An easy day with a nice long gap between easy classes. With only about 6 hours of good sleep last night, I knew I was tired but was able to just remain laid back and go with the flow.

Today I’m grateful for:

Amy persisting in hugging me last night before arousing me from my lucid dreams and into a delicious tangle of hips and limbs before we even managed to kiss. 30 minutes later and I was happily drifting into crazy dreams for far too short a time.

The best thing about today was:

From my ab workout and muesli yoghurt breakfast until sitting in this cool aircon before sleeping it’s been a day of feeling happy and spreading a little happiness around. A little bit of joy was shared between us all.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

One of my students, Namfon, couldn’t do work in my class yesterday because she had no internet connection on her phone. This morning I asked her to come and talk to me and Kru Karn because I wanted to know how we could fix the situation. I could tell Kru Karn was really short with her and blaming her and Namfon started to look dejected and almost teary. I felt sorry for her but also wanted her to know that a solution had to be found. When we went back to class I tried to comfort her and she did eventually come round to a little smile. 

In my afternoon class lovely little Nicha had a cry too because, although she didn’t admit it to me until later, she couldn’t understand the work I wanted her to do. There was a lot of work and other students were too busy to help her. She told me her frustrations and again I tried to comfort her and she impressed me with being able to read more words this year. Even though she is one of the older kids she hasn’t really matured yet and, sadly, she’s been left behind in her class. It is a frustrating situation for everyone because she could easily slip through the cracks and deserves a better chance than what is on offer.

Something I learned today?

Again with students, I saw Fah in class today and she looked lost in thought and upset about something which is unusual for her. When I bumped into her l asked her about it and she couldn’t explain in English and just said รำคาญ which I later looked up to find means annoyed. I’m learning language in use.

I took this picture last month because all the paddies are getting seeded and this should all look amazing again in a couple of months’ time. No new picture today so having to dig back.

No Code – 13th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t want to leave here
These familiar sounds and smells
Every hour, stand up, sit down
With the tolling of the bells

The time of laughter and joy
Mixed with frustrations and tears
I want to be a kid forever
I don’t recognise these years

Freedom and future evaporate
As responsibilities reveal their load
I fail to understand how adults work
I don’t want to know the code

19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!

Today I’m feeling:

Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered.  I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly.  By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.

Today I’m grateful for:

Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August.  Fuuuuuu…..

What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?

One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.

Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.

The Safest Space – 2nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In my orbit, looking down
Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour
Is the earth spinning?
Am I moving?
It’s safe up here
In the most dangerous place
Nearly on earth
Nearby goes Elon’s debris
Who was he when he was alive?
I have so many questions
Like why won’t they let me return?
Unable to experience the thrill of danger
With feet back on the ground
I remember the old pictures
From encyclopedias tattered and worn
The lights of humanity
Turning on in darkness…

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.

Today I’m grateful for:

Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!

The best thing about today was:

At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor.
With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence.
Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control.
Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her.
As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.

Something I learned today?

When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.

Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.

Baited For The Bite – 28th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

When the rain pours
Is it angry at man?
The anger addict shouts
At all the clouds he can

Looking for a reason
To again raise his voice
Practice becomes instinct
The anger addicts’ choice

Upset by words written
Baited for the bite
The anger addict screaming
That he is always right

Finally, breath runs out
Wasted time disappeared
No one ever listened
As the anger addict feared

Proved himself correct
With nothing left to say
Quietly, proudly satisfied
Happy in his own way

There is no complete life. There are only fragments. We are born to have nothing, to have it pour through our hands.

James Salter

Today I’m feeling:
Happy
Today I’m grateful for:
Dutchie, JubJib, Sheena and Khet for working hard to organise a fun lesson (scavenger hunt in the park opposite the school) for the last one of the year for their class. They even pushed me along to get going with things today. They all learned a lot about organising and planning and how throwing a bunch of people of students into the mix will likely fuck up those plans!
The best thing about today was:
The happy faces of the class when I told them we’d be doing the rest of the class in the park. They didn’t know what to expect but they were surely not disappointed when I told them to put their books away!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
As usual, these will be my classes. I think outside of those there wasn’t anything really exciting that got too wacky. In my 2/7 class Gun became particularly annoying and instead of confronting and escalating further I just tried to ignore him and dobbed him in to his homeroom teacher. I like Gun even though he’s crude, rude and lazy but he stops other students from learning and that’s something I can’t accept.
Something I learned today?
I learned that tomorrow I have to wake up at 5 am. I know that other information entered my brain today but it’s shoved somewhere at the back and right now, getting up early is what’s on my mind as I’m laying here in bed wondering when I might actually fall asleep!
Add a photo that makes you smile every time you see it.
Our first king-size mattress. It would be a while before we got a bed. Either way, Amy made claim on her part of the bed immediately.

Nicha took this picture because I was helping her and another student with some reading. Whilst I wasn’t looking she unlocked the photo app and snapped this selfie. I found it a few hours later and cracked up. Nicha’s English is very poor but she is smart and can work out ways to look as if she is able. That’s fine for now but will trip her up in the future. She’s picking up things though. I doubt if English will ever play a big part in her life but I hope she learns that learning is its own reward.

Turning Wine Into Water – 23rd December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

A filter for your fine wine
Clever ways to pass the time
Background noise, it overtakes
A price to pay for your mistakes
Filter out your reputation
Open to reinterpretation
A vessel holding temporary
A vintage wine exemplary

…people sell their freedom as a necessity for getting rid of the anxiety which is too great to bear…

Rollo May

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
My student’s relatively good moods. I can’t quite comprehend what Christmas means for these kids but, being what they are, they take full advantage of the generally relaxed atmosphere.
The best thing about today was:
Talking with Eing, Nicha, Nam and Dena outside class. They were in a friendly and curious mood and with our mixed language skills we managed to communicate together for a good ten minutes. This felt like the place where real learning, trying and experiencing, happens. In the classroom is just a setup, a prep.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I’m actually writing this on Saturday morning as I fell asleep listening to music last night. Time ran out of my control.
I also got a message from Bronwyn that Hayden had to confront a potential burglar at home on Thursday night. I called him, he was a bit shaken by the experience but he seemed to handle everything well really. His covid symptoms aren’t so bad this time but he has to stay away from work for two weeks which is leaving him short of cash. Despite everything, and his voice being a little down, he seemed pretty positive. Being far away and being a dad to an adult means relinquishing control and letting your child deal with the good and the bad in the world. Watching personalities develop is an interesting experiment. I will do it with Hayden for the rest of my life. I will do it with my students for a year or two of theirs.
Something I learned today?
I learned that Martin Atkins has a post-punk museum in Chicago. He was talking about it on the Curious Creatures podcast. I communicated briefly with Martin a few years ago when getting hold of the Snapline album that he mixed. In interviews I’ve seen with him online he has a certain bravado, a barrier he constructs but his articulation with the hosts of the podcast was much more sincere and I liked him a lot more.
How are you celebrating the holidays this year?
As can be expected this app (Day One) is a western Christian-centric app, despite being available to people anywhere in the world and it expects you to be having holidays about now. And I’m not. So I’ll be working as these are just normal days here.

I took this picture because I started checking these new Ai image-making apps that are getting lots of press. AI writing and all sorts of apps can be generated easily and with speech too, it practically means webpages of information can be artificially built. What will be ‘real’ or considered real? This image was created by entering Gormenghast Lord Titus. The image is unique and interesting but did I make it? I want to take the image and draw my own version of it. Will it be mine then? Maybe.