Tag: Noah

No Art – 22nd January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 14 Comments

We put down our brushes
In search of gold stars
Our stick figures meaningless
If we can’t get a pass

Our caves are now bare
Or full of the perceived good
Those words we told ourselves
Have taken away our ‘could’

No teacher or priest were we
But everyone laughed
Still, we lighted a spark
And cultivated our craft

Inspired by a newsletter snippet titled ‘Why you stopped making art’ from David Elikwu. Added to dVerse here.

Today I’m feeling:

A little more awake and active than yesterday.  Feeling fairly positive but also a little anxious as if something might come along to get me down.  On the edge.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the different options available for muesli to buy.  I was disappointed to not find my favourite crunchy strawberry muesli today but at least there were lots of different options available, though somewhat more pricey.  I took a mid-range option but contemplated some of the others for when I’m back in the black.

The best thing about today was:

Being able to take the foot off the gas a little with my classes today and stretch out the work so that they had more time to contemplate, share with each other and understand in their own time.  Sometimes I expect and push too much so I wanted to make life a little easier for us all.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I made a trip to Makro because I ran out of yoghurt this morning but was disappointed to find they were out of stock.  I had to buy a different brand to last for a few days before going back to check again.  I sure hope they continue stocking it because it’s the best!

Something I learned today?

This journalling app is trolling me.  It’s been 22 days of prompts so far of ‘What is something something something this year?’  Just because the calendar starts on the first of January a year is still a year from NOW, whatever the date.  Why do I have to spend a month thinking about 2024?  I’m always thinking about the future.  I guess journal prompts do get repetitive anyway but I find this one particularly annoying.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I gave Noah some extra support and encouragement for her negative attitude towards Teacher David.  She needs to stay respectful and at least learn from her experiences even if she’s not learning English.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO
2. Don’t Complain. Complaining is the biggest waste of time there is. Either do something about it, and if you can’t, shut up about it.

This is something I have gotten better at over the years.  Being English it’s an extremely hard habit to break.  Moving to Australia in 1994 certainly helped as Aussies generally don’t put up with the stereotypical whinging poms.  I don’t remember ever being called out on it but I think their positivity rubbed off on me in general and the fact that there was certainly less to complain about in life in Australia, or at least it certainly seemed that way.

When I meet English people now though I find their complaining quite noticeable and can also fall right back into it myself.  It’s like a common bond we share.  Because I’m conscious of it though I do try to stop myself and counter any complaining with a positive view in response.

Yes, life is not all chocolates and roses but there’s no need to go on about it.  In fact, there’s no need to say anything.  Even if you are still thinking it, just keep your mouth shut.

I took this picture because I love to see freshly planted rice paddies like this. This is from Saturday – no new pictures today.

Clear Away The Clouds – 5th January 2024

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Live to sleep, to inject death
Into every day and forever keep
A dying breath along the way

Your body goes, follows the mind
There’s no return, God only knows
You cannot find, cannot learn

Clear the clouds, your time is fixed
Give it worth and raise the shrouds
Before you’re nixed from this earth

inspired by a quote from Marcus Aurelius

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired but in a good mood.  I’ve been waking up before my alarm quite often which is a little annoying as I know I’m not getting quite enough good sleep.  This morning as I was dozing and waiting for my alarm to go off I wondered if it was because I was excited to exercise.  That was quite an interesting thought for me. 

I moved on to Intermediate leg exercises this morning and got through it pretty easily.  I don’t think I can move up to Intermediate arm exercises yet though.  I still don’t have the strength in my back, shoulders and arms yet and I’m still waiting for my right shoulder to fully recover before getting back into even the Basic exercises that I normally do.

Today I’m grateful for:

All the drivers that let me cut into their queues so that I could get to work a little quicker this morning (actually every work morning!).  Traffic is getting busier and busier along the bypass now and the dumb traffic light systems they have in place frustrate everybody. 

Anyway, I will let people in when I am in a similar situation and see other folks being in a hurry.

The best thing about today was:

Getting paid!  But now I have to be really careful with the reduced payment again this month.

Can I stick to no more than two coffees a day and nix the third that I have every other day or so? Buy less snacks, no candy for the kids, no meat sticks for the pups….?

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

As soon as I got paid I settled my account with Gui at House.  That was just over 1000 baht! Gah! 

He has offered to let me pay once a week before but I told him I didn’t want to do that because I can fool myself by only paying 130 baht a day, convinced that that amount is acceptable.  But seeing 1000 baht a week…..that I can’t rationalise!

Something I learned today?

Today was Baitoey’s birthday.  I only taught her a little bit last year and she was quite quiet in class but she is always friendly and playful with me since then.  I gave her 5 baht as a gift because that was the only money I had in my wallet!  My last 5 baht!

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

My old student Noah was complaining about T. David this morning and then in the afternoon, after they had a class together T. David complained about Noah and her attitude.  So I thought I would message her and see what the story was. 

She said she has given up in his class because he goes too fast and she doesn’t understand.  When she told me that other students do understand I encouraged her to ask them for help (though I know she has struggled to make good friends in this class).  I told her not to give up and that I will help encourage her as much as I can.

Kru Ning talked to me a little after our classes about some of the grade 7 students we share as they sometimes don’t show up to her class, or do little or nothing whilst there. I confirmed that they were a little difficult to get motivated and gave her my suggestions though I struggle with them too. 

It was nice to actually have a Thai teacher ask my opinion, or for my help, with our students.  I guess usually they don’t because perhaps they don’t want to admit that they are in that situation or admit that perhaps a foreigner might have another angle or useful idea.

I took this picture because when I got home I found a package from Ryu in Tokyo with his Stacked State CDs and t-shirt plus his solo CDs. I will listen to them tomorrow. A weekend of furious fastcore.

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
30th Sep 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – arrive

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

Built With Blood – 11th September 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Send me down to the countryside
I’ll happily dig our ditches
For the benefit of the countrywide
Will one day lead to riches

Teach me how to let the water flow
And guard against the flood
Help each other to thrive and grow
Community built on sweat and blood

Today I’m feeling:

Pretty good though still a little rundown. My weekends are feeling the reverse of how they used to. I’m enjoying being at school during the day more than being at home. I know Amy will fill my time again when she’s back so I really should be relishing these lazy weekends of freedom. I’m not quite sure why I’m not.

Today I’m grateful for:

The last four candies I had in my car. When I got to school, the little group of kids I usually talk with were hanging out, eating breakfast. Noah looked at me with a smile and told me ‘Lin is crying’ and so she was. She had a snotty nose but didn’t look too sad. 

I tried to find out what was upsetting her and all it seemed to be was that the food she bought for breakfast tasted bad. I think she knew that it wasn’t something so serious to be crying about but perhaps it was just an overwhelming feeling of disappointment and hunger. Tears then poured off her cheeks and into her lap though as Noah, bemused, sat by and comforted her.

Later I gave her the last of my candies and she was already feeling better.

The best thing about today was:

Finishing updating the blog with the handwritten gratitude journal entries. Another book out of the way. A lot more to go but at least I’m not adding so much more these days as I write here in the app instead.

I’ll finish up the diary and old poetry book before adding another book into my bag. I only have one more old diary to go, from 1985.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

At the beginning of my class today two girls asked if they could go to get water which I allowed them to do as I took the register and handed out worksheets. I didn’t think much about what else was going on around me but soon realised when the girls turned up again five minutes totally drenched in the storm that came through. They had no way to dry off except jumping up and down and shaking themselves off and needless to say that didn’t really work. They couldn’t do my work because they would have just gotten the sheet wet but they agreed to do it home tonight. Let’s see if they do.

Something I learned today?

There is a city in China called Nagqu that is larger by area than Sweden! This ‘factoid’ seems to depend a lot on the definition of city though.

How am I using technology to make my life better?

Mainly for reading books and articles but there are probably many more that I’m already taking for granted. I am from a time when microwaves were the brand new thing, otherwise I would be scrubbing baked beans stuck on the bottom of the saucepan til this day.

The amount of information readily available now is overwhelming and I think most people are struggling to get to grips with it all.

I do still prefer the traditional methods for consuming information and entertainment such as books, comics and CDs but even these are diminishing now. I used to collect vinyl, comics and DVDs but all these things are now readily available, legal or not, at a few clicks.

I’m sometimes somewhat dubious that this makes my life better.

What is most important?

A healthy body, a healthy mind? Love? Amy? Hayden? My cats? My home? My work?
Most important….?
Is anything important?

What is in my control?
The struggle. The suffering. The stress. 
To be here. To breathe. To persevere.

This question raises more questions. Or am I just avoiding a definitive answer?
Most important to me must be myself. If I don’t take care of that how can I take care of anything else.

I took this picture because the combination of the misters in the cafe entrance garden, the downpour of rain and the dark foreboding clouds suddenly made this exit from a modern cafe feel like the beginning of an adventure into a damp and mysterious wonderland.

No Code – 13th June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I don’t want to leave here
These familiar sounds and smells
Every hour, stand up, sit down
With the tolling of the bells

The time of laughter and joy
Mixed with frustrations and tears
I want to be a kid forever
I don’t recognise these years

Freedom and future evaporate
As responsibilities reveal their load
I fail to understand how adults work
I don’t want to know the code

19th June 2023 – At 55, as a teacher, I’m finally enjoying my school years!

Today I’m feeling:

Last night the aircon in the bedroom was working again which was a relief…until! The power went out sometime while I was sleeping. I woke up hot and sticky and checked if the ELCB had tripped which it hadn’t so there was nothing to do except to try and get back to sleep which I did eventually and when I woke again, which may have been 5 minutes or 5 hours later, the power was back but the aircon stopped working! So when my alarm went off I elected to snooze it though stirred myself before it re-triggered.  I pushed through an ab workout and slowly my brain and body woke up properly.  By the time I was in class, I was set and felt good for the whole day.

Today I’m grateful for:

Breaking a guitar string that I had a single replacement for without having to open a new pack. It’s simple but I’ll take what I can get.

The best thing about today was:

The feeling of flow in the classroom. Sometimes being a teacher feels like herding cats and whilst that can be frustrating today I had the energy to run around and keep everyone focused (from time to time at least).

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Before I left school I met a few grumpy students from my last class. They were grumpy because they had been blamed for someone else’s garbage outside and had been made to clean up around the whole playground. When I got home Kru Wow had sent me a picture and message about the rubbish my students left in her classroom. Possibly the same students who had been wrongly accused outside! I apologised to Kru Wow but those kids are a very messy bunch. It’s up to me to check before they leave though.

Something I learned today?

Apparently, the forecast for this rainy season is no rain until August.  Fuuuuuu…..

What is a dream or aspiration that I have yet to pursue?

One of the main ideas of being located in Thailand was the easy access to the rest of Asia but due to covid, I’ve barely been anywhere. Still want to visit Vietnam, Korea, Cambodia, the Philippines and Indonesia as well as get back to Japan and China too.

Little Nicha (front) took this picture because she stole my phone out of my pocket while I was talking with JubJib (back). I was curious about what photos I would end up seeing and this is my favourite. Noah, JJ, Fah, me and Nicha. All good kids.

The Safest Space – 2nd June 2023

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

In my orbit, looking down
Twenty-six thousand kilometres per hour
Is the earth spinning?
Am I moving?
It’s safe up here
In the most dangerous place
Nearly on earth
Nearby goes Elon’s debris
Who was he when he was alive?
I have so many questions
Like why won’t they let me return?
Unable to experience the thrill of danger
With feet back on the ground
I remember the old pictures
From encyclopedias tattered and worn
The lights of humanity
Turning on in darkness…

Today I’m feeling:

A little tired, it took a bit of effort to not snooze my alarm but I got going and did some chest exercises again along with a distracted meditation. A cold shower and breakfast and I got going, feeling good and upbeat.

Today I’m grateful for:

Paul (Fatty) for contacting me to advise he’ll put out a vinyl album of Atrox, the band I was thrilled to join back in 1984 or 1985. I didn’t do any studio recording with them but there are a couple of live tapes with me and maybe he will use some of those. I’m cool with the idea though joked about having two hundred copies left over under his bed. We also admitted that neither of us even owns record players anymore!

The best thing about today was:

At lunchtime, I came back to school a little early from House where I’d enjoyed coffees after my morning class. I went over to the new building where the little store is to buy some rice crackers and my new grade 10 students shouted to me from the third floor.
With an hour to spare, I went up to meet them and they were in good spirits as their teacher hadn’t shown up for their class. They had lots of fun interrogating me about tattoos and piercings and they seemed happy and comfortable to be able to talk with me.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

I got frustrated at my last class of students as they were all spread out around the room shouting ‘teacher, teacher ‘ whilst I was trying to sort things out. I banged the table really hard and shouted at them to be quiet and if they had a problem they need to come and ask me not just shout from where they are. I asked them if they treated their parents like this at home shouting for help from their bedroom. They were stunned into silence.
Though I was loud and a little angry at the behaviour, I wasn’t upset and smiled at them for being quiet. The rest of the class went ok after that and I think they get it now, more than last year. They have a little better understanding of the limits with me and more self-control.
Whilst this was going on Noah and little Nicha were nagging me to go to the bathroom but I had asked them to wait whilst I checked their phones were set up correctly. I’d just sent them off when I had my meltdown. I came over to help Nicha after they got back and she looked very upset and Noah said she wasn’t feeling well. They were still around at the end of class and Nicha was adjusting her skirt with Noah’s help. Nicha picked up another skirt and said ‘teacher, look’ and there was blood on it. She had borrowed another skirt from a classmate. I told her not to worry, that it happens sometimes and it’s just a normal thing and Noah said the same to try and comfort her.
As with many situations with kids she soon appeared to get over it and was laughing and playing about twenty minutes later in the playground. After all this excitement though I realised that I had hurt my vocal cords shouting so loudly and I’m pretty sure my throat will be sore in the morning and I just hope it doesn’t lead to a cold or flu.

Something I learned today?

When I got home and sat down to eat, a video recommendation on youtube came up about classroom management that was totally appropriate to my day. I’m not sure I need to implement the good ideas from it just yet but it also made me realise that I do have a great rapport with about 90% of the students in each of my classes and we can and will work out the classroom together.

What am I looking forward to this month?

I look forward to every day. I look forward to nothing in particular. When I look back I can see forward.

Amy’s friend took this picture as part of a video because she was impressed that Amy could sing Aussie karaoke in the pub so well. In the picture is another Amy that my little Amy met and they decided to do this duet which I think was a Fleetwood Mac song.

The Slip – 20th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Between one form of consciousness
And another
Hold no fear for this deathlike sensation
Meditate on it, let it inspire
See it for what it is
Explore it with your full imagination

*inspired by Robert Greene’s Daily Laws

The whole world is a series of miracles, but we’re so used to them we call them ordinary things.

Hans Christian Andersen

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and relaxed
Today I’m grateful for:
Working at a stall where Christmas party gifts were available to students and I could swipe extra swag and be a little Santa myself and deliver candy to students of mine that I came across.
The best thing about today was:
A pleasant relaxing drive up to Doi Mae Salong, this time, finally, with Amy. It’s a good time of year temperature wise but with rainy season a memory, the views were quite obscured with smoke. Still, we got some nice pictures of the temple up around the back of the town, which our little car struggled to get to but I had faith.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
With the Christmas party at school today I was suddenly asked yesterday to help at one of the stalls. I was hoping to be able to quickly leave and go and chill with coffee before heading home early but that became unlikely. So, I kept a good attitude and had a lot of fun with all the kids. Time went quickly and I enjoyed it so much that it was easy to transition into driving up into the mountains rather than complaining to stay home and relax.
Something I learned today?
Today feels like only a minor software update. I’ve been trying to think for the last 15 minutes but struggling to find anything new that I learned, just additional pieces of information to add to existing knowledge. I guess through listening to the Oh Brother podcast I did learn some early 80s Manchester punk scene trivia. It’s probably not life-changing at my age.
Who are your favourite artists?
Musicians and comic book artists are numerous. When it comes to traditional painting art though I really don’t know anything. I do recognise paintings that attract me but never enough to identify with a specific artist. I think I don’t hold painting in the same regard as music and comics. It doesn’t take me on a journey and my thinking is not skilled or deep enough to contemplate.

I took this picture because I didn’t recognise my student Noah, on the left, with this wig and dress. I also haven’t seen her face for a long time as she usually wears a mask. At the school today was a Christmas Party in the morning with performances and stalls and many of the kids, even those not performing, decided to dress up. The girls particularly look different and try to show themselves off. I’m happy their school uniforms are frumpy and unsexy!

Noah’s Slaughterhouse – 19th September 1984

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

The animals went in two by two
One for me and one for you
Ending as a carcass lying on your plate
Dripping blood, well, no thanks mate

Cos their slaughter is your meat
Your life is their death

Well, life holds much more for me
Cos you can let those animals free
Ten to a pen as the farmers do it again
See what the slaughter is doing to them

Flesh is unnecessary for a healthy life
So take away the murderer’s knife
That rapes the bodies of innocence
Surely, life makes sense?
Their life for your death? An eye for an eye?
Your death is inevitable, but who wants to eat you
Brand these children with a fire made of their bones
Prepare them to face a stun so we can slit their throats
So we can chew at their insides
And then brandish their hides
As fashionable coats
And goats? Fuck the goats!