Tag: Nomeansno

Don’t wait or hesitate, take care, beware, Wrong! – 27th June 1994

Hate That Smile in Holland
~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

You want gossip! Here’s what’s on my mind right now. Write it down, clear it out, forget about it – here’s the rub.

Spoke to Rich from Eastleigh a couple of days ago and had a cool chat, Rich being more forward than usual and telling me what he’d been up to. Anyways he mentioned Fatty had been in touch to try and speak to Rob. Rob not being there, Rich had a quick chat with Fatty saying he should get in touch with me, or that maybe I should get in touch with him. According to Rich, Fatty didn’t say anything to that and when Rich mentioned about going up to some of the gigs in Southampton, Fatty replied ‘maybe after September’. Rich was rather taken aback by this apparently and we can only assume that he’s waiting for me to leave this country before taking up again with our mutual friends.

When Rich told me this I just said ‘Oh well, no good to harbour hatred’ and shrugged it off, but afterwards it really got me down. It’s not nice knowing someone out there hates you to the extent of wanting to see you go away completely. It’s upsetting and I’m not afraid to admit it. I’m very sensitive to these things (as you may have worked out by now anyway). It also makes me angry because I have not done anything wrong and my hater (Fatty) can’t even come and talk to me about it.

Okay, I’m saddened because this person can’t deal with their problem, can’t handle their emotions and can’t be honest with me about it. Remember, last time I spoke to Fatty, we left on amicable terms and he’d be in touch (also remember I don’t know his new address or phone number – Yes, I could get both if I really wanted to!) And now the turnaround – his problem is not my problem.

If I met him now I would talk to him like nothing has happened (in fact nothing has happened has it!?) and it really is a shame for him that he hasn’t been to see me in the last six months and a shame he probably won’t see me again after September. For me, however, it is not a shame. I feel like I’ve cut out a poisonous sore, an infection. Close the door on a chapter of my past, one which turned sour, especially at a critical time for me emotionally, with Steve passing away.

I am stronger. My character will carry me through this and I can only hope one day Fatty can see how foolish and stubborn he has been. Good luck old friend, remember, happiness is only just around the corner. So there it is. Now I can forget about it. Will write you some more later.

I feel great, let’s celebrate
It’s a sunny day, let’s dance and play
Never fear, love is here
– Wrong by Nomeansno

How do you hide from something you have found? – 14th June 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Ah, Sweet summer days are here upon us. And I have the summer madness.

Broni said she was reminded of Australia when she woke up this morning to bright beaming sunshine. She even managed to raise her slender elegance out of bed before I left for work. And by some conniving I’ve managed to get the driving job for the two weeks our driver is off – so this morning I loaded up quickly and by 9 o’clock (Now) I’m sat in the hotness of the morning by the tempting waters of the River Stour, hardly a soul around to disturb my pleasure.

The heat is rising off the land in this long wide valley and the sky melts from grey to blue the higher you go, and then to yellow the nearer the sun. Birds are chattering away their demented messages and butterflies flutter to and fro, a sundance.

Briefly, let me tell you the past few days. At last, a quietish weekend with a short night out to see some of Kerry’s friends at the Avon Causeway to celebrate someone’s birthday (This was Friday). I couldn’t cope with the smoke and incessant chatter – I could not hear a fucking thing anyone was saying. Soon bored (me anyway) we came home.

Saturday I can’t recall at this moment. Let me tell you, my quiet has been erased here by some farmer type teaching his dog to fetch. This he is doing by throwing a dead duck into the river and the dog eagerly jumping in and returning with it. Kinda yuck but strangely normal. Now they’re going, rippling waters the only sign left they’ve been here.

Ah! Saturday me and Broni walked through the park and watched big fish jump and crash in the murky waters. And fluffy cygnets eating bugs while mom and pop hissed at any passers-by. Mad youngsters jump off roofs into bushes, trampoline style their support (and a reminder of my youth – not long gone).

I went to the bone cruncher yesterday for the first time – an odd experience but hopefully worthwhile at the end of this treatment.

Now I must go – one last look around – life can’t get much better than this – once more in the pursuit of happiness. Bye bye.

I’ve heard it said that love is truly sacred but nowhere is it written that it’s guaranteed – 28th April 1994

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

These few days have been big big days, full of content and action (though not so thrilling to impart here).

Before leaving my sweetheart in the above section, we travelled London tubelike, drank coffee in an outdoor shopping mall and went through the science museum like butterflies on the wind. I was at a low ebb and still am today. Must be at the depths of my cycle currently but things have been on my mind. Things of much importance too.

While Bronwyn was away in Norwich we talked on the phone more about our wedding and each time Bronwyn cried on me. So difficult for us to find a compromise to suit all parties.

I’m also busy preparing for our stocktake at work which is causing me some frustration but fucked if I am going to write about work in here. Busy at home too with offers to buy my records now turned to pound notes and now in need of packing and sending. I’ll be glad when all this preparation is over because I feel like time is leaving me and I don’t have the freedom to relax and float around and say ‘Okay, I’ll go do that now.’

Reading Jack on the bus from London – what a great writer. A real poetic grasp on life. He reminds me of me – which could be just the sign of a good writer and I hope to emulate him one day. But my hand may not hold up to the pressure – back to the doctor next week I think.

And tonight restless too, more discussions about wedding and christening should we have the babies we desire. From frying pan to the fire. Sometimes it’s difficult to grasp the meaning of it all. Sometimes you just want to play games for the rest of your life. I wish Steve was here to talk to. I’ll miss my few friends when I leave here and my mum too. Such a big change in my life – I wonder if you can read it in my palm? I look forward to the other side of this weekend already (here’s me wishing away time!). Isn’t planning boring. Later dude!