I Might Be Mistaken – 31st December 2025

Photograph © Tianhu Yuan, Another Self, 2019

I might be mistaken
but you were the very first

(at least as I remember),

the one who would awaken

the child, underrehearsed,

as a repeat customer.


The twelve turns swung around 

me for the third time;

the damage by my own accord.

With my eyes kept to the ground,

these dirty hands of mine 

would be a blemish on her otherwise 

pristine record.


Since then, the decline 

in the quality of dates was evident

on either side of the tracks.
A shiny attractor at one time

soon became as inelegant
as another zombie lurking 

in the depths of my phone contacts.


That ghoul revived;
dead friends with benefits
and decorated with unseasonal flowers;
the shiny patch on her nose survived

and the black dress she still tightly fits

gleamed in the light 

of the setting sun’s golden hours.


All neat lines, sharp angles, 

and overlapping layers;
sliding like the glass elevators
inside the chromium tangles;
her face halted her betrayers;

tinged red like the clouds

and their orchestrators.

A moment of sudden uncertainty,
pursuing fame and profit,
wasn’t completely meaningless either;
the lowest rung is always so dirty.

And unable to stop it,

in the arranged dating marketplace,
at the hands of my deceiver.

Existing together somewhere 

beyond the family, outside the home,
the lawn turned from green to black, 

then orange under the light’s care,
cycling back through time’s blown;

the abrasions of the rainy season 

had marked the surface of the stack;


Brand new, or a decaying shell 

on the point of collapse,
the red pylons of the distant Yangpu Bridge
mapped out all the city’s positions well;

like two sticks of incense, perhaps,

glowing at each tip
and releasing all their smoky courage.


Illuminating everything that could see them 

and everything that could not,
she could have been an actor, 

or a time traveller (from way back) then;
sparks were cast down, sparkling hot

glittering waves that tumbled forth

and entrapped her.



Amber street lights, black roads, mauve tights,
like a game restarting in something of a trance;
like two fish trapped in a weir;
stuck in the reddish neon nights,
she disappeared down one hole, by chance,

and from another she’d reappear.

The reflections gleamed ,

neither the air nor the water 

had changed with the years;
the two incense sticks seemed 

crimson, solemn, and brought her

indifferent to the blazing headlights
of a thousand volunteers.

The surface of the river was calm, 

and the sky was broad;
it felt like I had left my room behind 

and was standing with her arm-in-arm,

a simple reward,
together in the midnight street
I might be mistaken
and I may be so inclined.

This poem is an exercise of my own invention. I took a short story (Goodbye, Bridge of the East by Wang Zhanhei) that I wanted to read but hadn’t yet, and ran it through DeepSeek to extract whatever lines it found of a poetic nature, of which there were thirty-three. Without reading the story, I reworked all the lines, in order, into the poem you see here now.

I’m not sure how successful it is and I’m off to read the story now, wondering how similar it might be to what I came up with.

I’ll try this again but perhaps be a bit more selective with the extracted phrases, as this poem is way longer than anything I would normally write.


The following is a letter from December 31st, 2024, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe,

It’s December 31st 2024. Just another day as far as I feel. I’ve not invested much into important dates. So long as I remember Hayden’s birthday, Amy’s birthday and our wedding anniversary, that’s pretty much all I need for dates.

Of course, circumstances also dictate I must go to Thai immigration every 90 days and renew my visa every year. Boring but important duties.

Tomorrow I have to collect a stool sample and then on Jan 2nd, I go and do a health check at the hospital. In general, I’ve been feeling the best and healthiest that I have since I was a teenager (physically, at least). My problems all seem to be ‘old man’ related and I am a little bit concerned about my prostate, hence the need for a health check.

I’ve managed to keep posting a poem every day on my blog and feel that my writing has improved a little. I’ve also managed to keep an online diary every day that will get posted to the blog at some point. This is mostly interesting to me, to look back and reflect on how I’ve changed.

At this stage, I anticipate continuing with this writing as it keeps me grounded and also tests my abilities.

I’m still enjoying school and teaching – maybe too much! I guess I’m comfortable with everything and sometimes that reminds me that I may be taking things for granted.

It is also a little exhausting and doesn’t leave me with much energy and enthusiasm for other things. I am quite easily satisfied with my life but also have to remember that Amy is here and we could be doing things together. These days I let her take the lead as she is more aware of things happening around that we could go to together. I don’t really know about new restaurants or interesting events to check out. I’m just not looking around in those circles. I know that I’m a little wrapped up in myself and, as mentioned above, don’t want to take things for granted.

Tonight we will go to Mum and Dad’s for a NYE dinner, though I hope that we don’t end up staying until midnight. Amy’s brother has moved back from Bangkok now and Amy and I are both preparing our minds for the family dramas that this might bring.

I think that I will write another letter here after I get my health check results. Let’s see where life takes me.

It’s Getting Better All The Time – 25th August 2025

Where went the black dog growling darkness
draggin bones through the dirt
as grim reminders, chewed and spat out?

Where now, all the tears that tasted sweet in their sourness?
None would ever know the delicious ache
of kneeling on broken glass.

Where are the hands that suffocated
throughout the night, to silence
the dreams of the missing, the dead?

Where is the pain that stabbed
the hearts of youth and beauty
emptying complications out into the world?

Where is the silence that numbed the tortures
expecting execution, the void of sound;
stark streetlights in a nothing-nowhere town.

Where did all those nightmares go running
once the heart had been found?

Where did this nostalgia form for the hells that made the man?

Shared with dVerse MTB Ubi sunt.
As I read some other poems submitted for this prompt, I felt that there was too much sad nostalgia for the past (which is pretty much the remit of the prompt, I know), but I wanted to try and turn it around. My youth was often filled with depression and darkness, something which, with the help of medication and age, occurs less often these days.

Yet why do I sometimes miss that darkness that I struggled through, that made me who I am today?

Stanzas 1 and 2 are non-specific but stanza 3 references my father, who died when I was 18 months old and so I never knew him. At age 4, the idea of death hit me so hard that I cried myself to sleep one night. Stanza 4 references getting tattooed and pierced and revelling in the pain. Stanza 5 is specifically about a time in my bedroom, high on amphetamines, looking out across the grim spectacle of suburbia at 3 am, unable to sleep.
The title I know from a line in a song (though I forget which) that I often listened to in my youth but I think originated from during or post-WWII.

Dragonflies and Daffodils – 14th March 2025

As the summer days came by, drifting,
my demeanour grew more uplifting;
I took to sitting upon the sill,
to occupy the sunshine’s gifting.

Long gone the air of old winter’s chill,
April showers and softening still;
the harshness of all those darkest nights;
open the window to dog days thrill.

Ever changing, yet familiar sights,
somehow, the world now set to rights,
Lee and Nancy, with their velvet song,
saw me shine under the bright stage lights.

The future mine, I could do no wrong;
angels of innocence kept me strong;
yet now, the window, open too long,
the chill returns, and my hope all gone.

Nancy
her deep blue eyes
watch me from the cover
first stirrings of teenage dreaming
beauty

A chain rhyme quatrain (with bonus Cinquain) for an AllPoetry assignment, and shared with dVerse with the prompt Open Window.

During the summer, when I was 11 or 12, I would sit on the sill of my bedroom window with the window open to the birds and my imagination. I would imagine that I was the next Lee Hazlewood singing along to the whole of the Lee and Nancy album and hoping that I would be talent-spotted by any random passerby, of which there were very few as I lived in a remote countryside village. Not helped by the fact that I would duck away in shyness if anyone ever did come by! I was also a terrible singer.

I remember this album cover clearly and was sure that Nancy Sinatra had blue eyes! I can still see it in my mind!

But then look at this poem that I wrote 4 years ago, where I clearly state that she has dark eyes! Don’t trust your memory!

Did I just write a seasonal poem, too? I may have to kill myself.


Minnesota Pocket Circuit, aka M.P.C, is a hyper energetic midwest emo band with huge screamo influence. Embrace the Twinkly guitar riffs, highly energetic drums, and silly goofy depressing vocals and lyrics!

Split release between Desperate Infant Records in Hong Kong and tenzenmen in Thailand.

Review from Suspect Device

Same Stones – 20th February 2025

Through perseverance
Resistance to adversity
Is the thought the death of me?
A symptom of melancholy

Is the place of setting down
The same place that I began
The rocks remain the same
Yet I feel a different man

A picture in sepia tone
Each life adding to the play
To improve or enjoy
How shall I plan the day?

Waking to the sunlit welcome
Why the yearning for old home?
The journey wasn’t just mine
Until I found myself alone

Inspired by this quote from Daniel Z. Lieberman, on balancing ambition and contentment.
“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

Said And Done Again – 31st December 2024

A reckoning with my younger self,
nostalgia or all a nonsense?
We should want to change the world,
guided by our conscience;

As the crossroads multiply,
direction becomes obscured;
Pulled along on divergent tides,
wildly thrashing, unmoored;

Ideals discarded to the wind,
just another day to survive;
Waking up to realise
the destination will soon arrive;

A reckoning born of experience
as ideals began to wane;
Everything ever said and done
will be said and done again.

30th May 2025 – Shared with Poets and Storytellers United #179 – starting over

Always Going Home – 30th March 2024

Outside, the sheds, rotting,
With stores of coal
And wood for the winters

Stray cats brought their kittens
to the secret stash of beers
Stolen to curious teenage lips

The washing hangs from the kitchen ceiling
Dried damp infused with boiled pork
At least the rain can’t get in

There are Proustian moments
of potpourri,
The lotions on the bathroom shelf

Creaking stairs and creaking doors
You’ve been here for hundreds of years
Standing as a home

That scary sloping floor
Will it one day fall on those
grandparents sleeping below?

In my pit
Corners of dirt, carpets of dust
How many skins I shed there?

The icy windows stuck shut
I settle under covers thick with
this year’s sweat

My love of the comfort of your walls,
crumbling as they were,
Left when I did

Submitted to dVerse – Buildings


Today I’m feeling:

More reasonable today though still not breathing properly and have itchy tired eyes.

I slept for almost 12 hours though it wasn’t all good sleep but I was happy to at least have the opportunity anyway.  Getting up late meant that the day disappeared fairly quickly.

After coffee, I came back and watched some videos before a delicious experimental lunch that Amy made of roasted vegetable lasagna but instead of lasagna sheets using soft tortillas instead.

Then some more 3 Body Problem, more videos (I didn’t move much today!) then I made it to my room to play guitar but I wasn’t quite in the mood but still managed about 25 minutes.  My room is super hot in the afternoons now and I need to go there and play guitar in the mornings when my brain feels more alert!

I’m also reminded that I need to get back to my Thaipod101 lessons now that I have some free time again.

And also I want to do some study around active listening.  I figure that after 56 years on earth, I might actually start listening to what other people have to say!  Of course, I may find out the opposite too.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cowman from a couple of doors down.

This evening I was about to go out and close the gate and noticed something black on the grass.  On closer inspection, it was cow shit!  When did that get there!  We were out in the garden in the afternoon and it wasn’t there then.

I grabbed a torch and walked around the garden just to check that whatever visitors we had had gone before going to close the gate.  When I got to the gate it was already shut.  I figured that a cow must’ve come in and the cowman found it, chased it back out and closed the gate behind him.

The mystery was soon confirmed by our CCTV system – a mum and calf with the cowman chasing them out!

The best thing about today was:

Amy’s lunch and then in the evening, Amy’s delicious peach crumble with chocolate ice cream.  What a lucky guy I am.  Or was I just smart enough to pick the best person for me to marry?

Something I learned today?

Last year in the world happiness index, China was number 1, followed by Saudi Arabia and then the Netherlands.  In this year’s report neither China nor Saudi Arabia were in the top 30.  That’s strange!  It turns out that even though their data was collected it wasn’t used in the final report meaning a white Western nation (The Netherlands) is the happiest in the world.  At least, if you cherry-pick the data to your agenda.

Also, whilst watching the Netflix 3 Body Problem it seemed fairly obvious to me that the ‘China Bad’ narrative was highlighted intentionally.  It followed the book in that it was a Chinese woman who made contact with the aliens but as the rest of the series wasn’t set in China, as most of the book was, it bluntly exposes Western audiences to a message of ’look what the terrible Chinese did.’  Sigh.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent more messages out to students about their holidays. Checking in with them.

Paen sent me another message out of the blue talking about ending her life again.  I wrote back quickly but still haven’t had an answer.  I just sent her another encouraging message. I hope she’s ok.

I took this picture when closing the gate a couple of nights ago. Is this a blood moon or air pollution?

Honey Latte – 29th November 2023

There’s a honey latte running through her head
So sweet and milky, her memory a thread
Not knowing the day, she ventures to the city
Things she thought she knew shined so pretty

Alone, together, the hands are like ghosts
Long gone now, sailed to separate coasts
Eyeing the barista, nails polished black
A laptop hipster, personified slack

She’s a wanna-be adult, yet still sixteen
Smart and serious but remains unseen
Loving the self-loathing, when will she arrive?
Only when she realises she’s always been alive

Wishing for the future and suddenly it’s gone
Standing in the middle of what she wanted for so long
Nothing left to prove, no longer the impostor
Discounted all the time that getting here cost her

Here’s to the memory, the empty honey cup
Close the cafe door, breathe til she’s full up
Treading familiar sidewalks always reveals the change
Yesterday, today and tomorrow always seem so strange

Inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
30th Sep 2024 – Shared with Word of the Day Challenge – arrive


Today I’m feeling:

A little tired with a headache and cough again. I didn’t sleep well due to discomfort in my shoulders. I woke up and exercised and felt good for that but my eyes are aching again. 

I wondered if part of the problem was connected to the air quality so I checked on the AirVisual app and saw that the quality is already poor and approaching dangerous. Amy has also suddenly got her cough and runny nose back. We will put the air filter in the bedroom tonight.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to get paid a little money this month at least. Nancy has figured out some trickery so that I won’t starve just yet.

The best thing about today was:

Finding out that all classes are reduced to 50 minutes for December as kids go off for sports practice at the end of each day. There are also three days off this month. Great.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

When I got to House I was hanging for coffee but Gui’s machine was broken. I stayed a while doing some lesson checking and planning but couldn’t wait in the end and went around to Hobby coffee and I don’t know if it was just the wait but the first cup I got there tasted of delicious honey. I took a second cup back to school and carried on planning.

Something I learned today?

My old student Fah, who was always a bit of a handful but I was drawn to her because she reminded me of me when I was her age, got kicked out of school last semester due to lack of attendance, work, care etc. I wondered why I hadn’t seen her for a while.

Apparently, she has become even worse since, though she is supposed to be studying at another school.

I think she felt an affinity with me, maybe because I never gave her too much of a hard time and encouraged her more than berated her, every time she saw me, without fail she would give me a big hug.

I hope she makes it out there.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I sent Nong Fah (Sonsawan) an encouraging message to keep going with English in the future, using Amy’s story as evidence.

I helped fix many students’ microphone access so that they could read my work today. I’ve managed to figure out on most phones how to change the setting’s language to English and from there allow them microphone access.

When one of my students accidentally mixed up their words today and asked me if I was studying instead of if I was teaching, I told them ‘Yes, I’m always learning!’

I finally got to congratulate Funfai in person and she is very proud of herself for winning four trophies.

Despite being tired and wanting to get home I stayed and played Uno with Kru Ren, Jet, Noah, Lin and Mai after my class had finished and somehow the kids conspired to make sure that the teachers didn’t win. It was a lot of fun.

I gave my last candies to two of my laziest students, trying to buy their attention for our next class!

Rista asked if we could make Christmas cards in our class again like we did last year. Well, I don’t see why not?

I took this picture because as Tonaor and Nicha were on their way to their next class they suddenly shouted out ‘selfie’ and this was the result. I’d forgotten about it until now.

I’ll Start Life Tomorrow – 15th September 2023

I still want a bowl of ice cream for breakfast
To burst my pimples onto the mirror
My floor will forever be my wardrobe
And three-day-old socks may get one more chance
I love the delicious pain of peeling scabs
To reveal the gloop of the human inside
Doodling nonsense when time drags its hands
A daydream may be the best part of today

Sniffs of cigarettes and beer
Deny both my health and wealth
I laugh at the cars racing by
With fist shaken out of the window
I’ll happily kick a stone along the road
And score the winning goal for my team
This tree was made to climb
And my feet to cushion the jump

Racing a friend for no reason
All rules are there to be broken


Today I’m feeling:

Happy to have arrived at Friday. I feel better this week than last. Hopefully, all this exercising is providing me with a little more stamina each week.

Having said that I’m expecting to enjoy a sleep-in tomorrow morning.

Today I’m grateful for:

The candy that has been in my kitchen for about six months. It’s not that I don’t like it but just haven’t thought about eating it recently. 

As I had run out of candy that I usually kept in the car earlier this week, some of my students were left disappointed when I had none to give them so I grabbed a handful from the kitchen this morning. The students were happy to receive a treat as they were waiting in line to get a vaccination before classes started. Some students used this as an excuse to go home early (the vaccination, not the candy!). 

The best thing about today was:

Talking one one-on-one with some of my grade 7 students again, like I did last year. It’s always revealing to get little snippets of what they really think, especially about each other. It’s also easier to give them individual encouragement.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

The thing I complained about yesterday with one class not helping themselves was repeated again with another class today. So maybe the fault is with me. I need to come up with a better way to get these kids focused and engaged. It’s a constant challenge.

Something I learned today?

There are still 80 million unexploded bombs in Laos, dropped by the USA after bombing raids in Vietnam. If their planes had bombs left on board it was safer (for the plane crew) to drop them rather than trying to land with them. The USA has never been held accountable, along with many other atrocities they have committed around the globe. What a despicable, fucked up country the USA is.

Who do I miss from my past?

Those that have died. Steve, my mum, Kimi.

I don’t feel like I miss anyone who is still alive as it is relatively easy to contact just about anyone. This connects with yesterday’s prompt about taking things for granted though. One day these people will die and I may regret not contacting them when I had the chance.

I miss the feelings I had with certain people as certain times in past. I cherish the emotions and the meaning of those times more than the idea of talking to the particular people involved again.

I’m not sure who took this picture because I left my phone at my side whilst I was concentrating on listening to another student reading and just now found this picture, the only one taken today.

Small Town Arkansas – 3rd July 2023

We don’t dream, we don’t ask for much
We live next door to our best friends
There’s nothing the community doesn’t touch 
We’re twenty years behind the trends

God gave us this blessing to enjoy
And thanks must be given by our deeds
The twisted roots may often annoy
But among them are nurtured the seeds

Marrying a best friend’s brother
Swelling further our congregation
Expelling all that worships the other 
And questions their role and station

We’re white, right and pious
Our satisfaction is easily met
Nothing evil will get by us
In God’s way, we’ve all been set

inspired after reading an interview with The Gossip in Punk Planet magazine
20th Nov 2024 – Shared with Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Nurturing


Today I’m feeling:

A little bit more upbeat than yesterday, thankfully. I feel like I’m going to succumb to an afternoon nap right now though (at 1 p.m.). 
(Later) Somehow I managed to stay awake and I’m pretty happy about that. I should sleep okay tonight.
I feel a little lazy and uninspired but also very comfortable in my lovely home.

Today I’m grateful for:

The salad seller at the market. I bought two, one with 3 small prawns and another with avocado. I mixed them both up along with sesame seeds and a packet of English Cheddar chips that I’d bought a stack of from Makro. Stirred through with two blasts of creamy salad dressing that made for a fine-filling fancy.

The best thing about today was:

Getting back into the guitar lessons on my app. Since I bought premium access more than a year ago it allowed me to play any song on the app which I’d been doing. I figured I was pretty much stuck on the lessons too but I have steadily improved enough to give them a good go. Slowly slowly.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Both our bathroom sinks are leaking again and I was hoping Amy’s mum’s plumber could come and sort them out but they advised me to figure out all the different things that needed doing in the house so he could come and do it all in one go rather than back and forth, which makes sense but also means no one will come until Amy is back and has checked everything that she wants done.

In the meantime, I took apart and cleaned all the pipes under my sink and shoved it all back tightly together but it needs proper sealing at the wall.

Something I learned today?

Messaging Aing today to see if she could come up from Bangkok to visit later this month she told me of her struggles since she has been back there. All her hopes and dreams have been shattered through no real fault of her own though she probably realises that she would have been better off saying no to certain things at some point. She wants to come back to Chiang Rai and I hope she can find a way in the future.

What have I been savouring lately?

Mostly writing and updating this blog. Every old entry I add feels like a ticking off of a box of the longest-ever to-do list. I’m adding diary and poetry entries from 1984 and it’s triggering lots of things. Currently, there is also a big gap of entries from around 1997 until 2004 which doesn’t have much written down but sure played a big part in my life. A time when I was living and loving with a lot less thinking.

I took this picture because for a while I couldn’t find Tigger. Sometime during the afternoon I went to sit at my computer and found his fat butt poking from behind the screen. I’ve never seen him up here before. What are you doing fat cat?

In The Palm Of Our Hands – 1st July 2023

An ugly glamour
The softest skin
To the world unwise
Set to begin
Eyes forever west
Where the age awaits
Flowers first bloom
Mark those dates
Love unknown
Imagined, anticipated
Promises broken
Soon tortured and hated
In the cemeteries
Lives long since lived
The sands of time
Slowly being sieved

inspired and morphed from text at the Spinning Visions blog


Today I’m feeling:

Woke up in a rush as I misinterpreted my alarm settings and only had ten minutes to get up and go to meet Bruno for coffee at Utopia before exploring around the grounds of the university. It was a good way to kickstart the day. I’m flagging a little now at 5 pm but will keep going with some guitar practice.

Today I’m grateful for:

The mimosa and cardamon candle that is burning and making the room smell nice. I was able to buy it online and get it delivered quickly to my humble little home in this tiny village in the jungle hills of Thailand. My ten-year-old self, my twenty-year-old self and even my thirty-year-old self would not have anticipated the possibility of me happily laying in this room at this time. Well done me.

The best thing about today was:

Going on a discovery bike ride around parts of the university that I haven’t seen before. The site is huge and the campus buildings only take up about a tenth of it. We even biked through Wanasom Wellness Center which looks like it was once a nice place but looked run down and dejected though there were a couple of people about but they didn’t seem to be doing anything.
So many fancy buildings are put up and then fall into disrepair due to lack of use. I’ve seen some nice homes overgrown and dirty in what I can only guess were once family homes that perhaps folks moved away or died and were just unable to sell. I think that is likely to happen to our home in the end.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Nothing comes to mind today to except the frustration of the Swans v Geelong game ending up a draw. It’s looking doubtful that the Swans will make finals this year and if Geelong don’t make it too it will be the first time ever that both last year’s grand finalists don’t make the right in the year following.

Something I learned today?

I learned a little from Bruno about the weeds in my garden. He was shaking his head at the great variety that our poor soil supports.

What would I like to accomplish this month?

Maybe I should set some targets. The aircon should get fixed. I’d like to start working on a solution to the guttering problem in the garage too. Bruno says to try Mega Home in Bandu. I should go and just get an idea of the cost and possibilities at least. I guess I can include my visa renewal too as Amy will be back here soon to help with that.

I took this picture because Bruno and I came across this family when we were exploring the university’s botanical gardens.