Dead Daffodil – 16th March 2024

Time marches on, each golden dawn
The love call in lingerie wears thin
Beautiful eyes now weep forlorn
As the devil burns at Narcissus‘ skin

With the white lion tete-a-tete
Thalia laughed in comedic grace
Ice follies not quite melted yet
Double smiles across Merlin’s face

A sovereign, a sentinel of silver smiles
Once orange progress or pink pride
February gold fades as June defiles
The Dutch master‘s lemon beauty died

Submitted to dVerse’s Daffodil prompt. Naturally, my mind wanted to turn around the joys of spring and to already mourn its end before it even begins.


Today I’m feeling:

Grotty. Getting up at 4am for Oh and Aun’s wedding has knocked me sideways. In between things that I need to partake in I lay down and dizzily dozed. Each time getting up gingerly worried about fainting.

Today I’m grateful for:

Being able to grab a four-hour afternoon catch-up sleep. I could’ve gone through until tomorrow if I didn’t have to attend this evenings reception, where I’m sitting now wondering if I have vertigo.

The best thing about today was:

Sleep.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Not enough sleep and too much sleep! I also didn’t manage to study any Thai today.

I took this picture because I liked the juxtaposition between the two sides. The facade all looking beautiful and behind the scenes the wood and nails holding it in place.
Fatman report

Bare Hearts – 7th January 2024

Running barefoot along the beaches
A meditation and reflection unspoken
The past master no longer teaches
To prepare for the bare hearts broken

Knowing everything and nothing too
Knowing that something must be learned
As bare feet and bare hearts must do
The future must be earned

inspired by this post at Spinning Visions
21st Jun 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge


Today I’m feeling:

Tired, relaxed and lazy again.  Today is a repeat episode of yesterday pretty much.  Not excited, not unhappy.

Today I’m grateful for:

The cake that Amy came back with at lunchtime, presumably from Nong Oh who she was out with.  A light chiffon with cashews in a thick caramel topping.  It was nice in that it didn’t taste as sweet as it looked.

The best thing about today was:

Cleaning up the last pile of junk on the floor of my room.  There is stuff there that is inspiring me to think of new lesson plans so I hung on to quite a bit of it.  The floor is clear but I still need to go through the stuff on the shelves and that will mean more inspiration and ideas and then a concern about lack of time to execute all those ideas.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the scheme of things, I did very little today.  If there was anything out of my control then it had no lasting resonance with my memory.

Something I learned today?

From watching the interview with Nathan Rich I discovered that you can inject whisky into your veins and get drunk from it.  I mean, it makes sense but it seems like a stupid thing to do when you can just drink the stuff! 

That guy has certainly had an interesting life and we share a weird connection in that we both got into computing as a way to raise ourselves up in the world (and both into punk and then with interests in China).

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

Today was all about Amy and being sympathetic to her situation with the unfolding drama therein.

Was the killing of hundreds of hairy worms on the avocado tree a good or vile act?

Tell about something you love doing that you’re terrible at. And tell about something you really do not like doing that you’re great at.

For the former, I guess it would be playing guitar, though I don’t really think that I am terrible.  I’m just not good.

For the latter maybe Maths, though again, I wouldn’t say that I was great at it either.  In fact, if I think about it I actually like learning about Maths but have an aversion to it because of a long-held hatred of my high school Maths teacher.

Even then, I’m over it (I should be because it was 40 years ago!) so I need to think of something else here.

It’s tough. I don’t consider myself particularly great at anything and at my age now I’m not really doing anything that I don’t like doing anymore.

I took this picture because this pup is cute and loves me.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #24 – 8th February 2020

Music from Bob Drake, The Work, DMBQ, FLIRT, Neutral Sons, Prag, Brainticket, Grobschnitt, Appollonius Abraham Schwarz, The Sweet, The Dazzling Killmen.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to see Oh’s puppies again and thankful she gave us a place to stay for one night.

To-do list

  • Stay relaxed – it’s a mini-holiday ✅
  • Do another Smiling Mind meditation
  • Really savour something today ✅
  • 3 acts of kindness ½
  • Only buy books on your want list

Went book shopping but ended up buying a couple of extra things because I didn’t see any books on my wants list.

In the morning we went to visit Jessica’s aunt and I really savoured sitting and talking with her in her garden. Whilst we were talking she mentioned a book she really enjoyed about Afghanistan. She couldn’t remember the exact title, something about a Thousand Suns. Just as I was leaving the bookshop I spotted on the shelf ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ and that was the book – so I bought that too.

An enjoyable day of food and shopping.

We got that attitude! – 7th February 2020

I am so happy and grateful to have a car. I like to drive and the drive to Chiang Mai is quite pleasant.

An emotion can be generated by the thought of something good or bad happening either now or in the future.

Massimo Pigliucci

To-do list

  • Enjoy the drive, take your time ✅
  • Stimulate the conversation with Tik and Oh
  • What acts of kindness can you do? ✅
  • Think more about drawing something for the kids

A long lazy drive, very much enjoyable, talking with Amy, listening to music and viewing the scenery.

When we met Tik and Oh it was quite noisy, in a very busy outdoor restaurant so I didn’t spend much time trying to get into conversation but it was a happy and fun evening.

I did, or tried to do, a random act of kindness today when I saw an older lady struggling with some bags. I helped her and she thanked me but soon after reversed the help I’d given her. I still felt OK and I still think she appreciated someone trying to help even if she didn’t actually want it.

I’ve added random acts of kindness to my coach.me habits app in an effort to keep it more in my mind.

Thoughts all seem to stray to places far away, I need a change of scenery – 12th January 2020

Last Sunday Amy and I, along with Mum and Dad, had to attend a funeral in Chiang Mai. It’s a three plus hour drive and meant a 5am start for us. I know we’re getting older and getting up earlier is kinda normal but damn, 5am!

I was hoping to be able to spend some time listening to podcasts but when we arrived at Mum and Dad’s and found Dad asleep in the passenger seat it was obvious that I would be driving. It was still dark as we left the city and approached the mountains. The air turned grey and dusty as the sun rose slowly somewhere in the sky and it was entrancing to watch the changes to the colours of the mountains that I was driving towards and soon driving through.

Dad’s big truck made easy time as we settled into the long valley and then through the twisting second set of mountains where a never-ending road work slows things down somewhat. I had to ease off once into the Chiang Mai valley though as, eager after the road works, I was starting to hit 140 km/h without even realising it.

This funeral was for cousin Ting’s mum. Ting had taken the time to travel an hour or so to my own mother’s funeral in the UK so it was only appropriate that we attend her mum’s and it was good to catch up with her despite the circumstances.

Monks did their thing and relatives did their thing and I followed where and when I was told. I noted the ‘No women allowed’ sign outside one of the buildings and wondered when Thailand will discover its enlightenment. Is it my place to judge and do I need to care about how people following certain religions behave? Well, if it feels like injustice it feels ok to care. Just know that progress of this sort often takes more than a single lifetime but we can hope that the progress is made before the world burns.

Having left Chiang Rai before the sun came up, we returned after the sun had set again. Chiang Rai missed us for the day and still the Earth turned without care.

And so it was we arrive at Friday and this time I’m on a solo adventure in my own car, again to Chiang Mai. This time it was for my UK passport renewal and I had allowed myself an overnight stay so as to split up the driving.

I had challenged myself since the Sunday journey to drive more conservatively and having that extra time I planned to enjoy the drive and take a few extra seconds to check out the views. It also meant I could listen to music uninterrupted for 3 or 4 hours.

For some reason I enjoy driving; I’m not sure why. This trip towards Chiang Mai was especially entrancing and I arrived in a very good mood. In fact I was a little annoyed that the first half of the travelling was complete!

The first port of call was back to International House, where I had studied for my CELTA certificate, almost two years previously. I bumped into my favourite tutor there and was pleased to have a quick chat and also to see a few other staff members that I still recognised, though had forgotten their names.

The environment here on the mini campus still amazes me, it’s so beautiful and not what you would expect. Like a holiday resort but with not much to do except study. I somewhat envied the students who would be arriving after the weekend but then I remembered the feeling in the first week when I was questioning myself whether I could do it or not.

I had hoped that they still had copies of my work for the course in the office there but unfortunately, they only hold on to them for six months. Never mind. It was nice to drive through those familiar small lanes where nothing has changed too much. The city is sprawling out that direction but has only had minimal impact so far.

Back into the middle of the city and everything went well with my passport application, though I had some difficulty making my signature similar to what it was 10 years previous. The staff laughed with me and I’m guessing it’s not that an unusual problem as they had paper prepared for applicants to practice.

Quickly out of there and across town to a book shop that had been recommended. An hour and 1000 baht later it was time to find some food and I treated myself to a tiny pizza and salad. Woohoo! Holiday time!

Dark by now, I waited at the Mohawk Bar to catch up with Facebook friend John Murrie. The bars opening time is 8pm and it was only 7pm so I sat in the car reading some more Anna Karenina, taking the opportunity to cross off one of my daily challenges. By 8.30pm the bar was still closed and Tolstoy was taking a sleep-inducing hold of me and I had to quit and head out south to my overnight lodging with one of Amy’s old school friends.

I wuz ‘ere. No one else wuz.

Tired and sleepy I was somewhat energised by meeting the two puppies of the house, once I was accepted as a welcome enough intruder. I was warned to keep my shoes away from them so placed them in my room and shut the door. Not long after, I placed myself in the room and fell asleep but reminding myself I must make an effort to talk more with my hosts Oh and Namtan when I was in a more lucid state in the morning.

In a flash it was morning and after getting my reading challenge completed before 8am, I did 40 squats, took a shower and planned a breakfast coffee for my hosts. Unfortunately, I had left the bedroom door open and hadn’t noticed the dogs sneak in looking for some bounty.

Everyone showered and set I went to get my shoes but they had disappeared. Obviously, the dogs had got them but no problem, whatever, let’s just go on a hunt for them. One under the car, another at the back of the garden. Unfortunately, they hadn’t just been deposited but chewed on and spat out! Ah well, farewell my shoes. Luckily they were just about wearable as I had no other shoes with me. The girls were very apologetic for their pups’ behaviour but I just thought it was funny. I’d had the shoes for a few years so they’d done me pretty well. Maybe an excuse to go shop for some others soon.

An excellent coffee later it was time to get back on the road and my mind was filled with wonder as I listened to good music and again enjoyed the twisting roads round rolling mountains. I counted off the landmarks backwards, breaking the 3 hours down; mountains, valley, mountains, home. The return journey never as exciting as the outset, slight melancholy following the setting afternoon sun.

However, once home I was awed by the feeling of comfort. Looking across our garden I gave Amy a big hug and declared ‘I love it here. I love this life and I love being with you.’

The local rock group down the street
Is trying hard to learn their song
They serenade the weekend squire
Who just came out to mow his lawn
Another pleasant valley Sunday
Charcoal burning everywhere
Rows of houses that are all the same
And no one seems to care

– The Monkees

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have the energy and motivation to get up and do things. Today I took time to water the garden and clean the car.

…my memory was never loaded with anything but blank cartridges.

Mark Twain

To-do list

  • Write blog about Chiang Mai trip ✅
  • Record TCRAH
  • Water garden in the morning ✅
  • Prepare CD cases and case some more discs ½
  • Clean up balloons

Once again time ran out but I had a very busy and productive day. As well as getting up and watering the garden, front and back, I also washed the car. I ate breakfast in there somewhere too.

Before the morning was out we went for coffee and photocopied in preparation for afternoon lessons. In between lunch and teaching, I also wrote up a blog entry about my trip to Chiang Mai. It wasn’t as good as it was in my mind yesterday though.

Time running out doesn’t seem to be bothering me as much as it has in the past. I’m more accepting of the fact that I can finish something later. So long as I’m getting some things done then it’s fine.

Tomorrow is back to the routine mad Monday. One of the lessons should be pretty straightforward though and hopefully, the two difficult classes will be getting used to the method of what I’m doing with them now. I hope to get the rest of the exam questions finalised this week and probably be able to finish the regular class one tomorrow if I put my mind to it.

The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #20 – 11th January 2020

Music from The Reactionaries, Alternative TV, Neutral Sons, Polvo, Peter Black, Hilkka, The Fartz, Elvis Costello, Captain Sensible, Rogues, Graham Parker and the Rumour, Radio Nepal, Orthrelm, Arcwelder, Guapo, Minutemen, McClusky.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Oh and Namtan for letting me stay at their house last night. It saved me money and trouble and they are nice people.

All reading should be applied to the idea of living the happy life…words may become deeds.

Seneca

To-do list

  • Remember how much you enjoyed the drive today? Do that again! ✅
  • Take Oh and Namtan for coffee. ✅
  • Work through your exhaustion and provide good tuition. ✅
  • Do something nice for Amy today. ½
  • Do not complain – counter other’s complaints. ✅

Today was a very good day and I feel wonderful and happy. It started with 40 squats, a shower and reading before taking Oh and Namtan for coffee. We have a good conversation about books, reading, exercising and eating.

The drive back was very pleasant though tempered by some melancholy as many returns home can be. It’s never as exciting as the heading out into unknown adventures, no matter how small they are.

I was so positive that I was fine for the teaching and it went like a breeze.

At dinner, Amy and I chatted for a long while and I put forward the idea of how we could spend the perfect day together.

Tomorrow I hope to spend some time in my office – I love being there but feel somewhat disconnected from the house so I don’t usually stay out there late into the night.

We have some more students tomorrow but those lessons should be fun

With a snap of my fingers, in the blink of an eye – 10th January 2020

How can I surprise my partner?

This is a tough question. After more than 10 years together we don’t have many surprises these days. I was thinking I would like to book us our holiday in Vietnam as a surprise but curious that she may just get upset for not consulting her. We have our ten-year anniversary coming up – perhaps I could book us a place to stay for the night. Yep – that’s what I’ll do – find a 5-star resort in the mountains and we’ll spend our anniversary there.

18th Dec 2022 – I did book this but Covid got in the way as everything shut down. I booked it again a second time in 2021 and that too didn’t work out as lockdowns happened in Thailand at different stages.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for Amy when she cooks me breakfast in the morning and doesn’t complain to clean the dishes and iron my shirts. I will try to do these things more when I can share our burden.

Commonplace book for work

Use this space to write out quotes, passages and thoughts that have some meaning for me. These could come from anywhere.

On Journaling

Prepare for the day ahead

Each morning you should prepare, plan and meditate on how you aim to act that day. You should be envisioning everything that may come and steeling yourself so you’re ready to conquer it. As Seneca wrote “The wise will start each day with the thought ‘Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own.’ Or think of Marcus’ reminder ‘When you wake up in the morning tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil.”

Put the day up for review

Stoicism isn’t just about thinking, it’s about action – and the best way to improve is to review. Each evening you should, like Seneca did, examine your day and your actions. As he put it “When the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent, aware of this habit that is now mine, I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” The question should be: Did I follow my plans for the day? Was I prepared enough? What could I do better? What have I learned that will help me tomorrow?

To-do list

  • Drive slowly and safely – enjoy the journey ✅
  • Talk with John and learn more about him
  • Prepare yourself to meet UK bureaucracy ✅
  • Go to the bookshop if you have time ✅
  • Be courteous to all traffic ✅

I fairly lazily drove over the mountains today and really enjoyed it. I was somewhat sad to arrive. I managed to do everything I planned and bought 5 books at the bookshop. A bit of an extravagance as none of them are on my to-read list.

The application for a new passport was also a completely painless experience for which I’m grateful.

I have very much enjoyed today so far sit now waiting for John to arrive and open his bar. The old auntie here, collecting parking money, shouts instructions from her wheelchair, as the cars pull into the driveway. John is running on Thai time and I’m starting to flake, the long day catching up with me.

I gave it half an hour and decided to leave, tiredness getting the better of me.

At Oh’s place and loved playing and petting her two puppies – once we had become friends. I suppose I could’ve waited for John for longer but don’t feel bad for not. I’m sure we’ll meet someday. It’s just nice to put a real personality to the online persona.

Tomorrow I have to drive back and teach Khawtang and Prang/Sea. Based on how I’m feeling right now, I’m going to be exhausted. Hopefully, I can enjoy some free time on Sunday.