I am so happy and grateful to my work team because they help and support me.
To-do list
If your words don’t improve the conversation then don’t say them ½
Find a dog picture to draw for Champ ✅
Smile under your mask – practice it ½
Today went ok. I had to record my video in the morning which was a good option in the end because some of the other teachers were taking forever. George and Dylan both helped me but I felt somewhat at a loss for ideas, so I’m glad they were there for support.
There was so much confusion and disorganization but I didn’t let it bother me. I tried to speak less and most of my talking in the afternoon was about tech stuff as we tried to get MS Teams working, which we did.
There seems to be way more attention being put on making these videos that on being ready to teach online on Monday. I’m ready, as such, but still waiting for a lot of the pieces to be put into place. If that can’t be done by Monday, it’s fine. I already built in some slack with my planning.
Looking at how MS Teams works made me realise how much more suitable my brain is towards strict and specific disciplines such as IT or organisation. I’m slow at art and flowery thinking now.
High in the North in a land called Svithjod there is a mountain. It is a hundred miles long and a hundred miles high and once every thousand years a little bird comes to this mountain to sharpen its beak. When the mountain has thus been worn away a single day of eternity will have passed
Hendrik Willem Van Loon, The Story of Mankind
That little bird is our lives. Dwarfed by the magnificence of time.
We are small and insignificant. Not individual, not a group, nor a race. Not a society, a species or a thought from God. We are nothing.
The dinosaurs, the mammoths, the pharaohs, the sultans and kings, the inventors, the thinkers and philosophers, the builders, the masters and slaves, the writers, the historians, the celebrities, the murderers, the saints and the despots. You and me. Nothing.
What will you do with this information?
Our floating houses on molten granite Our liquid planet, it is a home for us all I’m firmly planted, my earth is solid I feel a presence but there is nothing at all I wanted something, down here is something It’s really something but there is nothing at all
‘Slowly Melting’ by Nomeansno
The Chiang Rai Alternative Hour #34
Music from Tipographica, Keukhot, Chui Wan, 400 Blows, Lifter Puller, Mazaj, Geronimo, Unknown, Pell Mell, Opal, Child Bite and Debile Menthol.
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the space we have in our house and garden. We can move furniture around and reinvent ourselves, change our views.
To-do list
Talk to George ✅
Record TCRAH
One more lesson plan
Record more 1994ever for blog ✅
Write a short blog post ✅
Almost didn’t make it out to my room but somehow managed to motivate myself. I am slowly completing things, whether it is sorting out bits and pieces from my past, things I’d intended to do for a long time, reading books, watching movies and TV series, sorting out my CDs etc. So at least I have a sense of achievement.
I’m reminded of when I was about 10 or 11 years old and used to ‘race’ my Matchbox car collection and keep tables of which was fastest and kept all sorts of statistics about them. I was already organising my mind, putting things in order, sleeping everything straight.
I can pinpoint other instances of this at various times during my youth actually. Looking through old diaries has triggered some deep recollections which is interesting. I’m testing myself to see what else is hidden away in there.
“Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn’t manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn’t give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 11.18.5b
I’ve never been a manly man. Well, I say that, though I can remember trying to be one from about ages 11-14. Then I started getting bullied a bit at school and realised I wasn’t ever going to be a strong boy physically.
Not me but you get the idea…
I retreated into my mind but taking resentment and bitterness there. I filled myself with seething hatred for everything around me, confusing what I considered personal injustice with larger injustices of the world. Everything was against us. It was us and them, whoever us was and whoever they were.
I dove head first into the moshpits of punk rock. Besides my mother, punk really was a rock for me to hold on to. Sometimes I clung too tight but eventually I found my way.
Justice and fairness are still amongst my top character strengths, thankfully along with curiousity and gratitude – those two came later.
These days I’m trying to calm my mind to bring some inner peace but the tunes of yesterday still rattle around from dawn to dusk. This inner noise is it’s own sort of peace, it’s familiarity calming, the anger gone.
Man is spelt big M.A.N. it’s the letters of the law, Man is spelt big M.A.N. that’s who the law is for.
– Crass
Gratitude Journal
I am so happy and grateful for the supportive teachers around me. They have helped me cover a lesson today and it was easy to stand once I found the right person to talk with.
You can’t learn what you think you already know.
Epictetus (paraphrase)
To-do list
Arrange someone to manage the class I miss. ✅
Make another blog post around an article. ✅
Ride bike to get a haircut.
More Coursera/another DIY article. ½
WDS – follow up on BKK and Yogya shows. ½
I’m starting to feel comfortable and relaxed at school. Able to deal with unexpected conditions, which seem to arise often. I still feel connected with the students but not so intensely involved. I will do what I can for them and try to prepare a good plan for them for learning but I’m going to over-invest my time, even though I do really love to push myself and always think to do the very best I can.
Without the pressure and expectations from the school for continuing with them next semester I am enjoying all the situations, good and bad, and I realise now that this is how I should try to feel all the time at work.
It’s just occurred to me this idea in opposition, of being a very organised person and having to work in a very disorganised environment. Instead of a strict organisation of ideas for lessons, I should have an outline plan and then be ready and organised for disruption. So, a good solid base to work from and then prepared to add on to it. Work smarter.
I talked a little bit with Kevin today and he was surprised at my involvement in music.
I also managed to complete deleting about 90% of my ‘friends’ on Facebook. Most of them are unnecessary for my day-to-day and if either I or they wish to connect again for any reason we are still able to but I’d like to think of myself using Facebook as opposed to Facebook using me. Communicating in short sound bytes is not effective and nuanced, becomes frustrating and just making me anxious about useless things.
I want to concentrate more on writing on my blog – that gives me a deeper satisfaction. It’s not particularly important if anyone sees it or not – I just want to go through the process, forge a habit, think better and ultimately feel better.
1994ever 