My Journey – 15th July 2024

A boy that was born English
With depression he could not extinguish
Accepted his fate to relinquish
– Leapt into the unknown

Then a man of Australia
Who could not accept failure
Yet failed to modify his behaviour
– The journey was only just starting

Finally to the land of smiles
He overcame all his trials
Accepting all his different styles
– It was the journey, not destination

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 56 – accept


Today I’m feeling:

Not too bad.  My hip is only slightly sore now, and I think I got it from spending too much time sitting in the cafe on Wednesday and Thursday last week.  I don’t think that it was from exercise so much, though I’m still wary of starting up again, and so skipped it this morning.  I will start again tomorrow and see how I go.

I was a little dizzy this morning until my medicine kicked in, and I felt pretty good by the end of the day.

Today I’m grateful for:

The folks doing the new road again, as they put in some extra concrete to join up with our driveway, which we were expecting to have to do ourselves.  I’m not sure how good it is yet as it is still covered, but it will be better than nothing and cheaper than use having to pay to fix it up.

The best thing about today was:

I had back-to-back one-hour classes with my grade 8s this afternoon, and I was pleasantly surprised at the second class who can the most rowdy at times.  Within five minutes of setting them a writing task, they were quietly completing it, and I didn’t know what to do with myself.

As they completed the work, I told them what we would do on Thursday when they would read the tex,t and they listened attentively so that they could write out some pronunciation in Thai to help them remember.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

In the morning, I had to walk over to auntie’s house where our car was parked due to the road work, and Tangmo wandered over for a cuddle, rub and snack.  His back was wet and there was a sudden smell of cat shit and I was sure that I must’ve stepped in some.

Even after getting in the car I was looking around for cat shit, wondering how a cat might’ve gotten into a totally locked car.  Then, as I was driving along, I smelled my hands and they smelled of some sort of horrible chemical, like a mix of paint thinners and petrol.

The bad smell must’ve been a mix of dirty dog and whatever the dirty dog had been rolling in.  After arriving at school I avoided saying hello and fist bumping students as much as I could and headed towards a bathroom to wash my hands and make sure that I hadn’t sat in cat shit somehow.

One wash helped, but it wasn’t enough. I took a second go at House and started to feel a little less self-conscious.

Tangmo came to say hello again when I got home, and he still stunk to high heaven.  I hope it is not having too much of an effect on him, as the smell is positively cancerous.

Something I learned today?

Today will be the last that I see of my grade 12 HAP and E-sports students for this semester.  It’s a shame, as I had a fun class lined up for them next week.

I took this picture of Ploy because she was bullying me as I was on my way to class.

Dad No Dad – 29th June 2024

It’s not your fault you couldn’t be
A good or bad father to me
Dying when I was only three
I never even knew your face

And son, although I never had
A chance to learn to be a dad
It never made me feel so bad
I’ll do my best for you

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge – dad


The following is a letter from July 17, 2023, delivered today from the past

Dear FutureMe and FutureAmy,

Today is 17th July 2023 and Amy has just come back from Australia for one month and has whizzed around cleaning the house and getting it up to her standard of cleanliness.

Of course, she will have to clean it again when she comes back again in October!

Writing this today I feel quietly hopeful that Amy will be able to find herself again in Thailand. The onset of the pandemic at the end of 2019 really disrupted our plans to do some kind of business on our land or somewhere in Chiang Rai.

I think we all went a little stir-crazy being stuck at home so much, though for me I am quite comfortable sitting back and enjoying our little paradise.

I hope by the time this letter arrives that Amy hasn’t run off again to another part of the world in frustration. But whatever has happened I will support her. I have resolved to stay here and see out the lives of our cats and I am fine with that, whether Amy is here or not. Wherever she is in the world I can feel her with me. I want her to be happy.

When you receive this email it will be your birthday my little moo. I never know what to get you because I have already given you all that I have. Know that wherever you are, you have all my love.

Happy Birthday for another year, little Amy
Love you,
Shauny


Today I’m feeling:

A bit dusty after my first night of drinking this year.  I fell asleep in my clothes last night, half expecting to be dragged up again. At some point, I must’ve undressed as I was naked when I got up at 10am with a whiskey mouth.

Today I’m grateful for:

The staff at La Favola who took care of us tonight for Amy’s birthday dinner. We had a great time, overloading on their buffet, especially the oysters.

The best thing about today was:

Besides late morning coffee and dinner, the rest of the day was mostly spent either sleeping or reading in bed. 

The best thing was going out for a fancy dinner and having a good feeling of being together tonight.

Something I learned today?

The AFL usually quickly puts up videos of the last two minutes of very close games and I happened to see that there was one for the Swans game today which is a bad sign. Did we manage to scrape by or just lose? I’ll find out tomorrow.

Proof – 3rd March 2024

My cup is always half-full
I counter the push and pull
You cannot pull the wool
Over my eyes

This game of life is fun
Whether in snow or sun
Today is another one
Of the best

Even when shadows fall
I can counter them all
There will be no wall
I cannot jump

Like Sisyphus, I will climb
Loving each moment in time
Living this life of mine
To the fullest

Submitted to Ovi Poetry Challenge 37: POSITIVITY


“And in the pain, there is strength.”

As a depressed teenager I carved LIFE IS PAIN into my arm. It is a constant reminder. I live for the struggle.

Where I now teach, some students were wasting time in class playing a (pretty dumb) video game. I asked them what they got out of it and they said it was fun and they learned that by driving the car faster they earned more points.

I asked them how this was useful in real life and they had no answer. I told them that life is not fun. They looked at me seriously and asked me what it was and I sure told them…. LIFE IS PAIN.

To reiterate the point I twisted their arms behind their backs until it hurt and asked them – WHAT IS LIFE!? PAIN, PAIN – they screamed.

We all laughed (please don’t imagine that I am some sort of ruthless prison guard with my hyperbole) and they went back to their game.

But one day…..they will remember this.

Today I’m feeling:

Positive and happy. With Amy off for the day, I will take some time to catch up on emails and writing.

Today I’m grateful for:

The twenty-baht shop where I bought more light bulbs. The lady there is an attractive and young-looking woman but today I discovered, and couldn’t believe, that she has a daughter who looks about 8 or 9 years old. The daughter was curious about me and when I gave her a wink she broke out a big smile.

The best thing about today was:

It’s been a pretty lazy relaxing afternoon with a bit of reading and watching YouTube.  Watering the garden was about as good as it gets.  I want to see things grow, grow, grow.

What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?

Although it was in my control I ended up spending about 1000 baht today, buying coffee, light bulbs, soda water and remembering to order the car seat covers on Lazada.  No more inessentials for the rest of the month now….

Something I learned today?

From Rise of the Global South Telegram group: Swedish Diplomat Count Folke Bernadotte Personally Saved 31K Jews from Nazi Concentration Camps – He was Shot Dead by Members of the Jewish Stern Gang in Jerusalem in 1948

He was killed at point-blank range in a motorcade ambush after writing a UN report based on the devastated Palestinian villages he personally witnessed.

The go-ahead for the murder came from the future Prime Minister of Israel, Yitzhak Yezernitsky.

Israel knew the names of the men who committed the murder, yet nobody was charged.

Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10

I took Amy to the city and the family to the temple for Grandmum’s 100-day prayers. Then, I dropped Mum and Dad home, picked up Aor and dropped her and Amy at Paew’s. My taxi duties done for the day.

25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO –  23. Create Something. Not to leave a legacy, you won’t be here to see it anyway, but to be of use. Make music, write a book, build a table, anything. You’ll feel good about yourself, plus you give something back to people to use or enjoy.

Growing up I always seemed to be creating something (apart from a nuisance), from artwork, poetry and lyrics, music (of a sort), then creating or advancing a scene in the Sydney DIY space, producing records and so on.

I’m proud of the things that I have done and consider it my legacy but only for myself to enjoy.  It has all made me feel good about myself and I know I have inspired others with some of the things I have created and seen them get enjoyment from them too.  Every day I still create something.

I took this picture at temple prayers for Grandmum and while not having any connected belief to this or any faith, I did find this short ceremony quite comforting.