Tag: pain

One Thing – 5th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s all you have, there’s nothing else
All you held are old dusty dreams
It’s the time you are alive, this one thing
The only possession that is what it seems

Every moment wasted on the dramas of others subtracts from your strength.

Robert Greene

Today I’m feeling:
Happy and carefree despite still having to organise things for my students for tomorrow’s classes.
Today I’m grateful for:
The rental car company and for being able to drive around Phuket at leisure and without worry.
The best thing about today was:
Today has been steadily great. Right now we’re in the Hilton restaurant at the beach with free-flow alcohol. Good for Amy! This morning we had delicious brunch at another beach, along with Aing, after dropping Fern and Harper at the airport. Everything went super smoothly timing-wise and Amy and I drove back by the scenic beaches route with a quick circuit of Patong just as a reminder of being there 10 years ago. The lovely hotel we stayed at that time has been abandoned since, probably due to the pandemic, but there were lots of new ones and many foreign tourists around as expected. After dropping Amy back at Pim’s I went off book shopping and picked up one book I was looking for and another three by Studs Turkel, who I’ve never heard of, but was fascinated by the name and an approval from Kurt Vonnegot on the back cover of one. Awesome, even with the heavy rain.
Something I learned today?
According to surveys, Chiang Rai is the drunkest province in Thailand. Not sure how this was measured and it must be pretty serious as everywhere in Thailand loves a drink.
What are some of the challenges you face?
My biggest challenges at the moment probably revolve around health. I need to lose a little weight again and build up some stamina but seem to be suffering a little from what may be long covid. I get breathless and exhausted easily. I have aching hips and a painful neck, weak arms with painful elbows. I should focus a little bit of extra effort on maintenance in the next few months.

I took this picture because it was good timing for us to be dropping Fern to the airport near where Aing lives and Aing has a day off today so we could treat her to lunch. The food was great and the beach was good too.

Choose Your Hurt – 24th February 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Do you believe you are hurt?
Did your mother rush to your side?
Pause, just for a moment
Just enough time to decide
A scraped knee from a bike fall
Or spiteful words screamed in hate
The response is always a choice
Is it a pain you can bear to take?
The bleeding body is real
But other situations require more thought
Are you just responding this way
Because that is all you were taught?

In my heart I laugh at thy love. Yet I would not have thee see my laughter. I would laugh alone.

Khalil Gibran, Me Friend

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my mobile app trainer who reminds me to be grateful every morning that I work out.

Looking Good – 9th January 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This shiny apple, so appetising
Fools your sense without realising
Inside, the maggots, breeding more
In fact, it is rotten to the core

We sold the apple, sold it well
From the outside, no one can tell
This analogy can be multiplied
Across your beautiful nation wide

Within is decay, or already dead
No matter all the pretty words said
A conspiracy in which we all take part
Only the truth can fix this heart

Fuck the fuck off back to where you fucked on from.

Ricky LeFleur, Trailer Park Boys

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the lady that gave me a 2-hour massage yesterday. It was painful but awesome and I’m still in pain now, but awesome now!

I slept super well last night after a spoonful of kratom and feel great this morning, though I’m too early for Tha Sut and no cafes are open yet, so I’m back here writing.

Yesterday was relaxed but the time disappeared quickly. In the morning, Amy and I took Na up to the university cafe for her English lesson and it was good to go somewhere different. Na was very sweet when she said that she will miss Amy.

After lunch, I watched the Youth Brigade/Stern Brothers documentary, which was pretty inspiring and reminded me that I also wanted to start a Better Youth Organisation in Dorset. I didn’t know what I was doing, just as the Sterns admitted but I wonder turn my life would have been like if anyone had responded to my leaflet to do something more like that.

After that, it was time for a deliciously painful massage that loosened up a few places in my body and made me contemplate my future with my hips. Will I need some kind of operation at some point? What can I do now to delay that possibility?

I left Amy in the city to meet her friends and came back to watch some TV bits and pieces and chill out with kratom and before you know it, the day’s gone.

Today we’ll go shopping and hopefully not much else. Life is great.

Soi Dog Wandering – 14th October 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

Snuffle in the undergrowth
There’s something living there
Scratching at an itchy head
And sniffing at the air
Sad dog sat contemplating
Where has the feeder gone?
Time to sleep in the road
Til the next car comes along

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for my new pillow. This one seems to be helping with my sore neck. I’m hoping it can help get rid of the pain altogether.

12th July 2023 – We have a stack of pillows in our house now as we are constantly seeking relief for sore necks. I believe I may have finally come to the realisation that it is not the pillow that is the problem but my lack of movement and exercise throughout the day. Some pillows are undoubtedly better than others but my neck pain has dissipated much more since exercising and stretching it more often.

I was just reminded about depression (reading about someone’s experience) and realise I haven’t had any dark thoughts, or dark days, I should say, for a long time. At least, it feels that way. I guess I do have dark thoughts but they are let go without breeding further. A little bit of exercise, medicine, less alcohol, a combination of all. I feel more comfortable in this world at the moment, conscious of how time passes by so quickly.

Yesterday, I took a quick afternoon ride and discovered yet more hidden hills and valleys close to home. It was a beautiful day. Hot but cooling, as I was exploring randomly. Many dead ends, stuck in pineapple fields. Going up a hill track that I hoped I wouldn’t have to come back down, then, without option, careening back down. Covered in mud and scratches from thorny plants.

Returned home to find the gardeners finishing up, took a shower and enjoyed our house, renewed again with trimming back of the jungle.

On Tuesday, Amy and I talked with a bunch of students at Berm and Hangie’s new cafe and Amy got fired up, thinking, ‘we could be doing this at our own place and helping the students with their English. It’s good to see her thinking about this option again.

The Week That Was – 14th January 1979

Dust – 1st September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 1 Comment

We are dust under the dust of the feet of the king
Now unsatisfied with the problems that you bring
Rising up to challenge centuries-old traditions
That led the country into these downtrodden conditions

What made sense once no longer really applies
The world has gotten smaller for information supplies
The dust, the people are not prepared to let it be
They are motivated to be the change they want to see

7th Nov 2024 – Shared with Ragtag Daily Prompt – dust

Weight: 78.0kg
Resting heart rate: 48

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to get through another month mostly healthy – just a little pain. Let’s see what excitements September brings.

Stuck at school all day but that’s ok as I can keep myself occupied wherever I am. Having pen and paper, a book and internet help and the two coffees I picked up this morning have kept me charged up well.

I’ve updated things on my blog, written my daily poem, played guitar for ten minutes – I brought my shitty guitar to school just for this purpose and bought a better one a couple of weeks ago.

I’ve taught three classes, marked their work, which I can feel is always improving; helped another teacher with their work – warning them not to ask questions that they themselves cannot answer!

Only thing I haven’t done yet is read some of my book, which I normally do at the cafe. I have read a bunch of articles online, though. My eyes are a bit blurry from staring at the screen.

The best thing about today is seeing my students ‘ improvements through the semester. For some reason, these things stood out a lot today. Anyway, it makes me happy. Some kids are sneaky and try and trick me but it’s out of laziness more than anything. I think I catch them most of the time.

The Week That Was – 25th March 1979

Bad Neck – 23rd August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Can’t turn my head unless I move my body
Years of abuse made the muscles shoddy
I need a year of massage, it’s so sore
I shouldn’t read books laying down anymore

Tried stretching, exercise, even alt-med
Nothing stops the pain when I get out of bed
More than a hundred doctors to whom I’ve spoken
Won’t tell me the truth, my neck is broken

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the trials of my visa application. It vexes me every year and teaches me again about patience and understanding. It takes me a couple of days to get over the annoyance. That’s today.

Another Monday here again. I’m happy to get back to my classes after missing Friday and enjoy making my students think hard. I feel a little in limbo with 4 or 5 weeks left of term and then dealing with all the usual end of term paperwork nonsense.

Despite enjoying being stuck at home (or school) constantly, I’m starting to feel a little cabin fever. Sometimes going somewhere else makes you appreciate home so much more. I have to learn to have that appreciation all the time, regardless.

We watched an amazing moon rise last night – the halo visible before the moon appearing.

I sent a provocative question to Hayden this morning – ‘six months from now, what will you wish you had spent time on today?’ I answered that I’m thinking that I should help Amy more around the house. Just the simple things that we can do together. Now I am a little lazy about these things and just do them when I feel like it and so I need to make myself feel like it.

I’m guessing Hayden won’t answer this question though. He isn’t comfortable dealing with things in the present and looking to the future. Let’s see – sometimes he surprises me.

Who decides what will happen? – 8th September 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Quick brain dump. Bad sleep, bad tooth. Crazy dreams I forgot, will remember at some weird point today.

Good physical weekend – waterfall, fun, friends – just enough. Teaching, learning – all good.

Can I fix my neck? Can my body be free of pain? Let’s meditate.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the rain this morning and that I made it into school before any flooding.

Our actions are all transient and fated – 24th August 2020

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Time flies by – things get done, things get forgotten, your laziness takes over.

Fern came to Utopia yesterday and I chatted with her friend Pim, who is a dental student. My teeth hurt all day. Annoying. Neck aches lower back aches. Tired, eating enough?

See what happens.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to have a bed to sleep at night. Even if I don’t sleep well it is a safe place.