Tag: parenting

Thoughts Of Mine – 8th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

I spent a lot of time not thinking
And at the time that was OK
Sometimes I fall back into it
Although I’d rather not be that way

The more I know, the less I know
Is what I think all the time
Never ignorant and not much blissful
I question these thoughts of mine

The eternal search for answers
In the minutiae of each minute
No longer wanting to be out of it
I’d rather spend my time within it

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to the 2 guys who cleaned my car yesterday. They did a good job and I was happy to pay and tip them.

New pen – 0.4, maybe a little too fine for this book. Perhaps I look forward to another pen shopping expedition. Pen lovers will know the feeling.

I’ve managed to get myself up and out of bed on time successfully for the past three days and do a little exercise in the morning, and it has paid off today with a fantastic feeling of bodily relief. Not quite the feeling of youth but at least some extra flexibility that seems to make it even easier to breathe. Let’s see if I can force myself up tomorrow morning!

I savoured my coffee after my first class this morning. It’s fucking hot and humid bu there was a light refreshing breeze of cool air as I sat outside House stroking Tokyo’s soft furry head as she dozed. A few minutes studying Thai, a couple of quick poems dashed off and then an hour-long drive into the lives of an Afghan girl in the book I’m reading – A Thousand Splendid Suns. It’s a very spacious novel, perhaps enjoyable for me as I can fill in the gaps with my own knowledge. A lot can happen in a short few pages and it feels immense. Especially when I think back to the mundanities of my own youth, a million of those mundanities would happen in just one day. With age, everything seems to take so long!

I bought a MIDI keyboard more than six months ago and I enjoyed fiddling with it for a while but I know that I need to set aside a serious amount of time to really get further with it. Last night I also felt like I’d hit a wall with playing guitar, but that one I feel I can overcome.

I also chatted online with Mungo a little yesterday, too and I talked to him about how he manages being so far away from his oldest kids. His kids seem a bit more settled than Hayden at the moment, so he’s not so concerned with how they are doing.

Anyway, Mungo highlighted to me not to project myself or my feelings onto Hayden, which sometimes is difficult, as he isn’t very open about what is going on with him a lot of the time. But it’s a point well said – I shouldn’t fill in the gaps.

Mungo also offered Hayden a job for a while if he could get himself to the UK. That would be an awesome opportunity for him and I want to sound him out about it. I would help him get there too if he needed.

Yeah – I’m not digging this pen – will pick up a 0.7 tomorrow.

What To Do? – 5th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Son, I learned a lot of lessons in life
I should pass them on to you
But you don’t want to listen to me
Too old to know what you go through

*You’re going to learn things the hard way
That’s how I learned them too*
One day, you too will realise this
And then you’ll also wonder what to do

*pinched from Drive Like Jehu’s ‘Caress’

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to Gui and Art for allowing me to get coffee on credit for a few days while I wait for payday. It’s not that I don’t have money but that I can’t let the amount in the bank go under 400,000 baht for my visa application.

Well, I thought about telling George as I wrote yesterday but then this morning he saw me down one of the hallways and didn’t wave or say hello at all. I shouted out hello but he’d stepped out of sight. Well!

So, anyway, I went into the teacher’s room where he was sitting and said good morning directly to him to which he replied with a quiet disposition. I got some water and as I was leaving asked him how he was keeping. As has been the case almost every time I try to start a conversation with him I have to repeat the question again as if he wasn’t listening, paying attention or couldn’t hear. I asked him about Bee and said I missed her. It wasn’t going to get much beyond platitudes.

Anyway, I made an effort. I appreciate that for myself.

*Make up – 18th August 1998

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Email with TLJ

T: with a cherry on top – I love you – truly, madly, deeply – you seen that movie? it’s pretty good.

S: Not sure – don’t think so…

T: Just finished typing in everybody’s timesheet details into a spreadsheet only i don’t know how i should set it up.
Anyway, finally remembered what i was gonna say to you after you got the milk at the corner store but forgot when you came back – i was just gonna say that when Notorious BIT (topdeq, ice-D, Futang et al) have their meeting, Sue-pergroove and hammerDogg (jeff) sit at the front because they’re the project leaders. I was just gonna say how i’d absolutely hate the project leaders actually displaying their leadership, but remembered that our project leaders do that as well (but not as obviously).

S: Power always goes to the head and initiates the search for more power and so on…

T: oh well, we’ll never make it to the top will we.

S: It depends on how you look at it. we could already be at the top (of what we want) other people just want more and go further than we have – but happiness is more important – wherever you are. Us, together, we are at the top, sweety.

T: we just have to work harder and give them all the glory.

S: Yes, this is the thing that shits us below – where we were happy the people above seek to make us unhappy to make themselves feel better – arseholes!

T: i hate project leaders as a rule. don’t become a project leader babe, cause then i’ll want a divorce.

S: There are good leaders too I’m sure. (Ok, I haven’t met one either…)

T: saw Sandie’s snow photos the other day, and all her friends. they all got on really well (except for Jackie’s friend and her boyfriend who were real tight-arse)

S: What’s the goss?

T: and are planning a summer getaway. i really want to get away with friends as well. my school friends (laura and michelle etc) wanted to go to the Hunter Valley this winter, but i guess none of us really had the time. also wanted to go to the central coast for the summer – but I forgot i might be going to Taiwan. also, everyone seems to be going their
separate ways for the summer hols

S: I think that is kinda what happens after leaving school and those close relationships kinda disperse. I hope you keep close with your friends – they are very important – I realised this myself, after losing most of my friends. I’m still kinda jealous of you you know! I wish we could go away. We have to one day all right?

T: like Thailand and stuff. actually, i’m not so sure i would want to go to Thailand anyway – not yet, cause I wouldn’t want to go with Laura and Gerard’s friends – don’t think that much of them – they’re very elitist – Laura doesn’t think much of them either. we refer to them as the ASM – Asian Supremacist Movement. ok, so it’s very immature i hear you say.

S: She must like Gerard a lot…

T: Mich rang last night. she’s going to return my Jeff Buckley video this afternoon cause i’m meeting her at markets.

S: I don’t think you ever told me about a Jeff Buckley video did you (but then you know what my memory is like)

T: only prob – i haven’t got her the rest of her b’day present yet. there’s also a free BBQ as part of union week here at the uni. so i don’t think it’ll be hard convincing the fellas doing SDD to take a lunch break (you should see the size of some of
them). Dan was saying how much Yuri likes crackling (so do i) and how Trent just eats hot dogs). anyway, it beats Bar Broadway for lunch. told Mich if she wanted Jeff Buckley dubbed, i would try. do you think you could set up your video to dub, or would that require another power socket that you don’t have?

S: Call me Chief Dubber MC Hemsley. Course I can. Just gotta find the leads and set it up.

T: had great fun with you and Hayden yesterday – he’s a real groovy babe.

S: Hey, what about me???? We both had fun with you too. Thanks for taking the time to hang out.

T: was good to see you parenting as well – that’s another side of you I haven’t seen before

S: What did you think? Am I too slack or too overbearing. I like to let him explore things and figure out for himself what is good and bad. I think it’s cool to let him run around looking at things where other folks like to keep their kids on a tight leash. Let’s face it they really can’t do much harm and it’s fun to watch them open up cupboards in Grace Brothers or pull things off shelves. Wasn’t he cute when I would say Let’s Go and he would say it too!

T: except when you father me!

S: Sorry if I was bossy with you yesterday. It’s pretty important that HJ has his routine of an afternoon sleep – you saw how tired he was.

T: are you seeing him tonight?

S: No, but I saw him asleep last night – he was cuddling Winnie the Pooh as he didn’t have pillow and snuggler. Can’t wait for him to come back.

T: send him my love.

S: I think he felt it yesterday – thanks again.

T: anyway, if you have reached the end of this email, i’m very sorry it was so long.

S: At last a long email from you…

T: i just had plenty of time to kill and nothing much to say.

S: You’re fun, you’re the best…

T: anyway, i hope this makes up for all the mails i haven’t sent and for the rest of the week.

S: Er, no it doesn’t!!

T: love to you baby, tlj

S: And to you too sweet angel