Tag: passionfruit

Work In Progress – 25th December 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

All around is static
A photo reel reflection
I see myself, a boy, a man
Open to inspection

Shadows passing in ceaseless flux
A work in progression
Destruction and evolution
Are the cycles of obsession

Holding onto pain
Until I learned to let it go
Significance is impermanent
As I’ve slowly come to know

People who cannot suffer can never grow up, never discover who they are.

James Baldwin

Today I’m feeling:
Relaxed and average, not up, not down.
Today I’m grateful for:
Our machete, which I seem to blunt every time I use it but it helped me cut through the vines of the passionfruit. Do I need to buy an angle grinder now so that I can sharpen it again? Or perhaps I will go to auntie next door one day and challenge myself to communicate what I need.
The best thing about today was:
Pushing through my desire to sleep and motivate myself to finish pulling down all the passionfruit plants. I thought I would just let it go wild forever but after three months of constant collecting and juicing, then drinking I feel like I’ve had enough passionfruit now! The plant tangles up easily and even a couple of weeks after I chopped it off at the base it was still a pain in the ass to get it down from the frame it was wrapped around.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got up a little later than usual so by the time I got to Utopia my usual spot was gone and I had to sit on the uncomfortable car seat. That’s ok, sometimes it’s good to see the same part of the world from a different angle (see yesterday). The coffee was good, the book was good. As it was uncomfortable to sit for long I didn’t hang around as long as I usually do so that was kinda good anyway, get home and get on with things.
Something I learned today?
Today I messed around with ChatGPT and then the full Invoke AI, to see what pictures it came up with. I’ll learn a little more about this to see if I can use it to generate images for my blog posts.
Did you celebrate Christmas today? Write about it.
Not particularly. Amy likes to put up a Christmas tree and lights and she gave a gift to Nut and Bruno before we went for a more upmarket-than-normal meal. Amy is getting her eyelashes done and I’m listening to Liars and The Feud at home.

I took this picture because Amy finally got to making her cinnamon buns for Utopia again. They sold out within a couple of hours. Doing this makes her happy though the return on investment, particularly time, is very low.

The Biggest Rug – 22nd July 2022

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

Now that news is entertainment
There’s nothing worth knowing
It’s there to serve a purpose
To prevent your knowledge growing

A movie star’s divorce
Is more newsworthy than war
When the injured are at home
And understand what the fighting is for

The rug is getting bigger
Where all the garbage is brushed
Tricked to believe in freedom
Whilst watching it being crushed

9th May 2024 – Submitted to Word of the Day Challenge – Garbage
26th Sep 2024 – Submitted to Weekly Prompts Wednesday Challenge – Supersize

We need each other to become ourselves.

Abraham Kaplan

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our crazy passionfruit plants that are providing me with so much fruit to enjoy. Then there’s the crazy pumpkin that also may actually give us food that doesn’t get eaten by insects this year.

Born Ready – 18th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

It’s all about the effort, you gotta believe
That’s what success is, not what you achieve
To be in control is to be steady
To become the best, realise you were born ready

Tell yourself, repeat, don’t be lazy
If you put 100% you cannot be crazy
Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose
Success is defined by the action you choose

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the passionfruit I can see outside, on the ground, waiting for me to pick it up and scoop out its insides and drink its delicious juice.

Yesterday I ran out of energy. My last class was restless so we got through it double quick and the boys all left and the girls all cleaned the classroom, which made me sad and upset.

I ate lunch and read in the teachers’ room until George came in, making noise and encouraging everyone to eat more than they wanted, ordering Dylan and others around and wanting everyone to join in playing Kahoot. It’s sometimes difficult to see if everyone does it to humour him and not upset him or if they find him really inspiring and friendly. I find it all insincere and manipulative, as you can probably tell.

Anyway, it was obvious I had to get out of his way for them to play so I went out to the other room. During all this, I just flagged and though I’d planned to go meet Bruno, I cancelled and headed home and was in bed before 8 and asleep by 9.30!

I didn’t feel too bad in the morning today but couldn’t force myself to exercise and settled for coffee instead.

I’d missed a call from Ellen yesterday and she sent me a message this morning that she was thinking of killing herself! I called her and talked with her for half an hour. She’s having some tough times and I hoped I could give her some positive encouragement. I told her we should talk again each Saturday (just so I can check in with her).

She’s still looking for people to teach for her, which I’m too busy for now but I don’t really know anyone. Even foreign teachers at school, I wouldn’t want to recommend to her in case she gets fucked around by them. I hope she’ll be ok.

Today, I flagged again around 3pm. Amy and I had been running around preparing for next weekend’s party at her parents. We stopped in a cafe on the way back and as we drank our drinks, we both stopped talking and subconsciously realised it was time to head home and take a nap.

I got sucked in by the Khalil Gibran story I was reading, ‘Khalil The Heretic’ and then ended up reading comics until just before sunset. Better for a good sleep tonight anyway.

I’ll go feed the cats and feel like watching a movie, maybe a few sips of whiskey.

My Time – 6th December 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

This is my time, I’m gonna own it
Make it happen, make it count
No slave to bosses or obsessions
Our time is of finite amount
Never a minute wasted now
I won’t let them be taken away
When you’re dead, you’re dead forever
And I’ve got things to do today

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the experience of eating lunch sitting under our passionfruit vine on a clear blue-skied afternoon, to read in my hammock and just enjoy the day.

Owned It – 9th September 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Scouring her memories, she recalled all her faults
The stupidities of youth launched her verbal assaults
But she stood by her actions, owned her mistakes
The beds that she lay in were the ones she makes

He too examined his past, it still made him mad
Could never forgive himself, not even the slightest tad
Those times replayed had become his obsession
Dragged past anxiety down into deep depression

Forgive yourself, she said, to make him feel better
But something inside him just wouldn’t let her
Help him to see the brightness he’d once seen
To pull him back from the darkest extreme

She’d tried her best but saw a lost cause
Left him alone to heal his own flaws
He still cries for her, even these years later
Telling himself that he will always hate her

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful to share some of our passionfruit and will take to school for Dylan, We have so much we can’t eat it all.

I like the thought-provoking newsletters I’m signed up for. Some are fun, practical, others political. Today, I read a fun one about deciding what to celebrate each day.

Today I forgot to bring my lunchbox from home, so I’m celebrating getting my yummy lunch from Oasis and the chilli burning the inside of my cheeks will remind me of this all afternoon!

I’m also celebrating going to Central to buy a new one, and then coffee and reading! Woohoo! Every day is a celebration.

Are You Louis XIV? – 17th August 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Is everyone here just to serve you?
You’re no better than anyone else
Everyone must do what you say
You’ve got such a high opinion of yourself

God forbid anyone who crosses you
Or doesn’t always adhere to your wishes
The ladders climbed are full of snakes
Fallen from ballroom to washing the dishes

Superior attitude has poisoned the mind
The extended hand that must be kissed
The backstabbers are always plotting
And one day you’ll no longer be missed

Are you so noble you cannot see
The peasants that you thought to inspire
Turn against your arrogant commands
That they no longer admire

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our super tart passionfruit that I ate for breakfast yesterday. Its sourness lasted throughout the day in my mouth. It was delicious and difficult to eat!

Sometimes, the more you look at something, the more it makes you sick. Like eating too much cake or chocolate. I have to balance my reading about Thailand’s past, along with seeing what is happening here now and not get too disgusted with it all in front of Amy, as it only fuels her own first of disgust and will just make us both unhappier. We cannot close our eyes to the corruption we see and enjoy our lives fully. Ignorance really would be bliss. Sometimes, I wonder how to be more stupid.

Also, following the stupid build to potential was between the US and China and hoping that China can do it’s best not to get sucked in. Unfortunately, lots of westerners are getting sucked into the deliberate false narrative that the western media promotes.

It got me thinking about all the self-help methods, or even religious preaching, that advise on understanding, compromising and learning from each other. As the US fails, yet again, at violent suppression of others, based on lies, I wonder if it’s time for the Chinese to lead the way.

I saw a bizarre headline that indicated China would develop Afghanistan with infrastructure and modernisation, working with the Taliban. In return, the Taliban would move away from extremism and not support any terrorist action within Xinjiang. This headline seems too good to be true and maybe from a spoof website, but it shows that the methods the US has chosen in the past, which have continually failed, were not and are not the only option.

Even primary school kids understand that escalating a fight just brings more pain.

I’m starting to see the benefits of a one-party system where potentially anyone has the chance to participate. Without the regular 4 or 5-year cycle, waste of time and money on elections and one party undermining the other, often out of spite, a direction can be adhered to, and some stability maintained.

No society is perfect, and the US should stop pretending to be, because its faults are evident for the whole world to see.

Things I can control and things I can’t control. I still wish to say something, even if it’s just shouting into the wind.

Walk Like a Malaysian – 24th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ Leave a comment

Push through the air thicker than glue
Where is it we are going to?
Let’s get Teh Tarik (to-day oh)
Can you park right outside the show?
One thousand degrees in the hall
Now time to eat, let’s make a call
Pile on to the bikes (o-kay oh)
Get ABC from your favourite stall
Sweaty brow, to slow things now, so
Walk like a Malaysian
Not so quick to take a trick, just
Walk like a Malaysian

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for our passionfruit plant that is now growing fist-size fruit. Maybe a couple more weeks and they will be edible. Can’t wait.

Nancy’s Eyes – 11th July 2021

~ shaun tenzenmen ~ 2 Comments

A youthful head full of fantasies
Love songs sung out of bedroom windows
Piercing dark eyes staring into mine
I study every contour of the dimples ’round your nose

Desperately seeking the warmth and comfort
To learn the secrets of your touch
Six more aching hearts on the other side
The urges of desire are too much

14th Mar 2025 – This poem suggests deep, though unclear, memories of the feelings from that time.

Gratitude Journal

I am so happy and grateful for the passionfruit plants I bought that are growing like crazy and about to bring us lots of fruit. It’s so good to watch something grow from seed and get flowers or fruit from it.

The weekends disappear so fast – weekdays too, really. Still, at least this weekend I had time to continue posting to my blog and also going through old bits of writing and letters and considering how to add them at some point.

It’s weird to be spending time documenting the past and not really doing that much in the now. I guess it is a good time to be doing it though, as the virus continues to spread around the country.

Amy has continued her dancing regime and lost a little weight again. I had my first drink in a while last weekend and feel I somewhat suffered for it through the rest of the week by not doing much exercise and gaining a little weight. The hangover wasn’t so bad, but the wasted time stings.

I’m really enjoying playing guitar, though it is hard for me to perfect it, it’s keeping me focused.

At Utopia this morning, besides drinking two fabulous coffees, Art was telling me his building is without water again. Every time he complains to ‘the people’ (I don’t know who actually controls this), they just tell him that he should understand that it happens because he is a long way from the source. This is an obvious cop-out, as he pays the same as someone right next to the source. People are really lazy to make things work efficiently and for everybody here. Unequal and corrupt, as Art was able to tell me through Google translation.

I can ignore this kind of thing most of the time, though I have been (perhaps mistakenly) following the Thai news a bit more closely these days due to the spread of the virus, and I see these kinds of symptoms everywhere. I feel frustrated for the kids I teach. I have a way out, but they may not.